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 brownie360
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 225
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Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?Page 8 of 16    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16)
you should NEVER get married!!!! what if you get CANCER OF THE TESTICLES AND OR PROSTATE? what if you get fat? become a DIABETIC? or get in an ACCIDENT? no one stays the same...changes happen through illness and aging...marring is DEFINATELY not for you....
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 237
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Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 9/14/2008 9:15:32 AM

whether that extra fat was acquired through laziness and/or overeating, OR illness/injury, how would the penis react any differently at the sight of one type of fat over the other....I mean if the penis is repulsed by the sight of fat ( fat is fat no?)...what difference does it make (to the penis) HOW that fat got there in the first place???


It makes a huge difference. When my ex had to take Prednisone for a few weeks and got bloated, we both knew it wasn't her fault and was temporary. She was still active and would be able to shed the weight when she was no longer on the medication. My ex wasn't a lazy slob who didn't give a damn. She was a beautiful woman who had to take meds for a brief period of time; so knowing that, it was still easy to get excited about her. If a guy knows that his SO is just eating herself to death (rather than enduring a medical condition), it's easy to understand why he wouldn't be excited anymore because of her permanent sloth.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 238
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Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 9/14/2008 9:22:33 AM

But really, which DOES come first? His neglect or her weight gain?

My guess Capitano... ennui comes first.

No finger pointing or blame... people get discontented and unwilling to put the same efforts into each other. Whether that is one of them or both it doesn't much matter in my observation. They each attribute their boredom or discontent or neglect to the other... begin to feed on that rather than creating feel-goods... and the cycle builds.

When people break up, one of the very first things they often do is to "take back their life" and get in shape. There is nothing that says they cannot do this from within a relationship.

pfft... half the time much of ones complaints about the other is really an internal discontent that doesn't go away once you've ditched the rotten ex. Things would work out better in my view if we were quicker to work on our own discontent rather than looking for things or people outside ourselves to blame it on.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 263
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Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 9/15/2008 8:53:06 AM
Men let themselves go, too. I think the thing to look for is someone whose values and habits are compatible with your own. My former boyfriend was, and is, physically active and, while he is not vain, really doesn't want to get fat and keeps a neat appearance. If he notices himself gaining weight, he cuts back on what he's eating and starts getting more active again. He's moderate in his eating habits. I have no doubt he'll maintain a healthy weight. I'm the same way. I doubt either one of us will become significantly overweight.

As for a prenup - boy, I don't know about that. What would be the point? Divorce is easy to get, you don't really have to have "reasons" these days except "irreconcilable differences." Certainly that could be an "irreconcilable difference." People change in other ways, too. My ex husband was a good lover before we got married and became very selfish in bed and bad tempered afterwards. If I had foreseen this, maybe I could have made a prenuptual agreements about him pleasing me in bed? But you don't have to "prove" anything any more. Why, then, put something like that in writing?

I think the thing to do is to discuss carefully and thoroughly the things that are important to you before marriage and choose wisely and carefully. Realize things are going to happen that no one can anticipate.

By the way, I don't think it's superficial to not want to be with someone who is seriously overweight. Maintaining a healthy weight comes from sensible eating habits, staying active, and having an attitude that places a priority on health and a neat appearance. Some things that others mentioned are beyond our control. Getting fat is something we have some control over. I don't care about someone's height, color of their eyes, or other things that they can't control. I look for someone who is lively and interesting, someone who can at least keep up with me and even better if they challenge me to keep up with them. I love being active and eating pretty healthy. I'm not fanatical about it, either. I also love ice cream and chocolate and making tiramisu - I'm far from a purist, I'm just moderate in my habits. These are all very important to me. It's a way of life. I look for someone whose approach to life is compatible with my own.

I think that's really the key - look for someone whose habits are similar to your own. And if, over time, life happens and they fall away from those habits, offer to help them get back into them. Help make sure there are plenty of good vegetables, fruits, and lean sources of protein around to eat. Suggest going dancing or on a bike ride or to the gym or hiking instead of vegging out on the sofa or going to a movie. Nagging never helps. Having a partner to bike, walk, or work out with is a lot more fun than going it alone and it's a lot easier to maintain healthy eating habits when we are surrounded by others with healthy eating habits.

