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 kellygrl51
Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 86
should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationshipPage 11 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
"Large age difference rels are not exactly LTR material, maybe MTR, but then what is LT these days (and always, but even more so apparent nowadays)? '

Well I just have one thing to say to this...If I were to choose to live life in the moment, it most definitely would not be with an old guy, it would be a young guy hands down...

 kellygrl51
Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 87
should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/17/2008 7:54:18 PM
"Apparently, that is the same rationale that many "old guys" have, they prefer a "young woman" to an "old woman"."

It was a joke...geez... I want same age or close to it, I want to grow old with someone...but thats just me....I really don't care what anyone else does.
 kellygrl51
Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 88
should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/18/2008 8:33:16 AM
"I agree. I'm in a relationship and it isn't a
lock into" a future "contract
for either of us, we are a younger/older relationship. Yes, I'm the younger woman and I'm in a relationship with a older man. He is 30 years older then me. "

It sounds like you both know its temporary and when you think about as long as you're both on the same page....its all good!
 la1423231
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 89
should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 10/18/2008 7:56:21 PM
It depends on the people involved. If they are a good match, enjoy being with each other and give each other what the other one needs. Then why not. I've learned so much from much younger women - and learned things about women that I never really understood until now. I've learned to be more affectionate, loving and caring - I learned that from a younger woman and it changed the way I view and respond to women now and my relationships with women are much better now (and I understand them better now) than when I was younger (and a younger woman taught me that). No matter how young or old you are, you can always learn something new from someone very young or very old.
 kellygrl51
Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 90
should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 12/6/2008 9:48:28 AM
"I have an adult daughter and I would much rather see her with the right older gentleman than the wrong jerk near her age! "

Wow you don't think too much of your daughter. Whats wrong with a nice young man her age?
 singleagain66
Joined: 12/29/2007
Msg: 91
should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 12/6/2008 10:55:56 AM
I was told the rule of thumb is to go half your age then add seven years and thats should be good starting point if your worry about age difference. But I think you can still use that formula but instead of adding seven years go and add nine years to be safe and not fill to bad about the age difference.
 Dena Lee
Joined: 9/14/2008
Msg: 92
should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 12/6/2008 4:52:11 PM
As we can see the majority of us feel this type of relationship is very inappropriate. When a person is going to date someone that is 30 years or more older than them, you almost have to think that you are dating someone that is your parents age. How can anyone even fathom such a disgusting act? Would you go up to one of your mother or father's best friends and ask them on a date??? No I don't think you would. How do you even explain that to your friends, family, co-workers? Oh sorry I fell in love with this old man/old woman and we have so much in common...What in the heck could you possibly have in common? Eventually the relationship is going to crumble into ashes and fall apart. She will get bored with an old man who doesn't want to go party and play all the time. Her friends will pressure her into going out all the time, and he will get angry and possesive and that will drive her even farther away from him. So how can that possibly consitute as a healthy and loving relationship between two adults????
 Gaddflye
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 93
should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 12/7/2008 6:36:48 AM
As I reflect back on my post divorce dating I have followed the half my age plus 7 years rule plus or minus 7 years. The youngest was a 29 year old when I was 58. She and I knew it would not go anywhere but we hit it off. Our first telephone conversation before we even met lasted 4 hours and she knew how old I was. Then, just a couple of years ago I met a 33 year old (who I still occasionally see). She now lives on the other side of the country but travels here for work. We enjoy each other. These women are a bit younger than those I usually date who range from 12 to 25 years younger than I am. The oldest woman I dated post divorce is now 54. She was 40 and I was 52 when I met her. She was my first ltr. The next lady was 37 when I was 57. We had a wonderful ltr. Both wanted to get married and I did not. The first one has remarried; the second has not. Since then the other women I have dated have mostly been in
that age range.

I have not followed the rule consciously. That is, I have not set out to do so. Things just happened that way. I find younger women attractive and fun whereas I find myself put off and even repulsed by the thought of having to date most women my age or even a few years younger. I am just not romantically drawn to them. That is just me and how I do life. Others surely have different ideas.
 kellygrl51
Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 94
should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 12/7/2008 9:11:20 AM
"So how can that possibly consitute as a healthy and loving relationship between two adults???? "

