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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?      Home login  
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 Ravishing Renee
Joined: 1/22/2007
Msg: 101
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?Page 5 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
This whole post just pisses me off......if you feel the need to be his warden and control him then you have no realtionship.. if you spy and him and don't trust him then you should walk away... he is doing what is right for him.... if you love him... LET HIM BE
 Miss Undrstood
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 102
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/7/2008 8:33:52 PM
As a girl who has had her heart ripped out by a lying cheating man - I applaud the OP for watching her own back. No one else will.

If she has trust issues resulting from past relationships, unless she is a mental case, her scars are real. Her new boyfriend should be understanding that she has scars and be willing to delete or change is profile to gain her trust. If he is not willing to help her heal or understanding of why she needs time and a feeling of security in order to heal, he is probably not deserving of her trust.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice... I can't be fooled again. ('')

If OP is smart, she has already set up a new, very different profile without a pic.
 Mags219
Joined: 2/9/2008
Msg: 103
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my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/7/2008 8:42:27 PM
Simple.. logic...

Your boyfriends profile is still up on POF. Clue... he is then NOT A BOYFRIEND! He is bootycall and using you as such; plus as a housekeeper, cook, etc. He is paying you compliments about your brains, logic etc.. to stop you in your tracks about complaining about him being still of POF. Its called diversion...if you complain then you aren't logical, or have brains? The guy has you wrapped around his finger. Good luck..you need it.
 boredwithpgh
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 104
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/7/2008 9:17:19 PM
I would not put up with that. There is no reason that he should still have a profile on a dating website. I certainly would not put up with that... Networking? I'm sure he has plenty of friends. Tell him to take it down, and you're not going to take no for an answer.
 Ormond_guy
Joined: 7/3/2008
Msg: 105
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/7/2008 11:36:57 PM
Oddly enough.. your still on POF too.. whether your profile is up or not.. is TOTALLY IRRELAVANT!!!!

BOTH of you should have deleted your account.. but.. then again. thats just my way of thinking...

tell him to delete the account.. if not.. then stop putting out for him..

for "NETWORKING"????

IF YOU HAVE AN AD IN THE PAPER TO SELL YOUR CAR.. AND YOU SELL IT.. DO YOU KEEP THE AD IN.. TO SEE IF PEOPLE WILL STILL CALL?

hes not talking to anyone.. but keeps it up for networking?

take your blinders off... see the big picture.
 cubic_zirconia
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 106
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/8/2008 12:02:28 AM
Mine did that via myspace...and ended up moving in with some girl.

I would tell him it really bothers you and to take it off for your sake.
 Larissan04
Joined: 4/28/2004
Msg: 107
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/9/2008 2:32:55 PM
I just can't believe some of the responses that people have put up here. it's as if many of you think she's being jelous because her bf is hanging out "networking" on a dating website! puhhhhleeeeezzzz! this is ridiculous! there are business websites for every industry under the sun. if he was serious about networking he'd be doing so on a site that is relevent to his industry. that is the biggest line i have every heard! lol!

if a person just wants to play around then sure, they are free to do so, but when someone is in a committed relationship, they shouldn't be hanging out on a dating website. if a person is just here for the forums, well, that should be made clear, and the person should also make it clear to others on the site (in the profile) that they are no longer single. this is relationship 101. this is kid stuff.

and OP, it doesn't matter what he says. and it doesn't matter that your sex life is amazing. so what? look at his actions. this guy is keeping his options open. and he apprecieates you being "open minded" because apparently that means that you'll be happy to be the house cleaning hook up, that is in reality a place keeper, while he continues to find that ever elusive "ideal" woman out there.

the guy is a cad. you are a grown woman. don't waste your time with this wanna be lothario.

and not only that... this bothers you... you wouldn't be posting this right now if it didn't cause you some anguish. if this guy really cared about your feelings he'd remove his profile or change his single status. that is what people do when they care about someone. i know how men are. if some man was crazy about a woman... i mean... absolutely head over heels for her.... he'd do it in a heart beat. no question. why? because he'd be afraid of screwing up the relationship...or be afraid of losing the girl...

