Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 79
How To Continue Child Support When The Child Is In CollegePage 3 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
She IS looking for ways to profit from her ex. SHE doesn't want to pay so she wants her ex to pay. She WILL benefit from extended CS payments from the ex.


That's no more true than the comments from the poster you're addressing. It doesn't anywhere say that the mom doesn't expect to contribute to her child's continuing welfare--although I personally don't think anyone should, the child would work harder and appreciate it more if she has to take some responsibility for herself.

There is NO reason in any of the OP's posts to think that she wants him to support the child rather than HELP her support the child.

And don't anyone bother to suggest that I am a golddigger looking to screw men over. I've never asked for a red cent from my child's father. And I give my child a comfortable life on my own.

Nutt
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 80
How To Continue Child Support When The Child Is In College
Posted: 9/30/2008 6:59:09 PM
There is NO reason in any of the OP's posts to think that she wants him to support the child rather than HELP her support the child.


Ok. I'll gladly concede that point, to a point.

But, she sure isn't gonna lose anything if she can help it either. And, she WILL profit in one way or another in the long run if she can get her ex to continue paying or to pay more.



 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 81
How To Continue Child Support When The Child Is In College
Posted: 9/30/2008 7:15:23 PM
But, she sure isn't gonna lose anything if she can help it either. And, she WILL profit in one way or another in the long run if she can get her ex to continue paying or to pay more


Why should she lose anything? You think that the woman asking for help in supporting their child is unreasonable? If she is housing the child and providing heat, electricity, running water, food, clothes, why are people so adamant that any cash from the dad is for her? It's for the child! who resides in her home. The same would hold true if it were Dad who had custody instead of Mom.

And what the hell is wrong with needing support to stay afloat. Many two parent families need both incomes to stay afloat--she's getting a lot less in child support than they would have as a family with combined incomes, so it's ridiculous to pretend that needing some cash is being greedy.

Some of you men are so angry that you won't even be reasonable or actually consider what others are saying. I guess it would be best that you provide a credit card and actually see every damn expense if it's so petty that you're worried Mom might drink out of the carton of milk that your money was used to buy, or eat some of the grapes out of the bunch or be warm or take a shower.

I wish I could boot all the men who are unreasonable and all the women that give child support and motherhood a bad reputation. I think all this unreasonable rage on both sides of the fence is really sad and frustrating!


Nutt
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 82
How To Continue Child Support When The Child Is In College
Posted: 9/30/2008 7:47:02 PM

Why should she lose anything? You think that the woman asking for help in supporting their child is unreasonable?


No one has suggested she should lose anything. Nor has anyone said that she is unreasonable in asking for support.

She IS unreasonable if she EXPECTS that someone ought to support her or her kids beyond what is legally required.


Some of you men are so angry that you won't even be reasonable or actually consider what others are saying. I guess it would be best that you provide a credit card and actually see every damn expense if it's so petty that you're worried Mom might drink out of the carton of milk that your money was used to buy, or eat some of the grapes out of the bunch or be warm or take a shower.


Well for this guy, I DO consider what others are saying. Many women would like it if men provided them with a credit card. Many men understand what it actually costs to raise kids. Many men meet their legal obligations as per CS, just as the OP's ex has done.

What the woman does with the CS given to her is HER business which is something made abundantly clear in thread after thread no matter how much she receives. So be it. If a guy meets his legal responsibilities, he's done his bit, legally.

Has he met them morally, philosophically? Who knows? Those questions are for those who see CS as something other than a legal imperative.

Yes, I agree, the unreasonable rage on both sides really IS sad and frustrating, but it all comes down to personal responsibility and how much of that responsibility each of us is willing to accept.


 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 83
How To Continue Child Support When The Child Is In College
Posted: 9/30/2008 7:49:25 PM
Bravo to Amore *Gives round of applause*
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 85
How To Continue Child Support When The Child Is In College
Posted: 10/1/2008 6:36:15 AM
How on Earth is it LOSING ANYTHING to contribute to your childs education?
She was lucky she HAD support for 18 years, many women dont even get that!!! He lived up his financial responsibility.
God forbid SHE should contribute to her childs future, sorry i just dont see getting support for adult children.
 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 86
How To Continue Child Support When The Child Is In College
Posted: 10/1/2008 7:53:52 AM
Sweetness and Westpark you are two stupid, lazy individuals. If you'd read my posts, you'd see that I've made it very clear that I raise my child without support of any kind from anyone AND that I don't feel an adult child needs to be supported. So ranting and raving because I don't have a problem with the people who do expect support is ridiculous and childish on both your parts.

