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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD      Home login  
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 10
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Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD PRESS DO NOT DELETEPage 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

You can pick up STD's many ways i.e. by never washing yourself.

This is ridiculous.

How did the first STDs evolve? How did *any* infection evolve? There are bacteria and viruses in the world. It is speculated that HIV came from monkeys and was transmitted to humans through blood contact. But how did the monkeys get it? Where do the flu viruses come from? Where does the common cold come from? STDs have been around for a long time. Bacteria and viruses probably predate humans.
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 11
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Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD
Posted: 9/11/2008 11:07:38 AM
OP, regardless of how and when the STD's originated , it is sad, and now you are stuck with them. I can imagine how that gnaws at you. I agree that all the red flags probalbly indicate he did cheat. Your constant questioning of "how can he continue to deny" is irrelevant at this point. The real situation is that you appear to be in denial . You face a decision that you apparently wont make. Will you stay with him or not? Trust between the two of you is rapidly approaching zero, if indeed it hasnt already reached that point. That usually spells the end of a working relationship. So at this point you need to focus on that decision. Stay and try to work things out or leave and start over. Either way it will take months and months to achieve emotional recovery. Good luck in making the right decision for you.
Joined: 1/9/2008
Msg: 12
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Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD PRESS DO NOT DELETE
Posted: 9/11/2008 11:13:36 AM
There is a saying.. "fool me once, shame on you.. fool me twice, shame on ME". There were red flags and warning signs even a blind person could see (IMO); but you chose to ignore them and even after he had proven himself a low life you allowed him to return and settle into the same pattern. The reason people like him continue to do what they do is because people like you allow them to.

I'm really sorry for what you are going through and would never wish it on my worse enemy. I do wish you the best, but judging from your posts of "how could he keep denying it.. can it be possible he didn't cheat".. trust me.. if it looks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck.. by gosh it's a DUCK! lol
Joined: 7/13/2007
Msg: 13
Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD
Posted: 9/11/2008 1:08:35 PM
It also has to be reported to the Government according to the Doctor. I feel so dirty and ashamed, although I did nothing to deserve this.

Thank you all for your advice and for listening. It helps to be able to talk about it and to get your feedback.

BTW, the other 2 STDs he gave me begin with "Chlam" and "G"...nice huh...still waiting for the HIV test results...among others....he must've been fooling around with some really nasty chics....he will only admit to a porn/online/sex addiction...but I understand from the doctor that men and women with this problem very often croos the line even further and engage in promiscous sex with strangers or shortterm affairs...there are even websites for people of both sexes to find an affair...and websites advising how not to get caught.

I guess I am just curious how he can deny having anything ' physical' recently since we have been together. He even stood there when the doctor sxplained it was impossible...and continued to say he didn't do anything for this to happen.
Joined: 9/20/2005
Msg: 14
Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD
Posted: 9/11/2008 2:12:33 PM
I am so sorry to hear about this happening to you.This guy sounds like a dirty douche bag. and what he did to you is something I hope for your sake you would never forgive him for. If he trys to ask you to forgive him Tell him NO WAY........ONCE A CHEATER ALWAYS A CHEATER
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 15
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Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD
Posted: 9/11/2008 3:18:50 PM
You want your boyfriend to admit something you already know and you knew it a long time ago by his actions. You posted a whole list of things he did that of course meant he's lying to you, yet you stayed and had lots of fights and wanting to make up and wanting it all to go away and probably stayed long enough to get these STDs that you might have not been infected with if you had left him when you knew he was a snake many months ago. As heartbreaking as this all is, you knew he was up to know good yet you stayed with him, I'm sure if you thought he might be cheating that it must have crossed your mind to be responsible for your own body at the very least. What you should have done was leave him the minute he started treating you badly. It's not your fault that he cheated and lied, but it will always be your responsibility to take care of yourself and not be in the position you are in now. If you had even a thought that he was cheating, why would you having sex with him and why unprotected sex? That's insane! Of course with some STDs, such as herpes, condoms won't protect you unless his breakout is under the condom area. I feel for you, but you could have prevented this by not allowing him to be in your life when he started disrespecting you.

BTW, I don't know where it stand legally anymore but there have been cases where a person has successfully sued the person giving them an STD and not telling them it could happen. At the very least they had to pay the person's medical bills. In case you are interested in looking something like that up.
Joined: 8/11/2007
Msg: 16
Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD
Posted: 9/11/2008 7:01:30 PM
OP if you are starting this thread on 9/11 about your b/f who you say cheated on you and gave you STD's then why does your profile say you are looking for a long term relationship??????????????

