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 DocElffington
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 121
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Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?Page 2 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
I wouldn't mind being chased now and then.

So long as she ain't carrying a pitchfork or anything like that!
 NotInnocent
Joined: 9/7/2007
Msg: 126
Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 1/29/2009 6:32:23 PM
eh I don't chase. but if you want to. then go for it! nothing wrong with it!
 sunny9968
Joined: 1/16/2009
Msg: 128
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Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 1/31/2009 11:10:36 PM
I agree with you.........I am old fashion that way.............CuteWild Chick.
 cyberian_huskey
Joined: 12/14/2008
Msg: 133
Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 2/1/2009 7:15:12 PM
Well it depends. if it's chasing too hard, then it makes the person feel like you are not as valuable. You see, we associate value with rarity, and rarity with things that are harder to obtain. So then if you chase, you are hence making yourself overly available, so therefore you seem less valuable. But since women want a man to protect them and take care of them, it makes sense that women would want to be chased. Men however don't like to feel small, so if a woman chases, it might render away their natural aggression and desire to obtain what is rare and beautiful. However we all want some feedback. Being too cold on either side doens't work.

What seems to work is, make yourself valuable. By having a life first. Then really you will not be overly seeking someone, and then when you meet someone, they will see you as valuable, and pay you some respect. It doens't mean that you "cannot" call them. Certainly that's ok. And if both parties made themselves impossible, that wouldn't work. So, it's a matter of people coming together who have their own lives first, being able to respect each other. You have to be on the same level.

I think also if you are very available and the other person is too, you won't seem non-valuable to each other since you both have too much availability. However this leads to too much dependency. Then that leads to people being too needy for each other, and not exploring themselves and learning enough about themselves to know how to work in a relationship.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 137
Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 2/3/2009 2:34:20 PM

Well it depends. if it's chasing too hard, then it makes the person feel like you are not as valuable. You see, we associate value with rarity, and rarity with things that are harder to obtain. So then if you chase, you are hence making yourself overly available, so therefore you seem less valuable


Reminds me of that Seinfeld episode about maintaining "hand". Lol!


Dont be in a rush if its ment to be it will


Nope. Sorry. I will never concede this about the pursuit of anyone or anything.
Intelligent design has no more place in this thread, or on this issue, than it does in my daughter's biology book.

Saw a movie once, a western (always been my favorites, I think), and somebody asks the cowboy whether he has ever been in love. He says, "Once. I saw her on a rise as I headed north, at daybreak, sun rising behind her, as she draped clothes over a line. The light showed her form through her clothes. Most beautiful thing I've ever seen. Never got to know her name, cuz I didn't stop. Just couldn't bring myself to ruin somethin' that perfect".

My heroes have always been cowboys, but I'd have stopped; and if she had waved to me first, I'd have followed her anywhere.
 DocElffington
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 141
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Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 2/3/2009 8:24:29 PM
Zeeba2: Congrats! Sounds like a fishy found her bait.

You certainly were tugging at our heart strings back then!

BTW, don't take the chasing part too literal!
 DocElffington
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 143
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Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 2/3/2009 9:33:04 PM
What I meant, is that to some...saying hi first, emailing a first contact, etc. can be construed as chasing. Being the first to express interest in someone else, is pursuing....or, chasing.

Nearly all of my past relationships occurred when the woman expressed initial interest in me and then I picked up from there.


On a related side note. I receive quite a few first contacts on here. More-so than I send out.
Anyways, the majority of the first contacts that I receive come from women whose profiles I haven't come across beforehand.
My point being,
If you like a guy's profile.....say hi or do SOMETHING to get his attention!

