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Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?      Home login  
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 mopar123
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 201
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?Page 9 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
I just have to say this.............although you have a point Gottalight, the simple fact is we ARE responsible for the reactions our actions create. Our present society seems to have forgotten about personal responsibility for what we do/say and that frankly in my eyes is wrong. Someone CAN make you angry by what they do or say and THEY need to take personal ownership of the consequences of their actions. And then they need to do what they can to make it right, it's the right and mature thing to do.......................you think?? So, with that thought in mind it seems the op and her boyfriend need to try and work this out. I personally wouldn't stand for it and would certainly keep my line in the water.
 shorty232008
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 202
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 2/3/2009 5:06:15 PM
mine doing the same thing i meet mine from here but his pof still says looking for long term we havent been dating long but then we found out i was pregant should i be worry that he dont want me and the baby
 gottalight
Joined: 12/15/2005
Msg: 203
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 2/3/2009 7:12:44 PM
I just have to say this.............although you have a point Gottalight, the simple fact is we ARE responsible for the reactions our actions create. Our present society seems to have forgotten about personal responsibility for what we do/say and that frankly in my eyes is wrong. Someone CAN make you angry by what they do or say and THEY need to take personal ownership of the consequences of their actions. And then they need to do what they can to make it right, it's the right and mature thing to do.......................you think?? So, with that thought in mind it seems the op and her boyfriend need to try and work this out. I personally wouldn't stand for it and would certainly keep my line in the water..


Truthfully, I would be less than factual if I disagreed with the point. You can make someone angry if they let you. My philosophy teaches letting that option fall into Davy's locker, and not giving someone else that power in your life.

It comes from the Buddhist concept of detachment. If you forgive, you let the person have a different kind of power: they got away with it. If you detach, you save your principles and your belief that someone has to change their behavior to become acceptable in your space. The trangressor no longer has any power in your life. If they don't make acceptable progress toward being acceptable, they simply aren't part of your life. If they do make the changes, they can be forgiven. Forgiveness is the preferred option, but it isn't a free gift until you die.

Your last remark was fitting. Keep your line in the water. There seems to be no lack of fish, and one shark in this ocean really doesn't bother me over the next one. If you do spot a Mermaid, remember I saw her first.
 ausiegal
Joined: 8/9/2008
Msg: 204
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 2/16/2009 5:23:04 AM
I'm in the same situation my friend..
After reading your question.. have decided that we may need to talk about how this makes me feel.. so maybe you need to get some answrs too. cheers :
 the specialist74
Joined: 2/17/2009
Msg: 205
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 4/19/2009 6:39:00 AM
I didn't know people like yourself really exsisted but to also post this i public??? Wow... To be honest I would want my woman to be alot stronger and more confident than a person with these qualities... Love is dangerous when it only goes one-way. He's just waiting til he feels he could get something better. It's already over between you two... Love sucks sometimes.............
 Qadeshnow
Joined: 2/24/2009
Msg: 206
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 4/20/2009 4:01:49 PM
Luckee, he is addicted to this and possibly other website on the net. He has developed the habit of getting positive feedback from lots of women, as he needs it for his self-esteem. And without 'logging on' and getting that feedback, it's like a drug, and it makes him feel horrible. Unfortunately, unless he will realize and admit he's hooked, he won't give it up. In fact, in an addict's mind, why should he. He gets to have a great woman in real time, and get his fix whenever he wants to. By telling you he won't give it up, even if it means hurting your feelings, he's telling you he loves to have you, but he loves to get his attention from other women more than you. If you say he spends all that time with you, he obviously DOES feel alot for you, but he wants to have a girlfriend and act like a single man at the same time. And by you not acting on your discomfort over this, you're telling him it's okay. I've seen this many many times. People get so hooked on these things, as soon as no real human contact is immediate, they RUSH to the computer. It's sad, but you have a decision to make. Either accept him the way he is (you don't have to, some women do though), or don't and walk away. I think you'll probably do the former and stay because it looks like he's addicted to POF, but you're addicted to him.
 Kat007101
Joined: 11/25/2008
Msg: 207
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 4/24/2009 9:20:28 PM
I have to agree with badkitty718...this is very familiar to me too...after 6 months, he told me he was networking..after 8 months, I gave the ultimatium..take your profile off the dating website or I'm outta here... he took his profile off (that website)...apparently last week (after 10 months) he has been secretly on another dating website...and his networking turned into meeting women.. our relationship was a discussed, committed and very happy one...but one that was to be committed...and well..he broke that trust with his lies. If he is out there "dating" other women behind my back..online or otherwise...well... not worth my time of the day... these sites are good for meeting other people, dating, but always searching for the next best thing while keeping one on the burner...soooo not cool! Keep your guard up ...but keeping an eye on him online will eventually drive you crazy!
 army3
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 208
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 5/24/2009 3:55:05 PM
I'd give him the ultimatum. Places like business wbsites and myspace are for networking. This place is a dating website. Not ragging on people that are here for just friends or anything, but he needs to go to a different site for networking. You may be happy, but that don't mean he's not still trying to have his cake and eat some on the side.
 sarsss
Joined: 5/25/2008
Msg: 209
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 5/25/2009 9:56:04 AM
Ah, I had one guy, who is just kind of friend, take me to dinner and, then, introduced me as his girlfriend to some of his friends he saw there!

