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Show ALL Forums  > Over 45  > Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?      Home login  
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 shipoker58
Joined: 8/23/2008
Msg: 27
Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?Page 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
In a word....yes. If a person is a health fanatic, we have nothing in common. Nothing to build on. The will not even be a contact. I love life and I am going out with a smile on my face. Vitamins and veggies be damned
 tmtravlr
Joined: 3/13/2007
Msg: 28
Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/9/2008 7:37:00 PM
How can I say this so that everyone will understand? How about N O.
 desert wildflower
Joined: 6/4/2008
Msg: 29
Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/10/2008 1:22:43 PM
Yeah, it is tough when you have the day to spend together, and one`s idea of a perfect day is a healthy picnic after hiking on top of a mountain and the other one`s perfect day is watching political dabate talk shows the entire day and eating a frozen pizza on the sofa.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 30
Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/10/2008 1:52:22 PM
My guess is that most of the time the battle lines aren't so clearly drawn. Total couch potatoes and vegans are not a huge percentage of the population, lol! I do remember a weekend thirty years ago with some born-again vegans, which I came out of thinking they were the most boring peeps I'd *ever* met.

That said, I have a couple of health issues, and my love has a few more. His are new to me, and I've done a fair amount of googling trying to get a handle on them. Have made a few suggestions, and sent a few links on current research. The thing is, he's been actually grateful that I'm willing to step into his world, and has been willing on his own to make some changes. I doubt that he'd feel the same if he was feeling judgmentalism coming at him, nor would I. As it is, it's working. I'm practicing cooking in a way that he can get most of the things he loves in a less lethal form, and he's appreciative. And I appreciate the appreciation, lol!

But all of this is based on the fact, that in almost all ways, our interests, our histories, our personalities, our intellects, our desires for a certain kind of future together, we are *beyond* even very good match. And we both understand that.


 Ideoform
Joined: 9/23/2007
Msg: 31
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Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/10/2008 2:08:57 PM
For those of us older than age 45, lifestyle-related issues become compounded from years of practicing the lifestyle you have chosen. And with men having a shorter life-span in general, this becomes even more of an issue if the two people are looking for a long-term relationship. Furthermore, a relationship that involves committment or marriage implies "in sickness and in health." So if the committment is carried through until the end, one person could end up being a caretaker and nurse as well as a partner.

This is a conundrum for me. I already am a caretaker of two disabled people, and have taken care of two family members who were on hospice. (It would be hypocritical of me to be biased toward only dating people in perfect good health.) I know what it is like to care for someone at the end of life. This is both good and bad. The good is I have experience, and it has been an honor and a priviledge to be able to be present and help two people I respected and admired at that time in their lives.

But none of these illnesses were caused by preventable lifestyle habits. My Grandmother was a person who excercised way before it was popular, watched her weight, ate healthy (was a vegetarian for some years, and grew a lot of food in her own garden,) and never smoked or drank. She lived to be 97. I live a similar lifestyle and expect to possibly live that long. So there is a distinct possibility that I will outlive any man I meet who is close to my age.

I hope to find someone with a compatible lifestyle, who has spent their life not smoking or drinking, watching their weight, and eating healthy. However, in this culture that is not the norm.

I have not been perfect, or perfectly healthy, over the years myself. After being thin my whole life, at 29, I gained some weight during my daughter's illness from staying in hospital rooms for a year with her. (I think flourescent lights and hospital food are a major cause of weight gain.) I sometimes wish, when I have a cold or the flu, that someone would come around and bring me chicken soup (rice noodles, please.) But that hasn't happened. I want to be able to be cared-for sometimes, too!

To me, living life to the fullest, doesn't include smoking, drinking and never getting out in nature to move around. I like feeling the way I do without being tied to those habits. I am not attracted to an expensive pack of cigarettes. I am not longing for a beer. I don't pine for the couch. I like fresh air and sunshine. That is my idea of the good life--and it feels good! I hope that if I get involved with someone who does these things in moderation, that I can encourage them to find their over-45 nirvana in other ways than increasing the amount of time spent on these habits.

So, being realistic, I know most people have at least some bad habits. Moderation is fine with me. But I would feel let down if someone felt that after developing a committment with me, that they could simply not take care of themselves at all anymore, and I would take care of whatever problems came up. Besides, I am really bad at coaxing an adult man into going to the Doctor when they don't want to go. Its a lot of work, and the man ends up resenting being coaxed, even if it is well-meaning and in their best interest.

If you really love someone, you want them to be healthy, happy and around as long as you are. Taking good care of yourself shows respect for your significant other's feelings and lifestyle. Even though you never know how long you have, you can live life as if you intend to be there for the one you love.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 32
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Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/10/2008 3:31:00 PM

My question is, could you get in a realtionship with a person that was basically a junk food junkie, couch potato, drinking alot, smoking, not in good shape, who is already taking a ton of lifestyle related meds?


