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 AUTHOR
 Ed Bear
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 112
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my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?Page 8 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
I figured it out! OP means "original poster," no? Tell me if I haven't got it right.

Okay - I am not big on unearned trust. I don't trust someone because I love them, but rather the reverse more likely.

If you tell your SO (everyone know that one?) that you want exclusivity, then you can try saying you want their profile to make it clear they are in a monogamous relationship. Most likely a decent, committed lover would be willing to do so; if not, ask for a GOOD reason why not, think up another way to make sure, and see if he goes for that. Or ask him how HE can make you confident. "Don't you trust me?" gets the answer "this makes me worry I shouldn't."

And DO check the profile now and then. And you might even want to turn on "let people know I've viewed them" just so he knows.
ED BEAR
 roger lee
Joined: 4/17/2008
Msg: 116
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my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/13/2008 9:23:00 AM
I an in a similar situation, & I'll explain why I am still on (hopefully that will help you to see what may be in his mind). My 'Friend' is also still on here. When I asked whether I would be better able to contact her thru her personal email, she said that she splits checking personal email & email here. She is here apparently for similar reasons as me. When a woman contacts me or I contact her, I am upfront about my relationship so she doesn't get the idea that I am still looking to date. I have been here to 'welcome' people who are new to my city, to POF, offer any suggestions and help, to act as a sounding board & offer counsel if desired. I also have some relationships where we do virtually little mre than small talk & wish each other a good weekend/holiday. Being here has been quite helpful to me as it has help me with my shyness. I have started a long time ago, & feel more at ease doing it, just dropping an 'out-of-the-blue' compliment to a particular woman. WHo knows what kind of a day that person has had. Maybe a single compliment could raise their spirits for the rest of the day. I have had 'random' compliments 'rescue' the remainder of the day from a bad mood that I had from work. I have on my 'favorites' list people who I have had conversations with (& still have occasional conversations) as well as people who I want to get to know, but for some reason don't have time at the moment, but want to e able to find them again when I have more time (I had 'lost' one person who I hadn't put on 'Favorites' & it took me 2 1/2 weeks to 'find' her just so I could drop her a line). Instead of putting an 'Update' on my profile, I just revise it to reflect my current situation. The reason I have not changed my status to 'Friends' is that so many seeking 'Friends' that I have seen, it seems to be synonymous with 'friends...with benefits.' That is not an idea I want to covey.
 DDay555
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 117
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my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/13/2008 11:09:26 AM
Trust is something that isn't given lightly. That being said, I would never ask someone to take down their profiles. I make lots of friends online. I wouldn't want someone to be so insecure that they felt threatened simply because I'm social. The real test is WHO do I spend time with and talk with the most?
 ImAHotMess
Joined: 7/11/2008
Msg: 118
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/13/2008 11:50:37 AM
If I meet someone from here or off of here, I would stay for the forums (which are very entertaining at times) but would certainly not be looking for anyone for chat, e mail or to hook up(hell I don't do that now). I also would not lie to a signifant other. I met someone one here that tried playing games and lying, but it all came out in the end. And what he was doing here was nothing compared to his life full of lies off of here. I trust anyone until given a reason not to.
 rockondon
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 121
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my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/13/2008 10:38:25 PM

my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Tell him to put up a thread stating my girlfriend has a profile up on POF, what do I do?
 nicepaducahguy
Joined: 1/21/2008
Msg: 124
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/14/2008 2:01:05 AM
you got to be one of the dumbest backstabbing women i have seen on here.
you are so backwards, and you dont deserve anyone.
you are sneaking behind his back, spying on him. did you ever think, maybe he is checking on you, and seeing the last time you logged in also?
maybe he keeps seeing you log in everyday and thinks you are cheating on him. he is only treating you how you deserve to be treated.
you dont own him, so get over it. also, anytime you post a forum message, it shows up on your profile to other people, so you dumb woman get a life!
everytime he gets online , he can see the posts you are making behind his back lol
you are so stupid. i hope you get caught, and i hope he doesnt put up with you anymore, you act like you cant trust him, when you are barking louder, guilty dogs bark first.

you are psycho
how can "HE" have himself on "their" favorite list? dont you know how things work? anyone can add him as a friend, moron.
i'm gona add you to favorites myself, so that he thinks you have guys adding you also, how do you feel about that?
dumb chic




 cortchubby
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 126
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/14/2008 2:44:32 AM
Question: If youre so compatible with eachother then this shouldnt matter unless there is an issue of INSECURITY on your part. Not judging just sayin.
 tb1570
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 161
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/30/2008 7:42:24 AM
let me just say that i haven't read every single reply, so maybe someone has already said what i'm about to say, but here goes: "issues," reasons why, where all these feelings come from, who is right, who is wrong.......... none of this matters. what matters is u are in a supposedly exclusive relationship and there is something about ur partner's behaviour that causes u pain & distress. u must then communicate this with ur partner in an open, non-accusatory, non-confrontational manner. tell him how and why it bothers u. bottom line is, if u are important to him he has a decision to make. and if u are not as important to him as u would like to be, then u have a decision to make. all the other reasons/rationales don't really matter. what matter are ur feelings and ur bf's reaction to them. part of being in a relationship is a little bit of sacrifice from time to time. there are lines of course, we can't constantly be pulling the "but my feelings are hurt" trump card, but if the issue is important enough in one partner's eyes to cause real pain & dis-comfort, then the issue should be inportant to the other partner as well. there are a million sites for networking. a singles site doesn't have to be one.
and as far as all the people proposing that u lie & deceive him by posting a fake profile to see if he "bites," just do urself a favor and ignore this "advice."
 tb1570
Joined: 10/21/2007
Msg: 162
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 9/30/2008 7:48:02 AM
my god smileee4u, where were u & ur advice when i was half way through my last relationship??

"On the other hand, you are filled with anxiety, because there has been no reassurance or stability and the commitment necessary to calm uncertainty is not there... because he continue to post his profile.

Without the predictability that commitment provides, the relationship can make you feel intensely vulnerable, exposed and frightened.

Your fear of abandonment and rejection will be instantly stimulated. You are in psychological danger. Your self-esteem will erode more quickly, the longer you stay in this devalued relationship. He is not valuing you.

If he does not make a commitment to you soon, you are in danger of losing your self-esteem, by feeling inadequate, and a deterioration of self-respect. Better act quickly. "

indeed!!!
 InVictoria
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 166
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 10/6/2008 1:58:17 AM
I totally agree with blueangel33.
Best.
Lydia
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 167
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my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 10/6/2008 2:12:29 AM
he should change his status ,and write that he has a G/F,i know i have made good friends on here.
 CheekyMissy
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 171
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 11/16/2008 5:15:16 PM
Listen to your intuition.

I myself wouldn't stay around.
 punem264
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 176
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 11/26/2008 9:39:25 PM
Hi OP, I have a friend who is going through the exact same thing as you are. My friend is very distraught over this. He tells her he loves her, and wants to marry her and yet they have not been on a real date for six months. He just comes over every second day, just to spend an hour. It is her birthday coming up, it looks like I may I have take her out because her bf won't do it. I even hinted around it too, for him to make the move for her birthday. She asked him to take his profile off a month ago, she took hers off he said he would but he's never done it yet. My friend is asking if it's the same man, lol. Sometimes she feels she is just a fill in till he finds something better.
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 178
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 12/4/2008 4:11:34 PM
Hello??? Has anyone noticed that the OP removed her profile from POF??
*hears crickets*
 cfb62
Joined: 9/17/2007
Msg: 181
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my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 12/5/2008 10:07:57 AM
Sorry but you're being played.
 mitchchan
Joined: 12/4/2008
Msg: 184
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 12/12/2008 7:53:27 PM
yeah some people are just addicted to cheating. drop him if he can't respect your wishes and move on. its all about open and honest communication.
 Kat007101
Joined: 11/25/2008
Msg: 203
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 4/24/2009 9:20:28 PM
I have to agree with badkitty718...this is very familiar to me too...after 6 months, he told me he was networking..after 8 months, I gave the ultimatium..take your profile off the dating website or I'm outta here... he took his profile off (that website)...apparently last week (after 10 months) he has been secretly on another dating website...and his networking turned into meeting women.. our relationship was a discussed, committed and very happy one...but one that was to be committed...and well..he broke that trust with his lies. If he is out there "dating" other women behind my back..online or otherwise...well... not worth my time of the day... these sites are good for meeting other people, dating, but always searching for the next best thing while keeping one on the burner...soooo not cool! Keep your guard up ...but keeping an eye on him online will eventually drive you crazy!
 army3
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 204
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 5/24/2009 3:55:05 PM
I'd give him the ultimatum. Places like business wbsites and myspace are for networking. This place is a dating website. Not ragging on people that are here for just friends or anything, but he needs to go to a different site for networking. You may be happy, but that don't mean he's not still trying to have his cake and eat some on the side.
 stargazer11997722
Joined: 2/4/2012
Msg: 215
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 2/9/2012 12:38:09 AM
I have the same story. I have been dating my bf for a year and a half. He talks and acts very much like he's in it for the long haul. Gave me the same story about having friends here and stuff. I had some friends he does not know try and chat him up but he either declined them or told them he had a gf. OK, so what the heck? Is this proof positive that he's really here for old friends? He even changed his profile to say he was only looking for friends....well what now? It hurts because I don't really know what he's up to here. I'm taking a huge chance and my kids are involved. Either I'll win or lose really big. What do you think?
 timetofindyou11
Joined: 2/7/2014
Msg: 216
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my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 3/6/2015 7:53:19 AM
I wonder how this all turned out for you. I went down this road you did, and it was a slippery road.
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 217
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 3/6/2015 11:20:26 AM
Seeing this thread title near the top made me realize we've gone surprisingly long without a new thread by an insecure, possessive gal who expects a guy to delete his profile. Invariably she still has her account and logs on to see he's online. She's a hypocrite! At least the one who started this thread did things to justify exclusivity. Some of the gals who start this type of thread haven't even met him in person yet!

Because men send the vast majority of first messages, it is safe for a man to maintain an account without leading on any women or getting tempted by a first message from a woman. Meanwhile, any woman who has any type of account will still get significant numbers of online advances. Therefore, she's the one who should delete her account.

This thread began in 2008 and the first post refers to a lame feature that's been removed. In ancient times, profiles revealed how many people have named you as a favorite. Anyone can name someone a favorite, so that doesn't mean he was cheating with those people. The closest thing to that now is the feature that shows what gifts they've received in the past 30 or so days.

I appreciate the long time we went without one of these threads. Another category of oft-repeated topics we've been free for a while are the ones about messaging: what kind of messages do girls want to receive, why don't I get responses, why do I get messages from the wrong people, etc.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 218
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my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 7/8/2015 6:19:47 PM
It has been only a few weeks since he has mentioned you are his girlfriend. But it is still FWB at this stage, I feel. I dont feel it is time for ultimatums.

He may be leaving his options open but until he has made commitment noises and it has been some months at least, he is entitled to do that. He will say whatever to keep the sex going of course. You are "open minded" he says. In other words you are happy to have the hot casual sex whilst he has his profile up. I would be doing the same and leave my options open. If you press him about your concerns and act too possessive, he may disappear. Early days...
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 219
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 7/9/2015 4:28:41 AM
Keep him happy, and he'll commit eventually :)
 LadyLuvsBlack
Joined: 7/28/2015
Msg: 220
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 8/7/2015 5:50:26 PM
Im sorry but what hes saying is BS......Who comes onto a dating site to network? let me get sarcastic here for you...whats he networking for? potential future dates? come on people?!
networking happens on sites like linkedin or other professional sites not a dating site, hes leaving a line of communication open with his flirts
If these two are dating now? and are a couple? then the profiles should come down! stop making excuses for the excuse guy that still wants to leave his options open! hes not committing to her! hes using her by what shes saying!getting every need met! along with his selfish need to still continue in conversation with women still looking to date! He's disregarding her issues with it and continues on with the site...what hes doing is disrespecting her and what he has with her....she has two choices....agree to his selfish ways or stand up for her own dignity and self-respect ...she needs to respect herself enough to say what hes doing isn't acceptable if that's how she feels.....why do women settle and tolerate disrespect in relationships? is it because she feels she cant do better ? and he knows it as well?
 sweettea091
Joined: 7/31/2015
Msg: 221
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 8/8/2015 12:17:07 PM
"My boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?" You can't be serious... Why would you want to stay with a guy who's just settling for you for the moment? Cause that's what he's doing! Get some confidence and toss his butt to the curb!
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