 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 267
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Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 9/15/2008 9:31:14 AM
How hard is it for a man and a woman to pledge to maintain their health and fitness to the best of their ability, and then DO it? There are a lot of excuses on this thread, and a lot of worst-case scenarios are being brought up. It doesn't require a pre-nup for a couple to maintain their health; but both partners have to be serious about it, rather than being serious about the loopholes and the excuses.

The partner who maintains his or her health can be expected to get rid of a partner who is unwilling (we're not talking about illness or accident) to maintain fitness. If you're unwilling to stay healthy, you should get dropped.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 268
Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 9/15/2008 9:56:01 AM
^^^I agree that two people who want to stay healthy for themselves and each other ultimately can do it WAY more easily if they're both into it, so it shouldn't be a hard promise to keep - barring anything out of their control, of course.

All you have to do is exercise together and/or motivate each other.
Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 9/15/2008 4:10:08 PM
Shrinkage bums me out ... My prenup would say that his income level must increase by at LEAST 5% per year for me to stay turned on!!!


Ah, that's old news and has been a given amongst women for millenia.
How else do you expect me to pay for my younger lovers???
 bitahunni
Joined: 6/16/2008
Msg: 279
Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 9/15/2008 4:18:56 PM

Perhaps she could have a clause whereby he's not allowed to behave like a jerk.

Wondering how long he'd be able to last.


I like your response rune3.

Bita
Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 9/15/2008 4:19:14 PM
One particularly disgusting woman even suggested that such men just "Grow a Penis" NICE!
Can he please grow it out of his forehead? Thanks ...
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 282
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Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 9/15/2008 6:16:34 PM
msg 297:

To assume that simply because a person is thin and has managed to remain thin throughout the years must mean that they're fit and care for their health is not only a fallacy, but it's laughable.


In my posts, a portion of which you quoted, I emphasized that both partners should maintain health and fitness. That includes (but is not limited to) weight maintenance. It encompasses habits like illegal drug use and excessive drinking along with weight maintenance. Again, some posters want to find loopholes and excuses as to why partners shouldn't have any physical or health-related expectations of each other. It won't fly.

People have basic expectations for each other in a marriage. It has always been that way.

Most women expect their SO to remain employed and financially solvent. Both partners expect each other to maintain hygiene and grooming. Both expect each other to be clean; to be reasonably organized; to pay bills and meet obligations; to remain faithful; to maintain acceptable behavior in public and with family and friends. Weight maintenance is merely one of those simple, reasonable expectations that are within our control.

Even when we guys maintain that BOTH partners should keep themselves up, and when we acknowledge that the effects of illnesses and accidents are different than simple unwillingness, there are still some posters who want to complain about it. The complaints are excuses----it's that simple. People need to be clear about it ahead of time........if one gains weight through unwillingness to maintain reasonable fitness, one should prepare to get dropped.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 291
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Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 9/23/2008 4:07:52 PM
Good post Janet... Agree with you except this part...

I honestly don't believe in prenups. If there is concerns about combining finances, I think it best you just don't do it.

The problem isn't combining finances... it's the untangling of them AFTER one splits up that's the issue. At that point... without a prenup.... one has just blindly handed ones future/fate over to the government with their one size fits all solution as to how to dissolve the financial partnership. << That is how the government views it.

I think this notion of the OP's is plain silly... however, pre nups have value for the couple to decide how they want to handle the dissolution of their relationship - should the wedded bliss go splat.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 297
Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 9/24/2008 11:08:11 AM

'One particularly disgusting woman even suggested that such men just "Grow a Penis" NICE!'
Can he please grow it out of his forehead? Thanks ...

OMG that's too funny....coffee just came out of my nose...roflmao

I'm not expecting a muscled, chiseled bod in return. However, I'm interested in men who do take care of themselves and are into healthy lifestyles. Other things such as illness are inevitable, but if the man and woman have that connection, I truly believe the relationship can withstand those types of things.

