|Christian MenPage 5 of 6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)|
|Not generalization all christian men...Dating a christian man is a three some,Jesus is always in the topic of conversation. Sex is ahh..He mumbled a long prayer before hitting the sack, by that time I losed my horny.. it makes me feel like a pious nun...|
Posted: 9/22/2008 7:00:30 AM
I really get tired of people saying go to church to meet a nice man , just because you meet him in church does not qualify him as better or more moral. however many people that masqurade as a Christian are the furtherest thing from it.
Sure - There are plenty of nice MARRIED men at church - I'd say about 98 percent of people at church are married couples. The other 2 percent of men are there because they are struggling to deal with "issues" like addiction, divorce, etc.
The ONLY single guy at my old church was a farmer and neighbor - much older nice guy, but had a toilet sitting in his front yard for months, and thinks all women are after his money. He would call me a "fox" one minute and criticize my weight the next.
The single women seem like the social outcasts and usually the minister is obviously not comfortable counseling them about private or personal issues. Church people will REALLY look down their nose when they know you are dating a non-believer, because they think that you must be having sex with them - what else would you do with a non believer? lol
I have been working for churches for over 15 years now and it certainly is not teaming with eligible single men. I have gone to singles retreats where it is mostly older divorced women and virtually no men. The younger men who do happen to show up are sadly disappointed that there are no smokin hot chicks.
I met one Christian man online that believed any man a woman had sex with in the past was considered her husband in God's eyes, so he considered me to be "divorced" since I was not a 45 year old virgin. I guess that makes me a polygamist too.
Posted: 9/22/2008 3:40:39 PM
|When someone uses the term "christian" it is a label like any other "good guy", "nice guy" (GAG...haha). They may or may not be, and there's a wide range of what individuals consider "christian".|
Someone going to church doesn't make them a christian any more than going into the kitchen makes someone a gourmet chef.
Whatever someone may say or make claims to, it's up to the other person to come to their own conclusions by interacting with them and observing their behavior. When words and actions aren't a match, there's something wrong. We all should be aware and alert, and listen to our "gut" and instincts.
A person who's genuine and sincere will invest the time to let you get to know them and make up your own mind.
Posted: 9/22/2008 8:14:11 PM
|Dub, I'm with ya there|
I'm Catholic and if went to confession
Well, i can just say that I'd be in hell in no time.
but I follow my belief an do things in my community.
btw....I don't rape little boys, I am going to hell because of it because it seems to be a catholic pasttime
Posted: 9/23/2008 6:59:44 PM
When I became sincere about my faith, the one thing that was the most clear to me was that the whole point of being a Chrisitan is this... I am a sinner in need of a savior. Period. I am suspicious of those who feel they are better than others because they are "Christian." Those are the true hypocrites. I have read the Bible from Genesis to Revelation. I know its contents. I know in God's eyes that when I take the Lord's name in vain, or dishonor my mother, or take tell a white lie, or a big one, when I am angry or I lust, they are all sins in God's eyes. He does not discriminate. Gossip is a sin, gluttony is a sin, pointing out the sins of others is a judgemental attitude that is also a sin. That is the whole point. NO ONE is without sin.
It seems Christianity is all about making us feel bad about ourselves and that we are just not good enough. I'm not buying into that. I think I'm a really good and loving person. I believe in the golden rule - do unto others.......... I refused to live my life in constant guilt - my mother did enough of that for me. Christians in general don't seem to be very happy people either.
Being a Christian does not make one immune from sin. We are still sinners, we just are more aware of the sin in our lives and hopefully make better choices as a consequence.
When we do fall short, we should admit it, ask forgiveness and try and do better next time. When my husband was alive my devotion to him kept me protected from one very big category, sexual sin. I don't know any single adult with a pulse who is not guilty of adultery in the biblical sense. Now that I am single, I hate to admit that I think about sex all the time. When I am not thinking about sex, I think about food. I think I have an oral fixation. I am surely going to hell now.
