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Joined: 11/30/2006
Msg: 26
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDYPage 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Sorry about your lose aa well.I had a son that past away. he was born on christmas eve.Every year that he is gone i do go out and let off a balloon where he is bureid at.It helps me knowing that he is not suffering any more and is in a better place.And i never got to say good bye to him.
Joined: 7/22/2006
Msg: 27
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 9/7/2008 6:37:53 PM
Katie I know what it's like to go through what you have.
I lost my mother to an annurism in 2002 while she was away with my father on a vacation ,she was 54.
I spoke with her the day before on the phone and the evening it happened I did'nt get a call . I still remember her voice and at times it feels like she is still watching over me .
Just remember all the good times you had together,and the fun you had.
Joined: 1/23/2007
Msg: 28
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I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 9/7/2008 6:44:56 PM
Oh, Katie I am so sorry for you. I share the same with you where my Daddy died and I didn't get to say good bye. I am lucky though, because it was immediate and we did not have to make a decision.

I don't share this often, but my heart started crying with you and now my eyes are streaming. So, take heart in knowing other adults still feel the same as you.

I was 25. I had lived 2 hours away, but had been home that weekend to see my mom and dad. When it came time for me to leave, we did our goodbyes and all of that and then I drove away. I got a mile down the road and remembered my purse was there. I met him in the driveway coming to bring it to me. Now, people will say I'm crazy, but the look he and I shared with each other from one driver's window to the other haunts me to this day. For some reason, I knew I would never talk to him again.

The next day was weird, but those are Mondays. He called everyday. He did not call that day. I got a call at work (3 hours away) from a co-worker of his screaming that they were doing CPR and I had to get there. Remember, I was 25. It was the longest drive of my life. No one knew which hospital they were taking him to. I had to go to his office and have a person go with me to where he was. Katie, my heart breaks for you because you didn't have what I had. I had 3 hours to pray to God to either have him live and be like he was or to have God take him immediately so he wouldn't have any pain. God answered the latter prayer.

Your mother made a strong and brave decision. Your dad knew you were there. You know he did; you know he did. And if you don't, just wait. You will come to realize it. If you want to talk and hear those "weird stories" let me know and we'll talk about them privately. Trust me, he's never far from you.

I wish I could tell you it goes away, but it never really does. The first year is horrible. He died Christmas week, so I either have to become manic about it and decorate like a freak or I am devastatingly depressed that whole week. What I can tell you is that there will be a fading of those hurtful thoughts. And there are many days I do not think about him, but that's ok. We're not supposed to after awhile.

Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 29
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 9/7/2008 6:52:26 PM
So sorry for your loss. It will get easier as time goes bye. I didn't get to say goodbye to my dad. Just hours after being at my home for my birthday he passed away. He was only 59. It is still hard to deal with at times. And you will go on . You have your own family to deal with. Take it one day at a time. At times you may need to sit on his grave and just cry . And thats ok. He knew you were there. He heard your words. You did all the right things. Please ! Just one thing i want families to think about . If you have your loved one cremated ? Please don't put the ashes in the ground at the home place ..without first putting them in something you could dig up later. We did that to my dad. I bought the home place. Gave it to my daughter and her husband. They have now lost the place and i need a place to at times go to grieve. But there is nothing after all these years to dig up... I did have a marker put out in the Veterans Cemetery. I am so glad i did .
Joined: 10/30/2005
Msg: 30
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I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 9/7/2008 7:07:30 PM
Thank you thank you all so very much sharing with me how you all have been able to deal with the loss.
Regarding the ashes my mom made the decision that each of us kids are receiving a portion of the ashes so we will have him close by our sides at all time.
The last time I spoke to him was that Thursday nite (this all happened Friday morning) and I will always remember how we ending our conversation saying I love you Daddy
(something I always had said)
I do thank god and I am very grateful that I did have my dad with me for 51 years...but like another one said "I thought parents last forever)" I know wishful thinking. I have found myself being mad at god and asking over and over again why...but i know why :it was his time"
ps I wish i would have written earlier because all your kind words i have read helps me in more ways than i can explain. Thank you all you POF friends
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 31
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 9/7/2008 7:28:19 PM
Katie ! all you need to know is that he loved you and you loved him -- nothing else matters --as parents we all know that each of us has our own lives to live and sometimes even though there's alot of distance between the homes of parnets and siblings, the distance just makes us remember the loving memories that you and your daddy experienced !!! hold on tight to those that are close to your heart that made you happy and cherrish them -- cause that's what no one can take from you -even though he's gone and you can still smile , looking back at the good times you had -- when your sad, replace it with one of those episodes that made you smile and laugh uncontrollably !!!! i was very fortunate to have the chance to say good bye to my mother --- my sister had been watching her for over two weeks 24/7 and i insisted that she and her BF go out to see a movie and get away for a few hrs -- since it was mom and the daughter did the things for her that the son's just can't do !!! it was a God send that she was there to help my mommy --- i got to prepare a very nice home cookecmeal -- Mom had taught me well and i to this day can cook better than most females --not a slap to you ladies either !!! but i thouroughly enjoyed fix'n dinner for my mom -- went and bought filet mignon, medium rare, cooked on the grill with my secret sauce that she dearly loved ,baked potatoe, fresh green beans( seasoned with real bacon fat ) and home made fried corn bread ( a southern style ) see ! something told me that one day her teachings would be the one most cherish moments in my life, i sat there with her nad my dad for the enitre evening --just mom, dad and me . She was so happy that evening to have my special steak home made dinner -- it was awesome and even though i had to sit there and watch her struggle to eat, barely able to hold the fork upright , i did cut the steak for her and did offer to help feed her --but she insited to do it herself, the woman simply made a pig out of herself ! We e ven laughed and told ventured in the past about old times -- her and dad lughed and told eachother how much they loved one another -- and i got to tell her howe much i appreciated all that her and dad had done for me especially , see , my dad had married a woman with 4 children --none of his own blood -- he's a very special man ! . Mom had eated so much that i think it made her weak --but she was very happily full and content ! When my sister returned, i had heled mom onto the couch to her favorite resting spot -- my sister retruned about 10:30 pm and got her to bed -- mom was dying from imphusiama* and the lower left side of her heart heart was partially dead, she had very shallow breathing , mostly due from 62 years of cigarrettes !!!! i went into the room to say good night and saw that she was in trouble even worse than before --i knew it wasn't going to be long -- i knew that she was roght with God and told her to let go -- she had struggled long enough and was so very tired of trying to hang on -- i prayed with her, told her to let go now and to not worry about dad --- she said ok son ( in a very low sractchy voice), i kissed her good night and told her to kiss my grandma and my little girl that was in heaven for me when she got there , and that i would see them one day also , kissed her good night and told her to go see Jesus . 3 1/2 hrs later i got a call from my sister that she had died. I was very lucky to have that LAST SUPPER . What a blessing God gave to me -- not all of us are so lucky as i was -- but if i hadn't had this time -- i would still have many precious memories to help dry the tears away -- so you just keep those memories too sweety !!!!! I hope all enjoy this wonderful story -- i love sharing this with everyone. To all the POF family --- take time to smell the roses !!!!!! thanks for letting me tell this story and i hope this helps you to Katie.
Joined: 1/6/2008
Msg: 32
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 9/7/2008 7:37:53 PM
i hope this helps 1991 i was stationed in germany and had just got back from desert storm i got the call two days later i lost my dad and i did not get to say goodbye it has been17 years and i still cannot say goodbye when i go to his grave i always say.. pop see you later...cause he will always be there with me....he loved me for who i was...not what i could do for him
Joined: 12/12/2007
Msg: 33
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I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 9/7/2008 7:39:00 PM
It doesn't matter how old you are when you're dad dies. My dad died of cancer 10 years ago. We found out he had cancer 3 months before he died. It was too late to do anything.

I dreamt of him every night for the first two months after he died. I was a daddy's girl and to this day I can't believe he's gone. I miss him everyday.

I know how unbareable the pain is when you lose your dad. I'm sorry that you didn't get to say goodbye to him. That would be so hard.