He may not be seeing your profile. So,if you're hoping and waiting for him to say hi first? You may be waiting eternally!
 tall49
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 144
Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 2/27/2009 4:26:40 AM
IQUAL RIGHTS,,.
I Very muchbelieve it wi'll work,I have witness with a few Friends,You bet it can,Only it takes is a good smile,offer a coffee or A Dance. Dont you think Men are sick of head games as Women are? the 1970 and 80s are long gone: (Iqual Rights) My Openion anyway, and I respect Yours. Take Care everyone. : and
 yourstillhere
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 148
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Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 2/27/2009 4:37:14 PM
Its ok to intiate chase in the beginning but be carefull how much chasing you do once you find a man to target.
Keep your cool and dont go overboard with it.
Its not a good idea to throw yourself at someone. Throwing yourself as in conducting all the contact before I even get a chance to initate it, making all the physical moves, all the time, always taking the lead, etc
I`ve had some otherwise good women do this to me and it is great at first but after a while its a turnoff if their intensity is too high (and it usually is with women)
The problem becomes, I dont trust them. They seem like out of control girls gone wild when they do that.
Any guy whose been there knows what I mean.
 jadegreen
Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 149
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Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 2/27/2009 4:48:01 PM
I like to go with my natural instincts when it comes to dating and won't resort to reading a book about dating...I don't always do the publically approved perfect thing....but that's ok by me...i have read articles about playing hard to get etc...but never a book...lol...i usually roll my eyes and think "omg ,what has the dating world come to?"....i think ur natural instincts should kick in and you will know when it is time to play hard to get or by that I mean if you've been putting out effort sit back and watch and see how much effort they put out....alotta evaluation can be done when you observe the other partners efforts....
 enginebuilder55
Joined: 1/21/2009
Msg: 150
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Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 2/27/2009 7:02:29 PM
In today society a woman now go after a man I wouldn't call it chasing. (Chasing seem like stalking today?)You should always be careful. But if you think you might be interested in a man. Talk to him and say I like to know more about you. Try to ask simple questions that are not to personal. Strike up a conversation about the things you and him should do. I've deliver flowers for this shop for 18 years and many women today have sent flowers to a man too. Sending a little not about how much I like to get to know you. Since women are working more they may do the proper thing a man does. I mean proper don't ask to clingy or pushy. This will turn him off. It turn me off too. It can work with the proper manners and you will find a man that suit you. Good Luck God Bless you on your search.
 jadegreen
Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 151
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Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 3/1/2009 9:31:40 AM
"(Chasing seem like stalking today?)" by Sodturner

Chasing and Stalking are two entirely different subjects.....I think OP in this thread means to discuss the woman making the moves versus the man doing it...Stalking is a totally different thing....
 sanddallor
Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 153
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Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 3/1/2009 1:48:08 PM
I may've spoke up first, but I was the one who got chased and I wouldn't have had it any other way!
 misszmsz
Joined: 5/31/2008
Msg: 155
Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 3/2/2009 1:04:25 PM
Growing up in San Diego, when I was about 16 and started going to backyard band bashes and asking guys to dance, most of them said no. On occasion a guy would say yes, but he was usually not one of the hottie surfer guys I wanted to get to know. Some of these guys I knew from the beach and some through my 5 brothers, wouldn't even talk to me because it lessened their chances with some chick they wanted.

When I got a little older, I would go out to clubs with my girlfriends and instead of asking guys directly to dance. I would say, as he walked by, "Hey I like your pants."
Or get one of my friends to go over to the guy and say, 'My friend likes your pants."
This stupid line worked almost every time as least to get the guy to talk to me.

Now I meet alot of international men who do business with my boss and I can't risk either of our reputations by being too aggressive, so the line that works on the guys in any language is, "Hey I'm going to grab a quick cup of coffee, would you like to join me." This is a very non-threatening invitation even to guys who might be married.
They either say, yes and come along, "No" and I reply, "maybe next time." Or "I'm married" to which I say, "Good for you. How long have you been married? Does your wife/girlfriend object to you drinking coffee?" This lets them off the hook with out making them or yourself feel like an idiot.

The coffee line worked for my sister, a nurse who got her doctor husband this way, now married 12 years with 2 kids. She said it took her 3 coffee invites to finally ask him out on a real date. From that point on she let him take the lead.
 njman1
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 157
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Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 3/2/2009 7:27:25 PM
It depends on how direct you are. Not everyone likes the most direct person....maybe beat around the bush a little bit, get a feel for what he's looking for. If he feels to be the type that doesn't like to be persued and more be the hunter than show a little restraint. It may be beneficial to you in the end.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 158
Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 3/2/2009 8:26:38 PM
OP,
No, no, no. Chasing is well before a relationship. If anyone's chasing anyone when a relationship has already been established, you've got yourself one screwball relationship!

Chasing's mainly in the pre-dating phase... and a little in the early dating phase... but it dissipates.

Anyway, with that said, you should chase a guy a bit -- just don't seem overly interested. Guys like a girl to come to them. If he doesn't like that, then he doesn't like you. You don't approach a guy like a drunk guy approaches a girl, no. But guys aren't scared if a girl starts a conversation with him.... or if a conversation's going, she asks for his #. I have to disagree with that book entirely on that one!
 e-trig
Joined: 12/1/2007
Msg: 159
Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 3/2/2009 8:35:11 PM

why shud i wait around for a guy to do the asking, if i like him why can't i go and get him?

You shouldn't!!!! What are ya waiting for????