My point is that, if the child is being supported there is nothing wrong with both parents contributing--whether you choose that route for yourself or not.


<div class="quote">God forbid SHE should contribute to her childs future, sorry i just dont see getting support for adult children

She is contributing. As I pointed out, child support is a drop in the bucket compared to the actual cost of providing a home and utilities for your family, never mind adding in luxuries like makeup, the odd movie, potato chips, birthday presents, etc. Have you ever paid for a home? I have:

I can tell you it costs me:
$800/month for mortgage and city taxes on my property
$150/month for heat
$86/month for electricity and water/sewage services
$300/month for groceries because we buy meat, fresh vegetables and fruit rather
than the cheaper but less healthy options.

$1336/month total just for the basic necessities, not including television, clothes, treats--I didn't include the cost of our car which is more expensive to drive in Saskatchewan than almost anywhere else in North America since our gas is still $1.25/litre--and even our home is a basic bungalow. Right now our home is worth about $60,000 more than we paid for it because of hte housing boom in our city. Can you imagine what other people with more sophisticated homes or buying right now are paying?

And you think that his $200 is him carrying the load and the Mom not contributing? Please!

Nutt
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 87
How To Continue Child Support When The Child Is In College
Posted: 10/1/2008 8:34:17 AM
Ok were stupid and lazy, our stupid lazy butts will be sending our kids off to college while the rest are sitting around crying over 200 dollars and how daddy wont pay now that the kids arent kids anymore.

Yes i have paid for a home;
if you want to discuss numbers.
my rent alone is$1,900.00 thats LOWER than average rent where i live for a 3 bedroom.
electric runs about 400.00 in the summer and 300.00 in the winter.
Lot rent on my investment mobile home is 600.00
We spend around 600.00-700.00 on groceries. (we live on an island where we pay a high mark-up for shipping)

and i recieve 1,200.00 for my 2 kids from my late husband, one who was his and the other who he adopted. The 1,200 doesnt even come close to covering the rent.
However through savvy savings and investments we do fine.

yes i know what it costs to maintain a household.
 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 91
How To Continue Child Support When The Child Is In College
Posted: 10/1/2008 2:09:02 PM
Soccorsweep:

For about the millionth time, I DO NOT receive child support. I support my child MYSELF. I was pointing out that the child support received by parents who have custody (whether that be mother or father) does not even close to cover the actual expenses of running a home.

I haven't read Amore' or Westpark's replies, and don't intend to. It's just too irritating to be constantly misquoted, misread and have a valid, reasonable opinion twisted into fuelling another person's personal outrage and biases.

Especially by two people who normally have fairly reasonable opinions and posts.

Nutt
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 94
How To Continue Child Support When The Child Is In College
Posted: 10/1/2008 3:37:29 PM
Dang Saskatoon cost of living is cheap
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 95
How To Continue Child Support When The Child Is In College
Posted: 10/1/2008 4:07:45 PM

Dang Saskatoon cost of living is cheap


Yeah...

Sheesh. Just my mortgage and CS I pay costs me $1600/month. Then I have my kids half the time. Gas is $1.30/L. Utilities are $50/month and blah, blah, blah.

Ah, well.... I live in BC. When the buds are bloomin', the cost is reasonable....

 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 97
How To Continue Child Support When The Child Is In College
Posted: 10/1/2008 9:01:35 PM
It is not intended to cover the actual cost of running a home, child support is intended to cover the cost associated with the children.


The cost of running a home IS a cost associated with the children. You want them to live somewhere don't you? And no I don't think child support should cover all the cost--I also think there are situations (such as my own) where it's not ethical to expect any child support at all. I also think that, if you're having the children half the time, you are already supporting them your share and should not have to pay child support to the other parent.

Regardless, this is a discussion about whether the child should receive support from the noncustodial parent for postsecondary education.

My answer to that is no adult child should EXPECT their parents to support them and put them through school. If the parents can help, there is no reason that the custodial parent, whether that's the father or mother or a guardian, should not REQUEST help from the noncustodial parents.

I also don't receive the child tax benefit, although other parents may. I don't consider that my business.