When my dad died, my brother, who isn't very good at expressing his feelings, wrote dad a note and put it in dad's suit jacket pocket and it was buried with him. This helped my brother to say goodbye and thank dad for all he did for him.

We all deal with grief in different ways. You have to find your own healthy way to say goodbye.
 pretty moon
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 34
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I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 9/7/2008 7:42:52 PM
Katie sweetie. I have a bit of advise from someone who has dealt with more death than I care to say.

The one I will relay to you is the death of my son at the age of 16. I cried every day for a month. The physical pain was more than I thought I could bare. Then one morning I woke up and saw my son smiling at me. You know.....that time when your not asleep but not quite awake. In that moment I decided to stop grieving his death and honor his life.

Go through your grief my dear Katie..and then after you do Honor your fathers life. Remember all the wonderful things he gave you with his humor and wisdom.

I know you will work your way through this grief. It's all so new to you. You will be fine. I make that promise to you.

Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 35
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 9/7/2008 7:43:29 PM
well my dear i never got to say good bye to my dad either
the morning of april 17/08 i always went to my dads first thing in the morning ,, always around 7 am before work. this time was no differnt, i was to take him for blood test as he was dibeteic, i got there at 7 08 in the morning, no answer, he is always up waiting for me, i knocked on the door, nothing, i called on the cell phone, nothing, i knocked again heard the dogs barking, finally 5 mins later my sister answered the door, as she is handicap and came from up stairs, she let me in , i said where is dad she said i guess he is still sleeping, i went into wake him up and guess what he was gone.. very cold, i called him, i touched him, i knew in my heart he was gone, i covered him up in a blanket, and went to the kitchen phone to call 911... i never got to say good bye either. and to this day it is killing me.
i am the baby of 6 kids, i know i am 44 years old. but i lost my mom 4 years ago , but i was very close to my dad, and he was always here for me. now he isn/t
well i just had to write this, i dont know why
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 36
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 9/7/2008 7:48:09 PM
My condelences OP. I lost my dad 8 years ago after a long illness. I have spent 34 years of my life providing critical care to such as your dear father. I do know that one of the last abilities one loses is the ability to hear. This is true even if they cannot respond. If you told him you loved him and you no doubt did, he heard you! I recall speaking to a comatose patient and his son asked why. I explained about the ability to hear. He later arrived with a tape recording of his childrens voices telling "grandpa that they loved him". Time will lessen the hurt of your loss but the memory of your dad will endure. God Bless, abby
Joined: 12/2/2007
Msg: 37
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I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 9/7/2008 7:58:50 PM
Good Call Rouge!! Find release by any means, but do find it. The beyond can read. Writing helps amongst those that left too soon.
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 38
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I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 9/7/2008 8:06:54 PM
katie, my dear...

your post really hit me... I lost my father this year at the end of april. all of the things you expressed are normal and I felt them too. I felt bad that I wasnt there when he passed.. he had only been ill a month and we knew it was terminal but the dr's gave him 1-6 mos. I got to see him a few times after he got ill, but he was mostly delirious ... however the last time I saw him, just 2 days before he died, he recognized me and he was glad to see me... that means the world to me, and it gave me something to hang on to in the darkest times. but I realize that all it really did was give me something tangible to let me know he cared about me, and my presence there let him know I cared about him. I'm sure you both knew that already.. you don't need that tangible evidence.. even though its something we all would love to have.

anyway, writing this has been hard for me, but it does get better, you will see. each day is a little easier than the one before.
Joined: 7/31/2008
Msg: 39
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 9/7/2008 8:11:05 PM
Hi Katie- I lost my Dad when I was 22 months old.I never had the chance to know him,hug him,kiss his cheek,or for him to give me guidance,teach me to drive,etc,I just have stories to hold onto,sweety you have those memories. Celebrate his life,all the good times you shared with him! He knew you loved him,never doubt that! Hold onto that,and know that God's strength will see you through this,HIS Comfort,is the Best! Warmest Thoughts,Susan
Joined: 8/5/2007
Msg: 40
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I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 9/7/2008 8:22:14 PM
My Dad died 5 years ago and I still haven't taken him out off my speed dail.
Joined: 11/25/2007
Msg: 41
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 9/7/2008 8:23:43 PM
First you remember to be thankful for the relationship. Be grateful for all the joys and sorrows he was there to share with you. Be thankful that no matter , when, how, where he left, he knew through the years he had/has your love.