The bottom line, Christians are faced day to day with all possible sins and temptations. We are not immune from them and we stumble and fall. A Christian should ask forgiveness, and try and do better next time. When you are an adult, with needs and desires, sex is a big stumbling block. For that very reason, I hope to find someone, fall in love and get married again some day. In the meantime, I do the best I can, by avoiding intimate encounters, stay away from casual intimacy in dating , have not made a friend for benefits, avoid getting involved with a younger man looking for a MILF, I keep my cougar claws retracted, and make it know by my profile my goal is not to get vertical. Does that mean if I meet someone that makes my blood boil, and the sparks fly I will say, no way Jose or hit the road Jack... only time will tell.
I believe that Christian or not, there is a price to pay for sex outside of marriage. But it's not because the bible says so - it's just common sense - especially for young uneducated people who are not ready for all that it brings - unplanned pregnancy, unplanned life etc. I did my share of casting my pearls when I was younger, but I also knew I didn't know what I wanted in a partner, did not want children, and was not ready to make those lifetime commitments yet. Being a nun didn't sound like much fun either. Throughtout my 30's and 40's I have not been afraid to be alone and have spent years at a time choosing to be celibate. I didn't miss men all that much, but I also felt pretty dead inside. I'd like to know at what point in history it became evil for a woman to indulge in sex, and it became even worse for man to really be interested in a commited relationship? Do you really think God wants us all to be alone and lonely?
I'm a good and loving person that knows what she wants - I refuse to let anyone tell me that's wrong. I'm not going to go through life bitter and mistrusting.
I have heard the "hospital for sinners" thing before. To me if someone's life is that much of a mess and that much chaos, perhaps dating shouldn't be the biggest priority on their list. My life is pretty good, peaceful, and content - there's only one thing missing and that's why I'm here. Men whose live's are mess confuse me because the last thing that would be on mind is finding a date or a mate in their situation. I think I may have dodged a bullet with this one because I am finding out about PPO's with his 2nd wife and his first wife filed a report against him this week. I'm hearing a lot of anger when he talks about his ex's. I'm thinking there is a lot more than meets the eye. I want a man with no MAJOR character or personality defects so I guess I should avoid Christians in the future.
Posted: 9/24/2008 6:45:41 AM
Yep this thread turned out exactly as I predicted. A religion(particularly Christian) bashing thread.Way to go op you have shown yourself to be judgemental, one who generalizes,and close minded. You refuse to see things as they are because you are so close minded that you want to be right no matter how wrong you are. There are good and bad people everywhere. There are people who use labels on themselves that instill trust in others only to take advantage of others. You will find this happens not only in religion but in all areas of life. But then again that's not what you want to hear, so by all means continue on in your ignorance.
Actually I do agree with you MaryPoppins. I just haven't come across any good ones yet and wanted to know they actually exist.
If anyone's ever seen the movie "The Apostle" with James Duvall, it shows how a man can do something bad in one moment of anger but still do a lot of good in the world.
Sweetheart it aint going to happen! We all have character flaws and defects, and it's all a matter of perception as to what is MAJOR, and what is Minor.
Bottom line.. you don't have to accept anyone! .
My definition of MAJOR would be someone (he seemed so normal) using Jim Beam to deal with the unresolved anger towards ex wives, restraining orders, and an arrest warrant that goes along with them, and then telling me I should get my love from God and not from a man. The thing is, I did accept him before I knew about these things this past week. It is him who didn't accept me.
You can go on being single and judging people as hypocritcal
My life is usually pretty drama free - I guess I'll have to stay single to keep it that way.
Posted: 9/24/2008 7:09:16 AM
|A real Christian man would not be dating heathen. That much I do know. Whatever happened to not being unequally yoked?|
Posted: 9/24/2008 4:14:47 PM
|A person's actions will be reflective of whether or not they are a Christian. I assume it's the same way with every other faith as well.|
POF religious selection is very vague. There is no option to select "practicing" or "non-practicing". If a person was raised in the Catholic church, went to mass, confession, etc and chose not to practice the religion to the letter, I don't think I could fault them for selecting "Catholic" on their profile. Whether they are practicing or not is up to you since that determination is not possible simply by reading a profile.
If you are convicted in your own values and beliefs, what other people say shouldn't make any difference as to whether or not they get into your pants. Keep your standards high and don't compromise them for anyone. If you desire to be with a Christian man, then one who rises to the challenge may be what you're looking for.
