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 Spicy G
Joined: 5/26/2008
Msg: 52
Going out by yourself.Page 4 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
Go to POF events in your area, there are lots of people by themselves with the same idea in mind... have a good time and maybe meet someone special. I love the POF events.
 google.me
Joined: 9/6/2008
Msg: 54
Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/16/2008 10:53:01 AM
I am a single, pretty, 29yo woman and I go to bars by myself every once in a while to have a drink, I always meet people to chat with. I wouldn't recommend going to a club, I only choose smaller places, maybe somewhere with a live band so you can focus your attention on the band when you don't have anyone to talk to. Just make sure to smile and say hi to people, that usually gets the ball rolling.

Good luck and have fun.
 webweebil
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 55
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Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/16/2008 10:59:13 AM
Personally, I feel weird. Just feeling like I'm looking for something to happen and the possibility that that something might not be a good thing more likely than not, discourages me. Plus, I don't drink and feel silly nursing a water or juice while everyone is getting into their own or collective intoxication from what is basically, a poison, doesn't thrill me either.
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 56
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Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/16/2008 11:16:47 AM
I go out by myself all the time. By middle age, most contemporaries are either married or attached in some way, so there's not much choice. The few guys I know are afraid of being seen as gay, so they won't do more than share a meal when out. Women don't seem to understand that I'm not looking for anything romantic, so either I'm truly an undesirable or they just don't want to lead me on. And so, 'alone again, naturally'. It's not so bad though; you never have to compromise, you get to do exactly what you want to, and you don't have to worry about the entertainment factor for your date. Not to mention, on occasion you can be completely disgusting, and roll out of bed,throw some wrinkled stuff on, and just go out, eat, go to a movie, to a bar and get smashed, and go home and forget the entire day existed. I do that about twice a year, when I just get disgusted with trying to meet someone and need to stop taking life so seriously. Not to mention, that when you're out by yourself, you only spend half as much money (for guys, anyway).
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 57
Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/16/2008 11:19:29 AM
Personally, there's nothing wrong to going to a bar by yourself. But keep a couple of things into consideration. First, what type of bar is it? If it's the type of place that then is drowned in loud music, then is not that good. Also not good is to stand around holding a drink waiting for something to happen. So find a bar that has a good set up, that means is not too big, so people are forced to gather around the bar area to order drinks. Second, what drives people to that bar. The bar I used to go, was a full island with TVs all around. So you came to watch a game, or golf, or whatever. This bar is part of a wing type of restaurant and after nine it becomes pretty much a club with live music. Just find a chair, preferably a corner, that way you get a lot of bystanders asking for drinks, and gives you a chance to talk. Very important, get to know your bartenders. Make friends with them. When you get to the bar, you can start talking to them about the game, some of the regulars any stuff. The importance of this is that women that come to these type of bars, will stay away from the loners, but if they see you talking with other people, you will be surprised, how often, it is them that interrupt you and want to talk and even get your phone number. Get to know the regulars as well. The bar I went to, because it was at the base of the North Georgia Mountains, it attracted a lot of Harley biker types, with their leather jackets and what not. These guys look mean, but they are just as fun and normal as some corporate geek. I used to go there right after a trip to the mountains but instead of a motor bike, I used my bicycle. Interestingly enough they would comment, "is that your bike out there" when they saw my bike on top of my Jeep.
Anyway, go to a bar, first not to pick up, but to get to know anyone. Anybody sitting at the bar, is automatically your friend and you should joke, talk, laugh, share with them. You could make friends with a couple, then some chic arrives and sits to chairs down and is curios about some thing you were talking. And bingo, instant connection. Also, because of the location of this bar, it got a lot of women that came to town for some kind of high tech training, so they are bored and lonely. A friend of mine, actually met his wife that way and they ended up dating long distance for over two years.

So, go out, have some fun!!
 veloise
Joined: 1/24/2008
Msg: 58
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Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/16/2008 11:26:10 AM
The only reason to go out to a bar would be to meet people who hang out in bars, and to work on that lung cancer thing.

Try the contra dances in Baltimore (Lovely Lane church) and the DC area (Glen Echo Park). Great folks, pleasant music, no drunks falling off barstools or blowing smoke in your face.

HTH
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 60
Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/16/2008 11:53:07 AM
I go everywhere by myself, including bars, clubs, concerts, etc etc...there are now places I prefer to go alone because I can't truly enjoy them when someone else is with me...now I tell people to meet me everywhere. There's such freedom in knowing your car is feet away and at any given time you can just bail if you don't want to stay somewhere...or you want to go somewhere different.

