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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 firedupdesire
Joined: 10/7/2007
Msg: 76
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?Page 4 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
YOU still have your profile on POF too apparently. First step, quit being a hypocrite.
 actualizing
Joined: 5/2/2008
Msg: 77
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 8:41:51 AM
Well.. my profile is hidden and it is only there so I can check when he logs on and off.. I am sure you know that when you add someone to your fav list... it shows last time logged on...sucks that i have to do that...but that is why I am here.....so I add him to my fav list and see, then I delete him right away....he does not know...but geez I COOK for him I CLEAN for him WE have GREAT sex I am not kidding, outside and otherstuff, we are both very, very sexual and have the same kind of kinkiness, So I cant figure this out????damn.


OP, please reread what you have written above here and tell us you don't have any control issues. You are going to draw to you the very thing you fear. In other words, you are sabotaging this relationship. Go ahead, you have free will, but don't get all high and mighty on your horse on this one, you will fall and you will fall hard. I hope you know this may be a pattern for you. Please go and talk to a counsellor. You will benefit greatly from that and you deserve to get the support that you need.
 Nordic33708
Joined: 11/11/2006
Msg: 78
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 9:02:34 AM
"Control issues"
What is control issues? It's when someone is trying to control another person. OP does NOT have control issues. She might have issues, but they are not control issues.
She's not forbidding him to not do this or do that. She is concerned about what he's doing and she's resorted to trying to find out if he's having her on.

So many people seem to put her down for it. They seem to say she should blindly trust him. Well....say she does that and three months down the road she comes back here and tells her story of being fooled by this man. What are you guys going to tell her then?
What is wrong with wanting to find out if a person is telling the truth or not?
I wish the world was so simple that one could trust people but the fact is that we can't. Many people lie all the time.
You guys should already know this if you read all the stories in the forums. You know that people lie. So what's the deal with putting down a person who is trying to find out if she can trust a person BEFORE she gets hurt and disrespected?

She does NOT have control issues. She is NOT trying to control him. She is trying to find out the truth.

"Control issues" is a term that's right up there with a term "player" for being one of the most misused concepts in these fora.
 snakebite58
Joined: 7/17/2008
Msg: 79
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 9:07:32 AM
This is totally unacceptable, he is still placing himself on the market, so to speak. This is one time an ultimatum would be called for. Just the fact that he argues it with you, rationalizes it, is a bad sign....
 TrinB
Joined: 4/27/2008
Msg: 80
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 9:53:40 AM
slowwwww down honey......how important is this guy to you..? you are not the gatekeeper here...ya, it may suck...but.... you have to give people time...if you start displaying controlling ways he won't even have you as his girlfriend anymore....enjoy the time you do spend and if it becomes unbearable...then change the guy...not the behavior! You're 38 you outta know this by now.....
 TakeMeTheWayIAm
Joined: 7/19/2008
Msg: 81
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 11:50:09 AM

Fleur de lis: "She deleted her profile"

If you look at the timing it took her a full month to do so.

My original advice stands: let him go, he's a player and he thinks he can get someone better. He's using you.
 Fleur_de_Lis
Joined: 3/7/2008
Msg: 82
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 1:57:31 PM
I was just saying that people are responding to someone who's no longer here

Although she could be lurking :)


 TygerLaw
Joined: 12/12/2007
Msg: 83
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 2:35:27 PM
Coming from a reformed lover of the bag n tag games...telling you that you're open minded leads you to act in a way that would be open minded to allow him to do as he pleases. Then if you didn't he would say, "wow, you've changed, you were so cool, open minded and fun in the beginning." Whereas you would get back obediently in line and let him play some more to reinforce that you're cool and open minded. It's a great way to string a woman along, because women love compliments, use them in their knight in shining armor fantasies and tells all her pals what a great guy he is. Words are easy, actions are not, but words have tons of power with women and can make them out of their minds, or keep them in line. If all it takes is words to keep an easy/good lay in his sack while he's keeping his options open on here, that's what he's going to do. The only person that can ever successfully network on a dating site is a divorce lawyer, so unless he's one of those then he's networking for some greener grass to plant his pole in. A guy that really wants a woman and is serious will shut down a profile on a dating site or have it hidden, unable to have anyone communicate with them. If you have what you want, male or female, there's no sense in downgrading eh?
 Irishlass17
Joined: 7/28/2007
Msg: 84
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 2:55:03 PM
With all the sites out there he has to network on POF? Gimme a break. I'd tell him to ride the rope. And anyone who has to go to these lengths to check up on someone, I'd dump you in a sec. I think the 2 of you should go your separate ways and find someone else. It seems the only good thing you have going is sex. This thread sounds like something out of highschool. After only three months you already don't trust him. And he has his profile still up on POF? If you want to stick it out, both of you stay off of POF and do something like realllllly getting to know each other. Shheeeesh!!! This isn't rocket science!!!!
 kolobus
Joined: 7/24/2008
Msg: 85
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 3:02:32 PM
well if you want you could always report his profile until it gets it canceled.. use your devious head games girl..lol
 mystery2me
Joined: 4/15/2008
Msg: 86
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 4:24:02 PM
Well, isn't it true that if you write a testimonial, it would show up on his profle?