Posted: 9/24/2008 5:07:59 PM
|"Before I was a "real" christian"|
Two way overused "buzz words". There will be no agreement or set mindset as to what "real christian" means. It means what it does to you, I'm happy for you, sincerely, that you've found your path. Just saying that to understand that it won't mean the same to everyone else.
Posted: 9/24/2008 6:05:42 PM
|Ok, so this thread is not about bashing Christians or sexuality. I do know a lot of really nice people (none of them single men) that are Christians. I really don't care what a person believes - it is the content of their character that I'm concerned about. I am not naive and definitely not that trusting of men in general. If a Christian man is not at all open to future commitment or marriage/ long term loving relationship -what would be the purpose of dating? |
I have peace, joy, and contentment in my life so someone who feels the need to numb his emotions with weed or alcohol to deal with ex wife drama is insulting me by preaching the whole "you should get everything you need from God and not other humans" to avoid be accountable in a relationship that they initiated with me. All I was asking for is that I could spend more time together getting to know him more.
When he tells me the bible says NOT marrying is a good thing, I know he is full of it. I may be wrong about this but I believe it was Paul who never married and promoted singleness so as not to be distracted from doing God's work. I have told him it also says "It is not good for man to be alone" and "It is better to marry than to burn".
Why would a Christian man who mistrusts women and is anti-marriage want to date?
I know the answer and I did figure it out BEFORE I got hurt. I don't think he's a bad guy - just too many issues to work out before he can move forward into a relationship.
As far as the gentlemen concerned about religious persecution in other countries, I don't have any answers for that. I goes on all over because people get so wrapped up in "My religion is better than yours and I will make you pay if you don't agree with me" attitude. I try to treat everyone with kindness and respect - that's the best I can do. If I don't recieve kindness and respect from them in return, the best I can do is walk away.
| Miss W|
Posted: 9/24/2008 7:40:12 PM
|I haven't read most of this thread, and am not in any way dissing anyone's religious beliefs but.. the tune "Plastic Jesus" is going through my head and I need to make it stop. |
The best bumper sticker that I have seen in my life is "Coexist" with the symbols of many relgions and beliefs united.
Posted: 9/25/2008 11:23:05 AM
(I should have added that it only takes one... although I have no objections to making friends LOL, on re-reading that I thought maybe that should be clarified! )
Once a guy goes into "lets be friends" mode it's because he's not romantically interested in me. I've given those kind of "relationships" a chance but they never go anywhere. The conversation becomes small talk, they don't take me out or ask me out. I see the let's be friends as code for "I'm not interested in you". Once I put a guy in the "friends" category the chemistry towards him is gone and he never REALLY lets me get to know him. A friend is someone you can count on to be there no matter what. I have not found that men that I've dated want to be there for me. I have no problem making friends, Christian and non Christian in the real world. Come to think of it 95 percent of my friends are Christians. I just don't see how that whole "dating friends" thing works. If a guy I meet in online dating says he just wants to be friends, (which the one in question has) - what does that mean? What exactly would we do together as friends if he doesn't want to go out to dinner, to a movie, go for a walk, hang and talk, etc? There is NO romance, therefore I see no relationship potential. After playing for churches for over 18 years and sometimes hearing the same sermon 2-3 times every Sunday, reading the bible together for hours is not my idea of fun or relaxation. I don't want to sit around and talk about love, I want to live it. I can't be friends with someone who wants to talk about love yet doesn't welcome it in his life.
Posted: 10/31/2008 8:45:38 PM
OP, I have read all your comments and excuses. Lets be friends.
Posted: 12/11/2008 3:03:06 PM
|Trina - I don't think anything you said was offensive at all. I kind of have the same attitude although I question God about many things because of all the cruelty I see in the world. When I started this thread, I was agitated about anyone using Christianity to push their own agenda or manipulate someone. If they are going to preach to me, their own house better be in order. It is really confusing for me to see someone drinking almost daily, has no problem with using a woman for sex, has 2 ex wives with restraining orders, telling me my life would be great if I spent more time reading the bible and in prayer daily. I have been a church pianist for almost 2 decades and have listened to more sermons than he has empty JB bottles. Him telling me that the bible is against marriage to push his own feelings about non-commitment is insulting to my intelligence. Someone with huge problems telling me how to live is annoying. |
My life is very good - I have none of his problems and I had a very abusive upbringing. I have no ex's, no drug or alcohol problems, and treat everyone the way I would want to be treated. The only improvement would be a decent guy or winning the lottery and I don't gamble.