Things that make you go
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 18
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Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD
Posted: 9/16/2008 1:21:15 PM
On another note: With all the antibiotics you're taking, you will want to take probiotics at the same time. Once those antibiotics get in your system, they kill off all the flora, including the good ones that keep your system balanced and allows candida to flourish. Then your intestines become prime territory for a host of diseases.
Joined: 2/20/2008
Msg: 19
Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD
Posted: 9/17/2008 7:13:47 AM
"EX-Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD"

Here I fixed it for ya. That's what it should really say.
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 20
Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD
Posted: 10/4/2008 5:31:31 PM
Oh my ........

I have never heard of > candida

When I was young and umm ........ poking around ......

I had heard of syphilis - gonorrhea - crabs.

I never even knew of anyone that ever had any of those .......... UNTIL

Until a gal gave me a going away gift .......... I was going to basic training (Air Force) and she gibber me a little ....... gift.

Those crabs were ..... well crabs. Do crabs have a "real name" these days or are crabs a thing of years past.

I don’t think I had even heard of herpes until I was like 38 years old. Then the Rock Hudson thing was all over the TV just after I got married (2nd marriage).

Man - it seems dangerous to even date these days.
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 21
Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD
Posted: 10/4/2008 6:02:28 PM
"I am so sad...and very sick at the same time...and praying he did not give me even worse than what I already know about...I guess I will know later tday when the doctor gives me the results.

What did I ever do to him to deserve this?"

My coworker went through the same thing. She just moved from another place down here, and her boyfriend gave her some pretty bad ones. She hasnt really recovered from it because she thought he was loyal and everything was fine. She even has one that can lead to a certain type of cancer.

Leave him if you haven't already, and take time to recover and surround yourself with friends who care. That's the best healing process. You'll be alright. And if he keeps denying it, tell him, yell at him, hell, beat it into him literally if you have to. He deserves bad karma in the future, let it start with what you do to him.

Sorry, I have no respect for people who cheat. ESPECIALLY ones who deny it and hurt seemingly wonderful people like this.
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 22
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Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD PRESS DO NOT DELETE
Posted: 10/4/2008 7:42:28 PM
Sometimes we are the architects of our own misery.
Plenty of instances, when we look back honestly... it was our choices that led to this. There were plenty of times and chances given to you, OP just like we are all given plenty of chances. Did I blow many an opportunity for a good relationship? Why yes.
The important thing is, you gotta learn from this. Otherwise, you'll just end up with the same men over and over again.
Good luck and get well soon (hopefully).
Joined: 5/25/2008
Msg: 23
Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD
Posted: 1/27/2009 6:03:34 AM
THREE STDs?! This guy is filthy VERMIN, a rotten PIG on a level unseen by humans or other primates. And HERPES too? Holy crap. It's bad enough that he's a pathological liar at the level of being criminally insane, but to ruin you for life like this -- honestly, I wouldn't think any less of you for having him dismembered and buried in the desert, because that's exactly what he deserves -- and nothing less. This guy is no better and no different than Charles Manson in his righteous insensitivity and willfulness to justify his unabashed destruction from gleeful denial.

In biblical times the penalty for adultery was being stoned to death, so I don't in any way believe my feelings to be exaggarent. I have a gal pal who was gullible enough to fall in love with a man who said he was divorcing his wife. After a whirlwind romance that continued for seven months, she pressed him to be proactive and keep his promise of marrying her; and he balked, going back to his wife and kids. She became suicidal over this for many months and barely kept her job -- her life was in ruins. And this guy was simply a wishy-washy, indecisive dork.

It's unbelievable how even a single moment of selfish thoughtlessness can destroy another's existence. But your boyfriend wasn't thoughtless -- he is a cold-blooded and callous opportunistic misogynist. It is for people like this that Hell was created. And if you don't send him to his rightful place I hope someone else makes a phone call to New Jersey and issues a mob hit.

As much as I am outraged by what's been done to you by this monster, I still have to question your putting yourself in harm's way. You better seek counseling fast to get over what manner of insecurity, if not desparateness, compels you to turn a blind eye to someone initially cheating on you. Although you didn't deserve this, you were still asking for it because you went into denial at a crucial moment in your relationship.

Guys make this same kind of mistake everyday -- they willingly commence doomed relationships because to most men, opportunity is more important than compatibility. You saw an opportunity for happiness and you didn't want to let go of it. And now you're paying a ransom for it. You didn't want to accept that the willingness to cheat at all is not some accident or error -- and yet, it can be nothing else but a deliberate act entered into knowingly. This is where your low self-esteem or lack of common sense created some contrived loop hole of sorts, where YOU deliberately chose to embrace his cheap rationalizations.

You are certainly a victim, 100%: but this was totally unnecessary. You certainly didn't deserve this kind of double-crossing, degrading abuse. But the sad part is that it was 100% avoidable. The only girl I've dated from this site also cheated on me early in our relationship, and that was that. When I confronted her about it, she hung her head in shame, admitted her stupidity and promised to never do it again -- and I assured her she was right, because she'd have to do that to someone else.

