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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD      Home login  
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 Ron9
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 20
Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STDPage 7 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Oh my ........

I have never heard of > candida

When I was young and umm ........ poking around ......

I had heard of syphilis - gonorrhea - crabs.

I never even knew of anyone that ever had any of those .......... UNTIL

Until a gal gave me a going away gift .......... I was going to basic training (Air Force) and she gibber me a little ....... gift.

Those crabs were ..... well crabs. Do crabs have a "real name" these days or are crabs a thing of years past.

I don’t think I had even heard of herpes until I was like 38 years old. Then the Rock Hudson thing was all over the TV just after I got married (2nd marriage).

Man - it seems dangerous to even date these days.
 JesTheDude
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 21
Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD
Posted: 10/4/2008 6:02:28 PM
"I am so sad...and very sick at the same time...and praying he did not give me even worse than what I already know about...I guess I will know later tday when the doctor gives me the results.

What did I ever do to him to deserve this?"

My coworker went through the same thing. She just moved from another place down here, and her boyfriend gave her some pretty bad ones. She hasnt really recovered from it because she thought he was loyal and everything was fine. She even has one that can lead to a certain type of cancer.

Leave him if you haven't already, and take time to recover and surround yourself with friends who care. That's the best healing process. You'll be alright. And if he keeps denying it, tell him, yell at him, hell, beat it into him literally if you have to. He deserves bad karma in the future, let it start with what you do to him.

Sorry, I have no respect for people who cheat. ESPECIALLY ones who deny it and hurt seemingly wonderful people like this.
 WanderingRain
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 22
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Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD PRESS DO NOT DELETE
Posted: 10/4/2008 7:42:28 PM
Sometimes we are the architects of our own misery.
Plenty of instances, when we look back honestly... it was our choices that led to this. There were plenty of times and chances given to you, OP just like we are all given plenty of chances. Did I blow many an opportunity for a good relationship? Why yes.
The important thing is, you gotta learn from this. Otherwise, you'll just end up with the same men over and over again.
Good luck and get well soon (hopefully).
 BeatlesYeahYeahYeah
Joined: 5/25/2008
Msg: 23
Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD
Posted: 1/27/2009 6:03:34 AM
THREE STDs?! This guy is filthy VERMIN, a rotten PIG on a level unseen by humans or other primates. And HERPES too? Holy crap. It's bad enough that he's a pathological liar at the level of being criminally insane, but to ruin you for life like this -- honestly, I wouldn't think any less of you for having him dismembered and buried in the desert, because that's exactly what he deserves -- and nothing less. This guy is no better and no different than Charles Manson in his righteous insensitivity and willfulness to justify his unabashed destruction from gleeful denial.

In biblical times the penalty for adultery was being stoned to death, so I don't in any way believe my feelings to be exaggarent. I have a gal pal who was gullible enough to fall in love with a man who said he was divorcing his wife. After a whirlwind romance that continued for seven months, she pressed him to be proactive and keep his promise of marrying her; and he balked, going back to his wife and kids. She became suicidal over this for many months and barely kept her job -- her life was in ruins. And this guy was simply a wishy-washy, indecisive dork.

It's unbelievable how even a single moment of selfish thoughtlessness can destroy another's existence. But your boyfriend wasn't thoughtless -- he is a cold-blooded and callous opportunistic misogynist. It is for people like this that Hell was created. And if you don't send him to his rightful place I hope someone else makes a phone call to New Jersey and issues a mob hit.

As much as I am outraged by what's been done to you by this monster, I still have to question your putting yourself in harm's way. You better seek counseling fast to get over what manner of insecurity, if not desparateness, compels you to turn a blind eye to someone initially cheating on you. Although you didn't deserve this, you were still asking for it because you went into denial at a crucial moment in your relationship.

Guys make this same kind of mistake everyday -- they willingly commence doomed relationships because to most men, opportunity is more important than compatibility. You saw an opportunity for happiness and you didn't want to let go of it. And now you're paying a ransom for it. You didn't want to accept that the willingness to cheat at all is not some accident or error -- and yet, it can be nothing else but a deliberate act entered into knowingly. This is where your low self-esteem or lack of common sense created some contrived loop hole of sorts, where YOU deliberately chose to embrace his cheap rationalizations.

You are certainly a victim, 100%: but this was totally unnecessary. You certainly didn't deserve this kind of double-crossing, degrading abuse. But the sad part is that it was 100% avoidable. The only girl I've dated from this site also cheated on me early in our relationship, and that was that. When I confronted her about it, she hung her head in shame, admitted her stupidity and promised to never do it again -- and I assured her she was right, because she'd have to do that to someone else.

