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 Gangster Kitten
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 148
Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?Page 3 of 56    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41)

If that's what you think, you must be doing it wrong.
Your logic is that anyone who gets hung up over a sex act is not worthy of one's time.

If I submit that I enjoy no sex acts, but would like a relationship - Yet you did not persue one with me because of the issue of never having sex, haven't you just proved that you are in fact, hypocritical?

I'm not saying that it's wrong for a woman to not want to give a blow-job, simply putting it into perspective that men who deem a blowjob as something they seriously consider as to wether or not to persue a relationship with someone aren't unworthy as you suggest - since every person does this to a degree. Because a blow-job, is in fact a sex act in the same sense as vaginal penetration or giving oral sex for that matter.
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 150
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Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 10/1/2008 9:36:29 AM
Why should they have to??

Would you go without getting face???

PROBABLY NOT!!!!

If you got to the stage in your relationship where you became intimate and your guy knew the circumstances then it would be up to him as an idividual if he could go without out head or not..

You cant blame a guy for saying no way!!

P.S.
Guys who are usually not into B.J's are this way because the women giving them is no good at it!

 Darcfitz
Joined: 9/15/2008
Msg: 151
Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 10/1/2008 9:43:35 AM
well id definetly prefer not to get one, going with the dante from clerks logic, i mean if a girls willing to do it for me that means she probably has allready done it with every other guy shes been with and i mean my friends call me crazy but the main reason i dont like that is cause thats not what i want to think about everytime a girl kisses me nomatter how many times she brushes her teeth or gargles, well that and its kinda selfish she doesnt get anything from doing it so i doubt i could even bring myself to ask let alone keep bothering her to do something she clearly doesnt want to do adn for gods sakea I pee outta that thing! (Ok its getting a bit ranchy sorry)
 duckling
Joined: 2/28/2006
Msg: 153
Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 10/1/2008 9:46:52 AM
The OP's original question was that due to her past, and her refusal to perform BJ's, would it be a problem for men that she dates. The majority of men here have limited their answers to a simple "yes" or "no". I can definitely understand some of the women being offended by the responses, but it is another perfect example of stereotyping. Those that expect that (a BJ) from someone to achieve "sexual compatability" are simply stating that for them it would present a problem. No need to label anyone as an a**hole for stating that. The gentleman that said that he would be reluctant to date anyone with any history of abuse resulting in a sexual hang-up is right in my opinion. I once got it stuck in my zipper. If I had developed an inability to use it again, because of some self-inflicted trauma I'm pretty sure I wouldn't take on a "women are dogs" attitude because they want sex in a relationship. I suspect that most of the men have empathy for the OP, but the question was "can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs" not how bad we feel for her.
 Gangster Kitten
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 156
Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 10/1/2008 11:51:47 AM
Blowjob= one very specific sex act vs. No kind of sex act= not one specific act. Hmm... not quite the same thing


Yet quite similar:

It's okay to back out of relationship with no sex.

it's shallow and equal to someone not worth the time of day for backing out of a relationship that does not provide a sex act you particularly enjoy?


The only distinction you're making is the quantity, and not the substance. The principles of backing out of a relationship are essentially the same; because of sexuality.

So here's my logic:

If you back out of a relationship because of a sexual compatability issue, you are not shallow

Not performing Blowjobs is a sexual compatibility issue

therefore, backing out of a relationship because the woman will not perform blowjobs is not shallow.
 Gangster Kitten
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 158
Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 10/1/2008 12:10:02 PM
^^ I never made the distinction that the words came from you specifically. I made the structure of the argument previously against another woman who had made the aforementioned argument .

You then interjected and challenged one of the premises of my argument, I countered and revised my statement - or rather elaborated in accordance with the original argument you had contested(the premise of sex acts) - in its entirity.
 abele18
Joined: 7/20/2008
Msg: 160
Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 10/1/2008 12:14:47 PM
well, after having been spoiled by getting it a lot not to get ever again is probably hard, but then it all depends on the other aspects of the relationship, i guess.
 GoneSailinBabe
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 162
Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 10/1/2008 12:24:49 PM
Is this blow job debate ONLY regarding oral sex?
What about anal?

