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 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 61
Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?Page 3 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
I think lifestyles do have to mesh somewhat. I can't have someone allergic to my pets, and can't be around someone who smokes because they stink to me. What kind of food they eat is fine - if they have better habits it might rub off on me, but I wouldn't give up meat for someone. I also couldn't live with a slob or a hoarder. That would be a definite deal breaker. Some who fancies themselves an athlete would probably not be happy with me.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 63
Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/6/2009 11:45:28 AM
Wish someone would explain to me why "tree hugging" is a lifestyle issue? Fat people can't love nature?

 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 64
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Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/6/2009 3:02:56 PM
the two extremes, that you posed, do not sound compatible for the long run. remember, there are the attraction pheremones and then there is the bonding stage.

however, i do think within one or two standard deviations is possible.

personally, i don't eat (4 legged) animals and the men in both my marriages and two long term relationships did eat "meat". i didn't cook it, nor was i expected to do so. more often, they ate it at restaurants and preferred what i had to cook. but, there were no rules, short of having their own iron skillets.

"to me", hunting is like shopping for cows in a supermarket--so, i cannot "blame" a hunter. but a factory farmer, for me, is another story. personally i have and i don't like living with the sound of guns all around me during the "season". i always posted my land and risked getting shot at, to defend it. if some moron goes big game hunting in one of those usa nature conclaves where they contain wild animals, so people can shoot them and hang their heads on the wall--well, there i draw the line!

having lymes disease with it's long term repercussions, i cannot be as physically "macho" as i once was. yet, most of my friends are jocks and three of the four significant others in my life past 30 were all quite strong and did do very physical things. yes, i feel bad that i can't do them also. but, it won't keep me from someone--unless my limitations are a deal breaker for him. deal breakers for me, however, are how i am treated with my disability and if i am respected and not put through "torture tests" to satisfy someone else's sick ego.

junk food? i look the other way and sometimes i do partake! however, if someone is sick and should not be doing what they are doing, then that becomes a questionable matter. i take dam-n good care of my disablity issues and i expect someone else to either do the same (to the best of their "ability") or avoid getting one that has been declared "immanent".

smoking, chemical dependency issues and people who insist on spraying me with volatile chemicals (fully knowing i cannot tolerate them systemically), are bye-bye's in my book.

one of the major problems with people who have no empathy or lean towards narcissism, is that they just don't "get it" and they continue to do what may be injurious to others--or better still, they represent the "control freaks" discussed above.

for me, with lymes barriers, the "don't get it's" are more prevalant than the couch potatoes. the good news is that as they are weeded out, i am left with some wonderfully capable and caring friends and relationships. however, it sometimes takes time, to figure the whole thing out and make sure i am doing my part in the "communicating". once i am satisfied with my own behaviour, then i draw my boundaries and sometimes "detach" or sometimes "withdraw" for my own health, safety and dignity.
 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 66
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Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/6/2009 10:28:49 PM
As we age, I think many people as myself realize that if we want to retain a good quality of life, we need to change things about our lifestyles .


Living a healthy lifestyle over time takes a bit of discipline. It's more difficult to passup the junk food and Dairy Queen when the friends want to go. Proper diet, exercise, etc can be difficult in the begining. However, after time one developes a lifestyle. When in college I decided I didn't want to have my lunch display itself over my belt as I aged. As one gets older it becomes a challenge but finding friends with the same lifestyle can help. I made the decision in the mid 80's to never purchase slacks that were over size 36. I, so far, have been able to maintain this comitment BUT it hasn't been easy or fun though it is rewarding.

I applaud those here who have made the commitment to a healthy life style.
to all!
 el lagarto
Joined: 4/29/2009
Msg: 67
Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/7/2009 8:30:24 AM
As someone who decided long ago to take good care of myself - I do have trouble meshing with someone who simply takes no responsibility for their own health .

As we age , hopefully we learn , and get abit wiser about life in general. With all the health information that is easily accessible from eveywhere, and shows like Dr.Oz - there seems to be no excuse to be ill informed.

I enjoy workouts and being active on many levels , and I like to be able to share at least some of that with a partner . So me and a boozing/smoking , overweight, non-active, prescription laden couch spud just wouldn't work - no matter how cute he was !
Also , I'm looking for an active and able sex partner , and usually problems in that area fully reflect overall health status . Not looking to bury someone who dies of a totally preventable illness either !

