Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Change Of Pace
Joined: 5/5/2007
Msg: 3
view profile
History
Could you learn to be passionate about someone if there is no chemistry to start with?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
No...I couldn't and I wouldn't want to. I have friends and I adore them...I don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone who will never be more than that...I also don't believe if there is no chemistry from the early days there will be enough to sustain throughout a relationship.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 4
Could you learn to be passionate about someone if there is no chemistry to start with?
Posted: 9/8/2008 1:51:25 PM
It wouldn't be possible for me, but only you know if it's possible for you. Since you are asking, my guess would be: Nope, not possible.
 SteveinHP
Joined: 8/12/2008
Msg: 5
Could you learn to be passionate about someone if there is no chemistry to start with?
Posted: 9/8/2008 1:52:54 PM
Have you dated this guy, or is it just a colleague thing? Do you see him outside work? I know at work I am professional for the most part, and I am a little different in a non work environment.

Go out Thursday, and try not to over analyze things, and see what happens. Just be yourself. Maybe you two will hit it off better. In the work place, guys have to watch it, too much sexual harassment crap going on....
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 6
view profile
History
Could you learn to be passionate about someone if there is no chemistry to start with?
Posted: 9/8/2008 1:53:47 PM
If you find him boring, eventually you won't want to hear what he has to say... and then you will begin to treat him with disrespect... and then things will unravel. Least, that's how I've seen it played out.

If there is a chance you haven't seen the fun away from work side of him, by all means date and see if you connect. If you don't, I'd pass... the man deserves real passionate love.
 fancynanci
Joined: 8/21/2007
Msg: 8
view profile
History
Could you learn to be passionate about someone if there is no chemistry to start with?
Posted: 9/8/2008 1:57:43 PM
Not me. I am a very passionate woman and the chemistry MUST be there
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 12
Could you learn to be passionate about someone if there is no chemistry to start with?
Posted: 9/8/2008 2:06:58 PM
~OP~ I agree with others, nothing wrong with a date or even several. But then you might want to post another thread: "Is it wise to date within the workplace or other professional venues?" (Just a thought, not something I'd personally do ~ that can open a can of worms that gets squiggly real quick.)
 We_Design_Our_Lives
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 19
Could you learn to be passionate about someone if there is no chemistry to start with?
Posted: 9/8/2008 2:30:34 PM
>> Is it possible I could learn to be passionate about and love this man?

Yep...why not...you could absolutely learn to love him (respect) but not to be "in love" with him.

>> he has 90% of the qualities I am looking for in a man.

So what...90% of cars have common traits...you still have your favorites.
 SteveinHP
Joined: 8/12/2008
Msg: 22
Could you learn to be passionate about someone if there is no chemistry to start with?
Posted: 9/8/2008 2:41:31 PM

have been in this spot 3 or 4 times over the years but that dull and boring will ruin it everytime.


Which is my point, she has only seen him in a work setting. Hell for all she knows he could be a Dominatrix (umm, a Male one, is there another word for them?) or he could be much more relaxed and be an exciting guy. You never know, she does not work directly for him or with him on a regular basis..

maybe he could knock her socks off....
 rpxtu
Joined: 7/16/2008
Msg: 23
Could you learn to be passionate about someone if there is no chemistry to start with?
Posted: 9/8/2008 2:41:38 PM
How do you really know he is dull and boring? from work? He may not be as dull and boring as you think outside of work!
Give him a chance these women that make such a big deal about love at first sight or instant chemistry have probably not had a real relationship in their lives.
 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 25
Could you learn to be passionate about someone if there is no chemistry to start with?
Posted: 9/8/2008 2:46:39 PM
Before all the shallow-ites and their twins the “it is what is on the inside that matters (also know as the only thing that matters)”

I thank The Lord everyday - some of us guys think with our “little head”

I would sure never want to miss one of the VERY MAIN INGREDIENTS for a lasting long term relationship - that zing zing is a big big deal to the lasting attraction.