It will only grow stronger throught the years as you remember and appreciate more the time spent together.

I lost my dad a few years back. We knew he was terminal and nothing could be done. His humor even through this illness was amazing. I remember at times getting upset with his doctors and he would tell me things like " kill them all but six", puzzeled I asked him "why leave six"? , his answer pall bearers, he said tis with the biggest, brightest, defiant smile. I guess his years in military service gave him an unusual outlook.

He also told me, calm down honey, none of us are getting out of here alive.

I had moved from Pensacola Beach Fl. to come stay and help take care of him. One weekend he told me to take a break, go to Florida and just have some fun. I didn't want to, but he insisted and told me his brother would take him to the doctor for his check-up. He had a massive heart attach right there in the hospital.

I know how you feel, not being there, but what you have to remember is the time/s you were. That is waht matted then, now and always.

My mom is gone to. True to her love and spirit, I always know I'm her baby. I had some pretty tough cookie parents. But, wow, they had one heck of a sense of love and humor. I am only grateful I was able to spend some of their lives with them.

Keep Smiling for the joy and the love that can never be taken away and only grows more beautiful with time.
Joined: 6/17/2008
Msg: 42
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I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 9/7/2008 8:26:45 PM
I lost my Father over a year ago.. It was his 75 th B'day.. Had been sick for a short time and was gone..(cancer) He had a wonderful life and loved many. The good news is LOVE goes on Forever...When all else fades..God does send a counselor and it will be ok...You will become a better person cause you do feel them watchin...Make him Proud
Joined: 11/18/2006
Msg: 43
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 9/7/2008 8:29:55 PM
katie, I'm sorry to read for the unexpected death of your father ...and I can perhaps relate in a way that you will hopefully not take as my 'one-upping' you for what only takes time and others who are capable of caring to help you get through your loss. My father was 79 also when I phoned home to PA the morning after my only child and son was born here in TX ...and I addressed my mother w/ "Good morning, Grandma!" My mother turned to my father and passed along the good news which he responded unusually for what he knew for my now ex-wife. His memory rarely failed him before, but he'd trouble realizing then that his grandchild #8 was among us.

Within two days, he was in the hospital for the first time in decades and suffering from what had my mother call an ambulance to be of help to her w/ him. Within 4 days of this incident, I found myself being allowed by my now ex-wife and mother in PA to board a plane headed towards the latter to help her sell a house they owned together for 50+ years ...after I dealt w/ a less than scrupulous bank for a credit card that they'd sent to an address that I'd not lived at for years ...and someone there using it to the max w/o fear of reproach.

Upon arriving to see my father on his death bed within six days of my son's birth ...and I am thankful for my ex-in-laws being here to help my ex w/ my newborn son, I found him babbling about his long-deceased brother. My own had gotten there first w/o our dear mother's asking, but he seemed to know. He had to make the journey from TX also and might have 'clouded' our father for my own presence there, but I can forgive my brother for what I'll never know for the father-son connection between those two.

Our sister flew up from FL w/o invitation from our mother also, and was the one who heard the phone ring at 3AM ...from across the big old old house where we all grew up to learn firsthand that our father was no longer among the living. She had her own dear connection to a man who had no sisters, but who did his best and his homework via "Dear Abby" to raise her right. Our brother had, by then, returned to TX and his five children when that fateful phone call came. Thirteen days had passed between my highest high for bringing a new and loving life into this world ...and my losing one of the greatest men that I've ever known. I know what it feels like not to have had the chance to say, "Goodbye, I love you" to someone I still cherish for the memory, but I hope my actions since come close to letting him know that he made the right impression on me when he was alive and well. Bottom-line: Death is rarely kind for the taking when and how, but it is all a part of life for the accepting ...and I for one believe that heaven does exist for those who care to believe that it's not far from the everyday that the living must do to stay so. Life's a **** and then you die? Only for all who believe that ****ing is the way to go about living when things don't go as the child in each of us might want it to proceed.
Joined: 4/10/2006
Msg: 44
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 9/7/2008 9:03:35 PM
Allow yourself a long time. It took me years to be ok with it. My dad died when I was 20, but he was sick a few months before he died of cancer. The week after his death, I kept waking up every 2 hours all night long, because that was his medication schedule. Once I even prepared his medication, went to give it to him, and was confused when I didn't see him where I expected him to be....then I remembered. It's taken the entire family a long time to heal.