Exactly...call it vain if you want, but I notice things that I need to work on long before anyone else notices, and unless something completely out of control happens, I'll always want to look good - for me. The hot guy who appreciates it is just a bonus...

But in a relationship, it's better to have common ground and a similar lifestyle - so for the life of me I don't know why I would want someone who eats crap and doesn't want to stay in shape. If I met someone who did and after I got serious about them they just up and decided they didn't feel like being bothered to keep up with themselves and they give up, that's not going to go well. Two fit people should be able to motivate each other and stay healthy together fairly easily...it should be WAY easier than two who don't live the same way.

I agree that outside circumstances can change things over time, but I agree that there's a difference between not being able to keep up due to things you can't control, and just not wanting to cause you don't feel like it.
 Closing Shop
Joined: 7/24/2008
Msg: 300
Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 9/25/2008 2:00:12 AM
As for keeping a body fit. I know women who work fulltime (there aren't very many parents who stay home with the children these days), come home and do the majority of the childcare, cooking, housekeeping and yard work. The man does a smaller portion on those same duties even though he works the same hours and the rest of his time is spent on entertainment, relaxation and criticizing his spouse. If they were sharing those duties equally, and she had the same amount of free time that he does, I'm sure that maintaining her body would receive a larger commitment.


I love the excuses people come up with on the weight issue. Why, exactly, isn't the man in this scenario doing an equal share of the housework? Actually, it doesn't even matter. The time excuse doesn't cut it because caloric reduction alone will cause a person to lose weight without expending any extra time or energy.
 lucilou
Joined: 3/18/2006
Msg: 301
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Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 10/4/2008 10:28:27 PM
Reinasance Man I agree with you completely, I dont think I could get excited if there is a beer belly on the way while making love. On this thread they are only talking about physical appearance which means man or woman who got married should retain thier eating habit to stay the same in Physique. Illness is different, something that one gets and couldnt help.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 321
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Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/9/2008 9:20:34 AM
No. Weight is not "genetic". Rate of metabolism can be strongly influenced by genetic factors; but weight gain is solely determined by the ratio of calories consumed to calories expended. Period.

All people should be treated well and with dignity regardless of their health status or appearance. However, when choosing to invest one's life and resources in a mate, or to stay with a current mate, you had better believe that things like weight-gain and overall health are (and should be) strong considerations.

We've spent too many years pretending that obesity and overweight are lifestyle choices instead of health risks. Obesity and overweight are health risks, pure and simple. A prenuptial agreement addressing this issue would be impractical and probably unenforceable. However, it is entirely reasonable for EITHER partner in a relationship to insist that weight-maintenance should be an essential criterion for the continuance of that relationship.
 MyFunIsAnArtForm
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 322
Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/9/2008 10:40:19 AM
I think being that a woman spends a good portion of her paycheck to be the arm jewelry for the guy he should do the same for himself also to turn other women’s heads and say what is she doing to get a guy like that. Oh and again thank you women for that. And yes should stay healthy for your partner for more than 1 reason.
 novy 28
Joined: 11/28/2005
Msg: 325
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Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/9/2008 12:36:03 PM
If you need a prenup, then you are just signing your divorce decree. You do not really love the person. There are so many things that matter, this is not one of them
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 327
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Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/9/2008 11:12:09 PM

If you can leave someone for something so trivial, you have no business getting married in the first place.


Weight gain of 10 - 20 pounds over a few decades is trivial. Weight gain of over 100 pounds during the course of a marriage is not trivial. It's a major problem. The OP was trying to come up with a way to minimize the risk that a partner would let herself go like that. A prenup is an unworkable solution. However, barring discovery of a serious, diagnosable medical condition, none of us can blame a person who gets rid of a spouse who puts on 100+ pounds!!!
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 348
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Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/13/2008 10:44:28 AM

The whole idea of putting conditions on your love is just stupid in my opinion.