Yeah yeah - I can hear them now ....... before anyone starts spewing poppycock (at me personally) ... yes I have a FAR better than average track record in lasting relationships.

---------

Oops I forgot .........

Everyone that thinks attraction (esp lasting for years and years attraction) don't mean squat - in a male female relationship, please raise your hand (and put that in your profile).

WARNING ....... attraction don't mean squat.
 Sherlock101
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 28
view profile
History
Could you learn to be passionate about someone if there is no chemistry to start with?
Posted: 9/8/2008 2:56:45 PM
When I first met my last GF she was married. I thought she was cute but didn't let my thought's go any farther. We later became friends as we hung out with many of the same people at the same places. There's was some attraction but not any real chemistry. After she divorced we became closer friends and then started seeing each other. The chemistry seemed to blossom till I just absolutely adored her in a fairly short amount of time. There was definitely the stuff that comes from the inside but the chemistry was also very strong. So I have come to believe it may not always be there in the beginning.
 nycdoglover
Joined: 8/22/2007
Msg: 31
Could you learn to be passionate about someone if there is no chemistry to start with?
Posted: 9/8/2008 3:54:37 PM
No. If you don't feel it, it just isn't there. And, why would you want to settle for a relationship without passion?
 Sherlock101
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 33
view profile
History
 duckling
Joined: 2/28/2006
Msg: 35
Could you learn to be passionate about someone if there is no chemistry to start with?
Posted: 9/9/2008 7:00:42 AM
Let us know how that works out. I've seen passion "burn out" quite a few times, but I'm not sure if chemistry can be developed. Sometimes, the best camp fires are slow getting started!
 HereN916
Joined: 3/28/2007
Msg: 41
Could you learn to be passionate about someone if there is no chemistry to start with?
Posted: 9/9/2008 7:57:52 AM
Hmmm, I agree/can understand what JulieC29 is saying, but then I agree/understand what Big Hip Kat is saying also..........yeah, yeah.......obviously, I am of no help. But if it helps, you are not alone, as I have often asked myself the very same questions and deep inside I don't think it would work for me and would be so unfair, and unkind (though not intentional) to the other person. It does give one something to ponder while here fishing, doesn't it.........grin.....
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 42
view profile
History
Could you learn to be passionate about someone if there is no chemistry to start with?
Posted: 9/9/2008 8:08:01 AM
I would say go out with him and keep an open mind. Many people behave far differently outside of work. Chemistry is important but it won't sustain you for years if you have nothing else going on.
 MelloDLyn
Joined: 10/25/2004
Msg: 44
view profile
History
Could you learn to be passionate about someone if there is no chemistry to start with?
Posted: 9/9/2008 9:09:55 AM
I tryed that and it doesn't work. It is either there the first time u meet or never is. I wanted to see if I could make it grow cause guys said give it time. It didn't grow. It wilted. Passion is very important to me. It is more important than security.
 sharpbeach
Joined: 6/18/2008
Msg: 45
view profile
History
Could you learn to be passionate about someone if there is no chemistry to start with?
Posted: 9/9/2008 9:26:36 AM
I think it is possible to develop a bigger passion for a man you may not be ordinarily attracted to if you decide to go deeper. The thing here is...you work with him and you know what they say about that...don't sh.t where you eat.
 CherylCake
Joined: 2/27/2007
Msg: 46
Could you learn to be passionate about someone if there is no chemistry to start with?
Posted: 9/9/2008 9:33:22 AM
Passion can grow, if you water & fertilize. It has happened to me. But I really think there should be sparx first. The passion I thought was happening was really someone telling me stuff I wanted to hear. Hey, I was young & just divorced. You're more likely to want to believe. Funny how the passion died when I found he took an old girlfriend to Hawaii. Aloha!
 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 47
Could you learn to be passionate about someone if there is no chemistry to start with?
Posted: 9/9/2008 9:53:48 AM
I don't know about developing passion after a year, but I do believe that passion can be developed as you get to know someone.

