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 slybandit
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 292
Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?Page 15 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
ItsMargo,

The problem with pre-nups (for purely financial concerns) is that they do NOT necessarily keep you out of Court, and the savagely expensive and draining financial meltdown that follows.

Contested divorces are not a one-size-fits all solution, they are more like financial "chicken" where both exes drive fast at one another and see who dodges first and gives in. If neither dodges, your basic choice winds up going from some mildly unfair 50-50 or 60-40 type split, to a four way split between him, her, his lawyer and her lawyer, in which the lawyers' chunk gets bigger the longer it lasts.

Pre-nups also suggest both parties view the marriage as temporary, and it's that attitude and not the pre-nup that bodes badly.

As far as the pre-nup about keeping fit...let's be serious here. No one but an idiot would actually put it into a pre-nup. And with a 50% divorce rate, who is seriously going to argue that it's not a "silent clause" in a high percentage of the marriages out there ?

EDIT: And we all know how it works. He gets distracted, stops giving her attention. She feels badly, stops taking care of her looks. He gets turned off, less desire. Or she suts him off, because he's not in contact emotionally. Or both. And downhill it goes. Sure, there are divorces where it's all one side's fault, but not nearly as many as the divorces where each side thinks it's all the other side's fault, and refuses to acknowledge anything different.
 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 294
Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 9/24/2008 9:23:33 AM
I agree with the idea of not mixing finances--if I ever have a more permanent relationship, we will keep our accounts separate and share bills. However, it's not only cash that's affected when a marriage or cohabitation ends, there are issues of belongings, personal effects, and home equity to be considered.

On the one hand, I think prenups are as morbid as planning a funeral before you've passed away. On the other hand, it is a good way of making sure things are looked after so, if that person you're trusting to be fair and reasonable isn't the same person at the end, you don't suffer the added heartache of fighting over those issues.

As for keeping a body fit. I know women who work fulltime (there aren't very many parents who stay home with the children these days), come home and do the majority of the childcare, cooking, housekeeping and yard work. The man does a smaller portion on those same duties even though he works the same hours and the rest of his time is spent on entertainment, relaxation and criticizing his spouse. If they were sharing those duties equally, and she had the same amount of free time that he does, I'm sure that maintaining her body would receive a larger commitment. So the time and duties to me must be more equal so that each partner has the time, money and energy to spend on maintaining health and body if there are going to be such qualifications.

As well, this kind of contract kind of throws out the whole "in sickness and health in good times and bad" thought process and promise.

Nutt
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 297
Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 9/24/2008 11:08:11 AM

'One particularly disgusting woman even suggested that such men just "Grow a Penis" NICE!'
Can he please grow it out of his forehead? Thanks ...

OMG that's too funny....coffee just came out of my nose...roflmao

I'm not expecting a muscled, chiseled bod in return. However, I'm interested in men who do take care of themselves and are into healthy lifestyles. Other things such as illness are inevitable, but if the man and woman have that connection, I truly believe the relationship can withstand those types of things.

Exactly...call it vain if you want, but I notice things that I need to work on long before anyone else notices, and unless something completely out of control happens, I'll always want to look good - for me. The hot guy who appreciates it is just a bonus...

But in a relationship, it's better to have common ground and a similar lifestyle - so for the life of me I don't know why I would want someone who eats crap and doesn't want to stay in shape. If I met someone who did and after I got serious about them they just up and decided they didn't feel like being bothered to keep up with themselves and they give up, that's not going to go well. Two fit people should be able to motivate each other and stay healthy together fairly easily...it should be WAY easier than two who don't live the same way.

I agree that outside circumstances can change things over time, but I agree that there's a difference between not being able to keep up due to things you can't control, and just not wanting to cause you don't feel like it.
 Closing Shop
Joined: 7/24/2008
Msg: 300
Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 9/25/2008 2:00:12 AM
As for keeping a body fit. I know women who work fulltime (there aren't very many parents who stay home with the children these days), come home and do the majority of the childcare, cooking, housekeeping and yard work. The man does a smaller portion on those same duties even though he works the same hours and the rest of his time is spent on entertainment, relaxation and criticizing his spouse. If they were sharing those duties equally, and she had the same amount of free time that he does, I'm sure that maintaining her body would receive a larger commitment.