There aren't nearly as many people worrying about what you're doing as you think...and there's no reason you have to go everywhere with other people; it's just a habit.

You see and do way more if you don't count on friends to accompany you everywhere...

I plan to travel alone too...only thing I haven't done yet alone. I look forward to it.
 Truucha
Joined: 12/16/2005
Msg: 62
Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/16/2008 2:35:01 PM
I go out alone ALL the time, but honestly it's only for certain personality types. You can mentality over-come this with a little work, and mental exorcises. In fact I loved going out alone because it forced me to interact and socialize, or I'd be standing there alone looking like an A$$.
It did wonders for my social life!
 Truucha
Joined: 12/16/2005
Msg: 64
Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/16/2008 2:58:51 PM
chesher........c'mon man it's never that bad! You need to re-frame that into the right frame of mind.......Here's what you really meant to say:

"I've been dining out, Traveling and being entertained in Solo for the past 30 years, because I'm secure and happy with myself, I'm my best friend, and as of now I know of no-one that loves life as much as I do.
So I shall continue on with my life till my path crosses with someone that is headed in the same direction as me and we may take it together"
 tam879
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 66
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Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/16/2008 3:34:28 PM
I never went to the bars alone. Until one night I went to one bar just by myself and sat there had a drink that lasted for about 2 hours. I ended up talking to some people but that was it. I did take a trip across the p0nd this summer just on a whim. I really planned on going with my ex but she ended everything. So, I just planned out what I wanted and away I went. I am an introverted person but I am trying to move on and out into the world. Most of my friends I had were army buddies and or college friends but everyone has gone on to bigger and better things.
All you have to do is just walk in the bar and once inside it is darker and just go to the bar and order a drink stand there and just look like your looking for a friend or someone. Who cares, everyone is not looking at you they`re mostly yapping about nothing with each other. This doesn`t mean your going to be a barfly. Just experience the exposure to other people and see if you can handle it. If not nothing lost, just go home or whatever.
 briargate
Joined: 8/18/2008
Msg: 71
Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/16/2008 8:06:30 PM
My problem with going out to bars alone is that is bores me to death eventually. But in my old town when I did that, I invariably would run into someone I knew and so some random, weird but fun evening would ensue. So it can be hit or miss. It's just generally better to have some reliable conversation.
 wildflowerz4u
Joined: 3/17/2008
Msg: 73
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Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/17/2008 8:41:57 AM
I went out to a bar with a friend not long after I became single. I was talking about how I didn't know if I wanted to start going places alone and this random guy interjected,

"hey, don't knock going out alone, that's when you meet the most interesting people".

Just one peice of good advice out of many that I've gotten since I've been single!
 SASSYN89178
Joined: 2/19/2007
Msg: 74
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Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/19/2008 3:16:07 PM
I go out by myself, but when driving home, I always wish I had someone to share the experience with, especially if it was a show or concert.
If you to to meetup.com there are lots of events, and most of the people who attend are women. You can't beat those odds if you're a man.
I've tried contacting women on dating sites, no I'm not gay, but really don't like going to happy hour by myself. I now realize they only contact me when they are looking to go to a bar. Who needs that? I'll go back to going out alone. Besides you don't have to worry who's keeping your friend company while you're flirting with someone else.
 CenPhoDoll
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 76
Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/20/2008 1:40:40 PM
I enjoy going out by myself. I happen to be someone who can start a conversation with anyone and enjoy meeting new people. It doesn't have to be someone I would be interested in dating, because you can never have too many friends, right?
Not everyone could do it. Think to yourself, though, "What's the worst that could happen?"
 TenderheartKC
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 80
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Going out by yourself.
Posted: 9/21/2008 8:36:53 AM
I go out alone, I have to get out. I will go out to dinner alone, sometimes I get it to go. I love movies so I will go to a movie alone usually sunday night. I would prefer to have a good woman to go with me, but I dont right now. I dont do the bar scene, been there done that. You have to get out and enjoy life as much as you can. Im not gonna just sit at home and hide.
 Ammika
Joined: 5/27/2011
Msg: 83
Going out by yourself.
Posted: 6/25/2011 3:15:58 PM
Tonight I am going out by myself, on one is around to go out with, that I am going out alone :)
This is going to be my first time
 bigshrek
Joined: 11/15/2007
Msg: 84
Going out by yourself.
Posted: 6/25/2011 4:25:05 PM
Grow a pair.

