Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY      Home login  
Joined: 7/21/2008
Msg: 49
view profile
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDYPage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I am so sorry.

I haven't read any of the other replies so I hope I'm not repeating to much. My dad passed away valentines day of 95 and I still miss him a lot. The pain has seriously dulled to a very tolerable level and am used to it, but for me it is still there. There is no one like my dad and never will again. I try to always tell it how it is; it will be a while, maybe white a while, but it will get better. I think in the beggining its iportant to remember to take care of yourself. Eat right, get sleep and don't allow yourslelf to hide in a cave. It's easier said than done, but you need to be healthy.

Take care.
 jus dave
Joined: 5/22/2007
Msg: 50
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 9/7/2008 10:14:00 PM
i held my dad for 14 hours...was behind him in the bed holding the nursing home while nurses came in and out asking me where the "family" was...see my dad was a Command Sgt. Maj in the army, strong once, and here i was the baby of the family...holding him and wondering why a god would allow him to suffer like he did...telling him it was o.k. to let go.

my dad never hugged me or any of the other 5 kids...i never remember him saying "i love you"...and for his and my moms last 20 years i gave up lots of my life to care for them...but in the end- i knew i had to be there.

i got to say "good-bye" and the nightmares of his fighting on (as i held him) to live will be with me forever...

ms. katie- it's ok to feel sad but don't beat yourself up for not "being" there. if, in his life, you were there...that's what's important. and lessons learned too.

i make sure my boys know i love them by saying so and they return the love.

i bid you peace and pray that the goodness of who you are will reflect on all those you love.

Joined: 10/9/2005
Msg: 51
view profile
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 9/7/2008 10:21:43 PM







Joined: 12/4/2007
Msg: 52
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 9/7/2008 10:25:22 PM
"I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY"

Actually, you did. My wife was a nurse and told me that the last sense to go is the hearing. If you were there and saying anything then he knew you were there and how you felt.

Too, I have been dead more than once. One time I can remember floating in the corner of the room watching a nurse looking at my body. A few years later I described the nurse to the lady who had been head nurse at the time and she readily identified the nurse. You dad knew and knows.

Don't worry about that any more.

As for acceptance, believe one who has been there - it is beautiful beyond description or human comprehension. You can believe me when I tell you that I did not want to return. That knowledge was a great help when my wife died. I have been asked, if it were in my power to bring her back would I do so. As much as I would love to have her back, knowing where she is and what she has the answer is no.

I sympathize with and for you. He is at a peace you cannot begin to comprehend.
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 53
view profile
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 9/8/2008 6:49:12 AM
You feel particularly bereft because you were not with him when he was dying but you were. He knew that you loved him and that is what is important, not that you were not physically there but you must also recognize that despite your age, you are experiencing a little sibling rivalry and resenting the fact that you were not present when all the other children were the last time they were all together.

One of my x-husband's cousins was very welcoming to me when I first came on the scene. She tried to smooth the way with my x's nuclear family, particularly his mother, to whom she was more like a sister than niece and she was godmother to my daughter, whom she adored like a grandchild. She had cancer but was responding so well to the chemo we were not immediately concerned about her health and as far as we knew, that was the only medical issue she had.

I started to pick up the phone on a Tuesday, got distracted when the baby needed attention and never made the call. She had a heart attack and died that Friday. For a very long time I cried every time I thought about losing the opportunity to talk to her that last time. But you know what, she knew I loved her and she is the first person that would have said take care of you child instead of making that phone call.

I really, really missed her. She taught me how to make beans and for a couple of years after she died, I cried every time I put a pot on to boil but eventually, I stopped crying and now I just think about her and smile, remembering how much I love her every time I go through the process of putting the beans on the stove. There will always be regrets but I have put them into perspective, nothing is going to change but we can take this opportunity to remind us to stay in touch with people we care about.