Those of you who have answered and feel that it's a deal breaker if she won't give blow jobs...would it also be a deal breaker if she wouldn't do anal?

I wonder....

Is it the oral stimulation only that obligates a partner to pleasure you in this way or get the hell out?

Interesting.
 Horses4me
Joined: 8/14/2008
Msg: 163
Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 10/1/2008 12:32:55 PM
As a male that enjoys giving a woman oral pleasure I am partial to also receiving oral pleasure, but from my life experience if a woman isn't enjoying giving then it's not going to be good. A man won't die without head but in the same aspect a woman wants to be pleasured with sex and if she's not satisfied then she is inclined to not want to satisfy her partner as she feels "why am I giving and not getting pleasure"...
My partner never fails to enjoy my giving her oral pleasure, repeatedly, but in return she should WANT to give oral pleasure, NOT feel it's her job too do so since she got the pleasure she needed or wanted.
I have only met two women in my life that didn't want me to give her oral pleasure but they were the very best at giving me oral pleasure. I wanted to return the same pleasure but it wasn't something they wanted. No one involved in abuse should ever have to deal with that and the man should be cut off at the nuts for being a disgusting pervert and predator of young children. Those are the men I would like to have in a room for 5 minutes to show them that you must pay for what you did and pay dearly. The punishment for these perverts should be humiliating, slow, painful and excruciating death. NO RIGHTS. NO SYMPATHY. NO NOTHING BUT PAIN FOR AS LONG AS THEY CAN STAY ALIVE TO BE PUNISHED.
Victims have NO rights but these predators have all the rights. Welcome to America. This law is only a fraction of laws that need to be changed. PAY for your crime like your victim did. And the victim didn't even commit a crime. Why were they punished without rights????
 phishkev
Joined: 9/19/2008
Msg: 164
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Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 10/1/2008 12:34:18 PM
It would take a "special" guy, i'll say that. ihad an ex that didn't like any oral-years later she calls me telling me how she changed all that. Too late! But, like I said, if you find the right guy, let him know. But as far as me, I'm missing out on something very intimate and I like to give as much as I receive! Huff!!
 phishkev
Joined: 9/19/2008
Msg: 165
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Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 10/1/2008 12:34:51 PM
...sorry for typing errors, y'all!
 Gangster Kitten
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 167
Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 10/1/2008 12:42:31 PM

Is this blow job debate ONLY regarding oral sex?
What about anal?

Those of you who have answered and feel that it's a deal breaker if she won't give blow jobs...would it also be a deal breaker if she wouldn't do anal?

I wonder....

Is it the oral stimulation only that obligates a partner to pleasure you in this way or get the hell out?

Interesting.


If it's a man's personal preference of anal sex, it'd only be rational for him to seek out people to fufill such a desire. the same way a masochist would not seek out another submissive - The same way we all seek people that have sexual desires and preferences that mirror our own.

This is sexual compatibility. If someone truly enjoys anal sex immensely, wouldn't you agree he would be cheating his/herself out of a truly fulfilling relationship if he married someone who hated anal sex?

Sure, if everything else is pristine, it gives one reason to believe one ought to continue the relationship and not get hung up on such a desire - But to think negatively of someone who knows everything that he/she wants out of a life partner and backs out of a relationship that doesn't fulfill them isn't fair, in my opinion.
 goergieporgie
Joined: 9/15/2008
Msg: 168
Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 10/1/2008 1:00:19 PM
Hmmm, and here I thought BJ's were what relationships were all about....
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 170
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Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 10/1/2008 6:27:46 PM
LMAO @ gobble!!!!!!
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 172
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Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 10/1/2008 8:47:35 PM
OMG Ren...write it down...I actually agree with you on this one...lol...

PS; I have known several men who wouldn't return the favor...and I wouldn't have kicked them to the curb for that...because the rest of our sex life was just wonderful...and I really cared about them...what eventually split us up had nothing to do with that...of course, none of my relationships fell apart due to either person being unhappy sexually...
 saleen07
Joined: 4/17/2007
Msg: 175
Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 10/1/2008 9:18:07 PM
yeah of course you can live with out it, but i tell you what sister, the more amo you have in your arsenal, the better off you are.. meaning your partner/boyfriend/husband wont look for other women one day if hes doubfule or hes just craving something new...
 CHAOTICBEAUTINESS
Joined: 9/22/2008
Msg: 176
Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 10/1/2008 9:32:18 PM
Only 17% of women in the USA like to do it. I wonder why so many men insist upon it. Seems like pleasuring each other at the same time would be most important. Saying there is nothing greater than that makes me wonder about some people and having sex. BJ's are supposed to just be part of foreplay, not the whole act. There are people that have physical limitations that make it difficult too.

