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 jadegreen
Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 149
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Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?Page 8 of 10    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10)
I like to go with my natural instincts when it comes to dating and won't resort to reading a book about dating...I don't always do the publically approved perfect thing....but that's ok by me...i have read articles about playing hard to get etc...but never a book...lol...i usually roll my eyes and think "omg ,what has the dating world come to?"....i think ur natural instincts should kick in and you will know when it is time to play hard to get or by that I mean if you've been putting out effort sit back and watch and see how much effort they put out....alotta evaluation can be done when you observe the other partners efforts....
 enginebuilder55
Joined: 1/21/2009
Msg: 150
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Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 2/27/2009 7:02:29 PM
In today society a woman now go after a man I wouldn't call it chasing. (Chasing seem like stalking today?)You should always be careful. But if you think you might be interested in a man. Talk to him and say I like to know more about you. Try to ask simple questions that are not to personal. Strike up a conversation about the things you and him should do. I've deliver flowers for this shop for 18 years and many women today have sent flowers to a man too. Sending a little not about how much I like to get to know you. Since women are working more they may do the proper thing a man does. I mean proper don't ask to clingy or pushy. This will turn him off. It turn me off too. It can work with the proper manners and you will find a man that suit you. Good Luck God Bless you on your search.
 jadegreen
Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 151
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Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 3/1/2009 9:31:40 AM
"(Chasing seem like stalking today?)" by Sodturner

Chasing and Stalking are two entirely different subjects.....I think OP in this thread means to discuss the woman making the moves versus the man doing it...Stalking is a totally different thing....
 sanddallor
Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 153
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Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 3/1/2009 1:48:08 PM
I may've spoke up first, but I was the one who got chased and I wouldn't have had it any other way!
 misszmsz
Joined: 5/31/2008
Msg: 155
Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 3/2/2009 1:04:25 PM
Growing up in San Diego, when I was about 16 and started going to backyard band bashes and asking guys to dance, most of them said no. On occasion a guy would say yes, but he was usually not one of the hottie surfer guys I wanted to get to know. Some of these guys I knew from the beach and some through my 5 brothers, wouldn't even talk to me because it lessened their chances with some chick they wanted.

When I got a little older, I would go out to clubs with my girlfriends and instead of asking guys directly to dance. I would say, as he walked by, "Hey I like your pants."
Or get one of my friends to go over to the guy and say, 'My friend likes your pants."
This stupid line worked almost every time as least to get the guy to talk to me.

Now I meet alot of international men who do business with my boss and I can't risk either of our reputations by being too aggressive, so the line that works on the guys in any language is, "Hey I'm going to grab a quick cup of coffee, would you like to join me." This is a very non-threatening invitation even to guys who might be married.
They either say, yes and come along, "No" and I reply, "maybe next time." Or "I'm married" to which I say, "Good for you. How long have you been married? Does your wife/girlfriend object to you drinking coffee?" This lets them off the hook with out making them or yourself feel like an idiot.

The coffee line worked for my sister, a nurse who got her doctor husband this way, now married 12 years with 2 kids. She said it took her 3 coffee invites to finally ask him out on a real date. From that point on she let him take the lead.
 njman1
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 157
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Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 3/2/2009 7:27:25 PM
It depends on how direct you are. Not everyone likes the most direct person....maybe beat around the bush a little bit, get a feel for what he's looking for. If he feels to be the type that doesn't like to be persued and more be the hunter than show a little restraint. It may be beneficial to you in the end.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 158
Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 3/2/2009 8:26:38 PM
OP,
No, no, no. Chasing is well before a relationship. If anyone's chasing anyone when a relationship has already been established, you've got yourself one screwball relationship!

Chasing's mainly in the pre-dating phase... and a little in the early dating phase... but it dissipates.

Anyway, with that said, you should chase a guy a bit -- just don't seem overly interested. Guys like a girl to come to them. If he doesn't like that, then he doesn't like you. You don't approach a guy like a drunk guy approaches a girl, no. But guys aren't scared if a girl starts a conversation with him.... or if a conversation's going, she asks for his #. I have to disagree with that book entirely on that one!
 e-trig
Joined: 12/1/2007
Msg: 159
Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 3/2/2009 8:35:11 PM

why shud i wait around for a guy to do the asking, if i like him why can't i go and get him?