your guy isn't doing that, and he could take or leave you.

brutal but honest....

lar
 kitkat855
Joined: 7/3/2008
Msg: 108
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/9/2008 2:49:36 PM
You both have to decide if your exclusive.If thats whats agreed to then the profile gets deleted.Otherwise its casual dating /open ended you do what you what he does the same.AKA friends with bene's if thats what you want.Takes 2 to tango.If your not up for the dance move on.No such thing as networking on a dating site.Too much temptation.I wouldn't agree to the hidden one either .If its on here and hidden then he is still using his account.As far as the forums I don't believe you have to log on to read them perhaps just to answer a question.Either you like your fish or you throw it back!!!If someone wants dating advice they can get it free on many non dating type of sites like ask men etc.If its friends on here then you can chat offline thru email etc.Logging on and adding him to fav's just to "stalk" him isn't healthy either.Trust is paramount in a relationship. And he says you just "have to trust him" well no one makes you do what you don't want.Decide what you want out of this.If your both on the same page great.Otherwise your being played.Been there done that.Same senario!!
 zerokool929
Joined: 9/2/2008
Msg: 109
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/9/2008 3:50:03 PM
imo you went wrong the first time u had sex with him...if a couple has sex befor you guys make a mentel bond your ****ed either way...but he sounds like a douch he got what he wanted now he is pulling out...falling back...backing up...w/e u want to call it.. LT keep ur legs closed
 mygriffs
Joined: 8/22/2008
Msg: 110
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/9/2008 3:56:18 PM
Sounds too familiar to me. I dated someone for quite awhile who kept his profile on myspace kind of like yours did here on POF. The only people he added on his friends list were single women, no men, no family, and no married women etc... When I asked him why he did that he said he could have friends and I should trust him, and that I had something none of those other women did.... his heart. Well, let me tell you, I found out a few months later that not only did he have them on his myspace but he was on 3 or 4 other sites trying to pick up women for dating etc... None of them knew about me until I intercepted a message from one of them. Needless to say, I dumped him. So, if your guy doesnt care enough about your feelings to take his profile off, I say that hes up to no good and you should go on without him. Just my advice... good luck!!!
 purplegirl2008
Joined: 7/19/2008
Msg: 111
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/9/2008 5:05:35 PM
I like your reply. It just so happens I have been seeing a guy and he has a profile on here, however this is not how we meet. He has been saying how he likes spending time with me and wants to spend more time with. Although we both have a profile on here. mine is hidden but not his but that didn't seem to really bother me but I have now seen that he has signed up to go to one of the gatherings where all the singles meet each other. That seems a little fishy to me... no pun intended there.... I say let them go and find somebody else that wants to really get to know me. So, I might as well unhide my profile at this point and have fun
 ~Kyn~
Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 112
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/9/2008 6:14:37 PM
Im sorry...but doesnt matter any which way you wanna swing it...dont care what excuse anybody uses...

...if you're in an exclusive monogamous relationship and you're supposed to be 100% committed...and someone's keeping a profile on a dating site...its because they're keeping options open and/or a backup plan "just incase"
Whether they access it or not is irrelevant...its still a backup plan for them.

Ive read alot of threads, have been a participant in dating sites for around 10 yrs now (no I havent been online dating myself for that long it was work related) and for all the denials in the world...there's waaaaaay too many stories of cheating partners doing this kinda thing...or people moving on so quickly cos they've been feathering nests elsewhere before they do. Emotional cheating before even the physical.

Its like collecting phonenumbers and filing them away for when they need them.
And Id be pretty damned pissed off if my partner did that. Game over.

Ive seen for all intents and purposes "inactive" profiles (some for many months & some for years) all of a sudden be reactivated and the game continue to play without skipping a beat. They KNOW they're here.
If someone isnt participating in forums or intouch with friends regularly and their partner has full disclosure on whats going...they leave their profiles there for one specific purpose even if they have them hidden cos you can still find them.
Options.

Anyone who says they enjoy the flirting...well how fricken stupid are you to not only jeopardise a relationship because of it...but how pathetic is it that you need to have your ego groomed by complete strangers on the internet.