So for me , I'll stick to the live ones !
 L_LuuLuu
Joined: 8/2/2009
Msg: 68
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Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/7/2009 9:22:25 AM
Agree with you Letson!

I do not expect a partner to be a total Health Nut to the extreme. But I do want a partner who cares enough about himself to enjoy an active lifestyle and romance with me. I didn't sign on for someone who stayed home on the couch, making himself sicker with his bad habits all the while. I can be lonely all by myself.


I also think that a man would want to engage himself with a woman that was truly interested in keeping him healthy and active. That is assuming that he cares about his life


No, they don't -- they're already set in their ways for the lifestyle they have already chosen. You can't teach an old dog new tricks. And no, they really don't care.
 vikingpatrick
Joined: 4/27/2009
Msg: 69
Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/7/2009 9:23:36 AM
If the guy has enough money, the female will do anything.
 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 72
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Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/7/2009 11:59:10 PM

You can't teach an old dog new tricks. And no, they really don't care.


L LuuLuu,
Let us remember that women become set in their ways just like men. There is no gender gap when it comes to individuals who can't learn new tricks.
 SpiritGael1
Joined: 4/2/2007
Msg: 74
Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/8/2009 7:26:25 AM
For me, yes. Why would you want a relationship with someone with whom you have so little in common,especially when the areas of disagreement will probably remove that person from your life because of a premature death ? I'm not interested in dating a drunk, or smoker or other addicts, but, I suppose some people are attracted to other things. Some people are attracted to a person's investment portfolio and belongings and would be glad to have them die quickly, so long as the insurance pays off and the pre-nup holds up. I'd like a healthy, growing relationship with a healthy, growing person. After all, I think I'm pretty strong-willed, but, realistically, I'm very much influenced by my partner, so her life habits quickly begin to alter mine. Why put yourself in that arena of constant struggle with an unhealthy person ?
 milt_n_bradley
Joined: 10/14/2009
Msg: 75
Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/8/2009 10:07:20 AM
"Healthy living" (itself a misnomer) is no guarantee of future health.
If you choose a certain diet and/or exercise regimen...and you'd like your partner to consider it...then that's reasonable.

But holding your partner to an imaginary standard that YOU set is (as always) a recipe for relationship failure.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 76
Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/8/2009 10:58:23 AM

Dr.Oz - there seems to be no excuse to be ill informed.


Not even the great Oz can fix stupid. One glance at the crowd, . . . . not too hard to pick 'em out. 'Course, tis the season on those Florida beaches, for speedos and strings and fig leaves and such.
I did see some MSN announcement recently that AU has overtaken the US as the world's fattest country. Lol Count your blessings.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 77
Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/8/2009 4:22:51 PM
I dated (don't ask me why) an alcoholic, a smoker, and tobacco chewer for 2 years when I was in my 30s and obviously I was incredibly stupid. UUgggh. He was a slob and he was incontinent. He had the nerve to tell me he thought I was unhealthy because I am overweight. He is now more than 100 pounds overweight on top of the smoking and drinking. He found a woman to marry him that is even heavier.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 78
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Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/9/2009 9:49:24 PM

My question is, could you get in a realtionship with a person that was basically a junk food junkie, couch potato, drinking alot, smoking,
not in good shape, who is already taking a ton of lifestyle related meds?


I can't imagine what I'd have in common with such a person. They wouldn't be able to keep up with me. Someone else might feel differently, but it wouldn't work for me.
 TryAgan
Joined: 4/4/2008
Msg: 80
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Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/10/2009 3:25:31 AM
^^^
One possible problem with this scenario is that the deer and rabbits could get into your organic garden. And if the animal lover is naked, he could really get hurt in the bush.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 82
Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/10/2009 11:41:18 AM
Perfect deer fence: 6 foot, surrounded by a 4 footer, five feet out. Deer can jump a six footer with room to run, but not from a standing jump. They can jump back out over the four footer. Ground hogs can and will dig deeper than two feet, but if you bend the fence at ground level, they are not smart enough to back up two feet to dig under. . . You can use the five foot run for emus or free range chickens or what not. . . .

OT ~~ I smoke, and have heart valve issues that keep me from acting like a Canadian Mountie. But I am health conscious, eat carefully and take supplements up the kazoo, lol! A healthy couch potato? (Actually, since I have no TV, that would be pretty pointless, eh? But I am a big time reader, when the internets are unavailable, and with my dialup that's much too often). A guy who wants to run or spend several evenings a week at the gym is fine with me. But there *are* "healthy body" nuts that simply become boring in their obsession. They would, I think, need a matching pair to make any relationship work.