I hadn't been prepared for how hard I would take my father's death because at the time, I had been living 1000 miles away from my parents for for 15 years; they were not integral to my life on a daily basis. For a long time I thought about him nearly constantly. What would my father say to that or wanting to ask him what he thought about something. Then I wondered if I had thought about him that much when he was alive. I spent many late nights at the computer crying when a Hallmark commercial with a grandfather came on.

You just keep putting one foot in front of the other until you go through the stages of mourning and are able to carry him with you in a way that doesn't make it feel like you have been sucker punched in the gut. The other stuff, about not being there, you need to quit beating yourself up about that. Think about it this way, the only thing you would do differently is want him back but he is not suffering anymore and if he was here he would be. Let him go and remember that he was well loved when he was here and he knew it. You also need to remember that by focusing on his death and not his life and your good memories, you do him a disservice. And by being miserable, you also ignore his wishes for you to live a happy full life yourself.
Joined: 4/12/2008
Msg: 54
view profile
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 9/8/2008 7:02:34 AM
To all those who have posted before me; my condolences.

On 02-13-06 I got a call that my father was seriously ill and on his deathbed at his home. My middle daughter and I went to stay and help my disabled mother care for him since my siblings all worked. It was tough. My dad went from a big, vibrant joker to a shriveled old man in a short period of time.

On 02-18-06 my middle daughter and I went home to get a few days of rest. We were exhausted and she wasn't feeling well. Two days later she asked me to call the doctor because she was really sick. The doctor examined her in his office at 5:30 PM.

I found her dead in her bed on 02-21-06, less than 11 hours after the doctor told me she'd be fine. My world crashed to a screeching halt. At 4:20 PM that same afternoon, I was holding my father's hand when he died. My daughter and my father shared the same birthday (Valentine's Day). My daughter was 22 and had just gotten engaged. She was going to give me 6 more grandchildren, but died a virgin.

I did get to say goodbye to my father, but I wasn't granted that much-needed release with my daughter. She was the other half of me. Losing 2 of the most important people in my life on the same day tore my world to its very foundations. After more than 2 years I am only now able to think about them and look at photos without crying.

I try to remember and joke about the good times I had with both of them. I find something to laugh about every day. I learned to never take even one moment with anyone for granted.

My best to all!
Joined: 10/30/2005
Msg: 55
view profile
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 9/8/2008 12:39:23 PM
I want to Thank all that has responded to my forum. After reading them all I will say that I will treasure all the moments/days/hours/weekes/months/and years I was able to spend with my Daddy because some people were not as lucky to have that much time and my heart goes to you all. To any and all that may be reading all the postings please remember ' DONT GO A DAY WITHOUT TELLING THE PEOPLE CLOSE TO YOU HOW MUCH YOU CARE AND THAT YOU LOVE THEM" because you may not get that second chance.
Joined: 7/21/2008
Msg: 56
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 9/11/2008 9:12:55 PM
I really hope your scars with heal from this tragedy.. it is a sad moment but remember the good times with your father and keep on enjoying life.
Joined: 4/8/2008
Msg: 57
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 10/16/2008 12:03:03 AM
so why tell pof?
Joined: 12/4/2008
Msg: 58
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 12/8/2008 11:13:25 PM
I'm sorry for you lost katie.

I don't know what is worste being there and watching them or having them taken with out notice. I lost my mom to a drunk driver and never got to tell her good-bye and I watched my wife the lady that loved grow weaker by the day from cancer. Yes I was there the morning she passed away at home. To me that was the hardest part was saying good bye to the one that I loved for 26 years. I'm still not over either one. But with my mom I got to vist her grave many years later and the tears came and I could feel that she understood how I felt kneeling there. And I have made peace with that but there are times that I still feel the hurt of the lost. With my wife I got the chance to tell her how much I loved her and that I would see her later on in a better place. I'm still coming to term with her lost. But it takes time and I know that.

There will be times that you will hear something a song or sound that will remind you of your lost and you will break down and cry. But other times you will hear the samething and think of the good times.