From what I can gather a healthy and loving relationship is not what they're looking for. It's purely sexual and not meant to last as one poster said "it's not a lock down contract" Whatever makes you happy. I'll stick with men in my age range, it's what makes me happy.....
 tchofclas
Joined: 12/24/2005
Msg: 95
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History
should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 12/9/2008 3:51:23 PM
My father was 16 years older than my mother.He was what was termed a brittle diabetic, my grandmother was told he would not live to be an old man. He was 45 when I was born. Would that either of my marriages had been half as good as theirs. When she died in her 68th year, he was devastated, and only lasted another 3 years without her. You do the math. Had they listened to people like some of the posters on here, they would have never enjoyed almost 40 years of married bliss. Granted, it wasn't a 30 year age difference, but it was significant.
Also one of my closest friends married a man 25 years her senior. Our kids are just months apart, and hers was born just a couple of weeks before he turned 50. They are still together, and he turned 82 in Sept. And just so you naysayers who think they must have had a dysfunctional past, my mother's father died 2 years after I was born, and my girlfriend's dad died about 15 years ago, so they both had father's in their lives. My mother was a teacher, my girlfriend's mother was a teacher, as was her father, so should we say being/having a teacher in your family predisposes you to marry older? Makes about as much sense as some of the other drivel spouted here. Did this predispose me to seeking someone much older? No, I've learned it is more important that you are on the same page in what you can live with/without, and when you find the person you've been seeking from day one, age is just a number. I think one of the best responses to this dilemma is to ask the person how old they would be if they didn't know how old they were. As to why we can be so strongly attracted to someone of a big age difference, or even to one closer in age where often we are drawn back to each other over and over, maybe the poster who brought up past lives had a valid point. Sometimes when we are not open to opinions that differ from our own, it can be an indication we've stopped growing ourselves, at least IMO!
 Dena Lee
Joined: 9/14/2008
Msg: 96
should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 12/15/2008 5:48:47 PM
Has anyone ever read the stages of physical, emotional and psychological development from psychoanalyst Erik Erikson. He discusses the stages of life everyone goes through and how a person can develop problems in the future if any of these stages are missed or not completed successfully.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 97
should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 12/19/2008 5:11:23 PM

I want same age or close to it, I want to grow old with someone...but thats just me....I really don't care what anyone else does.

Exactly. I have always maintained that I wanted someone to grow old with, not someone I had to watch grow old. In addition, I wanted someone from MY time-zone. My SO is younger, but at least we were in high school at the same time. He gets HAIRNATION on Sirius satellite radio, he knows who "The Unknown Comic" was, he was a virgin (as was I) when the first case of AIDS was diagnosed and HIV became a concern (unlike those of the free-loving 70s or the ultra-conversative 60s), it's a whole slew of things that had to fit for me. Likewise, someone in their mid-30s? I'd be nearly 50 and he'd be nearly 40 in 5 years. That is a HUGE difference in "time-zone" and I wouldn't want someone having to watch me grow old, I think that would be a terrible injustice to someone even 10 years younger than I am. But as stated above: I really don't care what anyone else does, either. JMO
 kellygrl51
Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 98
should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 12/19/2008 6:48:04 PM
I can't fathom someone being so arrogant as to call relationships that other adults consensually choose to enter into, as being "disgusting".

Whats wrong with someone finding it disgusting? They don't want that type of relationship so for them it would be disgusting. A 28 year old woman looks at a 58 year old man the same way a 58 year old man looks at an 88 year old woman. I'm sorry but that is reality and sometime reality bites..... nothing arrogant about that!
 kellygrl51
Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 99
should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 12/19/2008 7:19:35 PM
msg. 279: Just because you happen to be with someone who is younger does not mean you are being singled out! Actually your relationship makes sense to me, she has 3 kids came from a dysfunctional marriage, I can see why seeking older would benefit her. If it's working all is good.
 Gaddflye
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 100
should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 12/23/2008 1:29:25 PM
I just checked my high school class website since a 50th reunion is being planned for 2010. The site showed a high resolution large photograph of the reunion committee, seven people from our class, five women and two men. The two men I knew well and they are easily recognizable. Three of the women I knew but I could only recognize one. The women were all quite obese. The men were a healthy weight. The women looked almost old enough to be the mothers of the men, no kidding. None of the women would even come close to turning up on my dating possibilities radar if I encountered them anywhere. Thanks, but no thanks to dating women my age. I am sticking with the suitably younger ones.
 Gaddflye
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 101
should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 12/23/2008 8:46:40 PM
Hello Melo,

I understand and concur with much of what you say. You are 58 years old. I know a couple of 56 year old women whom I find attractive. They are both married and we are just friends, but they are quite attractive ladies by almost anyone's standards. By the way, both have immeasurably benefitted from the results of 30+ years of strict diet, regular exercise with qualified personal trainers, frequent beauty treatments, hair stylists and the finest plastic surgeons in Newport Beach as well as from wonderful genetics. A few attractive women in their mid fifties are out there, no doubt about it.

The five 65 year old women on the committee are not a large sample of the female populace of that age nor necessarily representative of that population at large although they may be said to be indicative of what it has to offer. All I can relate to is my personal experience and that is although I count several women near my age as friends I am not sexually attracted to any of them nor older women in general, but with a few exceptions. Evolutionary biology no doubt plays the star role in this regard and that is just the way it is.