Posted: 5/19/2009 3:34:01 AM
|I can sympathise, MissMewsic. I used to hear woman after woman say that all she wanted was a relationship, and then would date those men who everyone knew for SURE that they only wanted sex, and said that they only wanted sex, and didn't want a relationship at all. I could understand them not dating me. But not dating me, when all the women around were sure that I wanted a relationship, and then only dating players? What's up with that? Not only that, but even when they'd slept with the guy and he didn't call her, a few weeks later, she was all over him, and chasing him, again and again. It's like they claimed to want a relationship, but only go for sex. I could understand ONE woman doing that, but hundreds of women I know? Let alone the entire population of women in the world? Makes you wonder about women.|
If you are looking to date someone that is going to respect you, and not do things you don't want them to do, then YOU have to be of the same modeling of those beliefs yourself.That's true. You cannot respect someone who only dates you because you look good, or because you have money, or a car, or because you are younger than her, or a lot taller than her, and she'd never date you if you were otherwise, simply because of a quality that has nothing to do with who you are as a person.
Posted: 5/19/2009 10:17:42 AM
|I see Christian singles as really having an unhealthy attitude about sex. Part of that is the message Christianity and the church gives is that sex is only meant for marriage and if you happen to find yourself without a ring on your finger you are SOL. I have been involved in a large cross section of churches where a singles ministry is non existent and when I look around the sanctuaries it is the eldery, youth, and marrieds. I am 46 now and have been told all of my life that sex is bad and no men are to be trusted. I am no longer going to apologize for being a good and loving person, for choosing not to marry the first guy that came along, and for being the kind and gentle soul that God made me. I have stopped caring what the church thinks. If some guy that wants to sleep with me tells me God will send me a husband if I read my bible more and spend more time in prayer, he is saying God is like some kind of a slot machine where if you play long enough you might get lucky. Iam tired of being told all of my life "You'll meet a nice man in church". The men that I have dated who were professed Christians have been the most judgemental, repressed tools I have ever met. I don't want to waste another year of my life on that kind of thinking. If it means I have to abandon the church then that is what I need to do. I feel more happiness and freedom without the legalism of Christianity telling me I am not ok as a sexy single woman. It seems Christian singles seem to enjoy going through the rollercoaster of guilt - giving in to sin (which God made us as sexual beings) and self loathing afterwards with disdain for the very woman they sinned with. There was a woman on a show recently that had been married 7 TIMES! When asked why she felt the need to be married, she said her father was a baptist minister and she was taught it was wrong to have sex outside of marriage. Now I don't condone promiscuity, or having children out of wedlock, but it's time that Christian singles got a grip and stop condemning those of us who don't adopt their neurosis of guilt and shame when they were willing participants. When they aggresively pursued the "sin". and turn around and judge the very person they were pursuing. I think it is because of all the guilt and repression that many of them struggle with alcoholism, sex addiction, drugs, anger, etc. I see single Christians under pressure to live like priests and nuns when they choose not to be married as unnatural and leading to severe dysfunction.|
Posted: 5/19/2009 1:56:15 PM
I see Christian singles as really having an unhealthy attitude about sex. Part of that is the message Christianity and the church gives is that sex is only meant for marriageTry checking out Hare Krishna. AFAIK, they think that sex is ONLY for having kids, and that the rest of the time, it just makes your life worse. AFAIK, Buddhists also believe that attachment to sex is going to ruin your life.
and if you happen to find yourself without a ring on your finger you are SOL.I have the SAME problem. But ONLY when I am around married people. Single people are happier to accept single people.
