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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Another heart in desperate need of repair      Home login  
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Another heart in desperate need of repairPage 4 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
She is still calling, almost picked up today but walked away. If it was improtant she could drive here to see me. She only tries once a day, she has COMPANY after that.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 59
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 10/9/2008 6:12:46 PM

she could drive here to see me.

And if she DOES turn up on your doorstep, you are just on your way out the door to a meeting, to visit a sick relative, a date, whatever. Don't get sucked into whatever it is she's playing at.
Cindy O
 GoneSailinBabe
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 60
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 10/9/2008 6:20:14 PM
Look, Jim I hadn't noted your thread before, but I have read it now...

Be proud.
Be strong.
Know that you are doing the right thing and the best thing for your heart and the hurt you felt when you wrote this post to begin with.

She wants to use you.

Do not respond.

This isn't love based in pureness.

So let her go.
And don't answer.

Here's a helpful tip - unplug all the phones from the wall jacks.
No answering machine or anything.
The endless ringing after 3-4 days will get your point across to her.

Be well!
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 10/10/2008 11:41:39 AM
Hope I can be that strong today when she calls, I really want to talk to her but when I do I think it sets me back, a lot.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 62
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 10/10/2008 11:52:19 AM

How does a person get over a love like we HAD and I remember and move on. I don't have many friends to talk to about it.

~OP~ I tend to be a "suffer in silence" type. I internalize, evaluate, grieve and then move on when I'm ready. It was a very foreign concept to discuss my heartbreaks with anyone. I'd just plaster the smile on my face and pretend to the outter world it was all OK. Fast forward, enter POF. I met the most wonderful women here. I found myself exceptionally close to one ~ who is truly my life-saver most days. I learned then that we do, at times NEED someone. It's OK to need someone, although I wouldn't have stated that 4 years ago. When I started letting some of the burden land outside of my own self and onto her shoulders, I was amazed at how much the hurt lessened. As time went on, I realized something vital. It wasn't that I didn't have friends to tell, I chose not to tell. That is no longer. And, I've moved on finally. I learned to talk to "him" about my fears, past failures, paramount heartbreaks, etc. First you need to avoid her calls at the present time. It's not always healthy to hear from someone you are hurting over or grieving. That can come later. Take someone up on the offer of an ear or even an eye (as is quite often offered here on POF.) Do a BUNCH of self-re-invention and pretty soon you will heal. When the time comes, don't repeat your past, build the future. Good luck to ya.

PS: My step-father and mother were together 24 years. He didn't want the split, and he sooooo suffered. They were never legally married. He finally, at age 55, married for the first time. I think he's a good example of the human condition. He believes in love ~ and he's a wonderful example of healing and moving on.
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 10/10/2008 1:03:09 PM
I am so amazed at how EVERYBODY has such great advice on this fourm. I am trying to follow all of it, but I can be weak when it comes to her. So far so good. Thanks everybody.
 exiss
Joined: 8/19/2007
Msg: 64
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 10/15/2008 3:51:26 AM
Give us an update Jim, how's it going?
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 10/16/2008 1:19:32 PM
I guess I haven't posted because I am a little embarrassed that I can't seem to get over it. Not feeling too good.

When I have something to do I feel better it really helps. But it is hard to keep real busy. I have been cutting and spliting firewood. My friend took me to a fall festival with 50,000 people there. And later that night he talked me into going to a strip club. That was alright until I ran out of $1's, LOL. It really was a hoot though. Out of the eight girls one was 6 months pregnant and fell down, four were too large to be stripping and the other four were so-so. Don't care to do that again. But as soon as I don't have anything to do I start thinging about her again.

Ran into to her yesterday at the grocery store, in was walking in, she was walking out. Said she has been trying to call me and she would call that night. I answered this time, she didn't really want anything just said to see how we (me and dogs) were doing. She did mention needing her gas tank and would come down and get it some night. It is making me feel really anxious and nervous inside, coughing my brains out lately.

I feel OK until I see her, her car, his car. Then I seen mud on the side of her car so she is driving up a mud dirt road he lives on to see him (she told me that). Could never get her to drive 10 minutes to see me on pavement. Oh I forgot I have a CAT. They seem to just about living together. It still hurts bad that she is spending so much time with him and going out of her way to be with him. She never seemed to do that for me. I think that is the worse for me and I am not getting over it.

"Perhapsnow" sent me a great quote that has helped me a lot.

"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned-so as to have the life that is waiting for us".

That rings so true for me. From the first time I kissed her I was planning our future. From that point on I was done looking, I had found the one I would give my life for. I never imagined a life without her after that first kiss. I was planning on forever. Now what is waiting for me, nothing.