Introverts don't find love, they find someone they'll settle on because the other person made the first move.

If naught else, at least go and dance...if you can't dance, take lessons. Fred Astaire courses work wonders!!
Best money you'll ever spend!!

Dancing isn't about YOU, its about making the woman you are dancing with Look Good!!
You start slow, ask a gal that you like the look of to dance...she sez no, you thank her for her time and move on.
Eventually you'll run out of women to ask that night, or you'll get a dance partner.
Your job then, is to make her look good on the dance floor and NOT step on her toes!

Then either one of two things will happen, the gal you danced with will like you,
Or one of the gals who Watched you dancing will hit you up.

Main thing, when you talk to the ladies, you tell them you are just there to dance!!
You're NEVER to say that you are looking for love/sex/etc...you're just there to have fun & dance your fuzzy buttocks off!!

Ask THEM questions about themselves...try to talk about yourself as little as possible.
If asked anything, give short happy truthful answers...with a question about them on the end.
(What, didn't anyone watch "What Women Want"?? the sumbiatch was RIGHT!!)
If you do your job right, the women will TELL YOU how to end up with them...whether for the night or forever!!

Class Dismissed!
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 86
Going out by yourself.
Posted: 6/25/2011 4:57:37 PM
90% I do things solo without people. I'll go to the bookstore, get groceries, if I just want some comfort food and I feel like chill go out to a restaurant by myself. I did the bar scene by myself without any friends and danced. But mind you I did not go to the bar to just " Pick Up or have a one night stand " women. I went to the bar because I wanted out of the apartment and dance.

Sometimes it's good to roll solo sometimes, you'll know more about yourself and what you like and don't like when you're looking at the public and you get to see how public people act. Make friends with people you get good vibes with and the rest that give you bad vibes you tell em to piss off. Not everything always have to involve friends.
 charlie_girl_2
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 89
Going out by yourself.
Posted: 6/26/2011 3:41:23 AM
While I do have friends I hang-out with, I don't mind trying things on my own. I've travel to Europe alone, go to restaurants alone, neighborhood Cheers-type pubs alone, and even movies alone. I do enjoy meeting people and have met them from various walks of life, all ages and cultures, from all over the world. I like to think that doing this has made me a better person, a better friend.

The point is, OP, if you wait until you have someone to go with, you may never go! Potential friends who just may turn into potential dates, don't come knocking on your door; you have to knock on theirs. I mean, you may have to be the one to extend your hand in friendship first. Maybe the neighborhood pub is a good place to start (lots of previous posts on this) and I am not referring to what I call bar-bars, those dark smokey places with the pool room noises and people hanging their heads over their drinks. I am referring to a fun atmosphere where bright and fun people tend to congregate.

But it doesn't have to be a bar atmosphere either... only you know what you like and the type people you'd rather associate with and feel more comfortable with. Go online and check out what is happening in your area and just go! Get involved. Find new friends through your common interests and it's likely you will find women who share these interests.

Mainly, laugh and have fun, for without these two prime ingredients, nothing worthwhile can ever take place. That's my story and I'm sticking with it.

 Skotch
Joined: 5/12/2010
Msg: 94
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Going out by yourself.
Posted: 6/26/2011 4:00:53 PM
So I read the OP, and thought, yah, I go out to the local bar by myself a lot. Then people are responding with, "I go grocery shopping alone" or "to the fast food joint then leave right away." When I go grocery shopping alone, and I rarely ever find a time or need to have someone with me while getting my groceries, or to subway/perkins, I'm not looking to meet people. I'm looking to pick up groceries/a meal. When I go to a bar, always when there's some event going on, that's when I'll be looking around trying to find a friendly face that I can muster the courage up to go talk to/ask to dance.

However, this can get old. Bars/clubs can feel like a big downer after awhile (Perkins at 2am always makes me feel better), so I'll reiterate what other people have said. Volunteer (humane society anyone?) and dancing are great ideas. I did volunteer work at the humane society for about a half year and didn't really meet any potentials, but I wasn't really looking for that and was going at 8am, so probably wasn't all that likely I was going to. I did meet some people there and would have made some friends if I had stuck with it longer.