Nutt
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 99
How To Continue Child Support When The Child Is In College
Posted: 10/2/2008 7:36:24 AM
capitano that sounds freaking awesome to me, id move but i love my little island to much
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 100
How To Continue Child Support When The Child Is In College
Posted: 10/2/2008 7:56:22 AM

capitano that sounds freaking awesome to me, id move but i love my little island to much




You aren't from this part of the world, obviously....

I live in British Columbia, a place that is famous for its 'BC Bud', which refers to reefer, not flowers. We have lots of other sorts of flowery things here on the Wet Coast, though....



 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 101
How To Continue Child Support When The Child Is In College
Posted: 10/2/2008 8:22:15 AM
oops my bad, lmao.
righttttt over my head
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 103
How To Continue Child Support When The Child Is In College
Posted: 10/10/2008 7:19:07 AM

for arguements sake let's say this guy paid the cp that the court ordered.......
Does that negate the fact he probably should have paid more than he was?
Does that responsibility fall to the mother to force the maximum cp?


Geez... missed ya, liz. I haven't had a good chuckle for a while.

I believe the onus SHOULD be on you to explain why a guy SHOULD pay more than he was ordered by the court to pay. In other words, the guy is paying what is legally due.

If the woman finds what the court orders to be inadequate, let her find a job and adjust her lifestyle.


Guess what guys....I have just witnessed my best friends daughter go back into court and reap back child support based on her father's income for the last 8 years!!!


Oh, I bet you were just jumping for joy to watch a woman "reap" an extra pound of flesh from an ex husband. That'll teach the guy a lesson.... and hopefully other younger guys to never get married or have kids.

Why not tell your sistas to get their education BEFORE they start havin' kids? Then maybe fewer would have to spend so much time plotting how to get more money from the ex. They'd be able to.... gulp.... support themselves.



 The _Fun_Guy
Joined: 1/28/2006
Msg: 105
How To Continue Child Support When The Child Is In College
Posted: 10/10/2008 9:08:52 AM
OP,

I have two children who will be supported through college. It's something I what to do for them. I was lucky my family gave me the same respect. I provide medical and financial support and will continue to do so till they are out of college. Please don't forget to also provide understanding, loving and emotional support as well.


 ChocolateNutt
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 106
How To Continue Child Support When The Child Is In College
Posted: 10/10/2008 9:17:28 AM
Westpark: I did not cry or whine. I didn't say that $200 is not enough. I don't even receive child support--by my own choice.

I merely pointed out that $200 covers only a fraction of the cost of providing for a family. I know that you are raising children, so you should know very well the cost of raising your children and how far $200 would go in your monthly expenses. Given that you are in a similar situation to me and other single parents, I don't know why you would even think about criticizing my comments.

As well, I stated my point of view that the parents should not be REQUIRED to put their child through post-secondary education. I stated that adult children should be responsible for their own welfare. I stated that if a parent intended to continue supporting his/her child there is no reason that parent can't ASK the other parent for help but that it shouldn't be obligatory.

What is the matter with you that you feel the need to disparage other people rather than have a reasonable and polite discussion? We don't even disagree and you're still being mean and petty.

Nutt
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 108
How To Continue Child Support When The Child Is In College
Posted: 10/12/2008 1:48:19 PM

First off Capitano....if I need to tell you what the difference between what a scumbag deadbeat father "legally" got away with paying, instead of having a civil discussion on what would be an adequate amount of finacial and moral support to raise a child...then I have no further reason to be as nice too you as I have been in the past....GAME ON Capitano!!





You really are a hoot, liz. Boy, you sure go me runnin' scared.

We are talking about a guy who has met his obligation in this thread. I'm not sure why you are still having a problem with that.

I think women should just stop having sex and kids with scumbag deadbeats. That would solve a lot of the whining women do around here.


It was her daughter who wanted to initiate this action....and her daughter is the sole beneficerey of the court ordered awards in back child support...


If the little darling took her father to court at the instigation of her mother and they got support that was owed to them by a guy who'd been ordered to pay, well, they got what the court legally ordered the guy to pay.

If it was a grab for EXTRA money because your friend felt she just wanted to get back at the ex and 'reap' the benefits, I think that's f-ed up.

I have noticed that you do seem to derive a certain amount of satisfaction any time a woman gets as much as she can possible get from an ex rather than do what she needs to do for herself, though.


The interesting point to my arguement is...not one of you guys can step out of your fantasy land of what you equate "fair" to be and acknowledge that the circumstance that the OP has related, is one that happens all too often.
.....
You guys have indicated the court as being "legally fair" in an issue such as this....yet I have debated every one of you guys where you have called that same system "unfair" and "unjust" ......which is it?.....