I have been involved in a large cross section of churches where a singles ministry is non existent and when I look around the sanctuaries it is the eldery, youth, and marrieds.If I go to synagogues, I see the same. If I go to dinner parties, I see the same. If I go to more adult events, I see the same. If I go to nightclubs, I see the reverse. No children, no old people, no marrieds (or no-one admitting to it). It does seem to me like there is a social apartheid between those who are seen as single and in the prime of life, and those who are either married or children or old people.
I am 46 now and have been told all of my life that sex is bad and no men are to be trusted.I've been told the same thing all of my life by women.
I am no longer going to apologize for being a good and loving person, for choosing not to marry the first guy that came along, and for being the kind and gentle soul that God made me. I have stopped caring what the church thinks.I gather the church is not in favour of pre-marital sex. So it's not surprising that you might find disapproval. I doubt that if an obese person would be treated kindly by people who are not in favour of obesity.
If some guy that wants to sleep with me tells me God will send me a husband if I read my bible more and spend more time in prayer, he is saying God is like some kind of a slot machine where if you play long enough you might get lucky.How is that different from dating, where if you play long enough, you might get lucky enough to fall in love?
Iam tired of being told all of my life "You'll meet a nice man in church".Well, people say all sorts of things. People say that "you'll get over it". People say that "you'll meet a nice girl" to the 1.5% of involuntary celibates in the USA. People say all sorts of things. I understand it would make you happier to believe this. But you know people lie. Without even dating, you've seen just how many tools there are in the world, amongst men as much as women, and I know that religious people have plenty of obnoxious people amongst them, almost as many obnoxious people as non-religious people, just from hanging out with them for a year. I gather you've spent a lot more time than that with religious people. So I am sure that you already know that. So there is every reason for you to not accept this at face value.
However, if you choose to accept this, simply because it is easier not to fight the issue, or because it is more tempting to accept, then you are doing similar to all those women who have slept with thousands of men they never were attracted to, and never wanted, and were never happy with, simply because the guys told them that they "loved" them, and they wanted to believe it.
I think it's fair to say that as long as you lie to yourself, and you refuse to accept honesty with yourself, guys are going to see no reason to be honest to you, because you'll reject them if they are being honest with you.
But being honest means accepting the truth, no matter how much you prefer not to accept it. Accepting that you've been lied to, and you liked that lie and were seduced by it, is the first step, and the second step only comes after the first.
Posted: 5/20/2009 12:00:23 PM
|"Buddhists also believe that attachment to sex is going to ruin your life."|
WoW glad no one ever told that to the Buddhist girls I have dated. They all had a much healther aproach to sex then 9 out of 10 of the Christian women I have dated. Not that all christians are messed up about sex, but lots of them are. Spend a few years in asia (pick a buddhist country) and then tell me they think sex is going to ruin them. But then again the Chirstains in asia are less messed up about sex too, but not the same as the buddhists. Just about every none muselum country has a healther aditude about sex then is found in the USA, so it not all about being christain, but that has had a big impact on it.
Posted: 5/20/2009 6:06:09 PM
WoW glad no one ever told that to the Buddhist girls I have dated. They all had a much healther aproach to sex then 9 out of 10 of the Christian women I have dated. Not that all christians are messed up about sex, but lots of them are. Spend a few years in asia (pick a buddhist country) and then tell me they think sex is going to ruin them. But then again the Chirstains in asia are less messed up about sex too, but not the same as the buddhists. Just about every none muselum country has a healther aditude about sex then is found in the USA, so it not all about being christain, but that has had a big impact on it.It depends what country you are talking about, and what time you are talking about. For instance, from what I've gathered, it seems that if you work in Japan, you can date the girls from the office, and do what you like outside the office. But inside the office, you cannot even kiss her on the cheek, or show any familiarity.
But Buddhism does preach that having too much attachments to material things is going to make you unhappy, and especially sex. It's got a point. The USA is probably the country most obsessed with if you have a boyfriend/girlfriend, and how attractive he/she is, and as you've put it, they seem to be the ones most messed up when it comes to sex. It's not about how much you have sex. It's about how much you WANT sex, and how much you can let it go, when other things come up.