The only advise that I can pass on to you is what someone passed on to me. Remember the good times that you had with your love one .
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 59
view profile
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 12/9/2008 1:09:49 AM
Katie iam sorry to hear of your loss i lost my mother in 2003 and then lost my father in 2006 i still miss them both and always will but i like to think of the good times we share as a family. I will always have good thoughts of them . and even time has passed the hurt and sadness is still there but im sure in time it will heal as it will for you.
Joined: 4/16/2008
Msg: 60
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 12/9/2008 10:20:36 AM
Hi Katie. Ouch, I know it hurts. 2 years ago, I had to put a blanket over my dad where he layed on his couch in his home--very hard. A year later I had to let go of my soulmate and unborn child because of a horrific car accident. It does get easier- I promise. The pain will never ever fade, but you will learn to live with it through acceptance. Please don't beat yourself up for not being able to talk to him, no regrets, k? Any fear or pain that he may have experienced is now obselete for him, and he has an understanding of the event that we can't always understand. Let yourself hurt Katie, acceptance will show up with time and allowing yourself to grieve. Try not to feel guilty, and just know that crying for him is one of the best ways to honor and tell him that you miss and love him. Hurt well my friend.
Joined: 9/6/2006
Msg: 61
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 12/10/2008 3:04:50 PM
I am sorry for your loss. I lost my dad in July, 07. I still grieve. He was 86, had dementia and cancer so the quality of his life was not good at the time of his death. My brothers and I all had the opportunity to say goodbye and helped him to die at his home which was his wish. It was truly a good experience for everyone and we were fortunate to be able to do this. I understand that people who are unconscious are able to hear. It is said that hearing is the last sense to go. So if you spoke to him after his surgery and said goodbye then I believe he would have heard you. What was important was all of you were with him and on some level he would have known that. One of the things you can do if it feels right is to write him a letter with all that you feel and then set fire to it. The energy from the smoke will rise to his spirit. Another thing you can do is find a good gestalt therapist and work on saying goodbye that way. I believe that that love I feel in my heart for my dad keeps him alive in me so long as I live. I have only said goodbye to his body. I still have my memories of him and my love for him. Good luck.
Joined: 11/28/2008
Msg: 62
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 12/15/2008 7:48:22 PM
I'm sorry for your loss. I lost my dad in 03. He was staying overnight in the hospital to have a biopsy on his lung the next day. I brought him a piece of butter cake and sat with him while he ate it. I kissed him goodbye and told him that I would see him in the morning. At 2 am he started coughing up blood. His death still haunts me.
No matter how you loose a parent or a loved one there is always some kind of regret. All I can tell you is that it will get better eventually. It was years before I could talk about my dad and not break down in tears. I hated going out in public because the dumbest things could "set me off." I feel like I cried for years.
It's been close to six years since I lost my dad. The pain has gone away but the ache I feel in my heart hasn't.
Just hang in there.....your not alone.
Joined: 3/25/2007
Msg: 63
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 2/28/2009 6:23:16 AM
I didn't go through every post here so I'm not quite sure what tone has been set.
This is a subject that I found by accident and just grabbed me.
My Dad was taken from us almost 37 years ago in a work accident. Being the oldest of 6 I was expected to be the strongest which would be in keeping with the disposition of what I believed my father had from the years I can remember. We were never a touchy feely family by any stretch of the imagination and were for the most part a very traditional type of family for that time. I never really new my father very well because of that. It was only after I had left home and just a year or two before he died that I was beginning to develope a relationship with him - as an adult this time. I was really starting to enjoy those visits and beginning to know what he was all about. Sadly an accident took that all away. For many years after I used to have recurring dreams that didn't reflect highly about him. Dreams that he had abandoned us seemed to be the most prevalant. I didn't even realize that I had those recuring dreams til years after experiencing them. Perhpas a self-denial mechanism. Whatever the reason, I finally put my finger on it as an inner hurt that I never expressed outwardly for so many years. It was til I came to that realization that thos dreams dissappeared and I saw (or dreamed of) my father in a better light as was able to look to the happier times we had spent together.
The thought of never being able to say Goodbye to my Dad does not weigh as heavily upon me now as it used to as my Mother was taken unexpectedly from us 5 years ago. Again, I was not able to say Goodbye to her either. I did however have the comfort in knowing (and learning from my past) that the last time I talked to her it was our usual positive conversation and I was ale to tell her I love her like I always did. Something I never got to say to my Dad but made sure I would never forget to say to my Mom each and every time we talked.
Never let a talk or conversation end on a bad note with your parents and never ever forget to tell them you love them each and every time. Something I always practiced with my daugter and never plan to stop.
Joined: 10/30/2005
Msg: 64
view profile
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 4/19/2009 2:34:16 AM
Just a small update
Dang thank you everyone. And again my heart goes out to everyone that have shared there thoughts and prayers.
The holidays were real hard but I did manage to get thru them.
My dad is with me every day. See he loved light houses so the ashes that I received i have in a special box and and i have a lighthouse sitting on top of it. And yes I have the lighthouse lit at all times m this helps me to believe that my Dad is still with me.
Yes i misss him still and times when I am having car problems I have caught myself picking up the phone calling my Dad (which I always did when he was alive) I can actually chuckle about it right now because I know he is looking down at me shaking his head saying "what have you done to the car this time??? forget to check the oil, forget to put water in it etc etc etc...... This does help me its like I am writing to my Dad and it has made me feel better. Thank you all again... Kathleen
Joined: 4/10/2009
Msg: 65
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 4/19/2009 4:40:37 AM
Hi Katie...

I miss my Dad sooo much! I too did not get to say goodbye to him..he lived an hour
away and my brothers despite my request if anything ever happens contact me right
away! He was found at home and they were called, they got to say goodbye while
waiting for him to be taken away. Long story short...I never had closure..still working
on that, it's been almost 3 yrs. But he was my best friend and he knew I loved him
desperately, that's all I can hope for..he knew. Give yourself time it's a major loss
for sure. I was was told too that writing him a letter every now and then helps, and it
does especially when you have something important to share! Keep strong!
Joined: 11/27/2008
Msg: 66
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 4/19/2009 9:42:56 AM
OP, i am truly sorry for your loss.
i understand what it feels like to lose that most important man in your life. mine passed two years ago (March 15) and i still feel his physical absence as though it were yesterday.

i understand how not being able to have that conversation in person before he passed feels like a huge weight.
this is where love and faith come in.

in my people's way (the Blackfoot) we believe that when a person passes on, they have not truly left us--they have "crossed over" into the spirit world where their true life begins. this is where our ancestors--our Grandmothers and Grandfathers--reside, and where their real job of being our parents and teachers exists. so although we cannot see them any more, they are still "alive"; they are still w/us. and we can continue to draw upon their strength, their wisdom and knowledge, even though we seem alone.

everything made by Creator contains Creator's energy--that life-source that we call "spirit". it is that spirit that connects us all; the interconnectedness of all things made by Creator. and so, b/c your father is of that same spirit, he is indeed still with you. if you quiet yourself, listen for his voice, you will hear him in those moments when you miss and need him most.

i believe that your father (and my father) are still around us. that they watch, listen, guide and intercede on our behalves w/Creator.

i don't know if this makes sense for you, but i hope that it helps to comfort you and give you peace.
Joined: 4/12/2009
Msg: 67
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 4/19/2009 1:06:24 PM
May sound nuts....but i recommend you sit down in a very private quiet place and write your Dad a letter....write down all your memories of him....all you loved about him.....the things you wish were different......and everything you need to apologize for. I promise you it works, it did for me.
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 68
view profile
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 4/20/2009 4:28:09 AM
I lost my brother to cancer 2 years ago and it still hurts. I was with him right up 'til the very end, but I refused to talk about death with him because he was suffering in horrible pain and I didn't want to dash what little hope he had for survival. I also tried to be strong for him while in the hospital, trying not to shed tears in his presence. I regret not having shed those tears in front of him so he'd know just how much I loved him and still love him.

What helps me is, when I'm lying in bed at night, unable to sleep, hurting, I picture myself in that exact same scenario and I act it out differently. There was a situation where he said to me, when I showed up in his hospital room, "Sorry this is so unpleasant for you, Mike." I said "Oh, don't worry about me--just try to get better if you can." Now I visualize myself going over to the bed and kneeling down next to him, saying "It's OK--I just love you, Mark, and I hate to see you suffering like this. I don't want you to go, but I see how much you're suffering, so, if it gets too intense, it's OK to check out of here" and the tears just roll. I think he hears me.

We never really want to accept that they're dying. We all try to hang onto some hope that maybe, by some miracle, they'll pull through. And we don't want to resign ourselves to the fact that they're dying, FOR THEIR SAKE, because we don't want to dash their hopes. We're never really prepared to accept the inevitable. All we can do now is try to heap that love onto the people who are still here, the rest of our family, and who likewise need our love.

Hope this helps.
 Shady Lady52
Joined: 11/25/2008
Msg: 69
view profile
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 4/20/2009 12:45:28 PM
I know how you feel. It's been 16 yrs sincy my Dad died and I didn't have the chance to even see him before he did, due to childish family politics. It feels today like it felt then. Nothing has ever hurt so much for me. I thought it would get easier as time went on, but it hasn't. I just have to think of him and I'm in tears. Maybe it's because there was no closure, I don't know but I wish there was a way to get past this. You have my heartfelt sympathies. Good luck and take care of yourself.
Joined: 5/23/2008
Msg: 70
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 4/20/2009 2:09:53 PM
God bless and keep you always in His care. Tell God to tell your Dad you love him and will see him again.
 no expectations
Joined: 5/31/2007
Msg: 71
view profile
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 11/1/2009 12:32:19 PM
I can relate and feel many of the same things the rest of you do who wrote on this thread ... often times we need to realize it's never too late to say goodbye or better yet know they know what we are feeling and thinking ... our loved ones will always be in our hearts, and in the very fabric of our being. I lost my faith in God at the time I lost my father, things were at an all time low for me, regarding many aspects of my life. I prayed for a sign regarding my faith and it came. People had taken pictures in his room of my son moments before he died ... several months later ... after having prayed and asking for signs of God's existence we had the pictures developed and on those pictures were clear pictures of Angels ... totally unexplainable but so clear in the pictures it could be nothing else... I had the camera, the film and everything else checked out it was unexplainable by experts ... no double exposures, weird lighting etc ... I do believe it was my fathers friends and family gathering to give him comfort and they were waiting for him ... I told my dad goodbye at that moment. Now I rejoice and say hello to him when I feel the need to do so.


June 1, 1997 was and always will be the worst day of my life. On that day, the world lost one of it’s kindest souls when my wonderful Dad died from cancer. He was only 69 years old. It was the saddest day of my life. As the casket was lowered into the ground a part of me went with him, never to be recovered.

I didn't just love him, I adored him.

From that moment, for the rest of my life. I will be without my best friend, soul mate, trusted adviser and simply the kindest, sweetest and most gentle man I will ever know. He never laid a hand on his children, never called us insulting names and always helped us to do our best in life.

As we were growing up he would do nothing in his leisure time if it excluded his children and I cannot recall him ever saying to us, "I don’t have time." He ALWAYS had time for us.

Dad lived and loved life to the fullest. He never uttered a derogatory remark about anyone, never uttered a racial or ethnic slur and would never have tolerated that from any of us. Even if someone was a real jerk, he would always try to find something nice about them. He saw everything through the innocent eyes of a child. His curiosity knew no bounds and he was fascinated by nature and all of God's splendor. He was happy being in the outdoors and listening to the birds sing as the sun rose in the morning.

He loved being with his grandchildren, I'm sorry dad that you weren't here in body to see them grow up or be there for Taylor's birth. She was born on the day you died one year later. I both celebrate and morn that day...

I know you are with us all in spirit and are definitely here with us.

It was less than 6 months from the diagnosis of cancer to his death. For the last three weeks of his life, this strapping, healthy man who was running in marathons and 10K races only four months earlier, was unable to feed himself, bathe himself or even hold a pen to write a note. One of the hardest things for me to see was that he stopped smiling during this time. This happy, jovial man who smiled and joked nearly every waking moment just never smiled again and it was so painful to see. The cancer first took his pride and then his life. But it never touched his dignity and will not take the love I will always have for my BEST FRIEND and the cherished memories of the 43 years that God gave me with him.

If I lived to be a hundred, nothing I could ever do will make me prouder than simply being this his son.

Dad, I don't know if you have an internet connection from Heaven (if you do I'll bet it's a real fast one!) but if you could see this or if I could tell you something now it would be **THANK YOU** .... Thank you for being such a wonderful friend, father and teaching me so many things that will part of me forever. I thank you for teaching me that a butterfly has only "one summer to live." I never hurt another one after that day Dad, and you instilled in me a love and respect for all living things. Thank you for teaching me that a boy should never hit a girl because "she has eggs inside of her belly and if I break them she may never be a mommy." Thank you for never saying a single unkind word to me. Not one, not ever. Thank you for taking me out for ice cream when I hit my first ball in Little League. Thank you for never raising your voice or a hand to me, not one time, not even when I deserved it. Not many kids can say that!

All you have given me as a father shaped my life and made me the man that I am today. You're strong sense of values, of fairness, of right and wrong are all a part of me now. My outlook on life, my sense of humor, my interests and desires.... I see you in all of them Dad. It makes me happy and proud to know that the qualities in you I loved and admired so much are a part of me now. I only wish I were 1/100th the man you are, I can't say the word were! ... Not a single day has passed since you left that I haven't thought about you every fifteen minutes. It's 9:37am as I write this and you have entered my mind 100 times already, maybe more. I always wonder what you would think of this or that. When I am somewhere beautiful, with the kids and my grandchild... I feel so sad because I long to share it with you. You are ALWAYS with me DAD.... in my thoughts, in my heart, in my soul and in the very fabric of my life... You are always with me. If I had to turn you into the perfect father I wouldn't have changed a thing, except had you live longer. You were the kind of father every child,son and father... wishes he could have and I am so fortunate because you were mine.

I want to thank you for helping me understand that God gave us 2 hands, one to help ourselves and one to help others. You were the most giving person I have ever been privileged to have known.

So here I am waiting patiently until I see you again.

We'll go back packing, fishing and hunting again, talk endless hours about nothing ... Words cannot describe how much I long for that moment to arrive!

Dad I Love You with all my heart now and forever ...
Joined: 5/23/2007
Msg: 72
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 11/1/2009 1:41:36 PM
Write him a letter reminiscing about the last time you had a warm fuzzy with him in the first person. Have a picture of him in front of you as you write it.

STOP focusing on the fact that the other siblings got together without you. It was probably not on purpose.

Then go DO some good deeds.. preferrably at a retirement home with alone men whose families DONT visit them.
Joined: 10/15/2007
Msg: 73
I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY
Posted: 11/1/2009 1:54:32 PM
I spent most of my life in critical life support. The last thing a person loses is the ability to hear. I would tell the families of my patients to talk to their loved one. One day , a family returned with a tape recording of all the grand children telling their grandpa they loved him. I cant tell you how touched I was. It must have also given the family some comfort knowing grandpa probably could hear them.
Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > I Didnt get to say goodbye to my DADDY