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Show ALL Forums  > Over 30  > Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....      Home login  
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 UTURN1
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 26
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Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....Page 2 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Can't get past the fact this guy brought his kid on your first meeting. I would never do that. I guess I just don't think it's right to have this "revolving door" in my life for women to come in and out of it. My kids shouldn't be subjected to that.

Anyways...I don't blame you. I can't stand it when people are late...I'm not late. I make a point to be where I say I'm going to be when i say I'm going to be there. How hard is that? As far as the money thing...I have to admit...I've done that. Not on purpose, but just one of those things where I just wasn't completely prepared for the evening.

The cell phone thing...unless it was an absolute emergency (which I would be kind enough to tell the person), that would be completely unacceptable.
 bcsofnc57
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 27
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/5/2008 2:16:42 AM
i'd like to point out, the OP has not clarified whether the 20 minutes her date spent on the phone was while she was with him in person or while they were driving in their separate cars to his place. everyone here is simply assuming the former. i think the OP needs to clarify that point before we jump to conclusions and form our opinions

You are right, after reading the post again, I think he was on the phone during the drive to the river. After reading more posts, he took a call he shouldn't have. It really wasn't enough for you to have a tantrum and drive away.

Something that bothers me a lot, is the op's comment about "all we did was sit and talk" at the park. Seems like a great way to get to know each other.

As to bringing his child. It was a fast food place. They were just eating. It wouldn't be any different if he had ran into a co worker, and they joined him and his child.

To the OP, yes you were wrong, you are wrong. Seems you were looking for something other than getting to know this man. If he had not brought his child and had spent lots of money on you, I have the feeling you would be more than glad to see him again.

After ignoring his calls for days, if you call him, I hope he will ignore your calls.
 kychik33
Joined: 1/15/2005
Msg: 28
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/5/2008 4:37:59 AM
Nah bcsofnc57... if in fact he would have had money with him ... on a date that HE specificially asked me for... I would have offered to pay my own and would have gladly done so. It's not about the money and I pointed that out many times in my posts.

As for the 20 minute phone call - in my Post #16 ... and even in my original post... I stated that he was on the phone WHEN we arrive... AND 20 MINUTES LATER he was STILL on the phone. So....... I don't mind the part when he was on the phone on the way there... but for 20 minutes after we arrived to our destination I think is a little much.

And as for sitting in the park and talking - - I did say the evening went pretty well - I did enjoy the talk in the park. It's just that that's what we did day 1, day 2 and day 3... and I really wouldn't have minded that had it not ended the way it did with a 20 minute casual phone conversation with someone WHILE I was there.

But - thanks for your reply - it's interesting to see everyone's point of view.
 Smart Lass
Joined: 6/9/2008
Msg: 29
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/5/2008 7:32:36 AM
OP, while I agree this man was rude, your motives for posting here are pretty transparent as well and two wrongs don't make a right. When you meet someone on the pond and then you post about them, you will always be viewed as rude as well.

Frankly, I don't understand why you went out with him a second time, or a third for that matter, but you did. Lesson learned, let it go. Don't waste anymore time on this, just let it go.
 ImAHotMess
Joined: 7/11/2008
Msg: 30
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/5/2008 8:42:48 AM
He is lucky you agreed to date number #2. He sounds weird. And for God sakes let HIM take YOU on a real date. Those sound more like meetings. The no money thing and always on the phone sound oh to familiar. Was this guy in Avon Lake Ohio??? lol Move on to someone else. Good luck!
 Dumpling-Girl
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 31
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Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/5/2008 9:26:42 AM
I agree that it is not very classy to post this knowing that he'll see it, and also allow him to keep trying to call you after. Since he has a two year old child and a babysitter that night, I would have found out at least if it was a family emergency before taking off. It wasn't clear to me in your wording that you got out of your car and joined him in his car during the 20 minute conversation, and I had the thought that perhaps he would have gotten off the phone as soon as you joined him, or at least paused to tell you what was going on. You two were incompatible, but no need to post like this. And whatever bothers you on a date is up to you, but in the future, if issues like being late are important to you, you need to communicate this to your dates. To me, I wouldn't have even thought twice about the 10 minutes late with a warning phone call. Not everyone is as much of a stickler for time. The only thing I would have really been bothered by is the cell phone call, but I still would have send him a message, rather than having him just call until he gives up.
 DDay555
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 32
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Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/5/2008 9:36:23 AM
Nope, you did right...