Maybe it is just a fluke, but it seems like the older and more mature men seem to be able to live without it, but younger guys seem like it is a deal breaker. Do you think this is related to watching too much porn? Seems like those movies now days are all about oral and the movies of old had more of the sexual act.
 ana1sninja
Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 181
Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 10/1/2008 10:15:52 PM
This is just an observation to consider, so take it with a grain of salt.

If something that is natural and enjoyable became tainted by its association with childhood abuse, isn't one option to reclaim it from that?

Take for instance, child performers who are forced to act or sing by abusive stage parents, they might grow to hate the artform. But does that mean they should give up something that they could potentially grow to love, just because some abusive adult who was supposed to care for and protect them, instead forced it on them?

It's just something to think about. Why deprive yourself of something you might enjoy? Why let the abuser still control what you can and cannot do now that you are a free adult?

I didn't perform oral sex for over 30 years, not because of childhood sexual abuse per se, but for other reasons that I now see as having been limiting. For me. YMMV. But if you step back a bit and see the metaview, you may see oral sex not as good or bad or dirty or abusive in and of itself. It's just a neutral thing, like money. It's not what we project onto it; it is what it is.

If you have panic symptoms when you think about this act, it may be like other phobias. There are treatments that can desensitize you to it. Anyway, I'm not hear to diagnose or treat. I just would hate for you or me or anyone to deprive themselves of something potentially empowering and beautiful, just because some ***hole used it to abuse me. I would want to seize back the power and make my own choice.

Well, that's my two cents.
 CHAOTICBEAUTINESS
Joined: 9/22/2008
Msg: 182
Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 10/1/2008 10:31:31 PM
It was on Manswers on TV. I think Austria was the country that had the highest number of women that enjoyed it. I remember USA as 17% because that is where I live.

Not all women have problems orgasming with the slightest touch from the right man. Some women don't need to do foreplay for hours or even minutes before she is ready. It all depends on the person.

Just seems like it has become increasingly popular and I think it is related to the type of pornography men are watching.
 MelloDLyn
Joined: 10/25/2004
Msg: 183
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Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 10/1/2008 10:35:01 PM
Yes they can! I have met many that do not like them. They tell me up front when we first start dating that they don't. I was so surprised how many don't. So I end up not dating them because I love to give them so If a man isn't into them then no fun for me! What is surprising is they won't even let me try and see what they think.
 Remington55
Joined: 9/23/2007
Msg: 187
Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 10/2/2008 12:08:26 AM
The words "Don't" and "Stop" are very appropriate words to use unless they're used together...

Personally, I don't like it, however I'm open-minded enough to allow someone who is willing to try if they like it & want to do it to see what I think ~ "In response to MelloDLyn (Msg 192)" A long time ago, I let my ex-gf do it, it felt like she was biting me & I told her to stop, she said, "NO I think you're coming!" To which I responded, "NO, you're biting me & it's making me want to go pee!!!!" She laughed & I never let anyone do that again. Was it abusive? No, it certainly was the life & death of a perfect BJ... Anyway I prefer giving more than receiving too.

For those recommending counselling for presumed "issues," I thought of that too. I took it to counselling once, however it said it didn't have any issues & if anything it was me because it was always able to rise to the occasion. However it demanded that I take it out more for the occasional dip... (sans BJ's) regardless of what I may think...

Bottom Line, I can deal with NOT getting blowjobs?

**~Remington55~**
 YingKissesYang
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 189
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Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 10/2/2008 12:24:19 AM
((((Due to abuse as a child i don't give men oral sex.......... i would think your question would be how to overcome that.......who cares about the man......it's you that i would be worried about))))

Hey I have a question, IS THERE ANYONE HERE WHO DOESN'T LIKE SOMETHING? Lets see..hmmm....what do MOST normal people like that some of you dont. If you dont like any of these normal things, YOU NEED A PSYCHOLOGIST, ok...GO...!!!!