So you see, I don't feel any different then when I first posted. I feel that I have let you all down. All I can say is I am still trying and crying.
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 10/16/2008 2:30:10 PM
I never want to feel this ever again. But yet I have so much to give.
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 10/16/2008 2:37:42 PM
"I swear next time I'll hang on for dear life if love ever gives me another try"
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 68
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 10/17/2008 10:35:55 AM
Jim,dealing with this kind of heartbreak very often IS one step forward and 2 steps back for awhile. And the only way you could totally avoid running into her would be relocation,so you are gonna have to deal with it.
Your description of the strip club visit is hilarious!
Cindy O
 italian_princess71
Joined: 7/23/2006
Msg: 69
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Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 10/17/2008 11:04:26 AM
I just read what you posted and just wanted to praise you for the kindness you showed, feels good to know there are ppl like you out here i been reading alot of forums and some ppl get really rude and like you said it , the truth is we write in these forums for a reason to get help, get things off our chests, feel better ect not to get attacked but what the person wrote. thanks for being a kind person.
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 10/18/2008 12:26:22 PM
I have to tell you that I found something else today that will take you mind off the ex for a little while. When the Corvette's Heads Up Display speedometer is reading triple digits on a two lane country road that is a great feeling. Not thinking of her at all and I just seen her.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 71
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 10/19/2008 2:55:03 PM
Jim
we all love a a fast car,but please be careful about "self medicating " with adrenalin. We none of us want to hear about the FD having to pick you up with a stick and a spoon.
Cindy O
 exiss
Joined: 8/19/2007
Msg: 72
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 10/19/2008 6:16:06 PM

I have to tell you that I found something else today that will take you mind off the ex for a little while. When the Corvette's Heads Up Display speedometer is reading triple digits on a two lane country road that is a great feeling


Jim, I know the feeling, when I found out my ex was had some "side interests" I used to zip around in my 911, triple digits in those type of cars is pretty much like 60 in a regular box. Of course, be careful! Distractions are a good thing.
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 10/21/2008 3:45:14 PM
Help me! She wants me to go with her tomorrow to pick out the correct tires for her car. Her new boyfriend knows nothing about cars (idot). I told her I had a appointment and didn't have time. But I do have the time to do it after my appointment. I want to soooo bad just to be with her and talk to her. PLEASE STOP ME SOMEONE I CAN NOT DO THIS!
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 74
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 10/21/2008 4:11:48 PM
There are employees at the tire store who can help her pick out the correct tires for her car. Does the car have an owners manual? It should have recommendations in it. Unless she's driven the tires until you can see the AIR thru the sidewalls, the size and brand name can be read right on the tires. It ain't rocket science.
Man, are you that dumb? She is trying to have her cake and eat it too, have both the guy she WANTS to be with, and one who can make her life easier. She's trying to get you rehooked. Don't fall for it.
Cindy O
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 10/21/2008 6:25:33 PM
I know I can't go with her, it is just torture on me thinking about it.
 mariacba
Joined: 5/20/2007
Msg: 76
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 10/21/2008 6:46:26 PM
Jim, please, be strong!!! Don't submit to her wishes!!.I understand you very well. but...
try hard to ovecome this feeling as soon as possiblefor different reasons :
1).Surely life has some wonderful person for you but if you are not well ,you will not notice her.
2)You deserve to enjoy life.When you wake up in the morning, open wide your eyes.you see!! Many people cannot enjoy the colours.
3)Don't live in the darkness of pain (at least NOT for a long period).I've been there and those are the dark years in my life that I regret.When I was 20 I felt like you now.Thought that I lost the love of my life!!Then, life showed that I was mistaken.I loved again deeply.Now I am alone and think that the best is going to come.
I know how it hurts , we cannot skip sufferingt but we can get counselling to make the period of pain shorter.
Be strong!!!! If you talk to her ,don't admit that you are suffering, just tell her that you are also reconsidering your relationship and that you are quite well, busy, etc.(She surely will be surprised with your answer.It seems that she takes for granted that you will always be there for her, no matter what she does, so she picks up the phone just to check that you are still there)
Sorry for "opinionating"so much .My only intention is to help you .
All the best for you
Regards from Argetina
mariacba
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 10/21/2008 7:03:16 PM
Should have stuck to the orignal plan, no contact don't answer the phone. Everyone on this fourm was right. Just a moment of weakness and loneliness. Doctor gave me some happy pills maybe start taking them....not going there yet.
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 10/25/2008 8:48:44 PM
I am just going to get over it! I need to move on. Time to man up.
 exiss
Joined: 8/19/2007
Msg: 79
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 10/26/2008 5:06:33 AM
Jim, I guess at some point in time you just have to. I once felt the same towards someone as you did to her, but like in your case, she chose a different path. Somewhat different circumstances and even tho I would have done anything to go on with the relationship, I knew deep down that I would never be able to totally trust her, and would always be waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Perhaps that is the bottom line....
The term "move on" is somewhat interesting, and the common thread in the relationships i've been in, is that they all have moved on..... some before ours was finished, others shortly after. In that connotation moved on meant finding someone else.
In my case it meant giving my head a shake and trying to find acceptance.....
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 10/29/2008 11:55:40 AM
Just had to write and tell everyone that I feel great today. Thinking of her is not bothering me at all. I don't know what gives. Nothing has changed, I haven't see or heard from her in almost two weeks. But I am finally getting some stuff done.
I sure hopes this lasts. Have I turned a corner or when I run into her will I crash again?
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 81
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 10/29/2008 12:01:25 PM
Jim, it's hard to say what will happen when you run into her, but if you live in a small town, you KNOW that's gonna happen, so just keep telling yourself "she chose another man over me,and being her "back up guy" is just stupid."
Cindy O
 A REAL ROMEO
Joined: 7/8/2006
Msg: 82
Another heart in desperate need of repair
Posted: 1/9/2011 6:34:46 PM
Yeah, it's like this one woman I met online. I was thrilled but just not convienientloy available to get to her location to meet her... So I spend the next couple years in reclusion, just flirting online but not really putting forth any real effort to meet anyone. She gave me hope that I had found my one and omly, then she just went POOF! Gone from existance....
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