EVERYONE puts conditions on their love for a partner (unless they are a slave tied up in the attic or something). Everyone. Being a law-abiding person is a reasonable condition. Being and remaining faithful is a reasonable condition. Being employed and financially responsible is a reasonable condition. Being honest and truthful is a reasonable condition. Being mentally competent and well-balanced is a reasonable condition. Being clean and having adequate personal hygiene is a reasonable condition. Being reasonably fit and maintaining one's health as much as possible is a reasonable condition.

Why is it that we can look at all of those qualities and instantly recognize them as reasonable conditions; but when it comes to the last one I mentioned---physical fitness and health---all of a sudden, relationships are about "unconditional love"? Bullshít! Anyone whose wife or husband doesn't maintain physical fitness within reason is perfectly justified in dumping the slob. Get rid of her (or him). The prenup idea is unworkable; but it is completely understandable that a person would want to GET RID of some slob who doesn't want to maintain her own health.

There is no such thing as unconditional love between romantic partners.
 SueCat51
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 353
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Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/13/2008 4:54:41 PM
HELL NO!!!! That's like saying "is death and taxes reasonable". Geez, if one's going to shove a pre-nup in front of my face, then I have the right to include clauses that exclude: gray hair; wrinkles; farting; burping; or heaven forbid, drooling. Oh, can't forget those clauses if I suffer a horrible disease or injury. I can only imagine what the cost of the pre-nup would be. In any case, a pre-nup requiring maintaining physique tells me the relationship, much less the person drafting it up, isn't worth my heart.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 355
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Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/14/2008 7:49:45 AM
Gee, honey ... I realize that you just gave birth to our 3rd child 7 months ago....


^^This excuse is getting old, too. It's interesting how most women in the developing world have more babies but a lesser incidence of obesity and overweight than women in the developed world. Even with fewer resources and a less eclectic diet, they manage to avoid permanent weight gain from pregnancy and childbirth.

Here's what fit people should tell their partners: "Look, we both love each other. We really shouldn't need some kind of written agreement or pre-nup to maintain ourselves physically in this relationship. Let's just make a commitment to do it! Let's work out/train together and support each other in keeping fit!"

Then, if both the man and woman are worth their salt, they will fùckin' DO it. It should be that simple.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 358
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Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/14/2008 8:43:17 AM

This is because they are fricken starving!!!!


Actually, most women in the developing world are not starving. But, they also tend not to stuff their faces with every kind of processed food imaginable. The developing world is pretty much everything outside of the U.S.A., Canada, Oceania, and Western Europe. It's a major overgeneralization to say they are all starving.

Most women world-wide are not starving, but they also aren't eating themselves up to the 250+ lb. range. The advice to married couples in the West would be to stop stuffing your faces!! No pre-nup needed!
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 362
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Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/15/2008 7:51:06 AM

umm... correct me if I'm wrong, but don't most women in the developing world HAVE to breastfeed...some for extended periods of time? Breastfeeding also helps to keep the weight off...


Breastfeeding is a very good idea for a number of reasons----keeping the weight off is just one of them. That's not the topic of this thread, though. No one needs to breastfeed in order to maintain basic fitness. You shouldn't need a pre-nup, either.



spitfire ... why don't you do an in-depth study on excessive weight gain?


In my former career, I was a certified fitness trainer, so I already have studied weight-gain quite a bit.
 spitfire6844
Joined: 6/30/2007
Msg: 366
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Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/15/2008 10:29:58 AM
The bottom line is that men and women should encourage each other in a strong relationship to remain healthy and fit. Basic common sense. Running or training together allow a couple to have quality time together and will help them to stay fit.

Use the pre-nup for money issues! Maintaining fitness, for both partners, should not be that hard.
 compleat_man
Joined: 10/3/2008
Msg: 370
Prenuptial - maintaining physique - is it reasonable?
Posted: 11/28/2008 12:50:21 PM

I've seen many married women that "let themselves go" right after marriage. It is unreasonable to request in a prenuptial that your wife stays within a certain weight range, and if not, it is grounds for divorce without having to give her half of everything?


LOL.. and you haven't seen many married MEN that let themselves go?

you haven't been lookign very hard then..I'd say IMO there are more men 'guilty' of thsi, than women..


"facilitate".??

.we aren't talking about a self-exploration seminar or business meeting..
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