Many of my friend shock me like this, when, in fact, they just like to show off even after I tell them that we are just friends...

You can't make someone want only you if they do not or make someone stop searching if they feel they haven't found the one! However, if he does not consider you the one, you should not consider him the one. If he is still searching, you should continue your search too...
 sends
Joined: 7/27/2008
Msg: 210
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 5/25/2009 7:09:14 PM
Let him go..as his actions speak louder than his words. Seems to be alot of this bad behavior going on.
 StillBoredFme
Joined: 1/6/2009
Msg: 211
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 5/26/2009 1:13:45 AM
I know I'm younger but from a nice guys perspective... If I were you'r boyfriend and I knew it bothered you, I would do what I had to do to make that happy. I would probably still want a profile, but I definitely would not have it say I'm available for dates. If having the profile up still upset you, I would just go ahead and delete. That is my two cents!
 notdesperate36
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 212
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 5/27/2009 12:04:00 PM
ok...this makes 2 that i've read today....
what are you on here talking about you're bf having a profile on pof...and you do as well...should he not kick you to the curb as well?
get real....
if you can't handle it, but an end to it...but don't sit around and whine about it.
 ShadowGal4u
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 213
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 5/27/2009 3:13:31 PM
Um, worrying about this will eventually tell him that you are no longer "the coolest woman" he's ever known.

some of us make friends on here and like to chat just like any other forum.

if the sex is as good for him as it is for you.....then what's wrong?

I don't know the whole story but it appears you have or are having some insecurities about your relationship.

My only advice is to sit down and talk with him rationally about how you feel. DO NOT point fingers at what YOU think HIS behavior means. Simply tell him how you feel.

PS. After said talk, DO NOT bring it up again. And don't go looking for problems when there aren't any.
 NiceBlkGuyOhio
Joined: 3/22/2009
Msg: 214
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 5/30/2009 5:46:03 AM
Dump him if he still has a profile on here
 hotsoccermom1
Joined: 3/31/2009
Msg: 215
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 5/31/2009 5:40:10 AM
You know there is a nother way you can im your friends without downloading yahoo messenger. I had the same problem at work. Yahoo has a beta version and requires no download. It is http://webmessenger.yahoo.com It works just like yahoo without a lot of the bells and whistles...
 advance4000
Joined: 5/8/2009
Msg: 216
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 5/31/2009 6:30:50 AM
....what does your "gut" or your "instincts" tell you?
 Sweetheart1021
Joined: 5/23/2009
Msg: 217
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 5/31/2009 8:31:33 AM
A couple years ago I met my ex on a personals site. I had a profile on POF and another site as well. When we decided to go exclusive, we both deleted eachothers profiles as a token of our commitments to eachother.
You can suggest you two do the same. If networking is a major concern, there are plenty other sites for that. Tell him to try FaceBook, MySpace, Twitter, etc.
 MissMinnieMoose
Joined: 5/2/2009
Msg: 218
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 6/14/2009 3:35:20 AM
I would have to say... -touche-
 stargazer11997722
Joined: 2/4/2012
Msg: 219
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 2/9/2012 12:38:09 AM
I have the same story. I have been dating my bf for a year and a half. He talks and acts very much like he's in it for the long haul. Gave me the same story about having friends here and stuff. I had some friends he does not know try and chat him up but he either declined them or told them he had a gf. OK, so what the heck? Is this proof positive that he's really here for old friends? He even changed his profile to say he was only looking for friends....well what now? It hurts because I don't really know what he's up to here. I'm taking a huge chance and my kids are involved. Either I'll win or lose really big. What do you think?
 timetofindyou11
Joined: 2/7/2014
Msg: 220
view profile
History
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 3/6/2015 7:53:19 AM
I wonder how this all turned out for you. I went down this road you did, and it was a slippery road.
 Ainen
Joined: 6/27/2013
Msg: 221
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 3/6/2015 11:20:26 AM
Seeing this thread title near the top made me realize we've gone surprisingly long without a new thread by an insecure, possessive gal who expects a guy to delete his profile. Invariably she still has her account and logs on to see he's online. She's a hypocrite! At least the one who started this thread did things to justify exclusivity. Some of the gals who start this type of thread haven't even met him in person yet!

Because men send the vast majority of first messages, it is safe for a man to maintain an account without leading on any women or getting tempted by a first message from a woman. Meanwhile, any woman who has any type of account will still get significant numbers of online advances. Therefore, she's the one who should delete her account.

This thread began in 2008 and the first post refers to a lame feature that's been removed. In ancient times, profiles revealed how many people have named you as a favorite. Anyone can name someone a favorite, so that doesn't mean he was cheating with those people. The closest thing to that now is the feature that shows what gifts they've received in the past 30 or so days.

I appreciate the long time we went without one of these threads. Another category of oft-repeated topics we've been free for a while are the ones about messaging: what kind of messages do girls want to receive, why don't I get responses, why do I get messages from the wrong people, etc.
 LetitiaLeGrande
Joined: 3/22/2015
Msg: 222
view profile
History
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 7/8/2015 6:19:47 PM
It has been only a few weeks since he has mentioned you are his girlfriend. But it is still FWB at this stage, I feel. I dont feel it is time for ultimatums.

He may be leaving his options open but until he has made commitment noises and it has been some months at least, he is entitled to do that. He will say whatever to keep the sex going of course. You are "open minded" he says. In other words you are happy to have the hot casual sex whilst he has his profile up. I would be doing the same and leave my options open. If you press him about your concerns and act too possessive, he may disappear. Early days...
 clooneystutor
Joined: 3/8/2015
Msg: 223
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 7/9/2015 4:28:41 AM
Keep him happy, and he'll commit eventually :)
 LadyLuvsBlack
Joined: 7/28/2015
Msg: 224
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 8/7/2015 5:50:26 PM
Im sorry but what hes saying is BS......Who comes onto a dating site to network? let me get sarcastic here for you...whats he networking for? potential future dates? come on people?!
networking happens on sites like linkedin or other professional sites not a dating site, hes leaving a line of communication open with his flirts
If these two are dating now? and are a couple? then the profiles should come down! stop making excuses for the excuse guy that still wants to leave his options open! hes not committing to her! hes using her by what shes saying!getting every need met! along with his selfish need to still continue in conversation with women still looking to date! He's disregarding her issues with it and continues on with the site...what hes doing is disrespecting her and what he has with her....she has two choices....agree to his selfish ways or stand up for her own dignity and self-respect ...she needs to respect herself enough to say what hes doing isn't acceptable if that's how she feels.....why do women settle and tolerate disrespect in relationships? is it because she feels she cant do better ? and he knows it as well?
 sweettea091
Joined: 7/31/2015
Msg: 225
my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?
Posted: 8/8/2015 12:17:07 PM
"My boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?" You can't be serious... Why would you want to stay with a guy who's just settling for you for the moment? Cause that's what he's doing! Get some confidence and toss his butt to the curb!
Show ALL Forums  > Dating and Love Advice  > my boyfriend still has profile up on POF, what do I do?