I love the excuses people come up with on the weight issue. Why, exactly, isn't the man in this scenario doing an equal share of the housework? Actually, it doesn't even matter. The time excuse doesn't cut it because caloric reduction alone will cause a person to lose weight without expending any extra time or energy.
 lucilou
Joined: 3/18/2006
Msg: 301
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Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 10/4/2008 10:28:27 PM
Reinasance Man I agree with you completely, I dont think I could get excited if there is a beer belly on the way while making love. On this thread they are only talking about physical appearance which means man or woman who got married should retain thier eating habit to stay the same in Physique. Illness is different, something that one gets and couldnt help.
 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 303
Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 10/5/2008 8:24:48 AM
Renaissance man and alooha, I love how posters twist everyone's words so they can simply find something, anything, to **** and complain about rather than just listening and accepting someone else's opinions. It's a sign of a pathetic, petty personality.



Truth is, the vast majority of heavy people of heavy people, are heavy, due to poor eating and exercising habits. It's not someone else's fault.


I actually agree with that for the most part--we have become a very lazy society. Just look at the number of people who push the "door open" button for the people who have disabilities, so they don't have to actually open the door with their own hand/arm muscles.

What I'm saying is that many things in life, including homelife and the partnership of duties with your significant other, can play a part in why some women (and maybe some men, too) don't look after themselves as they should. I also agree with Ismene about depression. I know that's fact because it happened to me last year, I was with a man who was constantly criticizing me, negative about everything and absolutely refused to do any physical activities. I gained three sizes (not the best for a woman who weighs 80 lbs normally). We split up, my selfesteem has come back to mostly normal, I went on a diet, and I now am a size 2 again.

As for your speech alooha that a person should merely cut back on their caloric intake, to hell with you! I have never been a pig, we don't even keep pop and junk food in our home on a regular basis--we only purchase if we're having a mom/daughter movie night or she's havign a sleepover. We eat normal meals with meat, vegetables an a potatoe, we don't eat dessert on a regular basis and have fruit and fresh vegetables as a snack. So anyone who thinks I should starve so that I can maintain that size 2 can go **** themselves! Especially when my so-called significant other (who was diabetic, no less) sat stuffing his face in front of the tv every evening.\

Also, it's proven that eating less doesn't help you lose weight unless you also exercise. Your body adapts to the number of calories you are taking in every day and stabilizes the metabolism to suit that number of calories. I know that because I watched what I ate, went to the gym every day, took pilates and belly dancing once a week and still gained weight. I had to actually go on a diet that allows me to eat as much as I want of specific foods I have selected at 4 meals every day, but shifts the type of calories that are taken in each day.

Nutt
 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 309
Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 10/5/2008 12:57:48 PM
Hey zeeba,

sweeteners: try Steevia. It is totally natural, doesn't contain any calories. My parents grew it in our greenhouse. It is sweet but without aftertaste like splenda has. The literature I've read says that it is actually beneficial to our bodies. It can be purchased anywhere, even Walmart as a powder or liquid.

There are recipes available online and actual steevia recipe books. I haven't enjoyed the baking as much--my attempts don't produce the same fluffy textured muffins and cakes as those made with sugar. But I use the liquid in my iced tea. A little drop will do the whole jug!

Nutt
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 321
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Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/9/2008 9:20:34 AM
No. Weight is not "genetic". Rate of metabolism can be strongly influenced by genetic factors; but weight gain is solely determined by the ratio of calories consumed to calories expended. Period.

All people should be treated well and with dignity regardless of their health status or appearance. However, when choosing to invest one's life and resources in a mate, or to stay with a current mate, you had better believe that things like weight-gain and overall health are (and should be) strong considerations.

We've spent too many years pretending that obesity and overweight are lifestyle choices instead of health risks. Obesity and overweight are health risks, pure and simple. A prenuptial agreement addressing this issue would be impractical and probably unenforceable. However, it is entirely reasonable for EITHER partner in a relationship to insist that weight-maintenance should be an essential criterion for the continuance of that relationship.
 MyFunIsAnArtForm
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 322
Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/9/2008 10:40:19 AM
I think being that a woman spends a good portion of her paycheck to be the arm jewelry for the guy he should do the same for himself also to turn other women’s heads and say what is she doing to get a guy like that. Oh and again thank you women for that. And yes should stay healthy for your partner for more than 1 reason.
 haywiresue
Joined: 9/27/2006
Msg: 324
Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/9/2008 11:01:55 AM
Directly referencing the OP, it is true that many married people change after the ceremony. Now putting maintaining physique can be reasonable to some people, but one never knows what is in the cards healthwise for the future. I have noticed on this site that some men are looking for a woman who resembles "Barbie" while they sure in hell dont come anywhere near what "Ken" looks like. So what is that old saying - people in glass houses should not throw stones!