As a poet and songwriter, I'm not an outwardly masculine guy -- definitely not an alpha-male. BUT I don't need to be told twice by a girl that I'm not good enough for her. I don't go where I'm not wanted. You allowed yourself to contract herpes because you let yourself believe that even though this guy would rather be with another woman than you, you were somehow still important to him, and important enough to be his #1 -- despite playing second fiddle to other women before things even got rolling.

Sometimes people don't want to know what they don't want to know.

This is why I'm being a little tough on you despite my complete sympathy for your circumstance and my undiluted hatred of your idiot boyfriend. If you don't want to shoot for higher stakes and die from AIDS, my advice would be to seek out counseling to figure out what aspects of your upbringing, personality and life experience have come together to make you weak enough to turn the other cheek to such unreasonable risks.

It isn't what you did -- it's the manner of computation that draws you to a wrong conclusion that will re-manifest itself over and over in "different" situations. No matter how unique they might be from each other, they will all be the same situation reincarnated because it's the way you think that will allow for you to become "the victim" over and over again for, what on the surface might appear to be, different reasons. Act now while you have a chance, before things get even worse.

Once you have a more vivid grasp of why you draw the conclusions that you do about men (what your true core motivations are), your patience, compassion and loving nature will be able to remain intact to nurture and nourish your relationships -- but without having to jeopardize your life in the process.
Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 24
Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD
Posted: 1/27/2009 6:11:32 AM
How did this post ever survive the 'self-pity' delete test???? Sounds like a bullsh*t troll post to me...


To be more specific:

"Self pity threads are now banned. Getting tired of seeing the same threads every couple of days from people trying to get attention, especially in the testimonials section."

I am so sad...and very sick at the same time...and praying he did not give me even worse than what I already know about...I guess I will know later tday when the doctor gives me the results. What did I ever do to him to deserve this?

Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 25
Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD
Posted: 1/28/2009 10:08:24 AM
^^^^^ Remotely? "what did I do to ever deserve this", accompanied by the rest of the natural 'feelings' in the quote, is not 'remote' at is the very 'definition' of self-pity.

How would I feel if it happened to me? Oh, probably hurt and used and foolish...just like the op...Thanks for 'asking'...and then answering for me! lol!

But I would not be posting self pity threads where they are not allowed...pretty sure of that!

I generally have loads of compassion...I was just making an observation about the rules here...Try THAT sometime!

You can stop trying to define me and trying to speak for me anytime seem to be reeeeealy bad at it. Thanks!
Joined: 6/19/2010
Msg: 26
Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD
Posted: 7/3/2010 10:32:06 AM

EarthGirl, you knew he was a cheater right off the bat. Some men and women will go through several months to several years before they find that out...and even though you KNEW he was a cheater, you stuck around? I don't get it. I really don't. It seems that all I ever read these days is how someone feels bad about being cheated on and "all men are scum" kinda posts, but then there's people like you that deliberately walk HEAD FIRST into it knowingly, and THEN get upset with the consequences of your poor choice. Yea, I just don't get it.

Good choices come with rewards. Poor choices come with consequences.

I'm not so heartless as not not wish you the best of luck with the Doctor's good luck with that, and hopefully something that can be treated...but I can't say I feel much sympathy or empathy for this aside from that seeing as how you walked into that minefield willingly and knowingly. Hopefully you learn something from this.

yeah, BDJ, he must have been a really good-looking guy or something. (maybe with a great 'bad boy' act)

no doubt she never would have accepted such behavior from an average-looking guy, or even wanted to be with him in the first place.

but for a good-enough-looking person, women (and men) seem to be able to overlook an awful LOT
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 27
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Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD
Posted: 7/3/2010 10:56:27 AM
we are only getting one side of the story
you are on a dating site, i read your profile, and you do not say anything about your STDs,
in my book that makes you someone who is not honest
why are you involved with a man like that, so many red flags.... are you stupid, i do not think so, are you a risk taker, yup, you need to take most of the blame on this one
your profile sais your ab educated woman, one that it seems go s for the bad boys
you got what you deserved ,try finding a good man next time, and make sure the first thing you tell him is that you have or had STDs , oh and add it to your profile
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 28
Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD
Posted: 7/3/2010 4:37:39 PM

I’m all for pre-disclosure of anything that could be an obvious breaker for lots of people, however I also feel that there is no need to inform the PUBLIC AT LARGE, (the MAJORITY of which will be mismatches, not interested, etc.) about extremely personal and private information. Such disclosures should be revealed to ONLY those whom the affected party feels have ACTUAL potential; to the suitors they are truly interested in meeting and getting to know.