You shouldn't!!!! What are ya waiting for????

My advice...
Quit reading those crappy books and listening to those women you've been talkin to!

Now grab a big ol treble hook out of that tackle box of yours,put it on your fishing pole and see what kind of fishies you can snag!!

wishing you the best
 borntoski683
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 161
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Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 3/12/2009 9:43:16 PM
Its 2009. If you want a guy, chase him. But be prepared for rejection, it comes with the territory.
 Call Me Sugar
Joined: 10/7/2008
Msg: 162
Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 3/12/2009 11:44:00 PM
you never know...
with my ex husband, i made the first move...
do i regret it? yes... cause things evenually fell apart.... we had nothing in common..
different cultures which later on was a problem for him... mocking my family ways...
we met at a wedding, i found him attractive... he was part of the bridal party...
when the bride and groom came around to the tables saying their hellos and thank yous i asked the bride, (my friend) if that usher was taken... she said no and she went and told him that i asked about him.... we got married a year later... 1988.. and got divorced in 2000

my current relationship.... i also made the first move...
do i regret it?? NO!!
we have sooooo many things in common... never fight.. same nationality..
i know that shouldnt matter and im not prejudice but i think my marriage did some damage to me that im still working on....

so really it doesnt matter who chases who... what matters is how it all turns out in the end..
cause if you make the move and it doesnt work out then you wish you never went after him...
if you make the first move and he turns out to be your soulmate then you have something to brag about and that you were the one to make it happen..... lol
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 167
Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 3/13/2009 7:36:39 AM

Well said. I hope the men who have crappy profiles read this and gain some understanding. This would go for women too BTW.


Maybe one in five profiles of women (that I've looked at) have any kind of detail. Several leave the "about me" blank. Makes it virtually impossible to mention something familiar in a first message.


I kinda like to get 50/50 ,im happy to let them know im interested but if theyre not meeting me in the middle and showing an equal amount of interest then im done.i have more regard for myself than to keep throwing myself at someone


"Meet me in the middle" is as good as it gets, and has been a favorite catch-phrase of mine for a long time.
 cookie22222
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 168
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Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 3/13/2009 7:52:42 AM
Every time that I read a post about those relationship books and all these rules - I just want to gouge my own eyes out...

What difference does it make who makes the first move or does the "chasing"? If you are both interested - it works out either way. And yes it can be intimidating, worrying about whether or not he likes you or if you will be rejected - welcome to what was once the province of men only! Equality goes a long way, baby...
 rip van winkle 44
Joined: 11/2/2007
Msg: 172
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Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 3/14/2009 4:34:06 AM
"One local guy is a great sounding board, after our intial conversation, I realized he and I are looking for different things ( he wants casual sex, I want a long term relationship). We talk, compare notes, and I can ask him questions about the way men think and get an honest answer. "
But he probably has no more idea of what a guy who is looking for a LTR thinks than I know about someone who is looking for casual sex.
 Malley
Joined: 5/12/2007
Msg: 176
Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 3/14/2009 8:26:25 AM
you have to wait for the man to chase you, a woman that does the chasing won't get anywhere and will more than likely scare the guy off, even if she is calm and cool in her chase.

I might be missing something here, but beyond who makes the first move towards initial contact and presuming both parties are interested, I fail to see why anyone would or should chase the other.

It appears to be nothing more than a childish game played into the hands of insecurity in order to prove worthiness or honest intent towards the other !?!?

Short of stalking, why should anyone fear scaring off another ???

Should it not be mutual, or have I a skewed view of what should be of importance in a potential relationship ???
 tall49
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 184
Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 4/14/2009 2:07:56 AM
Every time that I read a post about those relationship books and all these rules - I just want to gouge my own eyes out...

What difference does it make who makes the first move or does the "chasing"? If you are both interested - it works out either way. And yes it can be intimidating, worrying about whether or not he likes you or if you will be rejected - welcome to what was once the province of men only! Equality goes a long way, baby... Love it.mmmm
mmmmm
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 187
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Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 4/14/2009 9:48:27 AM
Agreed! "Toss a clue" is a good one.

Yea, that'll work... NOT.

From Men's Rules For Women:
#6) Act like a grown-up and ask for what you want. Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just ask! And remember, dictating, "laying down the law", or having a "my way or the highway" attitude is not asking.

What coldmountain said about direct interest. If it's covert and/or deniable, as almost all signalling and clue tossing is, then it's not direct; and whether or not it works is almost sure to be random. Any ambiguous communication is likely to lead to an ambiguous (or wrong) response -- like we need more forum posts from women of the sort "why, when i tossed my hair back, did this stranger guy leap to thinking I wanted to have sex with him?".
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 191
Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 4/14/2009 10:56:52 AM

If it's covert and/or deniable, as almost all signalling and clue tossing is, then it's not direct; and whether or not it works is almost sure to be random. Any ambiguous communication is likely to lead to an ambiguous (or wrong) response -- like we need more forum posts from women of the sort "why, when i tossed my hair back, did this stranger guy leap to thinking I wanted to have sex with him?".


ROFLMAO!!!!
(wiping away laughter tears) Yeah, I gotta pretty much agree. I mean, I know that when you ladies drop your hankies, what that used to mean, but there are alot more pc bear traps out there now, waaayyyy too many rules and heightened sensibilities, and the reason that Johnny Depp slap-faced, "I don't think I deserved that" was so fkn hilarious is for just that reason. Lol.
Clarity, a rarity, is nonetheless a virtue.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 193
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Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 4/14/2009 11:47:09 AM
Glad you liked it, whytwater. Seeing as how women are allegedly the communication experts, it's surprising to see how often they don't seem to understand the most basic principles - namely, that the response one gets to a communication is the *meaning* of the communication to the person receiving it.

One of the ironies of the day is how proficient so many women are at choosing men who communicate poorly by assuming those men who are most responsive to the female's 'signals' (however clumsily) provide the best relationships. If more women would stop tossing clues and learn to very forthrightly initiate communication with men, they would soon find how many men there are who really do know how to communicate in ways conducive to enduring and satisfying relationships.
 Tarnished_Knight
Joined: 3/5/2009
Msg: 202
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Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 4/14/2009 8:47:45 PM

My problem is that i dont seem to like any of the guys that chase me, i want a guy that i'm totally into that i like enough to chase, but...

I seem to be getting the impression from the women i talk to, and the crappy books i read like "he's just not that into you" that you have to wait for the man to chase you, a woman that does the chasing won't get anywhere and will more than likely scare the guy off, even if she is calm and cool in her chase.

but why shud i wait around for a guy to do the asking, if i like him why can't i go and get him?


Darlin', it's like fly fishing: you put the bait (the fly) out there and the fish thinks it's in control, it bites and tries to reel in the food/bait while you, the fisher, are doing the actual reeling in.

As a guy, I never minded if the woman made contact. I've never read the "rules" and, frankly, I've never really played by the rules in my life anyway. If there is a guy out there that youthink could knock your socks off, go for him.

Of course, this is predicated on what you want in a man: do you want a man that you would have an egalitarian relationship with or do you desire a man who would rather take the lead in all or most instances. I know for me I would rather have an egalitarian relationship in most instances except ballroom dancing, there I would rather lead, as a course of habit.

TK
 kissmekindsir
Joined: 11/16/2008
Msg: 213
Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 5/3/2009 11:41:27 AM
Look dudes you sperm owners only think you are doing the chasing. Notice how in the woman's organ only one sperm out of millions makes it to the egg!

We gals and our mothers generally made a choice upon catching you long before you even began the courtship.

It's like when we females are walking down the street and we are hounded by you dudes, we decide who we want to accept and reject the other sperm donors!

Ever notice many women only chase who they think is just a challenge? NOT the man who is nessasarily her best choice but the most difficult catch much of the time!
 cw35
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 222
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Can a relationship work out if the woman does the chasing?
Posted: 6/23/2009 7:14:46 AM
There's nothing wrong with a woman making the first move. I've never been that person to make the first move in any relationship I've ever had.
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