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 flowerforce
Joined: 9/6/2006
Msg: 27
Define Love at this stage Page 5 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Love should be active Ie. loving. Falling in love is easy compared to loving. Loving changes freuqently depending on the situation. Romance is not love. It is a part of loving. Caring for your mate when she has just had a child, is sleep deprived and has no interest in sex for several months is loving. Looking after a mate when he is ill is loving. Listening to your mate when s/he is sad or discouraged is loving.
Celibrating a success with him or her is loving. Watching your children grow and become adults is loving. Suporting a mate when a parent is ill or at deaths door is loving .
In my world love endures. It is both a feeling and an attitude. "Falling in love" is a lot easier than staying in love and love will change over time. There are times that even though I hate what is happening in a relationship ( any relationship not just romantic relationships ) I choose to commit to stay in relationship with that person because I am commited to loving that person. Many people mix up romance with love They are not the same. Romance can become love over time but for love to endure there needs to be commitment, patience, respect, kindness, forgiveness, fun, laughter, friendship and the willingness to work at behaving in a way thet ensures your partner is happy being with you. Loving is active and after the romance is over it becomes a choice.
 ankkka
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 29
Define Love at this stage
Posted: 9/9/2008 4:29:19 PM
It is great feeling...feeling of joy.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 34
Define Love at this stage
Posted: 9/10/2008 1:10:39 PM

[Love is "deciding" to be there for him during good times, bad times and all those times in between. Love is "deciding" to live this journey together.]

I had decided all those things 20+ years ago and thought the decision was reciprocal.
Somewhere along the way the decision making process became more like "oh well, if we get divorced, it will just be a new chapter"

I want the next chapter to flow a little better and started rethinking the whole concept!


For me, when I was in my 20's, I thought that basically that was what people (male and female) did when they fell in love and decided to get married. Imagine my shock a few years later when serious problems raised their ugly little heads, to discover my partner thought that it was *my* job to take care of them, not *our* job.

Now, scoping out *his* view of what love is, and how one keeps it alive is a major part of vetting a new love. . . .

 canyunflyer
Joined: 2/6/2006
Msg: 38
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Define Love at this stage
Posted: 9/12/2008 10:20:04 AM
Must we have Definitions...???? You Darn right!! Essentially, it was the very Lack of definitions about things (such as Love) that got us into all those unhappy and failed miserable relationships in the past. duh!!?? I've had plenty of "if it feels good, do it" moments in my life... and most of em were great: however, all of my unsuccessful relationships were started just that way...too!

Of course, part of Love is the intense feelings that we all Like so much. And we really don't have much choice about who we might begin having these 'feelings' about, either. (We can fall in Love with people that are toxic for us!) But.... if we have thouroughly defined Love before we go looking to bag it, we will realize that just the intense feelings alone do not constitute the full definition of Love. Love is as much ( if not more!) a verb as it is a noun. It doesn't take any energy or committment to have those 'feelings'. It takes a lot of energy and committment to "choose" to consistently treat someone like you Love them. (thats the choice that was talked about earlier).

Would you give your full wallet to a known theif?? Why then would you entrust your heart to someone who will not take care of it, just because you have feelings of "Love" for them?
 ankkka
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 53
Define Love at this stage
Posted: 9/27/2008 5:32:02 PM
"Love is like the wind.You can't see it but you can feel it".
 ankkka
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 55
Define Love at this stage
Posted: 9/27/2008 6:25:29 PM
Sometimes you do not trust...sometimes you do not accept...but you must forgive(parents love).
 ankkka
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 59
Define Love at this stage
Posted: 9/28/2008 4:04:37 PM
Well...divorce is a legal end of your marriage...and can be friendly...depends only on your and your partner wants.
Speaking about next generation(our children)...they were witnesses of our life ...they know
what destroyed relationship between they parents.I'm not worry about that.
They have pure brilliant hearts!
 Yankee again
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 61
Define Love at this stage
Posted: 11/30/2008 8:50:21 PM
Hang in there it happens, I had a teacher at 65 she fell in love and even married.