Its a known fact that 90% of the women gain weight after childbirth - so if you marry a size 2 and want her to reamin that way - the man should not expect or want her to have children. Now if this same woman is single, living alone and working full time, in a marriage - then the man would need to provide "monitary concessions" for her to exchange her present career time or spare time - into spending time with him, as she may not have any additional time for him if she is to maintain her physical shape and care for him, if she works out at the gym 5-7 days a week to maintain her perfect figure. Can the man provide and continue to provide "healthy food choices" for her once they are married as everyone knows good eating is expensive - remember groceries cost more for 2 people. Now what about the additional time required to do housework, laundry, shopping and all other things that are increased when 2 live together? Many men expect women to do most if not all of these things, while the woman still maintains all her present responsibilities? When a woman gets married, do new hours appear on the clock on the stove she is chained to when she is expected to do all the cooking? When she does not feel like cooking, will he cook or take her out for dinner? It seems many men do not think, and have no regard for the ladys time, but have expectations of mutual needs being done, while they maintain their single lifestyle and are not willing to do more.

My above comments are tongue in cheek, meant as humor, but there is truth in it. I'm not a man hater and find it difficult connecting with the small number of men out there who are in touch with reality and dont have their heads shoved up the a$$ while they are looking for a mate. Its all about personal preferences and connecting with the right someone.

I would sign a pre-nup about maintaining a look, provided the man would also. If a man expects me to look the way I present myself and he presents himself as a man with a nice head of hair, strong, fit muscules, who is active and very well mannered to turn into a balding, beer bellied, farting, belching couch potato machine who will not pick up after himself......oh yea, I would sign......where is that dotted line!
 novy 28
Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 325
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Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/9/2008 12:36:03 PM
If you need a prenup, then you are just signing your divorce decree. You do not really love the person. There are so many things that matter, this is not one of them
 haywiresue
Joined: 9/27/2006
Msg: 326
Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/9/2008 3:29:56 PM
Novy 28 - I disagree. I have been married twice and have kids from my 2nd marriage. I have watched people get married and their kids from a previous marriage get nothing. If one has a business before getting remairried has a right to leave those assets to previous children. I have assets that I want my kids to have on my death. A pre nup protects this and keeps the gold diggers away. If I find someone I care enough to get married to, I have no problem signing a pre nup for each of our possessions prior to marriage. I dont think signing a pre nup is a sign that you do not love the person, its protection in the event things dont work out. I believe people get married to live the fairy tale, but if people change and things dont remain good, at least you are protected. Based on your comment, would that mean that anyone who buys fire insurance on their house is doing so because they want their house to burn down?
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 327
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Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/9/2008 11:12:09 PM

If you can leave someone for something so trivial, you have no business getting married in the first place.


Weight gain of 10 - 20 pounds over a few decades is trivial. Weight gain of over 100 pounds during the course of a marriage is not trivial. It's a major problem. The OP was trying to come up with a way to minimize the risk that a partner would let herself go like that. A prenup is an unworkable solution. However, barring discovery of a serious, diagnosable medical condition, none of us can blame a person who gets rid of a spouse who puts on 100+ pounds!!!
 Chagal116
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 328
Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/10/2008 12:00:32 AM


O.P
I can't believe that If you Love someone that you would even concider including something like health or weight. If you are happy and in your mariage for the long haul then most people will maintain health and a healthy life style. If you interject the stress that if one should gain weight, especially for women who bare children and usually gain weight, wil feel threatened that their marriage will be over before even having children......no pressure....What about all the middle aged men with bellies hanging over their belt buckels? G-d forbid you should find yourself in that position and your health goes...... I guess Love also goes right out the window......Don't be so negative and shallow
 Chagal116
Joined: 11/8/2007
Msg: 330
Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/10/2008 11:14:51 PM
I also wanted to throw this in... for that matter you would want to include,things like if you lose your hair, teeth, get wrinkles., menopause.......prenups are for finances, not
not a warrranty. Marry someone who has the same Ideals as you and these things won't be an issue... If someone asked me to marry then said hey by the way if you get older I'm gonna divorce you.......you can guess what the answer would be.
 plebayo
Joined: 7/7/2008
Msg: 331
Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/10/2008 11:18:01 PM
I would totally be down for this as long as my spouse agreed to pay for any plastic surgery/gym membership/personal trainer/diet fees LOL to keep said body in shape.
 La Gioconda
Joined: 6/27/2008
Msg: 345
Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/11/2008 8:37:13 PM
I find forums to be part of entertainment, it is like reading short stories...much better than staring at TV. The sort of questions, people come up with never cease to amaze me.

As to your question ~OP~ I won't even bother answering it. The posters have already done this for me.