Why don't you write a testimonial that says how awesome he is, such a sensual, fantastic lover, and how happy you are in this exclusive relationship. See what he does! Haha - don't know if I could do this if it were me, but in the spirit of just brainstorming for ideas, I thought I'd share mine.

But the stealth approach you take is not so good. I'd say, just put your profile up. Take it as a sign that he isn't ready to give up his freedom to meet other potential dates.
 SereneTee
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 87
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 4:30:09 PM
I am going to give you the same advice I give any woman. Read the book "Why men love ****es". When you do let me know! I am sure you will thank me!
 imnotyourstar
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 88
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 4:34:53 PM
Wait a second...don't YOU also have a POF profile?
I would probably tell him that I was very uncomfortable with him having a pof profile that suggests that he is single when he's not single.
 bitania
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 89
view profile
History
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 4:39:11 PM
I think you should have more respect for your self, and leave the cheater.
 ~~weeone~~
Joined: 8/3/2007
Msg: 90
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 6:21:46 PM
To the OP and all others who have responded:

I have had the same happen to me....Found myself in awesome relationships, only to see their profile "online" the next day/week...

Why do they do it??? Who knows ?? I personally, think they are afraid of being left alone when goings get rough and they like to keep their other "options" on the backburner...

It sucks and it hurts big time

~~weeone~~
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 91
view profile
History
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 6:26:22 PM
Both my BF and I have our profiles up. I'm not the jealous type, we bot say we are only looking or friends and love the forums. I would never cheat, he was devastated by cheating in his marriage and we trust one another.
 actualizing
Joined: 5/2/2008
Msg: 92
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 6:31:07 PM
Whoa Nordic, I stand by what I said. He is having her on alright. She should just let go of the controls.....that's what I'm trying to say. I was not putting her down, I was pointing out something glaringly clear. It's amazing the freedom one can have by letting go of control. It is super liberating. I have experienced this for myself. Haven't you?
 tavisha
Joined: 2/18/2008
Msg: 93
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 6:56:13 PM
There is nothing you can do . He is free to do what he wants. if he wants to look for other women by stating that in his profile after he told you that you were his gf what does that tell you about the relaltionship. If it was me , I would take the relationship as non serious and keep looking as he does
 chelsea_hou
Joined: 5/26/2007
Msg: 94
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 7:01:31 PM
"he says for networking "

I really want to know what kind of networking one does on POF. I thought it was for dates, I could be wrong. When I'm dating exclusively my ad comes down and so does his. It really is that simple.