My advice...
Quit reading those crappy books and listening to those women you've been talkin to!

Now grab a big ol treble hook out of that tackle box of yours,put it on your fishing pole and see what kind of fishies you can snag!!

wishing you the best
 borntoski683
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 161
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Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 3/12/2009 9:43:16 PM
Its 2009. If you want a guy, chase him. But be prepared for rejection, it comes with the territory.
 Call Me Sugar
Joined: 10/7/2008
Msg: 162
Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 3/12/2009 11:44:00 PM
you never know...
with my ex husband, i made the first move...
do i regret it? yes... cause things evenually fell apart.... we had nothing in common..
different cultures which later on was a problem for him... mocking my family ways...
we met at a wedding, i found him attractive... he was part of the bridal party...
when the bride and groom came around to the tables saying their hellos and thank yous i asked the bride, (my friend) if that usher was taken... she said no and she went and told him that i asked about him.... we got married a year later... 1988.. and got divorced in 2000

my current relationship.... i also made the first move...
do i regret it?? NO!!
we have sooooo many things in common... never fight.. same nationality..
i know that shouldnt matter and im not prejudice but i think my marriage did some damage to me that im still working on....

so really it doesnt matter who chases who... what matters is how it all turns out in the end..
cause if you make the move and it doesnt work out then you wish you never went after him...
if you make the first move and he turns out to be your soulmate then you have something to brag about and that you were the one to make it happen..... lol
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 167
Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 3/13/2009 7:36:39 AM

Well said. I hope the men who have crappy profiles read this and gain some understanding. This would go for women too BTW.


Maybe one in five profiles of women (that I've looked at) have any kind of detail. Several leave the "about me" blank. Makes it virtually impossible to mention something familiar in a first message.


I kinda like to get 50/50 ,im happy to let them know im interested but if theyre not meeting me in the middle and showing an equal amount of interest then im done.i have more regard for myself than to keep throwing myself at someone


"Meet me in the middle" is as good as it gets, and has been a favorite catch-phrase of mine for a long time.
 cookie22222
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 168
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Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 3/13/2009 7:52:42 AM
Every time that I read a post about those relationship books and all these rules - I just want to gouge my own eyes out...

What difference does it make who makes the first move or does the "chasing"? If you are both interested - it works out either way. And yes it can be intimidating, worrying about whether or not he likes you or if you will be rejected - welcome to what was once the province of men only! Equality goes a long way, baby...
 rip van winkle 44
Joined: 11/2/2007
Msg: 172
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Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 3/14/2009 4:34:06 AM
"One local guy is a great sounding board, after our intial conversation, I realized he and I are looking for different things ( he wants casual sex, I want a long term relationship). We talk, compare notes, and I can ask him questions about the way men think and get an honest answer. "
But he probably has no more idea of what a guy who is looking for a LTR thinks than I know about someone who is looking for casual sex.
 Malley
Joined: 5/12/2007
Msg: 176
Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 3/14/2009 8:26:25 AM
you have to wait for the man to chase you, a woman that does the chasing won't get anywhere and will more than likely scare the guy off, even if she is calm and cool in her chase.

I might be missing something here, but beyond who makes the first move towards initial contact and presuming both parties are interested, I fail to see why anyone would or should chase the other.

It appears to be nothing more than a childish game played into the hands of insecurity in order to prove worthiness or honest intent towards the other !?!?

Short of stalking, why should anyone fear scaring off another ???

Should it not be mutual, or have I a skewed view of what should be of importance in a potential relationship ???
 tall49
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 184
Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 4/14/2009 2:07:56 AM
Every time that I read a post about those relationship books and all these rules - I just want to gouge my own eyes out...

What difference does it make who makes the first move or does the "chasing"? If you are both interested - it works out either way. And yes it can be intimidating, worrying about whether or not he likes you or if you will be rejected - welcome to what was once the province of men only! Equality goes a long way, baby... Love it.mmmm
mmmmm
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 187
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Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 4/14/2009 9:48:27 AM
Agreed! "Toss a clue" is a good one.

Yea, that'll work... NOT.

From Men's Rules For Women:
#6) Act like a grown-up and ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just ask! And remember, dictating, "laying down the law", or having a "my way or the highway" attitude is not asking.

What coldmountain said about direct interest. If it's covert and/or deniable, as almost all signalling and clue tossing is, then it's not direct; and whether or not it works is almost sure to be random. Any ambiguous communication is likely to lead to an ambiguous (or wrong) response -- like we need more forum posts from women of the sort "why, when i tossed my hair back, did this stranger guy leap to thinking I wanted to have sex with him?".
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