I may just repeat one of the comment, it is worthwhile being repeated:
SterlingHeart: message N#6

Get a dog. Feed it low-cal dog food.

one of my favourite answers to your query.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 348
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Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/13/2008 10:44:28 AM

The whole idea of putting conditions on your love is just stupid in my opinion.


EVERYONE puts conditions on their love for a partner (unless they are a slave tied up in the attic or something). Everyone. Being a law-abiding person is a reasonable condition. Being and remaining faithful is a reasonable condition. Being employed and financially responsible is a reasonable condition. Being honest and truthful is a reasonable condition. Being mentally competent and well-balanced is a reasonable condition. Being clean and having adequate personal hygiene is a reasonable condition. Being reasonably fit and maintaining one's health as much as possible is a reasonable condition.

Why is it that we can look at all of those qualities and instantly recognize them as reasonable conditions; but when it comes to the last one I mentioned---physical fitness and health---all of a sudden, relationships are about "unconditional love"? Bullshít! Anyone whose wife or husband doesn't maintain physical fitness within reason is perfectly justified in dumping the slob. Get rid of her (or him). The prenup idea is unworkable; but it is completely understandable that a person would want to GET RID of some slob who doesn't want to maintain her own health.

There is no such thing as unconditional love between romantic partners.
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 353
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Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/13/2008 4:54:41 PM
HELL NO!!!! That's like saying "is death and taxes reasonable". Geez, if one's going to shove a pre-nup in front of my face, then I have the right to include clauses that exclude: gray hair; wrinkles; farting; burping; or heaven forbid, drooling. Oh, can't forget those clauses if I suffer a horrible disease or injury. I can only imagine what the cost of the pre-nup would be. In any case, a pre-nup requiring maintaining physique tells me the relationship, much less the person drafting it up, isn't worth my heart.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 355
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Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/14/2008 7:49:45 AM
Gee, honey ... I realize that you just gave birth to our 3rd child 7 months ago....


^^This excuse is getting old, too. It's interesting how most women in the developing world have more babies but a lesser incidence of obesity and overweight than women in the developed world. Even with fewer resources and a less eclectic diet, they manage to avoid permanent weight gain from pregnancy and childbirth.

Here's what fit people should tell their partners: "Look, we both love each other. We really shouldn't need some kind of written agreement or pre-nup to maintain ourselves physically in this relationship. Let's just make a commitment to do it! Let's work out/train together and support each other in keeping fit!"

Then, if both the man and woman are worth their salt, they will fùckin' DO it. It should be that simple.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 358
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Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/14/2008 8:43:17 AM

This is because they are fricken starving!!!!


Actually, most women in the developing world are not starving. But, they also tend not to stuff their faces with every kind of processed food imaginable. The developing world is pretty much everything outside of the U.S.A., Canada, Oceania, and Western Europe. It's a major overgeneralization to say they are all starving.

Most women world-wide are not starving, but they also aren't eating themselves up to the 250+ lb. range. The advice to married couples in the West would be to stop stuffing your faces!! No pre-nup needed!
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 362
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Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/15/2008 7:51:06 AM

umm... correct me if I'm wrong, but don't most women in the developing world HAVE to breastfeed...some for extended periods of time? Breastfeeding also helps to keep the weight off...


Breastfeeding is a very good idea for a number of reasons----keeping the weight off is just one of them. That's not the topic of this thread, though. No one needs to breastfeed in order to maintain basic fitness. You shouldn't need a pre-nup, either.



spitfire ... why don't you do an in-depth study on excessive weight gain?


In my former career, I was a certified fitness trainer, so I already have studied weight-gain quite a bit.
 mariacba
Joined: 5/20/2007
Msg: 364
Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/15/2008 9:07:46 AM
What may happen if it is the other way round?? I mean if you put on weight.
On top of that where is love in a realtionship stablished like this??.It seems that from the start it would be a realtioship condemed to failure.Just my thoughts
mariacba
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 366
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Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/15/2008 10:29:58 AM
The bottom line is that men and women should encourage each other in a strong relationship to remain healthy and fit. Basic common sense. Running or training together allow a couple to have quality time together and will help them to stay fit.

Use the pre-nup for money issues! Maintaining fitness, for both partners, should not be that hard.
 compleat_man
Joined: 10/3/2008
Msg: 370
Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/28/2008 12:50:21 PM

I've seen many married women that "let themselves go" right after marriage. It is unreasonable to request in a prenuptial that your wife stays within a certain weight range, and if not, it is grounds for divorce without having to give her half of everything?


LOL.. and you haven't seen many married MEN that let themselves go?

you haven't been lookign very hard then..I'd say IMO there are more men 'guilty' of thsi, than women..


"facilitate".??

.we aren't talking about a self-exploration seminar or business meeting..
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