Lotsa people say ...oh I just forgot about it... yeah...they remember real quick about it when they're looking for the next 50% committed relationship with some regular sex and fun times that drags them away for a little while. Then they're back again.

The more experience & particularly inside knowledge you have of these kinda situations...the more you know people are talking bullshit.

They leave them here because they WANT them here...and since it usually does nothing but cause problems in relationships...it gives a fair indication of their intelligence level and what they ultimately think of their partner & relationship.

Worse case scenario they can delete them and make another one IF things dont work out...
....but they dont do that...cos it doesnt give them what they WANT.
Options/Backup plan.
 mm143
Joined: 5/31/2007
Msg: 113
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my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/9/2008 9:11:57 PM
well u havent known him very long he does like u but i believe he is taking advantage of u you said the sex was great well i believe guys will stay and take u out and have fun but HES JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU! no future there if he was into u he would of said both of u get off of this site if u bug him about this profile he might drop u and he might drop u just because he wants to move to the next one either way hes not the one get a guy who treats u like a queen respects and loves u REMEMBER U R THE PRIZE so whoever gets u is the winner good luck god bless
 mm143
Joined: 5/31/2007
Msg: 114
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my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/9/2008 9:19:45 PM
i agree bs and i dont think they have something real i think if 2 people r going to date they should really try and stay off here for awhile
 marissais5
Joined: 9/2/2008
Msg: 115
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/9/2008 9:20:45 PM
{I have a guy that told me "you are the coolest woman I have ever known or been in bed with" he also told me "You are the most intelligent open minded girl I know" I also treat him very well, I respect him and I adore him, I do alot of nice things for him and we LAUGH our ass off together all the time}



Here is my opinion......he only tells you that you are great when it relates to sex, based on what you have written. My catch is that he is kind of only wanting you for sex.
Heck..you treat him great, give him awesome sex! Then he keeps his profile up....for a reason. I say run, run away very fast and wake up! He should also be treating you very well and cooking you dinner. If he really cared for you he would ! If he only treats you great in bed and only feeds you compliments about that. Listen and wake up! I wish you all the best of luck!
 frecklesandkisses
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 116
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/9/2008 9:38:10 PM
his networking sounds more like net casting to me. I would also be offended. he can hide his profile if he doesnt want to completely remove it. Even if just out of respect for your feelings. Now he is breeding mistrust and suspicion in your relationship.... that sucks and it will ultimatley be the bone of contention between you .
 Prednisonegirl
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 117
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/9/2008 10:28:45 PM
I realize the OP has ditched us..but I just wanted to add my 3 cents!
Cent 1..Op the relationship should be more than 'the kinky, great sex'. You have mentioned that a bunch of times.

Cent 2..You are driving yourself crazy. Someone earlier mentioned that as well. If you are feeling stress..and he cares for you..then he should honor your feelings. Since he doesn't seem to care that you are upset about the situation..then maybe you two are not that 'good' for each other. Doesn't mean he is right and your wrong (and vice versa) it just means that you two are not on the same page nor compatible.


my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/9/2008 303 PM
imo you went wrong the first time u had sex with him...if a couple has sex befor you guys make a mentel bond your ****ed either way...but he sounds like a douch he got what he wanted now he is pulling out...falling back...backing up...w/e u want to call it.. LT keep ur legs closed


Cent 3..I like what the quote above me wrote...quit having sex so early on..too many emotions! He's using you...it's not that difficult to figure out.

Sorry to hurt your feelings.....
 Larissan04
Joined: 4/28/2004
Msg: 118
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/13/2008 12:06:07 AM
i know the OP is gone...but i am still cracking up over this one... i mean... she is a single mom, 38, and she has been with this guy since july, and they "love" eachother, and have "great sex." gee... but the guy has his profile up on POF, searchable, and it doesn't say anything about this supposed relationship that he's in! hmmmm...

i am sorry, but this guy is just using her. i am going to bet that within a few weeks he'll have moved on to another single mom for some "great, kinky sex."

lar
 RioVonWolf
Joined: 6/5/2006
Msg: 119
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my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/13/2008 12:33:27 AM
I advise stopping your activity. It is just making you crazy. You are starting to become obsessive and that takes the joy away from your relationship. Worse, he can track you too (if you know computers ) This is like looking a gift horse in the mouth. Enjoy being with him and forget this. You are in a good place if you stop making yourself upset.
 reba06
Joined: 8/12/2008
Msg: 120
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/13/2008 1:04:18 AM
Look I have been there, I am dating a guy who i was spending all of his free time with..I know he wasent seeing anyone else but he was talking to other women online.. I asked him why he would do this when we were seeing each other..his response was there is nothing wrong in typing letters..he is right,,but his profile said he was still avail..and single this bothered me...So i figured i had a couple of choices to make. one end it all together..I didnt want to do that..I have fallen in love with him so the other was back off from him..make it clear what our relationship was...so i suggested that we still date but have the option of dating other people. It has done wonders for us there is no more fighting over this issue and we are actually spending more time together. I have also opened up my options to find mr. right rather it be him or someone else. Dont make yourself so available to him!!!Men no matter what thier age like a challenge..he knows you are always there no matter what...dont be..he might act differently! He may not be doing anything wrong! And if he finds someone else then you werent meant to be!
 knee_knee
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 121
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/13/2008 4:18:39 AM
how about move on and get a life.. ok hes profile is up?? yeah?
 Ed Bear
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 122
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my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/13/2008 4:45:18 AM
I figured it out! OP means "original poster," no? Tell me if I haven't got it right.

Okay - I am not big on unearned trust. I don't trust someone because I love them, but rather the reverse more likely.

If you tell your SO (everyone know that one?) that you want exclusivity, then you can try saying you want their profile to make it clear they are in a monogamous relationship. Most likely a decent, committed lover would be willing to do so; if not, ask for a GOOD reason why not, think up another way to make sure, and see if he goes for that. Or ask him how HE can make you confident. "Don't you trust me?" gets the answer "this makes me worry I shouldn't."

And DO check the profile now and then. And you might even want to turn on "let people know I've viewed them" just so he knows.
ED BEAR
 Sleepless000
Joined: 9/9/2008
Msg: 123
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/13/2008 4:47:19 AM
I have to agree with some one who said he is still 'casting his net'. It is a tough one and nothing you can do about it. He has to decide what he wants to do, you can't control that type of behavior, you just have to decide if you WANT to put up with it. The problem is it is hurtful and that is what bugs you. I knew a guy I saw every now and then and he contacted a friend of mine on line, (he did not know she was my friend) a day before we were going away on a trip together. I was really upset, it was hurtful that a day before we were doing something , like a vacation, they are trolling for 'fish' on the Internet. I dealt with it by not saying anything, sucking it up and just going on the trip because I wanted to go, (white water rafting, I had been looking forward to it). I was terribly resentful toward him the whole time. It lets you know where you stand though, it does not sound like an exclusive relationship in your BFs eyes, you have to decide if you want your end to be exclusive. Bottom line, you can't control him, only yourself. But his actions tell you what his character is.
 apainlessend
Joined: 4/5/2008
Msg: 124
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/13/2008 4:49:15 AM
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?


Leave him.
For me.
I won't change my profile though.

Or

Ask him to let you see his messages...
But do it right in front of him, not over the phone, as that would allow him time to delete everything. However, you will tell him over the phone, and give him time to delete them as you need to protect your own sanity, and prevent from being hurt.


Its easy! If he was serious he would at least have hidden his profile whilst waiting to see what happens. That he has not just says he is still "fishing". Aint rocket science!


Defending him eh? Who says he is that bright?
 smileee4u
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 125
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/13/2008 7:50:18 AM
You are his "f*U*C*K Buddy. I hope you enjoy your status. If not, then break up with him. He should be pretty easy to replace. You do not hold a special place in his heart! Do not throw your pearls to swine! He's really not that into you. Get the book Why Men Love B**I**T**C**H**E**S. Read this and live by it. It is your only chance to understand what is going on in your life. I care about you and I want you to get out of this situation you have found yourself in. Pleas e-mail me if you want. You can order this book on Amazon dot com.
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