Posted: 5/21/2009 3:34:39 AM
|I have live and worked in Korea and Japan and office rules and what happens outside of the office are much different. In Korea the TV shows do not get into the realities of sex lifes too, but that does not mean that reflects what goes on. There are rules every place on when and were, but Buddist do not think lots of sex will make you unhappy, the they know it is an important part of being happy, at least that how they live it.|
Posted: 6/16/2009 7:22:39 PM
Not all Christians can keep their sexual urges in check. Its a shame but its a reality.
You know a Christian by their walk. Women are the same, most of them like to****around but they aren't saying and the men aren't telling. You'd be doing god and that PERSON (male or female) a favor by walking away and saying see ya later, fornicator.
So a person who believes in Christ is not supposed to have sex? This is what bothers me most about Christianity (or general religions) is that it demonizes sex. Sure - they say sex is meant for marriage - that's great if you are married. I'd just as soon not let a man take over my life in that way. He would practically have to walk on water himself for me to commit my entire life to him just so I could have sex.
I don't feel that sex is wrong unless it is soley for the purpose of using and discarding people.
What bothers me most is the men who are the most noisy about the evils of sex who come on to women the strongest and then afterwards preach about it as if it's all the woman's fault and they didn't have anything to do with it. I refuse to listen to their crap anymore. The man that inspired me to start this thread was as Jekyll and Hyde as they come - I blocked his IMs and his calls - he can devote all his attention to his right hand or Jesus and leave me out of it. Sorry for being crass, but I get so fed up with this overly religious, uptight, woman hating society that keeps telling ME sex is evil while everyone else is racking up failed marriages, illegitimate kids, general dysfunction. Christian marriages have as much failure rate as any other.
Posted: 9/27/2009 6:13:35 PM
|Yes - A man can scream about loving Jesus till the cows come home, but the real proof to me is in how he lives his life and how he treats me. I think most men who are born again, but their lives are a wreck and full of addiction or drama are using their religion to justify everything by saying "well we are all sinners", or "at least I'm forgiven" - Then they can live as despicably as they want and have Jesus tell them it's ok.|
Posted: 10/30/2009 1:27:02 PM
There are godly christian men who are adament about being pure, about treating a woman right. There are men who love God and who need a godly lady who believes as they do. Let's stop the male bashing and start to adore and honor them. If supposedly all christian men were terrible, then why would they want to do or be good to anyone here that bashes them. Why not just have sex outside of marriage? Why not just treat a woman like a piece of meat? You ladies are expecting it.......but you ALL need to STOP and cherish the men, pray for the men and be a godly woman to the men. They may want to live up to their call if seen as God does!
I'm not prejudging anyone - I will wait and see if they "walk the walk". Nor am "leading them astray". There are good Christian loving men out there - they are usually still married. It's the ones that have been divorced and have a hateful attitude towards women I refuse to "adore and honor" - I refuse to have anything to do with them. I just don't want to take on all their garbage.
Ritikay - If you are willing to take a man into your life that hates women, is twice divorced, a drug user, and has 2 restraining orders against them but is a born again Christian and a church musician more power to ya. I will be happy to honor and adore a man than honors and adores me - whether he is a Christian or not.
Posted: 10/30/2009 3:11:59 PM
|Well, as a practicing (born of the spirit) Christian, I think these posts in this thread are another good reason to have (relatively) long dating/courtship periods. During which time each person gets to know the true character or the other. As one who is most comfortable viewing the beauty of sex from within a committed marital relationship, I am ashamed for those men and women who put Christian in their profile and then talk and act contrary to those norms recorded in scripture.|
I liken such behavior to that of the fig tree Jesus cursed. When He came upon the fig tree and it did not have the promise of the fruit it should have, He cursed it and it withered. Similarly, it should be for all those who wear the label of Christian: if you don't show the promise of your label nor bear the promised fruit then you too should wither. Otherwise you are being as a false prophet and leading others astray - and for that there is only eternal separation from God.
MissM, I wonder why this is so important to you. You list yourself as non-christian, yet you spend a lot of time fretting over those who do not bear the fruit they promise.
Posted: 10/31/2009 4:44:51 AM
MissM, I wonder why this is so important to you. You list yourself as non-christian, yet you spend a lot of time fretting over those who do not bear the fruit they promise.
Integrity is not exclusive to Christianity. I have standards for my own life and desire someone who is true to their own words.
6 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)