You and your sistas whine about it not being fair all the time. Many women here whine all the time about their shithead exes. I really think women should stop having kids with shitheads.

And, yeah, fairness is often open to interpretation. You think that a guy should work exclusively for you for the rest of his life and give you every cent he makes. I don't think that's fair, but you do. When a guy pays what is legally required, you don't think that is fair.


(BTW capitano, I am a huge lover of metaphors now...cause I know they really piss you off)


Are you kidding me? I LOVE metaphors. I especially love the way you mix them up so they make no sense at all, though the "Pink Elephant" in the room is a mixed metaphor that you accidentally made work. Bravo.


You will gain more freedom in your choices by making a slight acknowledgement towards the mother of your children...


And, since we're on the topic of making no sense......... ^^^^^

 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 111
How To Continue Child Support When The Child Is In College
Posted: 10/13/2008 10:43:49 AM


I don't see near as many women complaining about the system these days...as I do men who whine about the consequences for the circumstances they helped to create...."


That because like women years ago who fought for a more fair and now biased divorce system men are not standing for the attitude that we should just shut up and pay and not be an intergral part of their childrens lives. We are tired of being told that we should be in the background of our children's lives and that we simply accept only being a part time parent. Times are changing for the better finally.


Right.... I forgot to respond to that bit from liz's post. The reason women aren't b1tching about it very often here is because they benefit most often.

 NotInnocent
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 112
How To Continue Child Support When The Child Is In College
Posted: 10/13/2008 10:51:37 AM
well you could file through child support for a hearing to decide such matters.. however.. i'd wager it's a long shot.. If this isn't in the divorce papers you have a rough road ahead of you..

Now.. what my true advice would be is...

Keep that second job and apply for loans and grants and just do it yourself. Your daughter could get a job, it won't kill her. I worked two jobs, paid my way through college, while raising my son. It's not ideal, but it's doable.

Stay strong and look at this objectively and take him out of the equation. There is a solution that you just haven't seen yet..
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 113
How To Continue Child Support When The Child Is In College
Posted: 10/13/2008 11:58:59 AM
I think everyone will be happier if they quit biotching about their ex's and focus on bettering themselves and their kids. I to have a deadbeat ex, i do not **** about him, i made the mistake of choosing him i accept that and moved forward in life, and later met and had a wonderful husband. maybe you can find some other single parent who is bitter abut their ex also and sit around and spend the rest of your lives together kvetching about your ex's. I really start to see why many single parents are lonely and consider themselves undateable. Maybe because some(not all SOME) are miserbale creatures? Just a thought.
 SteveinHP
Joined: 8/12/2008
Msg: 114
How To Continue Child Support When The Child Is In College
Posted: 10/13/2008 1:12:47 PM

First off Capitano....if I need to tell you what the difference between what a scumbag deadbeat father "legally" got away with paying, instead of having a civil discussion on what would be an adequate amount of finacial and moral support to raise a child...then I have no further reason to be as nice too you as I have been in the past....GAME ON Capitano!!


Umm, excuse me Liz..aren't scumbag deadbeat dad's the guys who owe thousands upon thousands of dollars in unpaid child support? This guy PAID. Regardless of what you think, he lived up to his responsibility of paying. While he was not a father to the kids, he paid his support, at 600 a month for years. 3 kids, 200 each a month. He paid his dues.

Are you a man hater or something? He paid 7,200 dollars a year for at least 12 years. Do you expect him to live in homeless shelters or something?


our 6 year old son & our 4 year old daughter & two months pregnant with our third child.

He was originally assigned in Oct 1995 $1100/mo in child support and he was suppose to provide medical insurance for the children. He stopped seeing his children before the baby was born May 1996 & got his child support lowered to $600/month. The medical coverage never surfaced after the divorce.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 116
How To Continue Child Support When The Child Is In College
Posted: 10/13/2008 2:24:31 PM
I want to go to Swiss Chalet with Westpark
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 117
How To Continue Child Support When The Child Is In College
Posted: 10/13/2008 2:56:42 PM

her disposable cash before taxes was about $42,000


Another bit here to remember is that her actual take-home amount is probably equivalent to a much higher gross amount than $42,000 since she'd be making about $15-16,000 tax-free given CS and child tax credits, if she lives in Canada.


Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  >