As a poet and songwriter, I'm not an outwardly masculine guy -- definitely not an alpha-male. BUT I don't need to be told twice by a girl that I'm not good enough for her. I don't go where I'm not wanted. You allowed yourself to contract herpes because you let yourself believe that even though this guy would rather be with another woman than you, you were somehow still important to him, and important enough to be his #1 -- despite playing second fiddle to other women before things even got rolling.

Sometimes people don't want to know what they don't want to know.

This is why I'm being a little tough on you despite my complete sympathy for your circumstance and my undiluted hatred of your idiot boyfriend. If you don't want to shoot for higher stakes and die from AIDS, my advice would be to seek out counseling to figure out what aspects of your upbringing, personality and life experience have come together to make you weak enough to turn the other cheek to such unreasonable risks.

It isn't what you did -- it's the manner of computation that draws you to a wrong conclusion that will re-manifest itself over and over in "different" situations. No matter how unique they might be from each other, they will all be the same situation reincarnated because it's the way you think that will allow for you to become "the victim" over and over again for, what on the surface might appear to be, different reasons. Act now while you have a chance, before things get even worse.

Once you have a more vivid grasp of why you draw the conclusions that you do about men (what your true core motivations are), your patience, compassion and loving nature will be able to remain intact to nurture and nourish your relationships -- but without having to jeopardize your life in the process.
 arcticdude
Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 24
Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD
Posted: 1/27/2009 6:11:32 AM
How did this post ever survive the 'self-pity' delete test???? Sounds like a bullsh*t troll post to me...

Edit:

To be more specific:

"Self pity threads are now banned. Getting tired of seeing the same threads every couple of days from people trying to get attention, especially in the testimonials section."


I am so sad...and very sick at the same time...and praying he did not give me even worse than what I already know about...I guess I will know later tday when the doctor gives me the results. What did I ever do to him to deserve this?


 arcticdude
Joined: 10/4/2008
Msg: 25
Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD
Posted: 1/28/2009 10:08:24 AM
^^^^^ Remotely? "what did I do to ever deserve this", accompanied by the rest of the natural 'feelings' in the quote, is not 'remote' at all...it is the very 'definition' of self-pity.

How would I feel if it happened to me? Oh, probably hurt and used and foolish...just like the op...Thanks for 'asking'...and then answering for me! lol!

But I would not be posting self pity threads where they are not allowed...pretty sure of that!

I generally have loads of compassion...I was just making an observation about the rules here...Try THAT sometime!

You can stop trying to define me and trying to speak for me anytime now...you seem to be reeeeealy bad at it. Thanks!
 sarniafairyboy
Joined: 6/19/2010
Msg: 26
Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD
Posted: 7/3/2010 10:32:06 AM

EarthGirl, you knew he was a cheater right off the bat. Some men and women will go through several months to several years before they find that out...and even though you KNEW he was a cheater, you stuck around? I don't get it. I really don't. It seems that all I ever read these days is how someone feels bad about being cheated on and "all men are scum" kinda posts, but then there's people like you that deliberately walk HEAD FIRST into it knowingly, and THEN get upset with the consequences of your poor choice. Yea, I just don't get it.

Good choices come with rewards. Poor choices come with consequences.

I'm not so heartless as not not wish you the best of luck with the Doctor's report...so good luck with that, and hopefully something that can be treated...but I can't say I feel much sympathy or empathy for this aside from that seeing as how you walked into that minefield willingly and knowingly. Hopefully you learn something from this.



yeah, BDJ, he must have been a really good-looking guy or something. (maybe with a great 'bad boy' act)

no doubt she never would have accepted such behavior from an average-looking guy, or even wanted to be with him in the first place.

but for a good-enough-looking person, women (and men) seem to be able to overlook an awful LOT
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 27
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Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD
Posted: 7/3/2010 10:56:27 AM
we are only getting one side of the story
you are on a dating site, i read your profile, and you do not say anything about your STDs,
in my book that makes you someone who is not honest
why are you involved with a man like that, so many red flags.... are you stupid, i do not think so, are you a risk taker, yup, you need to take most of the blame on this one
your profile sais your ab educated woman, one that it seems go s for the bad boys
you got what you deserved ,try finding a good man next time, and make sure the first thing you tell him is that you have or had STDs , oh and add it to your profile
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 28
Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD
Posted: 7/3/2010 4:37:39 PM

I’m all for pre-disclosure of anything that could be an obvious breaker for lots of people, however I also feel that there is no need to inform the PUBLIC AT LARGE, (the MAJORITY of which will be mismatches, not interested, etc.) about extremely personal and private information. Such disclosures should be revealed to ONLY those whom the affected party feels have ACTUAL potential; to the suitors they are truly interested in meeting and getting to know.


^^^^Exactly

This is a dating site.
This is where you meet people.
You don't walk up to someone on the street and say "Hey, I've got Herpes".
Why would you do that on a dating site?