Again: I think people are much more complicated than is being posited here.

 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 83
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Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/10/2009 12:01:07 PM
I live in a city of over a million people in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains and I like nothing better than to see wildlife from my home. The odd deer, moose and coyote have been known to come for a visit in my suburb and there is quite the "family" of hares that have taken up residence and have become quite good neighbours - maybe even better than the human neighbours. No fences needed around my home to keep the widlife out only for personal privacy purposes.



OT ~~ I smoke, and have heart valve issues that keep me from acting like a Canadian Mountie. But I am health conscious, eat carefully and take supplements up the kazoo, lol! A healthy couch potato? (Actually, since I have no TV, that would be pretty pointless, eh? But I am a big time reader, when the internets are unavailable, and with my dialup that's much too often). A guy who wants to run or spend several evenings a week at the gym is fine with me. But there *are* "healthy body" nuts that simply become boring in their obsession. They would, I think, need a matching pair to make any relationship work.

Again: I think people are much more complicated than is being posited here.

Ms. Wooby, I am a Canadian but obviously you know sumpin that I don't know. What and how does a Canadian Mountie act?

Also, like you I tend to eat carefully and nutritiously, I try to be health conscious, I too read a great deal and have been known to watch the nightly news and an occasional television program. Like you, I also find some of these "healthy body" nuts to be a bit too fanatical for my easy peasy, extremely low drama lifestyle. I would have have absolutely nothing in common with these self-proclaimed health nuts. I find my ears tend to go to sleep when I have to listen to them drone on and on about how "wonderful" their life as a gym rat is.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 85
Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/10/2009 12:30:23 PM
Dang, I duz lurv Canucks! Ya'll telling me that the Dudleys duz not run around madly, jumping on and off horsies and rescuing everyone in sight? You guys are breakin' my heart!

 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 88
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Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/11/2009 8:05:30 AM
Well, I am not a lunatic when it comes to healthy life, but because I enjoy doing some physically quite intense things, I make an effort to keep myself in shape. Unfortunately it is addictive, and once you get into being in shape, and addicted to the feelings and benefits, you tend to just go further and further into the program.

In the good old days I had a smoking wife. After she ran off, it took about a year to get the residue out of the house. Since then, I have found that there are loads of women out there who do not smoke, and of course, in the erstwhile it has become common knowledge that smokers not only kill themselves, but those around them as well. There are loads of really good quality smokers out there as well, but its just no longer part of my life. They are not outcasts, they are just like people who I have never met.

In my own family I have seen what happens to smokers, and it isn't pretty. As far as drinking is concerned, I like to drink in moderation, but that as well has become less and less a part of my life over the years. Nothing judgmental at all, I just prefer tea. I probably drink far too much of that!
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 89
Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/11/2009 8:06:00 AM

Never heard of anyone dying healthy............ Unless they die prematurely, by accident, because of war, natural disasters or crime.


Not making light of it at all, but 3 runners of various ages and good health dropped dead in the Detroit Marathon this year.


But there *are* "healthy body" nuts that simply become boring in their obsession.

I doubt many fitness buffs lay on their death beds talking about how they wished they would have spent more time working out or eating less cake.


Yep......."health-nuts" or "fitness buffs" are not attractive to me and bore me to death. ......'xcuse the pun.


That's why a great set of pecs or rock hard abs on a guy mean nothing to me. If a guy wants to objectify himself fine, but I'm not interested in crawling on that hamster wheel along with him.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 90
Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/11/2009 5:40:33 PM

That's why a great set of pecs or rock hard abs on a guy mean nothing to me. If a guy wants to objectify himself fine, but I'm not interested in crawling on that hamster wheel along with him


I'm no gym rat; I just find enough motivation to go a few times each week; but I'd be delighted with honkin' great pecs and rock hard abs, on myself, and probably cream right in my jeans if I encountered the same in a close encounter of the third kind on a woman. And there is a provably direct correlation between mind function and body condition.

If a guy wants to objectify himself fine, but I'm not interested in crawling on that hamster wheel along with him.