Probably not. What would we have in common? I don't want to practice my CPR on them. I'm not strict but if they are that far removed from my own habits, I'd probably find them boring and would have a hard time finding something to do with them.
 Childlike Wonder
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 33
Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/11/2008 6:49:30 AM
Healthy eating isn't a fad, nor is it boring unless that's all you ever talk about. Due to food allergies, I'm on a fairly restrictive diet. I love to cook and can whip up incredible meals that people enjoy and that won't make me sick. Restaurants are challenging, but do-able. Having someone cook for me is the hardest, but if asked, I usually say grilled meat, veggies with no butter and a potato or rice is fine. Oh and I love french fries and potato chips, but enjoy them in moderation. I've found that eating cleaner makes me feel better. I don't feel deprived at all.

I will admit that if my partner ate nothing but fast food and processed items, we'd probably never enjoy a meal together. I don't buy processed food and fast food is something I'd eat only if in dire need of nourishment (about once a month!).
 Chocolatebrowne
Joined: 1/19/2006
Msg: 34
Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/11/2008 11:14:45 AM
Healthy living issues also include GOOD MENTAL HEALTH. I would not want to attempt to have a relationship with someone that had mental health issues that they weren't dealing with or were in denial about......been there and done that......

Better to be in a relationship with someone who is in therapy, working through their issues than the one that says they have no issues........
 flowerforce
Joined: 9/6/2006
Msg: 35
Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/11/2008 1:31:06 PM
I am not a fitness nut. Nor am I sprout eating sugar and gluten free person . I do eat healthfully including meat fish and chicken. I exercise regularly and watch my intake of alcohol. I believe in " every thing in moderation including moderation ." I would want to be with someone with a similar lifestyle and would quickly lose interest in a man who was an overweight junk food eating couch potato. Similarly I would not remain interested in a fellow who was strictly vegetarian or vegan and worked out incessantly. I would not get to the point of caring for a man with these lifestyle behaviors. That is what dating is for. To see if there is similar interests and lifestyles that is usually sorted out after the first or second date. I am sure he will be someone else's Mr Wonderful. Call that fussy if you want. I call it compatible.
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 36
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Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/11/2008 1:41:01 PM
If the attraction is good and the sex great, most can overlook things for a short period of time, but......and this is a huge but.........your lifestyle and beliefs will in the end, dominate the situation, to the point of making that relationship doomed from the start.

One can change for another, and for themselves, but overall, most will continue with the way they have been, until some life changing situation happens to either convince or force them to change.

This can be a person, health, disease, death of a family member, etc., but if powerful and convincing enough, some will change for the better, and some for the worse.

Just my opinion.......
 Chocolatebrowne
Joined: 1/19/2006
Msg: 37
Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 9/11/2008 1:44:41 PM
I couldn't have said it better, flowerforce. Compatibility is EVERYTHING!
 Pfilly08
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 38
Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/2/2009 6:34:49 PM
For this sprout-eating tree lover, yes. Absolutely yes: healthful living incompatibilities continue to be a deal-breaker.
 blueyesrsmiling
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 39
Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/2/2009 6:46:01 PM
After dealing with joint pain that almost left me crippled.....just changing what I was eating did the magic........I am healthy healthy healthy. At first it was hard to eat decent now its easy...just can't eat out much.
For myself no it wouldn't be a deal breaker. My diet is what it has to be. I feel better but what others eat is none of my business its theirs....might be making two of everything but hopefully they can cook...
 pitbull pete
Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 40
Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/2/2009 7:02:22 PM

But not everyone has this attitude. My question is, could you get in a relationship with a person that was basically a junk food junkie, couch potato, drinking alot, smoking,
not in good shape, who is already taking a ton of lifestyle related meds? I mean healthy lifestyles and the ability to have a good heart and be a good partner, don`t have a lot to do with one another. But it does seem like it gets a bit important when you have two people that are so different in their thinking about aging.


No, I could not.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 41
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Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/2/2009 7:18:49 PM
I would have nothing in common with a junk food junkie, couch potato etc. We would have nothing to talk about and we wouldn't enjoy each others company, so it would be a no go before dating even started.
 monalee1
Joined: 10/22/2007
Msg: 42
Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/2/2009 8:28:59 PM
"So my question is, Can a sprout eating tree hugger have a good relationship with a pill popping lounge lizard if they both have good hearts and care about eachother? "



hi.. I think that it is possible if both people have great self awareness, tolerance and respect... I want a mate who shares my passion for good health and fitness so for me I would miss that connection in the relationship... blessings for happiness
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 43
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Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/2/2009 8:59:25 PM
It would be for me-! Breathing someone's cigarette smoke all the time will quickly deteriorate my health. I've been around my brother's girlfriends in the past; they all smoked, and left me gasping for air and heading for the door whenever we hung out. Can't abide smoking.

I like to take a nip of the wine or beer every now and then so I'm not one to talk. But, generally, I live a VERY healthy lifestyle, exercise daily, eat healthy, sleep well, and would like the same in a partner.

No, a pill-popping lounge-lizard doesn't sound very appealing (or attractive). I like to relax and watch a movie...then I like to get out and take a bike-ride and/or push the weights at the gym.

If we really care about each other, we'll care enough about each other to kick each other in the ass to exercise and eat right.
 wishingwell555
Joined: 10/29/2009
Msg: 44
Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/2/2009 9:11:31 PM
So my question is, Can a sprout eating tree hugger have a good relationship with a pill popping lounge lizard if they both have good hearts and care about eachother?


That is possible with some people. (IMO)

However, I would want a man that eats healthy, is healthy
enough to exercise, be active in many ways, and weight awareness.
I'm doing my best to follow this lifestyle so, I would want
an equal partner in lifestyle.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 45
Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/2/2009 9:21:45 PM
I wonder is St. Pete is going to be at all interested in whether you had a personal trainer or were a couch potato?


 thecatsmeoww
Joined: 3/7/2009
Msg: 46
Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/3/2009 3:18:19 AM

So my question is, Can a sprout eating tree hugger have a good relationship with a pill popping lounge lizard if they both have good hearts and care about eachother?


I thought about that one myself.. Not that I am purrfect in fact I am an ex smoker.. I really do not think I could have a relationship with someone that did not eat healthy.. We would have issues down the line as to what was in the cupboards and fridge. I will not allow unhealthy food in the house. So either we would have to agree to maintain separate residences or call it quits..

thecatsmeoww
 soflnighteagle
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 47
Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/3/2009 4:08:11 AM

Can a sprout eating tree hugger have a good relationship with a pill popping lounge lizard if they both have good hearts and care about eachother?


All things are possible, so yes to your question.

That being said I have found that it is harder to have a relationship with someone that does not understand my desire to be fit, they seem to view my going to the gym and my running as taking away time from them. They don't mind me being in good shape as long as I don't take any time to do it. I would rather have someone in my life that went to the gym, and running with me, that tried to eat healthy, and avoid fatty foods. It is easy to fall back into bad habits and having a SO that wants you to share their bad habits is hard to deal with. How many times have you heard; "You don't have to go to the gym today, you're in great shape.", or "You're skinny, you can eat anything you want."? People that don't put in a lot of effort to stay healthy do not understand what we are trying to do and often work to undermine our efforts.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 48
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Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/3/2009 5:20:16 AM
One of the problems with the "healthy living" thing is defining what it all means. My grandma lived on Scotch and Beer until she was 92. Others I know who live on fibre and yogurt died in their 40s.

I seriously doubt that any particular food in any one instance is intrinsically unhealthy. What is unhealthy is always eating the same thing, and its particularly bad if that thing happens to be not nutritious in some way. A balanced diet, as long as it provides all the essential nutrients, is probably more important than the list of things you actually consume.

The only issue I would have with a healthy living person is whether or not they were religious about things. Fanatical religion in any form is a recipe for disaster as far as I am concerned.
 pnut mnms
Joined: 11/8/2009
Msg: 49
Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/3/2009 6:11:53 AM
I tried dating a few men who were less active than I am, and who ate a less than healthy diet. My diet isn't perfect but I do have veggies and fruit every day as well as lean meat. I love bacon but only allow myself to eat it a handful of times a year as its so bad for your health. It's ironic that I love bacon yet I cannot stomach fast food, and if I get in someone's car who has remnants of his Burger King or McDonalds' lunch on the floor, I have to keep the windows open as I can't stand the smell of fast food oil.

I don't belong to a gym but enjoy a a couple mile walk around the hilly neighborhoods near my house. I also like to take walks with anyone I am dating as its a way to enjoy the outside, get some exercise and spend time together. Plus it revs up the blood flow to places on our anatomy which I would hope to explore later!

Some men I've dated looked at my in disbelief when I would suggest an hour walk on a Saturday afternoon. All they wanted to do was lay on the couch and watch sports or a movie.
 pnut mnms
Joined: 11/8/2009
Msg: 50
Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/3/2009 11:44:01 AM

Last weekend had a blast and suggested doing a sprint with my date.


Isn't that fun?! I've tried that at times and some guys are more than happy to race me to the end of the street/path, etc but some look at me as if the mere thought would induce a heart attack.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 51
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Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/3/2009 12:04:11 PM
I have meet too many who look at me like I am mad if I want to go for a 1 k walk in the conservation.

ps I love sushi. Doubt my chances of finding someone who loves sushi too.
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