1. Mushrooms
2. Playing poker
3. Dancing
4. Pancakes
5. Onions
6. Garlic
7. Fried chicken
9. Watching sports on TV
10. Burping or farting or both
11. in an earlier post I mentioned anal sex and piss drinks
12. Your in laws
13. Bad drivers
14. Selfish lifestyles

Oh, what's that you say? Everyone has their likes and dislikes? Why is that? Oh, something in your head says so? Well if you don't like eating garlic fried mushrooms while watching football and then pee drinks, you have a problem. Better find out why.
 VaFishnetstockings4u
Joined: 9/3/2006
Msg: 190
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Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 10/2/2008 12:33:16 AM
~OP Sorry about you being abused - That someone so ugly had to ruin something that is so beautiful and loving between a man and woman that leaves a man feeling satified by his mate that gives so much pleasure when making love.

Oral is not all there is to love making or sex there is much much more and the beauty of it is enjoying and pleasuring loving the one your with. Maybe some men feel about oral sex the way you do - but I don't thing all do most I know enjoy oral a great deal it's a matter of Preference between the two that commit this act. From what I'm reading on here you have a lot of support and some that feel the same as you do! So don't worry if a man respects you he'll understand and be very compassionate to your views and where you stand on this subject of oral sex.

To each his own it's matter of it's your choice and that your next sexsual parenter respect your wishes - and if he so cares and loves you he will! I agree with the fact
that you were abused and it's not right for anyone who has any ounce of common
decency and respect put you through this ordeal.

I however enjoy all asspects of oral sex and it's a matter of my choice - But if I had
endured something like you , I'd feel the same way you do! I don't think any amount
of counseling will help you cause you had a horrible ordeal as a child that really left you totaly damaged and again if that person is totaly into you he'll accept and respect
your wishes and accept you for you!

Good Luck in your search there is a man out there just waiting for you..
((Hugs))
-Brenny-
 Gangster Kitten
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 194
Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 10/2/2008 6:12:43 AM

It was on Manswers on TV. I think Austria was the country that had the highest number of women that enjoyed it. I remember USA as 17% because that is where I live.

Not all women have problems orgasming with the slightest touch from the right man. Some women don't need to do foreplay for hours or even minutes before she is ready. It all depends on the person.

Just seems like it has become increasingly popular and I think it is related to the type of pornography men are watching.


Statistics... how I dislike them. Anyone can produce a statistic that favors their agenda...

That said. *ahem*

I extremely dislike porn. I *hate* porn. It doesn't do anything for me, and it seems so fake beyond imagination.

Yet, I quite enjoy the prospect of oral sex.
 HarDayKnight
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 195
Can men deal with NOT getting blowjobs?
Posted: 10/2/2008 6:21:54 AM
45% of women said they don't like performing oral sex.
21% of women said they’re uncomfortable with this sex act.


It's not a stretch to think that only half of the remaining 34% of women would say they liked oral sex, and the other half to say they are indifferent to it. I'd say 17% is fairly close. It comes from the Durex Sex Survey.


It was on Manswers on TV. I think Austria was the country that had the highest number of women that enjoyed it. I remember USA as 17% because that is where I live.

Not all women have problems orgasming with the slightest touch from the right man. Some women don't need to do foreplay for hours or even minutes before she is ready. It all depends on the person.

Just seems like it has become increasingly popular and I think it is related to the type of pornography men are watching.


There's a huge gap between American women and Austrian (80%) and Brazilian (77%) women. I doubt it has to do with men watching porn, as much as it does with the puritan influence of religion and the extreme feminist views of US women, compared to other parts of the world. American women have way too much of a "Me first" attitude when it comes to relationships. Their need to not be "taken advantage of" or degraded affects their ability to enjoy pleasuring a man. We just don't deserve them and they are doing us a favor with their presence.

Of course, there are women such as OP who have issues, stemming from abuse, that they haven't been able to get past. I'm sure that if these issues are what prevent her performing the act, and nothing else, with the right man she may one day feel comfortable enough to want to pleasure him. Maybe not.
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