We are adults here (well at least some of us are).
Adults know how to communicate in an adult fashion.
Adults will discuss important issues between themselves, not in the general public.

As for Herpes, are you aware that 80% off the population have it.
Above the waist it is Herpes Simplex Type One. (cold sores)
Below the waist it is Herpes Simplex Type Two. (same sores, just different area)
Herpes is a viral infection, the same virus that causes chickenpox, shingles and glandular fever.

It is not a death sentence.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 29
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Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD
Posted: 7/3/2010 8:49:52 PM
the thing that worries me is she is on this site, her profile does not say anything about having an STD(S)!!!!!! she may be giving someone the gift that keeps on giving,.... she has already made sure she let everybody know she is not clean and safe, and has 'relationships' with dirty men
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 30
Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD PRESS DO NOT DELETE
Posted: 7/3/2010 9:10:04 PM
I feel your pain and wondering what exactly did happen and when but do not forget the even more important thing, “What do you do now?”.

Yes, he may have cheated on you and then again, may be he never did. Regardless of the answer, it does not change the reality that you're living now. So what you should be more preoccupied with is, “What do you do now?”.

I understand that you may very much hate and despise him right now and that is probably never going to change but life goes on and, so must you.

J'avoue que cela est très très déplaisant à vivre mais reste le fait que tu as le choix de continuer ta vie en temps que victime de la situation ou bien, te positionner et t'ajuster comme bon te semble.
 Twilightslove
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 31
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Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD PRESS DO NOT DELETE
Posted: 7/3/2010 9:51:38 PM
Some people have addictions to pornography and sexual addictions of all sorts. Cheating can be a form of addiction.

People with addictions normally deny that they have a problem so his continuous lying, even to the doctor, is simply the way that he denies having a problem. He is not just trying to convince you or the doc that he doesn't have a problem; he is trying to convince himself that he has no problem as well.

When the OP put this in the forums, two years ago, your forum post were on your profile page so for those of you who seem to think she was not being fair to any potential partners I think you are mistaken. I remember my own forum posts on my profile when I first signed up with POF so what she wrote in the forums was in full view for anyone who read her profile.

Like many have said on here........watch out for those red flags. Unfortunately if you think it is love then love is often blind. I think that was why she had trouble accepting that he would be cheating on her.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 32
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Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD
Posted: 7/10/2010 2:47:56 PM
I notice that OP hasn't posted for a while.

There are people, who will die, before they admit any wrongdoing on their part.

I ran into this with my ex-husband regarding a fairly small financial indiscretion on his part. He would not admit responsibility for this indiscretion. I got documentation to prove his responsibility, and even when faced with signed documentation, he still denied responsibility.

Because this indiscretion was fairly small, and his denial was so vehement, I realized that I couldn't trust him to be honest about anything, and this contributed to my leaving him not very long after this happened.

I really hope that you have left him behind, OP......wayyyy behind.
 slybandit
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 33
Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD
Posted: 7/12/2010 10:06:24 AM
Well, I suppose I'll weigh in on this one too.

Let's all can the moral outrage, o.k.? They are diseases, they happen.

Was this guy honorable in cheating on the OP? Nope.

Is the OP forever cursed, dirtied and dishonored, a fallen woman branded with the Mark of Cain because of his unforgivable crime? Nope.

She is honorable in having the courage to put her status on front street, but let's not exaggerate the whole victimization posture here. People catch that stuff every day, and putting some moral victim/immoral victimizer dichotomy on it isn't very useful.

This guy is a toad, but really, he's not much worse than a guy who cheated and wore a condom doing it. He didn't set out to catch herpes, he just acted in such a way as to make it basically inevitable that he would. Dishonest and stupid, but then the OP knew that from the outset in this relationship, because he was already dishonest and stupid enough to get caught the first time.

She has learned a very painful, unfortunate and valuable lesson, though. If you are not (1) married to someone and trying to have children, and you are (2) doing the horizontal with them, you are either (3) using a condom or (4) being very reckless. HIV is still out there, folks, and it's still lethal. Roll the dice with your own life if you want, but do not do it with someone else's.

The OP definitely CAN sue him, which I'd heartily suggest, as it might possibly give some of the promiscuous idiots out there pause. Nothing quite like herpes AND an expensive public shaming.
 Fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 34
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Boyfriend Cheated, Denied It, Gave me an STD
Posted: 11/17/2010 8:56:36 PM
Your BF is an a$$hole. He cheated and he knows he cheated, otherwise when you found out what you had, why wasn't he suspicious of you and accusing you of cheating? He didn't accuse you because he knew where you got it from (from him)

You sound like a honest, good person. You'll get through this and good things will come to you. Karma will take care of your ex bf and karma is a ****.
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