This is a dating site.
This is where you meet people.
You don't walk up to someone on the street and say "Hey, I've got Herpes".
Why would you do that on a dating site?

We are adults here (well at least some of us are).
Adults know how to communicate in an adult fashion.
Adults will discuss important issues between themselves, not in the general public.

As for Herpes, are you aware that 80% off the population have it.
Above the waist it is Herpes Simplex Type One. (cold sores)
Below the waist it is Herpes Simplex Type Two. (same sores, just different area)
Herpes is a viral infection, the same virus that causes chickenpox, shingles and glandular fever.

It is not a death sentence.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 29
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Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD
Posted: 7/3/2010 8:49:52 PM
the thing that worries me is she is on this site, her profile does not say anything about having an STD(S)!!!!!! she may be giving someone the gift that keeps on giving,.... she has already made sure she let everybody know she is not clean and safe, and has 'relationships' with dirty men
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 30
Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD PRESS DO NOT DELETE
Posted: 7/3/2010 9:10:04 PM
I feel your pain and wondering what exactly did happen and when but do not forget the even more important thing, “What do you do now?”.

Yes, he may have cheated on you and then again, may be he never did. Regardless of the answer, it does not change the reality that you're living now. So what you should be more preoccupied with is, “What do you do now?”.

I understand that you may very much hate and despise him right now and that is probably never going to change but life goes on and, so must you.

J'avoue que cela est très très déplaisant à vivre mais reste le fait que tu as le choix de continuer ta vie en temps que victime de la situation ou bien, te positionner et t'ajuster comme bon te semble.
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 31
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Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD PRESS DO NOT DELETE
Posted: 7/3/2010 9:51:38 PM
Some people have addictions to pornography and sexual addictions of all sorts. Cheating can be a form of addiction.

People with addictions normally deny that they have a problem so his continuous lying, even to the doctor, is simply the way that he denies having a problem. He is not just trying to convince you or the doc that he doesn't have a problem; he is trying to convince himself that he has no problem as well.

When the OP put this in the forums, two years ago, your forum post were on your profile page so for those of you who seem to think she was not being fair to any potential partners I think you are mistaken. I remember my own forum posts on my profile when I first signed up with POF so what she wrote in the forums was in full view for anyone who read her profile.

Like many have said on out for those red flags. Unfortunately if you think it is love then love is often blind. I think that was why she had trouble accepting that he would be cheating on her.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 32
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Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD
Posted: 7/10/2010 2:47:56 PM
I notice that OP hasn't posted for a while.

There are people, who will die, before they admit any wrongdoing on their part.

I ran into this with my ex-husband regarding a fairly small financial indiscretion on his part. He would not admit responsibility for this indiscretion. I got documentation to prove his responsibility, and even when faced with signed documentation, he still denied responsibility.

Because this indiscretion was fairly small, and his denial was so vehement, I realized that I couldn't trust him to be honest about anything, and this contributed to my leaving him not very long after this happened.

I really hope that you have left him behind, OP......wayyyy behind.
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 33
Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD
Posted: 7/12/2010 10:06:24 AM
Well, I suppose I'll weigh in on this one too.

Let's all can the moral outrage, o.k.? They are diseases, they happen.

Was this guy honorable in cheating on the OP? Nope.

Is the OP forever cursed, dirtied and dishonored, a fallen woman branded with the Mark of Cain because of his unforgivable crime? Nope.

She is honorable in having the courage to put her status on front street, but let's not exaggerate the whole victimization posture here. People catch that stuff every day, and putting some moral victim/immoral victimizer dichotomy on it isn't very useful.

This guy is a toad, but really, he's not much worse than a guy who cheated and wore a condom doing it. He didn't set out to catch herpes, he just acted in such a way as to make it basically inevitable that he would. Dishonest and stupid, but then the OP knew that from the outset in this relationship, because he was already dishonest and stupid enough to get caught the first time.

She has learned a very painful, unfortunate and valuable lesson, though. If you are not (1) married to someone and trying to have children, and you are (2) doing the horizontal with them, you are either (3) using a condom or (4) being very reckless. HIV is still out there, folks, and it's still lethal. Roll the dice with your own life if you want, but do not do it with someone else's.

The OP definitely CAN sue him, which I'd heartily suggest, as it might possibly give some of the promiscuous idiots out there pause. Nothing quite like herpes AND an expensive public shaming.
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 34
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Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD
Posted: 11/17/2010 8:56:36 PM
Your BF is an a$$hole. He cheated and he knows he cheated, otherwise when you found out what you had, why wasn't he suspicious of you and accusing you of cheating? He didn't accuse you because he knew where you got it from (from him)

You sound like a honest, good person. You'll get through this and good things will come to you. Karma will take care of your ex bf and karma is a ****.
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