I still get the butterflies (it's not gas) Look at an old couple. See what they have. It's out there. Love starts in you and spreads. Like seeds in the spring. It happens. Have faith.
 safn1949
Joined: 6/19/2007
Msg: 63
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History
Define Love at this stage
Posted: 12/6/2008 5:24:50 PM
I wrote this in another thread once,I saw an elderly couple in a fast food restaurant,had to be at least in their late 70's.

Her with the lost tragic look of dementia as he fed her and wiped her face with a napkin,smiling and talking to her the whole time,you could see the love on his face.

One of the most beautiful tings I have ever seen.
 Yankee again
Joined: 1/26/2008
Msg: 64
Define Love at this stage
Posted: 12/6/2008 8:30:31 PM
safan 1949: Now that is love. I pray everyone has that expereince at least once in their lives. It is sad today in our disposeable society that more peole do not reach that enduring love. From holding hands to wipping chins. That is an a to Z love for certain.
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 72
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Define Love at this stage
Posted: 1/11/2009 11:07:51 PM
There it is Rob....here on the over 45s there is quite a gamut of emotional and structural needs, probably much more than the 18s to 45s. I found that the biggest changes in my life came from 50-60. Before that you just 'know' that someone else will show up to love, because they always have.

From 50-60 and up, not only does the body you've depended on for years start making changes that aren't so easily fixed by eating salad for a week or doing 30 sit ups a day. You become categorized as invisible or only a parent or grandparent, not a 'person' with individual wants and needs. Mentally you pretty much know who you are, where you've been and what is doable in the future and that having a long list of requirements at this point is just a joke . What you hope for and rarely see is:

Someone who actually knows themselves and knows what they are willing to accommodate at this stage.
Someone who can accept the changes to their bodies, mind and heart and still be hopeful and accepting.
Someone who isn't so stuck in the rut of their lives that they are incapable of admitting a new person.
Someone who has a sense of humor and irony and acceptance about this last little joke the gods bestow.
Someone who doesn't hate all women/men because of their own bad choices or experiences.
Someone who still thinks it's worth the risk to care about another human being, because the benefits could outweigh the alternative.
Someone who has not totally given up.

The dance of life can continue to the end, but it is a 'choice' not a given.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 73
Define Love at this stage
Posted: 1/11/2009 11:18:48 PM

Define Love at this stage


...Love is when he still thinks you look beautiful after being sick with the flu for 3 days...wiping sweat from your face and holding your hair back when you're too damn sick to care..

...maeflowers
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 74
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Define Love at this stage
Posted: 1/11/2009 11:43:37 PM
Ah Mae.....that is not love, that is compassion.......oh well......would do the same for my friends or my dog.......just not even close....but what do I know.....I do not love......

Just my opinion......
 HereN916
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 76
Define Love at this stage
Posted: 1/12/2009 3:54:56 PM
Define Love at this stage to me would be:

Patient and enduring, the freedom to be exactly who you are and be loved and love unconditionally!
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 77
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Define Love at this stage
Posted: 1/12/2009 5:49:10 PM
Love is...Me gettin his teeth from the cup beside the bed so he can get up an get me my glasses! Then we both cook breaky together....*sigh* Paradise!!!!
The true meaning right?
Oh ffs, messages this short may not be posted!
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 85
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Define Love at this stage
Posted: 1/13/2009 5:33:54 AM
Define Love at this stage


" ...love from one being to another can only be that two solitudes come nearer... recognize and protect and comfort each other."
Han Suyin

My Centrum Silver moment....
 canyunflyer
Joined: 2/6/2006
Msg: 87
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Define Love at this stage
Posted: 1/13/2009 7:50:38 PM
What came first.... 'the chicken, or the Egg>>>>????????????

This is what this is all about. Feelings of Love that are generated from superficial and generally meaningless physical attractions and overpowering gratuities... are generaly a perfect recipe for the classical..."Love turns into hate while traveling the stupid road of foolish expectations " senerio. ha! Those very wonderful "feelings" we all crave and hope for are just that: Feelings. Feelings are generated by and for all sorts of things. A lot of these things we mistakenly label...."Love". ahhhhhhhhhhhhh. But alas, Love is not what we are feeling... but rather, 'what we are doing'. And just as important: 'whats being done to us'.

Heres a wonderful little (big!) gem that I have discovered over my very long time of slow and painful developement: [If you Love someone, you will treat them that way...consistantly. If someone Loves you, they will treat you that way...consistently] Period. Theres really no deep dark ephemeral mystery to it. I guarantee you, if you use this simple little law as your reference point: You will never wonder whether or not your signifigant other actually Loves you. You can use this same law on yourself as well.
 treselle
Joined: 6/16/2005
Msg: 89
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Define Love at this stage
Posted: 1/14/2009 8:26:39 AM
Many women are soooo romantic, many men are not. However, they can pretend to be. Everyone wants a beautiful person. No one thinks: "I should fall in love with an ugly one." Ugly people want a beautiful person. Older men long for a pretty young girl. But many do not get lucky in getting what they want. So, they settle with what they can get. Can they love such a person? Of course, not! They can respect such a person. And that can be interpreted as LOVE. If a woman is mature, she will have hard time finding a man who will trully love her. And she might feel that she is too old to be loved. Many women are looking for much older men who most likely will love them. Or unattractive but good men. Big mistake! My advise: look for much younger men (in thier 30s) and you might find a man who might love you. And do not expect to be loved forever. Just enjoy the moment. I knew a 47 year old pretty woman who married a tall and handsome 33 year old guy. And she is so happy. At least for now.
About older men. When they reach middle-age they realize that they are old and being with a woman that age reminds them of that. So, they want much younger girls. Younger girls make them forget that such men are old.
 ernstt
Joined: 12/20/2008
Msg: 91
Define Love at this stage
Posted: 1/16/2009 3:30:58 AM
i think that how people love changes throughout their life, it is still love however
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 94
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Define Love at this stage
Posted: 1/17/2009 1:10:46 PM
I can not tell you how many women I have met and known very well over the years, that have had little or no real life experiences on their own, living as many of us have lived.

Those that went from Mom and Dad's home, to marriage and their husbands home, had children, did the stay at home thing, and then divorced, no matter the age, would more than likely not have the same experiences of those that may be younger but traveled a much different road.

I have dated women much younger that left home at an early age, worked their way through college, decided not to have children yet, created their own niche in life, and could fit right in with my life and life experiences.

I have also dated those a few years older that knew little more than their environment of being a wife and mother, and could not fit in with my life style and experiences at all, even though older than I was.

The largest difference that seems to exist, for me at least, is where those younger are with having a family and raising them. Even if very mature and full of life experiences, if wanting to have children and do all those parenting thing needed to be successful, it would send me in a different direction totally.

When I date those my age or older, those are seldom the issue because they either do not want to have any children, or theirs are already grown.........but this is still a far cry from their total mental make up, and overall life experiences that may or may not exist.

I still believe, and will more than likely always believe, that age is but one small criteria in the overall dating game, and matching life experiences, compatibility, attractiveness, and mental equality, much more relevant than the age and age difference of the two involved.