There is instant attraction which people so often refer to as chemistry. That is what you feel when you spot someone appealing or initially fun.

However, I believe that as you get to know someone and discover the deeper, less superficial characteristics that appeal to you, a passion can appear that you didn't expect.

As well, he may seem boring and dull in public, but maybe there's more than meets the eye. Ever see Revenge of the Nerds?

Nutt
 cookiedough
Joined: 6/5/2008
Msg: 51
Could you learn to be passionate about someone if there is no chemistry to start with?
Posted: 9/9/2008 11:05:06 PM
I've heard chemistry talked about in this thread as if it were some ingredient in a cake; missing, just reach in the cupboard and add a dash; none in cupboard, run out to the store and buy some. It might seem to be trivializing this 'chemistry' by calling it an ingredient, but upon a closer look, it just might be that after all. Which ingredient it is though, is anyone's guess. But be sure, it's a big one. It's like flour, but with more subtlety. Like the vanilla flavoring, but more vital. Like baking powder, but more exotic. Whichever one (or ones) it is, without it, the cake may bake, but it will most likely not just lack flavor, it'll be a flattened lump: no chemistry=no rise (pardon the pun).

I think what's important here is to ask yourself two questions: One, what does chemistry mean to you? And two, how important is it? It depends on you.

I don't know what your level of communication with this fellow is, but discussing chemistry (and/or the lack of it) on a first date might be a tad heavy. Maybe wait until after the wine. Better yet, why not wait until after desert. That way, if you end up having cake and it's a bit flat, you'll know why. And more importantly, you might realize you don't mind flat cake. After all, a flat cake can also be called a brownie and to some people, it's their favorite kind of desert!

As for me, I'm a hold out for the big cake, the 6 layer chocolate one! Cake or brownie, I wish you the best of luck!
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 52
Could you learn to be passionate about someone if there is no chemistry to start with?
Posted: 7/23/2017 9:50:02 AM
Well OP, if you are still reading, there is good news and bad news.

The GOOD news? Of course passion will develop whenever people fall in Love. (given enough quality time together) Looks crystal clear to me, you have been bitten by the CHEMISTRY bug. They are 2 distinct critters. It's very easy to confuse the two. CHEMISTRY (the exchange of pheromones) is immediate and it's ONLY purpose and function is to keep the Human race genetically strong. IT screams at us, this other person is a very good genetic match for us. (and any offspring will be genetically strong) It's totally unconscious and is a SMELL thing not a vision thing. One has to be F2F with another for our primitive brains/Animal Instinct to analyze the other's DNA.

Yes, once someone has actually had IT, it's almost impossible to start a Relationship with someone if that magic is not present from the get go. (I am in that very boat) The Reality is that the vast majority of folks can and do fall in Love with and develop passion for one another. Passion can and usually will wane but Chemistry won't/doesn't. IF it was CHEMISTRY, even multiple years later, one can merely hear their name or see a similar looking face, and the heart rate can double within a few seconds, along with the other "symptoms".

The BAD news is that Chemistry alone w/o all the other necessary components won't/never does keep a couple together for long. It usually will (sometimes rather quickly as many can attest) produce babies that are genetically strong.

CHEMISTRY is usually what is behind "Love at first sight". Lust at first sniff is far more accurate. It's why so many want to/insist upon a F2F meet ASAP. That's the only way to tell.

It would seem that Chemistry would weaken or no longer function or happen after Humans are beyond "prime" breeding age... In June of 2010 at a Fish party I get clobbered over the head with it... at the ripe "old" age of 57. I remember that 10 second kiss like it was yesterday.

And that is the trouble with Chemistry. It's the epitome of the double edged sword. While it IS omnipotent, it guarantees nothing.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >