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 setuid
Joined: 9/5/2008
Msg: 2
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You are dating someone and they say they are bi-sexual. Is the end near? Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

To me someone that tells you they are bi-sexual while they are in a committed relationship with you is laying the ground work for either cheating on you or leaving you.

Or lays the groundwork for honesty and truth in the relationship, going forward. It puts it all out on the table so YOU can decide whether you'll accept that in your life or not.

Just because someone you're with is bisexual doesn't mean that they're going to wander outside the relationship to explore that aspect of their sexuality, especially if (as you say), they're in a committed relationship with you. I know and am friends with a few bisexual women who are in committed relationships with men and they don't cheat or "wander". If they wanted to, they'd tell their partner.

But there ARE people who would just want to have their cake and eat it too, and for those people... they'd be much happier being with someone who accepts them for who they are, and allows them to explore that side of themselves on their own. This does not mean a threesome is in your near future if you tell your bisexual partner that you're ok with their choice in sexual lifestyle.

The "end is near" only if you can't accept a person's sexuality being different than your own, in your relationship.

Can you?
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 4
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You are dating someone and they say they are bi-sexual. Is the end near?
Posted: 9/28/2008 12:06:13 PM
I make it a point to ask those kinds of question BEFORE I get involved with someone. I'm currently in a relationship with someone who informed be prior to us starting a relationship.

The only reason it would be an issue and potentially end the relationship was if he lied to me about it and I found out thru other means... like catching him in bed with another man. I don't like liars. I don't like cheats. He'd be both at that point. Shortly after that he'd be history.
 Shygeekyguy
Joined: 9/16/2008
Msg: 13
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You are dating someone and they say they are bi-sexual. Is the end near?
Posted: 9/28/2008 9:11:02 PM
Something that needs to be clear here:

Bisexual does not mean the same thing as polyamorous.

If a bisexual is in a commited relationship with someone, they are not going to cheat on you because you "can only please them half the time". Bisexuals dont cheat anymore thatn straights/gays do. Any bisexual trying to tell you that is just a slut, and trying to feed you a line as a copout.

As a bisexual man I can tell you it feels no differnt when I am in love with a man then when I have been in love with a woman. There is no special nebulas thing you can get out of dateing one sex and not the other. You are not bi because you have to have a man and a woman to be happy, you are bi because you can have a man or a woman to be happy.

If the first thing you think of when someone your dateing tells you they are bi is threesomes, then you not very commited to that relationship.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 15
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You are dating someone and they say they are bi-sexual. Is the end near?
Posted: 9/28/2008 11:06:46 PM
Well, it hasn't interfered in my relationships. The problems in my relationships had nothing to do with my being bi. I am, by the way, monogamous when I'm in relationship. Just because you are bi does not mean you are going to cheat. I have been in relationships with both men and women. I was always monogamous.

Look at it this way: if you're completely hetero, you may, over the course of time, find yourself attracted to a number of people of the opposite sex. When you decide to enter into a monogamous relationship with someone, even though you'll still experience attraction for others, you decide to give up acting on it. Right? So, being bisexual and being monogamous is the same way. You'll still feel attraction for others but you make a decision not to act on it. No big deal, at least not for me.



In the first place, the partner saying, "by the way I'm bi" is giving you a signal that you can only please them half the time. So, they're certainly laying out the flight path for a departure. They're planning an exit strategy.


This is absolutely not true. I know, because I'm bisexual. I was married for 18 years and never cheated though he did more than once. I was in a relationship with a woman for six years and never cheated. And I had a boyfriend for 4 years and never cheated. The person who wrote this is uninformed and the notion is silly.

As for why would I even bother telling - well, it's who I am. For one thing, how do I talk about my life and pretend I didn't live with a woman as her lover for six years? One of the things I really value about the guy I've been seeing recently and my former boyfriend is that they were *completely* secure with knowing who I was. They knew me, knew I was trustworthy, knew I have integrity, and felt secure in our relationship. Frankly, some of the comments here are pretty insulting. I realize they come out of ignorance in the truest sense of the word but really, it's pretty insulting.

When I tell a man I'm bi, I'm not telling him he can't satisfy me any more than I'm telling him he isn't going to be the same as other lovers I've had so therefore he won't be able to satisfy me. When I choose to be with a man, it's because there's something I really like about *that* man. Or woman, for that matter. And when I decide to become exclusive with them, I choose them above all others. Period. I haven't turned "straight." I haven't turned completely "lesbian." I'm still who I was all along: a woman who is capable of an intimate relationship with *either* a man or a woman.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 17
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You are dating someone and they say they are bi-sexual. Is the end near?
Posted: 9/29/2008 5:15:47 AM

"HoneyI Love you and all of that, but there are somethings that a woman can do to me that you can't." What guy wants to hear that.


Why would that bother you? Actually, if she told you she was attracted to women, you should be able to figure the rest of that out. I had a girlfriend tell me she was bi and about the only thing I had to say about it was, ``OK.'' I wasn't bothered by it.


I'm a realist I guess. I happen to know and understand that there are differences in how the genders are in a sexual relationship with one another. We do things differently. My reaction both times has been along the lines of "Ok"... but then...


f the first thing you think of when someone your dateing tells you they are bi is threesomes,


I snipped it there for a reason. I'm a freak, I admit it. While my first reaction was "ok", it was followed hot on the heels by "HELLYA!!!!"...


.. then you not very commited to that relationship.


I'm very commited to my relationship. He knows I care about him, he knows what he means to me. He also knows it's a big time fantasy of mine that I'd love to be with two men. I've explained to him (and others) that while it's a fantasy, I'm not in any hurry to have it happen. He's left it up to me.

I found myself sitting here nodding in agreement with you when you said -


You are not bi because you have to have a man and a woman to be happy, you are bi because you can have a man or a woman to be happy.
 phishkev
Joined: 9/19/2008
Msg: 20
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You are dating someone and they say they are bi-sexual. Is the end near?
Posted: 9/29/2008 8:29:04 AM
To me, you would always have that thought in your head (no, not that one) who are they thinking of and what if they would stray...dangerous waters, in my opinion...
 Shygeekyguy
Joined: 9/16/2008
Msg: 26
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You are dating someone and they say they are bi-sexual. Is the end near?
Posted: 9/29/2008 2:45:48 PM

You get what I'm trying to say. All the ppl on here talk about their exes were bi, but like you said, I haven't seen anyone say that they are still in a long lasting relationship with someone who revealed that they were bi.


Uh, this is a dateing site. People in long lasting relationships tend not to come here.
You point is like saying Weight Watchers doesnt work because all the people on it are fat.
 Shygeekyguy
Joined: 9/16/2008
Msg: 30
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You are dating someone and they say they are bi-sexual. Is the end near?
Posted: 9/29/2008 11:14:43 PM

I would prefer to date someone bisexual - as long as they are into threesomes and foursomes and such and want to include me. If they hate that stuff and just want to have a girlfriend and a Hunter separely, they can sod off.


I love how this post is both bigoted and selfish at the same time.

First he assumes a bi girl automaticly wants to be poly.

Then he assumes that she could somehow get not only one, but TWO more girls to come and sleep with him.
 Blondecharmthe3rd
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 31
You are dating someone and they say they are bi-sexual. Is the end near?
Posted: 9/30/2008 6:20:51 AM
Regardless of your sexual orientation, if you are predisposed to cheat, you will cheat.

I am bisexual but haven't had a female lover for years. Saying that I am doesn't mean I sleep with women all the time. It just means that I have found women to be not only beautiful, but sexually attractive too. Same way that I might find a guy delicious, doesn't mean I want to screw him.
 PickMe_PickMe
Joined: 8/4/2008
Msg: 33
You are dating someone and they say they are bi-sexual. Is the end near?
Posted: 9/30/2008 5:44:04 PM
Ahh you know what they say
Bi now... gay later

Truthfully if your partner tells you they like the same sex as well it does not naturally follow that they get to indulge anymore than part of a couple gets to say I like the opposite sex so I get to have as many as I want.
If you agree to a 3 some that is fine, saying one gets to have multiple partners and the other gets to have just the bi person - the same bi person who is saying they would do just fine without you- wow that sounds self centered just saying it. I'm special because I have given myself the label of bi so I get to have as many as I want and you are not special so you get to have just me.
It could work if it is what you both want, but not if the non bi partner is seen as lesser because they are not giving the bi person everything they need.
 Shygeekyguy
Joined: 9/16/2008
Msg: 42
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You are dating someone and they say they are bi-sexual. Is the end near?
Posted: 10/1/2008 12:23:24 PM
Really shouldnt being with a bisexual be see as an ego boots? After all you beating out all the other people around you, not just the other guys/girls?
 Shygeekyguy
Joined: 9/16/2008
Msg: 45
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You are dating someone and they say they are bi-sexual. Is the end near?
Posted: 10/3/2008 1:29:14 PM
"extra diseases"? You really think there are some kind of super special extra bad diseases you can only get from gay/bisexuals?

I weep for all the willfull ignorance.
 avagurl
Joined: 9/18/2008
Msg: 46
You are dating someone and they say they are bi-sexual. Is the end near?
Posted: 10/3/2008 2:19:17 PM
You are absolutely wrong. I tell my partners I am bisexual NOT BECAUSE I am laying the groundwork to leave or cheat - I don't cheat - but to be honest with the one I love. Besides, I like to talk to my loved one about the eye candy we see everyday.
 SuzukiSamurai
Joined: 9/23/2008
Msg: 48
You are dating someone and they say they are bi-sexual. Is the end near?
Posted: 10/3/2008 7:37:32 PM
Is the end near? YOU BET. Not only are you sleeping with them, you are sleeping with everyone they have slept with/may sleep with and so on, and so on etc...Only one thing can come from that: AIDS. Bad news. You get it, you die..period, end of story.. Before getting into a relationship, you should always discuss things, everything. There is a way you can find this stuff out without insulting the other person. It all depends on how the question is asked. Life is too important and too short to risk it on being with someone who leads a double life.
 Bookbelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 51
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You are dating someone and they say they are bi-sexual. Is the end near?
Posted: 3/8/2010 9:02:44 PM
Nope... why on earth would the end be near, just because someone is bisexual?

I'm bisexual myself, and have dated other bisexuals before - yes, of the opposite sex. And guess what OP? Neither of us cheated, and it wasn't the groundwork for cheating/leaving either. Sexuality doesn't determine cheating, OP... guess what, straight people cheat too!

All bisexuality means is: I am attracted to people of both genders. It DOES NOT mean that I will cheat on someone I'm going out with, whichever gender they may be.

Way to go with the stupid generalisations, OP.
 Bookbelle
Joined: 10/24/2008
Msg: 52
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You are dating someone and they say they are bi-sexual. Is the end near?
Posted: 3/8/2010 9:17:26 PM
Wow, Heptone, I marvel at your ignorance.


In the first place, the partner saying, "by the way I'm bi" is giving you a signal that you can only please them half the time.


Wrong. "I'm bi" simply means I am/can be attracted to people of both genders. Just like a man may be attracted to more than one type of woman.

If I'm with someone of either sex, they can please me for the whole time I'm with them... sure, in different ways but still, for the whole duration. Bisexuality simply widens the dating pool, just like being open to dating different kinds of people does.
 Canadian Ink
Joined: 7/12/2009
Msg: 54
You are dating someone and they say they are bi-sexual. Is the end near?
Posted: 3/8/2010 11:11:07 PM
I've never been in this situation before, but all things considered, I really don't see how it would be a deal-breaker. If they're committed to me and I'm committed to them, it wouldn't make a difference.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 57
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You are dating someone and they say they are bi-sexual. Is the end near?
Posted: 3/9/2010 12:15:09 PM

Why tell them? If it's not going to affect your relationship, if you're committed to whomever you are with, why disclose this?

Because not to would be like trying to hide a 6th toe or a 3rd nipple. You'd only be sharing PART of yourself with your new partner.. not all of yourself.

I am a realist and as I said in my first post on this thread, I tend to find out those things prior to ever getting involved with anyone. Knowing my guy is bi means he doesn't have to hide things from me. He can be relaxed and open with me knowing that I won't condemn him for his sexuality.
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