Objectify himself!!!??? The folks I see at the gym are just trying to be the best they can be, like that Army commercial, but without the haircuts and fungible wardrobe. I have alot of respect for anybody who "crawls" to whatever "wheel" improves the body, just for that, and for that ripple effect on the brain, and because self-improvement is a far better expenditure of time than the self-destructive leisure time alternatives we are all offered. Took me a long time to learn that everything goes better with exercise, not Coke.
 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 92
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Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/12/2009 5:24:43 AM
At our ages, I seriously doubt anyone is going to do the gym to objectify themselves, goodness! I am passionate about going to avoid a whole hosts of diseases such as heart disease and diabetes, both of which run in my family. I was heavy and I did not feel good about myself, so I did something about it. I am never going to be skinny and hungry looking, that is just not me with my curves, but I can have a shapely toned body and I have worked to get that.

Healthy eating is important. If I find someone at this time in my life, I would hope for us to have many years together. We can increase our odds of that if neither one of us is sustaining ourselves with a heart-attack on a plate at meal time.

I do not look down on smokers, but neither will I date one. I hate the smell and it honestly bothers my lungs to be around it.

 olebluize
Joined: 12/7/2009
Msg: 95
Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/12/2009 7:34:47 AM
^^^^ Same here!

Staying fit and healthy allows me to do many fun and adventurous activities. It's also much cheaper to live healthy vs. needing daily medications.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 96
Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/12/2009 7:53:10 AM
At our ages, I seriously doubt anyone is going to do the gym to objectify themselves, goodness!
Objectify himself!!!??? The folks I see at the gym are just trying to be the best they can be, like that Army commercial, but without the haircuts and fungible wardrobe.


You laugh, but the past few guys I've met on POF and went out with seemed to want my immediate feedback about what I thought of their body (which were pretty average at best) - it's like they think a woman like me should be chomping at the bit just to sleep with them. They just don't get that I am more concerned with personality and intellect first. They were self loathing and had body issues and were seeking validation from me.

I also had BF's in the past who tried to force their preference of excercise on me and it didn't work. Rollerblading sucks because I don't have the balance for it, tennis wasn't good as it caused me a torn rotater cuff, and bicycling caused my right knee to have problems. I was born with foot problems ( I am lucky I can walk) and have a titanium plate in my neck. Driving 30 minutes one way to go to a gym to get on a machine would take way too much time and hassle - the lockeroom's warm and moist environment crawling with other people's cooties. Excercising with other people around I find distracting.
I do what I can and the best I can. I don't obssess about everything I eat and do not eat to the point of being full. I take vitamins and have a strong immune system - not even a cold for 4 years. I get my activity kayaking, or indoors on my WiiFitPlus and I have a healthy sex life.


My point is, I do the best I can without being obsessive or self loathing. I don't want someone who is going to pressure me into something that doesn't work for me, or who thinks I'm not good enough for them.

Everything in moderation.
 amethyst10616
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 97
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Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/12/2009 10:04:38 AM
Being passionate abput anything does not make someone obssessive. Being passionte about our health is smart, IMO. I am aiming for my golden years to be active and healthy ones and the choices that I make now will affect that, for sure.

To me, it is very foolish to ignore the long-term affects of being sedentary, smoking, or drinking too much. I would not be interested in dating someone who did not care about their health at all.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 99
Are healthy living issues a deal breaker?
Posted: 12/13/2009 5:13:28 AM
[
how about motorcycles ?


They're a blast!!


Chances are the motorcycle mama will have an even shorter life than the drunk. Partly its the drugged up lifestyle that goes along with
bikers, partly its traffic.


Sooo, are lady cops datable? Hey, I've been stopped a few times by boy cops in the wee hours, and I could swear they were doing pcp or sumthin'! Lol Way too much pumped up brownian movement there for it to be natural. Lol How 'bout fire/rescue ladies, or any first responders? Sheeesh. They usually bring order to chaos, and I could usually use that kind of help.
Not sure what you've experienced, but I haven't run into any greater incidence among biker ladies than, say, law enforcement peeps (hey, they can get it free, lol). Most bikers occasionally bounce off the pegs, and you don't even try that shyt if you're mind-altered. As for the traffic, well, maybe- a biker on the road alone is home free, and not gonna dump it, but it's the maniacs on four wheels that pose the biggest threat to them. Who's fault is that?

Disclaimer: I am not pinging on law enforcement types- just being outrageous to fight a similarly over the top comment about bikers of any gender.
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