Dancing and dance classes however are a totally different story. When I started dancing and had more than just a few classes under my belt, you get known in the dancing group that you are someone who knows how to lead and more often than not you get asked out on the floor. There's such a lack of leads that some girls learn how just so they can fill in the gap. I met a great group of friends, including more than one girl I dated, through swing dancing. I highly recommend it. Fred Estaire is great if you're focused on learning how to dance, but its $$. I don't know if I was just lucky or if its a common thing but group classes are a better way to learn the stuff casually without busting your wallet, as well as meeting more than just dance instructors. (This being said, but Fred Estaire hosts parties every week that are filled with people to meet and be friendly with, so don't write them off just cause you think you're only going to meet instructors).


Its funny cause men will look at me, walk around me, stand next to me for some time before actually approaching me.. I do enjoy it.

You evil evil vixen!
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 96
Going out by yourself.
Posted: 6/26/2011 6:14:07 PM
There's nothing wrong with that. Many times I have gone out with friends, but when everyone was busy or into something else I found myself MY watering hole. Make sure is a bar that gets a lot of standing people. That means it can handle a croud but quickly people are shoulder to shoulder. Why that? Because people have to talk. Make friends with the bartender and over tip him or her.

I went to places that the moment I came in the door, the bartender would look at me across the room, point a finger and by the time I made it to the bar, my usual was there. They will give you drinks for free, take care of you, but you got to take care of them.

Also, go to the bar. Don't get a table. The bar means you are open to converse with anyone at the bar. I used to go to a particular bar, or really the bar area of a restaurant. It was the place to see ball games or any kind. They had several TVs and people talk and brag or complaint about their teams. This particular place was close to an office complex that brought in a lot of out town contractors, hotels, so you got a lot of cool people traveling. This one bar also attracted a mix crowd of bikers and cyclist. Bikers wore their leather, we wore our, well bermudas in the summer, jeans in the winter. We didn't like eat other at first, but we warmed up to each other. Fun, fun.

And you just go there and you are not alone.
 hargoth
Joined: 4/8/2008
Msg: 100
Going out by yourself.
Posted: 6/28/2011 4:54:15 AM
You should, if not a bar then a cafe for launch on a Saturday/Sunday afternoon. Even if its not really your thing a church could be good. Be-for I lost transpiration on Sundays (bus service cut backs) I would once a month or so go to church just to interact with people. Heck I took up people watching at one of the local malls just to get out more. Grab a drink sit back and watch.


Keith
 Bookbelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 101
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Going out by yourself.
Posted: 6/28/2011 5:34:47 AM
Do it.

I met my ex because he went to the bar by himself... if he'd not gone because he'd been too worried about what people would think of a guy by himself at the bar, I would have missed out on a great relationship.


I've always been comfortable going places by myself. In my early teens, my parents would only pay for me to go to the cinema, rather than shopping, at the weekends. So, I'd regularly go to the cinema alone, and hang around the punk shop in town where the friendly people hung out. Didn't always lead to long-lasting friendships etc, but I met some interesting people and had some great conversations along the way.
Anyway, I'd get back to school on Monday, and when everyone discussed what they did at the weekend etc, when I told them, people in my class would often say, "What, you went by yourself?! Couldn't you find someone to go with you?"
Thing is, a lot of girls I met at school (I went to an all-girls' school) wouldn't go anywhere without someone else. It got to the point where, even at aged 16+, girls would beg their friends, "someone come to the toilets with me, I don't want to go on my own." The girls' room was often a mere ten feet away. A lot of these girls got it into their heads that if you went ANYWHERE by yourself, without at least one other person in tow, it meant you were seen as a loner with no friends.


I've been clubbing by myself once or twice. Halloween 2009, during my first semester at uni, I was hanging round with a group of guy mates. We went to the usual uni bar in town, and some of said guys started talking to a group of girls. All well and good, but I'd heard that the gothic castle bar was supposed to be great for that night, and wanted to go. None of the guys would budge, so I just walked off and went by myself, and had a great night.
 dd3va
Joined: 11/18/2008
Msg: 103
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Going out by yourself.
Posted: 7/2/2011 5:56:50 PM
Amen Dawntreader, I agree wholeheartedly. As I don't go out that often, when I do, it is very often by myself. I prefer my own company verses going out on a bad date or because of any social stigma. I don't get shit faced and while some men think I cruisin for a hook up, most people are pleasant and fun to be around.

Diana
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