Be gentle with yourself, allow yourself to grieve, find support groups, and do whatever you need to help yourself through this.

Sorry for your loss.
Joined: 8/20/2008
Msg: 45
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 9/7/2008 9:40:58 PM
I am really sorry for your loss Katie and same for the others in this thread.
After reading in this thread about yours and others loss I feel .....less alone?.....

May 1st is my birthday and on May first 2007 my dad called to wish me happy birthday like he does every year. I was out getting green tea and I did not take my cell phone. I got home and saw his number on the caller ID. He left no message because I assume he wanted to say happy birthday live and not on a voice mail. I did not call him back because I knew he wanted to make the call to me. It was a yearly ritual.

I waited and waited and the call finally came 3 hours later. I answered and said "hi dad what took you so long blah blah blah blah." It was not my dad it was my mother. She told me my dad had died of a heart attack 2 hours ago.
I never got my birthday call. I never got to say bye. He never got to say bye to me and I know he was thinking of me and his family in his last moments. I know he was disappointed that I was not there for him to talk to one last time. If I had not gone for green tea, if I had taken my cell phone, if I had called him back...if if if

I feel guilty for feeling more upset about missing his call than I do about his death. I do not really feel that way but I sort of do. I feel guilty about thinking how my birthday is no longer a happy day. Most of all I feel guilty about feeling guilty instead of just missing my dad which I do very much.
Joined: 7/21/2008
Msg: 46
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 9/7/2008 9:41:47 PM
I'm so sorry about your father.. He's in a better place now resting and watching over you, protecting you. He still lives in all of your family's and friend's hearts. Be at peace Katie.
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 47
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 9/7/2008 9:51:48 PM
OP my heart goes out to you. I lost my dad to cancer, didn't have a chance to say goodbye either. I have other sudden losses as well and it's never easy. There really aren't many words that someone can say to take away the pain, just know that your not alone.
Joined: 7/26/2007
Msg: 48
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 9/7/2008 9:56:25 PM
ME? had a no good daddy,,n mom died when i was i dunno whats worse not havin one,,, or mournin one,,,
we all pay the price for love or lack there of...kathi
Joined: 7/21/2008
Msg: 49
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I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 9/7/2008 10:09:35 PM
I am so sorry.

I haven't read any of the other replies so I hope I'm not repeating to much. My dad passed away valentines day of 95 and I still miss him a lot. The pain has seriously dulled to a very tolerable level and am used to it, but for me it is still there. There is no one like my dad and never will again. I try to always tell it how it is; it will be a while, maybe white a while, but it will get better. I think in the beggining its iportant to remember to take care of yourself. Eat right, get sleep and don't allow yourslelf to hide in a cave. It's easier said than done, but you need to be healthy.

Take care.
 jus dave
Joined: 5/22/2007
Msg: 50
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 9/7/2008 10:14:00 PM
i held my dad for 14 hours...was behind him in the bed holding the nursing home while nurses came in and out asking me where the "family" was...see my dad was a Command Sgt. Maj in the army, strong once, and here i was the baby of the family...holding him and wondering why a god would allow him to suffer like he did...telling him it was o.k. to let go.

my dad never hugged me or any of the other 5 kids...i never remember him saying "i love you"...and for his and my moms last 20 years i gave up lots of my life to care for them...but in the end- i knew i had to be there.

i got to say "good-bye" and the nightmares of his fighting on (as i held him) to live will be with me forever...

ms. katie- it's ok to feel sad but don't beat yourself up for not "being" there. if, in his life, you were there...that's what's important. and lessons learned too.

i make sure my boys know i love them by saying so and they return the love.

i bid you peace and pray that the goodness of who you are will reflect on all those you love.

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