Just my opinion.......
 treselle
Joined: 6/16/2005
Msg: 95
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Define Love at this stage
Posted: 1/17/2009 4:36:14 PM
Kitten, you blame yourself for making many poor choices in partners. You do not love youself. You should accept the fact that there are more "bad apples" among men, than the good ones. IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT. It is a fact of life. I know a beautiful 53 year old woman who said that she was through with men after 2 failed marriages. Then she met an unattractive, short guy who seemed to be exceptional. He was very interesting and funny, seemed to be very interested in her. And he was so gallant .......at the beginning . Since she did not jump in bed with him, ater a while he started behaving weird and later mean. Another huge disappointment for her.
 Bob_49
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 97
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Define Love at this stage
Posted: 1/17/2009 8:47:39 PM
The interesting part of this topic is almost everyone on here has had love at one point but still does not know what it is. We are beaten up as love failed us. True loves feelings and core fades with time as we are single too long and men seek their perfect princess as woman begin to wait again for their knight on shining armor. This is not true love nor will it get us anything other then loneliness as we let true love slip through our grasp time and time again. True love begins with a seed that needs to grow and bloom. True love only comes as love is selfless. At this stage we are lonely and want to go right back to those days where we woke up with the warm body and beautiful face next to us. We look for the quick fix. Just look at all the comments on here how guys want sex right away. On the other side how many woman will sleep with guys just going through the motions and checking out whats under the hood. Sex not intimacy and love. The difference is not in time but in a mutual desire to be with the other person. That can start in weeks, in days, or even on that first date as long as it is not faked or pushed on the other.

What is love at this stage. I am spiritual and the bible has the greatest definition of love.:
......If I... " have not love, I am nothing.""
......If I ..."have not love, I gain nothing."

" Love is patient, love is kind. "
Love at this stage needs to be patient as both the love grows and the past wounds heal and the hurts fade. It needs to be kind, compassionate and understanding that it takes so much more to build the feeling safety that was easy to obtain in our earlier lives.

"It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud."
Love at this stage needs to be unconditional and never overpowering. It needs to be more private.

"It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. "
It forgives absolutely. Love at this stage needs to bite its tong when hurtful events occur or have been described.

"Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres."
Love at this stage needs to be complete and true to survive.

"Love never fails........when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. "
Love at this point sees the old as if they were 21 again. Once all this achieved we are free to live again. Free to be complete again. We feel whole again. It is not that feeling that came when we were 16. Those feeling were obtained before our innocence was taken away. It needs to be mutual, complimentary and unconditionally sharing and giving.
 Bob_49
Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 99
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Define Love at this stage
Posted: 1/18/2009 3:41:03 AM
True love never fails. Many of us carried the torch of love after relationship have failed. Each person loves and we can't truly determine how real the love is in another even after many years. Those relationships, marriages of two people that seem to have tension but that tension never breaks them are experiencing true love, unconditionally. If those are to separate for just a few days they are lost incomplete.

True love needs to find its mate. Never give up. So many woman on here with huge hearts ready yearning for love. Stay positive. Live laugh love , life will come. Open your eyes and get rid of the tunnel vision we all get over time and you will find love. When you find the seed, nurture it, protect it, care for it and it will grow. Then you will have love, not in years but in a short time. Take the opportunities to say hi, to be bold, to be forward. When you have a nice conversation do not let that person get away without having a way to contact them again whether its in a singles event, bar, food store or even a church. Tell them it was nice talking and you WANT to again.

I have come so close, and have had great relationships. They just did not make it to the finish line. I know the next one will and I believe it is right out there ready to grasp. I just need to and will have to reach for it because it will not just fall into my hands.

"When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love." ..... .... ......
 Iascaireachta_arĂ­s
Joined: 7/28/2011
Msg: 102
Define Love at this stage
Posted: 12/7/2011 10:45:20 PM
"At our age, is love defined as a feeling or an attitude?"


It's more about mercy and grace than it is about romance.


That statement definitely resonated with me.

Any new views on the ever shifting definition of love? Does age afford us some wisdom in trying to define it or are we as confused as we were in our 20's.
 stayinalivefl
Joined: 8/23/2012
Msg: 103
Define Love at this stage
Posted: 10/14/2012 12:45:22 AM
Don't feel bad,,,,,,a guy from Foreigner has been asking that question for the last 25+ years,,,,,lol
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