The first warning signs was that he had his 2 year-old with him on the first date. What was he thinking? The rest all just went downhill from there, which wasn't exactly optimum in the first place.

Keep looking, there's more

Good luck!
 Rachaelh
Joined: 8/9/2008
Msg: 33
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/5/2008 10:15:39 AM
I don't think the fast food thing speaks of distrespect, but it does show you his lifestyle and where you will be eating when with him in future, so that's a choice for you to make. As for the cell phone call, I think it would depend on the nature of the call if I left or not. If he was just gabbing about nothing to a buddy, well yeah, he's giving you a message, but if it's a really important call like something from work or someone is sick, then obviously he's gotta talk on it.
I would have waited and asked what the call was about and then decided.
 Dream_Life
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 34
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/5/2008 11:32:41 AM
You are past 30. Why are you having dates at McDonald's and Taco bell??


Eeew.
 Dream_Life
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 35
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/5/2008 11:35:35 AM
And ditto on the cellphone issue. I dated a guy for way too long who was stuck to his phone. Never again. Beyond rude.

Once you start setting limits and establishing standards, you'll see that this sort of stuff will end.
 linuxprogrammer
Joined: 3/12/2008
Msg: 36
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/5/2008 12:05:54 PM
kychik, the guy didn't show any good judgement at all, and didn't any respect. In the beginning, you went above and beyond what could have been expected. In the end, however, you demonstrated a reasonable degree of immaturity by blowing him off, ignoring him, and attempting to get back at him via the forums.

I'd call it a draw, and suggest that you two sit down and rationally discuss where and how things went wrong. Perhaps an adult discussion will help smooth over your rough start.
 Bluntsword
Joined: 8/27/2008
Msg: 37
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/5/2008 1:23:08 PM
This is simple Run! run like the wind!
 kychik33
Joined: 1/15/2005
Msg: 38
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/5/2008 5:01:27 PM

And for God sakes let HIM take YOU on a real date. Those sound more like meetings.


That's just it auburndiva... the "day 3" was supposed to have been a "real date". The first two were just meetings. And I'm ok with that. For the 3rd day - he had a babysitter...... he mentioned movies and dinner....... but then once he showed up (late) it was obvious he had no plans whatsoever.
 kychik33
Joined: 1/15/2005
Msg: 39
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/5/2008 5:04:42 PM

As for the cell phone call, I think it would depend on the nature of the call if I left or not. If he was just gabbing about nothing to a buddy, well yeah, he's giving you a message, but if it's a really important call like something from work or someone is sick, then obviously he's gotta talk on it.
I would have waited and asked what the call was about and then decided.


I did wait and I did ask what the cell phone call was about (he decided to end the call when he saw I was leaving)... It was mere chit-chat... no emergencies.... not a work call - - I agree with you that in those situations - I would have been completely understanding.
 kychik33
Joined: 1/15/2005
Msg: 40
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/5/2008 5:07:32 PM

I'd call it a draw, and suggest that you two sit down and rationally discuss where and how things went wrong. Perhaps an adult discussion will help smooth over your rough start.


Nah.
 nikoblue
Joined: 1/31/2008
Msg: 41
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Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/5/2008 5:51:51 PM
The only thing that was 'wrong'was giving the guy one more break than he should've recieved.

He's a schlub. You blew him off. Good move
 DDay555
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 42
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Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/5/2008 6:33:31 PM
Be thankful he showed you his real colors before things got too serious. That's no way to treat a lady.
 Hookme2009
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 43
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/6/2008 1:06:38 PM
McDonalds and then taco bell????? I know one thing, if I am meeting someone for the first time, not taking them to a fast food joint unless they specifically request it. Taco bell is only good for a 2 am snack after a night of drinking with your date.
 RealityAlways
Joined: 5/3/2008
Msg: 44
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/7/2008 4:43:23 AM
Why are you stressing about this? If it doesn't feel right it is not! :-)
For whatever reason he was not into you bottom line. I could see being late and calling to let you know however this was continous on his end. And he knew the whole while he was talking on that phone for 20 minutes that you were there waiting on him. He's a scumbag bottom line.
 thesilverdevil97
Joined: 8/8/2008
Msg: 45
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Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/7/2008 5:04:44 AM
Just a few things to remember, that seem to have helped me in this whole dating experience. Not that I have been dating long, but here it goes.