 NOTFISHINGANYLONGER
Joined: 7/14/2008
Msg: 95
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 8:19:25 PM
Hi, have you read the book "He's Just Not Into YOU". Give it a shot, good read. I guess, you should trust your instincts on him. I don't know of any good reason to keep a profile up and active if he is really into you. Does he seem sincere? Honest? Do you have reason to doubt his intentions? Does he disappear for a period of time and you can't get a hold of him? Any "flags" with him? You know what I'm talkin' about. Is there something you are looking 'past' because he is great in other ways. I really don't understand the networking part. If he put in his profile "found someone special, not dating any longer", would that help, is he willing to do it? Is your profile still active? Maybe yours should be active too, see what he thinks of that? I'm not into games, but maybe it would start some good conversation between the two of you. One more thing, if you didn't have a previous discussion on being his girlfriend, I wouldn't be thrilled he introduced me that way, but that's just me. I see a flag of communication between the two of you on that one.
Good Luck. Go with your instincts. It should bother "him" if it bothers "you".
All my personal opinions.
 ooobaby77
Joined: 8/20/2007
Msg: 96
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 10:40:09 PM
Nope can't tell ya what to do because I know you wouldn't do it anyways!!
But I will just speak from my view point on this. Building a healthy strong relationship is like building a house. Before you set the key elements of trust security and respect in order to build a strong foundation you need to first go over the blue prints.....
At the beginning of any relationship I always lay my cards out on what it is I am looking for versus what it is I am not looking for. And the most important thing for me is the key elements Trust, Security and Respect.
I look at it this way, if I met a man off a dating site and we became serious and I noticed he took himself off the site on his own free will that would SHOW me that he was serious about working on the foundation of our relationship. And along with that it would make me feel happy and secure the way I should be feeling. And it would TELL me that he has respect not only for me and how I feel but for the relationship as a whole. And this is what I look for and what is important to me.
I NEVER judge a person by what they say to me I judge by their actions.
On the flip side if I was dating a man and he continued with keeping himself on a dating site that would not only tell me that he is keeping his options open but also that he isn't as serious on building a healthy relationship as what I thought he was.. and how it would make me feel knowing this well it would be the opposite of above. It would no doubt bring out my insecurities and make me feel insecure, and it would make my mind negatively wonder all the time. Who the HELL wants to start off a relationship built with negative feelings? Not me!!! I stay away from men who bring out negatine feelings inside of me. I do NOT care how good looking or sweet talking they are, if they are not showing me what I want to see I RUN!!!!! I wouldn't even give him the chance to explain why he is still on it because I am not a sucker who falls for the B.S excuses...lol
I honestly would just end it and move on I wouldn't even waste my time because I am not one who would tell anybody to stop doing something that I don't like I don't operate that way. I prefer people to do what it is they want and if I don't like it then it is up to me to decide if I will put up with it or not.
I have enough respect for myself and know what it is that I am looking for in a mate that I will not settle for anything less of that. So it all depeneds on what it is you want and what it is you will settle for. Do you really believe that you deserve to be feeling the way you are right now? I don't!! You should be feeling special, secure, able to trust this man, you should feel confident and happy. But you are not......and that is sad.
When you build an unstable foundation to a house what happens in the future? Think about it!! ! Good luck
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 97
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/6/2008 10:52:46 PM
OH DEAR!!! The OP began this thread on the 5th and has already permanently left the building. She did take quite a beating early on. OUCH!! I'll save my comment on the OT since it clearly makes no difference at this point.
 in search of..
Joined: 8/12/2008
Msg: 98
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/7/2008 1:23:19 AM
What a bunch of crap ...your just here for the forums LOL flying a profile why not hide it at least ? Arn"t you netWorking also ? Why not change your headline at least to ...say..."..i found my man "or "just here for the fourums" and in your discription box very first thing explain your "no intrest in being contacted" ...women and men cheat with cheaters i'm not saying your cheating but how many men have boldenly contacted you?
 postalchick
Joined: 2/2/2007
Msg: 99
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/7/2008 4:24:21 PM
Obviously he still feels single . People treat us the way we allow them too. You be the judge of what you should do ,but do not be dumb about it. Tell him it bothers you and if he truly respects you he will take it off the site. If he chooses to keep it up then is there any question what you should do.
 Argentum Crinis Philogus
Joined: 4/3/2007
Msg: 100
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/7/2008 7:48:30 PM

Obviously he still feels single . People treat us the way we allow them too. You be the judge of what you should do ,but do not be dumb about it. Tell him it bothers you and if he truly respects you he will take it off the site. If he chooses to keep it up then is there any question what you should do.


The OP is gone. I just can't resist.

When he responds that it that he is bothered by attempts to control his behavior and that if she respects him she will allow him to make his own decisions, if she doesn't respect his decisions then is there any question what he should do?

Funny, one of the indicators that I was all grown up was my ability to allow other adults to make their own decisions without attempts to coerce, manipulate, or cajole them into complying with my whims and desires. Perhaps she's just not grown up yet.

Best,

ACP
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