When I am out and about and meet a woman I find attractive I do not think about her age at all. It just so happens almost all are a bit younger than I am, and are usually in their early thirties to their early forties. I not only am attracted to their looks. That is just part of it. I find them pleasant, cheerful and a whole lot of fun to be around.

Younger or older, some people are more physically attractive and others less so. A bell curve probably represents the "looks" distribution just as it does IQ, athletic ability and other factors.
 jonash2007
Joined: 7/11/2007
Msg: 102
should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 12/23/2008 10:29:00 PM
Dude, if you're dating a woman who is 22 or younger (you're 53), then both of you have issues...no matter how well you finish each other's sentences. It is kinda sick, actually. If you want to picture how sick, subtract 5 years from each of your ages....that would make you 48 and her 17.
 tallyover
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 103
should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 12/24/2008 6:04:06 AM
It appears Op's relationship is one that just developed from common interests and compatibility. While an age difference of 30 years is unusual I don't think it's an automatic deal breaker. Society make take a second look at "mismatched" couples, but the couple alone makes the deal.

My acquaintances in that younger age bracket are paying off student loans, having children, or climbing the corporate ladder. Personally the stage of life would be too be a difference for me. Having done all that I'm ready for recreation, relaxation and romance.
 Cogie36
Joined: 10/23/2008
Msg: 104
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History
should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 1/3/2009 1:46:50 PM
People say that love shouldnt have an age but......I honestly have to say.....I would not go out with someone 30 yrs older or younger then I am.......( younger would be against the law anyway at my age) and that is out of the question.....but anyway.... I also look at it from a parents point of view..and I would have a fit if one of my kids wanted to see someone 30 yrs older then they are also....you have to have common interests and with that much of a gap......there cant be all that many.....if shes only 23 shes got alot of living to do and eventually you arent gonna be able to keep up with her lifestyle.....and not to mention....you shouldnt even be thinking about it until you are divorced......
 Onatopa
Joined: 7/31/2008
Msg: 105
should age difference be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 1/3/2009 2:49:35 PM

Age has no limits when it comes to love. We're talking love and not gold digging, lust or someone of illegal age. The only thing I suggest is that you talk about having children first. She might want them and you've already had them. Other than that, what are you waiting for, get on with it. Ignore all these nay-sayers. Turn your head the other way and march on. Not because you've got a trophy wife of 30 years your junior but because you have found that one special someone which is so elusive to all these other people.


I almost totally agree with coolhand here. Children are prolly the key in this matter. I've met several younger women that are quite mature for their age in times past and I have to admit I find it refreshing to date a younger lady.
 kellygrl51
Joined: 9/21/2008
Msg: 106
should age difference be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 1/3/2009 4:26:34 PM
This is just one of those to each his own kinda thing. If I were young and wanting a family I would NOT be seeking an oldster who just qualified for his AARP card. Dating young is fine, as long as young wants to date you. If you can deal with it being for the wrong reasons and your ok with that than go for it! I can't imagine any scenario where someone 30+ years older would now or have ever worked for me... but as they say differn't strokes for differn't folks...
 Onatopa
Joined: 7/31/2008
Msg: 107
should age difference be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 7/11/2009 9:29:02 PM

I was told the rule of thumb is to go half your age then add seven years and thats should be good starting point if your worry about age difference. But I think you can still use that formula but instead of adding seven years go and add nine years to be safe and not feel to bad about the age difference.


Never heard this one before! Interestingly enough, that's just about the age group I tend to date, most often.
 parklabrea
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 108
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History
should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 7/11/2009 9:59:33 PM
Personally, I consider a 46 yr. old to be a younger woman:) The only relationship I can imagine establishing with a woman 30 years younger than me is as a Mentor or a surrogate Uncle.
 soldiergirl99
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 109
should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 7/11/2009 10:00:06 PM
Well I think to a point age can be a deal breaker. I have dated someone 14 years younger than myself...it was too late once I found out...after I found out I wasn't sure about the whole thing. I was 40 he was 26 and he didn't act his age what so ever, after a while we both found it hot there was such an age difference; also he was 6'5.
 Zephyr2553
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 110
should age differance be a deal breaker in a relationship
Posted: 7/11/2009 10:13:35 PM
Go ahead and bag her dude. You're headed that way anyways. You probably can't sleep at night for thinking about it.
Like two peas in a pod.....lol This is a time old scenario that plays out again and again. Just remember, when you are crippin around in your walker and sittin on your blowup donut, ready to sit in the recliner with a Bud Light complaining about how peppers cause the inferno acid reflux and shaving the hairs on your ears and pulling the gray hairs out of your nose, she'll just be reaching her prime and you really will be her dad.

Ever hear the song, 'Silver threads and golden needles"? I know you probably can't think past your little head right now, but down the road, she will look on you with disgust and will be out with the younger dudes.

Its a fact. The choice is up to you.
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