1. Do not spend a lengthy amount of time chatting with them on line prior to meeting. A total of 5 – 15 hours over a week or two is more than enough to get to know if you have some common interests with someone and there is interest on both ends. Gives him plenty of time to reveal if he’s a moron without you getting emotional invested. If he hasn’t asked you out to meet for coffee by then, in my opinion there isn’t enough interest, move on.

2. Do not agree to meet him on the spur of the moment. Make him offer you a date and time that is at least two to three days out from the proposal. Anything else will tell him you don’t respect your own time, so why should he?

3. If a man suggested bringing his child to a first meeting, he would be done.

4. Never meet in a low brow place like a fast food restaurant. I am not saying hold out for a high end place, but meeting for coffee at a coffee house is inexpensive. Besides, if you don’t like him you can spill your coffee on him and run. It tells him your willing to meet with him anywhere, anytime. It makes you look desperate.

5. Don’t meet to “hang out”. Make him give you a time, a place and an activity. Then, no matter how well that activity goes, DO NOT extend the date. If he is interested he will ask you out again. Agreeing on the spot to spend more of your time makes you look needy.

6. I don’t contact them after the first meeting except once to tell them thank you, I appreciated them taking their time to meet me, and if I had a good time and am still interested, I tell them so. If they email, IM or call me then I respond, but getting anymore involved after some chit chat and a meeting is asking to have yourself poked in the eye. If you think about the guy a lot, you need to get a hobby. Do something, do anything, but don’t dwell on it.

7. If they are interested and ask you out on a real first date, then accept, but don’t accept it for the next night, or even the night after that. Seeing someone you just met less than a week later is again, asking someone to poke you in the eye. This is putting in practice the theory of “taking it slow”. If there is interest there, he will wait for you. Anything less and you are asking to just fill his need to have someone in the girlfriend slot.

I am not even going to go into sex way too soon in this post, I think you can figure that one out by looking at the above.

This isn’t difficult. Look to what is traditional and stick with it. The older generation had their standards that today people consider out dated. They are not outdated, they had this crap figured out, learn from your elders.
 spartan man
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 46
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/7/2008 10:09:22 AM
did you get a happy meal?
 kychik33
Joined: 1/15/2005
Msg: 47
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/7/2008 11:05:01 AM

did you get a happy meal?


Nope... not even fries.... bought my own darn drink even! HaHa!
 kychik33
Joined: 1/15/2005
Msg: 48
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/7/2008 11:05:19 AM
Good advice, SilverDevil.
 2sweeeeet
Joined: 12/22/2006
Msg: 49
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/7/2008 11:08:47 AM
spartan man I loved your post to this!!! still laughing!
to the OP:
why do you feel the need to have so many strangers affirm your decision? its your life and you're the one who decides who you date and who you dont... if you werent impressed why bother having others affirm your decision about this dude?
I personally wouldnt have gone out to a fast food place to begin with - but thats just who I am...
on the one hand I can see thats its creepy to take your child out on a date with you - on the other hand if you cant afford a babysitter or the other parent isnt the kind of person you'd ask or trust to keep your child while you go out what else can ya do? I fall into that category - but I'm also upfront about it.
If his lateness the first time bothered you so much why did you agree to go out again? seems to me like you were setting yourself up for disappointment so you could whine about something...
 kychik33
Joined: 1/15/2005
Msg: 50
Met this guy on POF - Tell me if I'm right....
Posted: 10/7/2008 12:08:07 PM

why do you feel the need to have so many strangers affirm your decision?


I don't. I just thought it would make some interesting conversation - - and it has. Heck, you even responded to it.


If his lateness the first time bothered you so much why did you agree to go out again?


It didn't bother me the first time. He called to tell me he was running late - - I understood - no big deal. It bothered me when I noticed a pattern - always late.
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