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Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > She's/He's been on PoF for 2 years..! It that a red-herring? Run or S      Home login  
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 LaMediaNaranja
Joined: 7/23/2008
Msg: 51
She's/He's been on PoF for 2 years..! It that a red-herring? Run or Stay?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
OP: Yes, some can be serial daters, serial players or just seriously not found "the one". Dont' assume anything about anyone.

Allow yourself the opportunity to know them and then you'll know if they are for you or not.

 trukinbiker
Joined: 12/25/2006
Msg: 52
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She's/He's been on PoF for 2 years..! It that a red-herring? Run or Stay?
Posted: 10/6/2008 12:20:04 PM
Dating is different for everyone. Assuming that one size fits all is way to judgemental in my opinion. For example, in my case, I am a truck driver who is on the road for three weeks of the month most of the time. I can only spend so much time getting to know someone online, deciding to meet and then actually doing it. My life is lived in the short spurts of time I have at home. I don't always date each time I come home. I try to, but it does not always happen. So, if you add up my actual time off, minus the times at home I don't date, what would appear to be two years to most is actually more like three or four months to me. So...does my being a member on here, (and some other sites), for more than two years make me some kind of bad person who is not willing to commit, or someone who is taking advantage of the system? I don't think so. I am an optimistic person who sincerely hopes to find that one person to settle down with, but...I also am not willing to just jump into a committed relationship. I firmly believe in getting to know someone well before committing, which in my case takes much longer than usual. So, no, I don't think any amount of time being in the dating scene whether it is online or in the real world is a reason to dismiss someone a a potential date.
 rtpguy
Joined: 8/19/2007
Msg: 53
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She's/He's been on PoF for 2 years..! It that a red-herring? Run or Stay?
Posted: 10/6/2008 1:59:06 PM
It depends on the context. If she's really been 'active' and dating off POF for the entire time, and always something 'doesn't work out,' well..maybe.

There may also be something about *who* she dates - some people want to meet after nearly a single email or message, others take their time.

I think I've had my profile on POF for around 2 years, maybe 3, with 75%+ of that time being 'idle'/not logging in, as I was in an LTR for a while, then just not into it. The 'lots of dates' comment - yeah, I can see where you're coming from, but I'd at least hear a bit more from her before condemning/judging based on that alone.
 MY OH MY
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 54
She's/He's been on PoF for 2 years..! It that a red-herring? Run or Stay?
Posted: 10/6/2008 9:49:35 PM

I don't know of anyone who has found a satisfactory long term relationship from an Internet dating site.

My cousin met his wife on line (I don't remember which dating site). They have been married for about 5 years now.

I am coming up on a year on here. (Do people celebrate their divorce anniversary?)
 Halokitty™
Joined: 5/29/2008
Msg: 55
She's/He's been on PoF for 2 years..! It that a red-herring? Run or Stay?
Posted: 10/6/2008 9:59:13 PM
I've been here so long I remember when there was a chat room.
Guess I'm REALLY unlucky, eh?
 Vintage Bike Guy
Joined: 5/20/2006
Msg: 56
She's/He's been on PoF for 2 years..! It that a red-herring? Run or Stay?
Posted: 10/7/2008 4:50:01 AM
Why would it MATTER how long someone has been on POF or any other Dating web-site???


Just because you don't know, dose not mean or translate into, the rest of us are DUCKS, Quack,Quack,Quack.......


Sorry Bub, but the older we get the harder it is to find someone compatible, there are Millions of us, on thousands of Dating web-sites, The only key that I have found is to STOP LOOKING...


Just be yourself and be open to whatever comes up...
 Blu_byu
Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 57
She's/He's been on PoF for 2 years..! It that a red-herring? Run or Stay?
Posted: 10/7/2008 5:31:47 AM
OP-- loosen up. You cannot apply your expectations for longevity to any other person. If the chemistry isn't there, then there is no point in delaying the inevitable. And most women seem to have a better handle on doing that than most men. Enjoy the fishing--when you finally meet the one woman that has decided that YOU are the man for her---you'll know it. Now, just pray that you feel the same when it happens.

Honestly, more people should live by the axiom of "I will not lower my standards in order to raise yours".

Best of luck to you.

cheers~~
 veryordinary
Joined: 9/9/2008
Msg: 58
She's/He's been on PoF for 2 years..! It that a red-herring? Run or Stay?
Posted: 10/7/2008 9:43:39 AM
I think you are being too paranoid. I have been on here for two years and of the guys I met, they truly were not the ones for me for various reasons. I get many emails from people who are totally incompatible with me or they smoke. I lived for 35-years with someone I was totally incompatible with and I will be very cautious not to make that mistake again. This woman you are talking about may feel the same way. It takes time to know if you are really compatible. Give it time.
 veryordinary
Joined: 9/9/2008
Msg: 59
She's/He's been on PoF for 2 years..! It that a red-herring? Run or Stay?
Posted: 10/7/2008 9:44:53 AM
Also, my niece who was 50, met 86 men for coffee before she finally met Mr. Right and they have been married for 6-years now.
 Brandie46
Joined: 5/16/2007
Msg: 60
She's/He's been on PoF for 2 years..! It that a red-herring? Run or Stay?
Posted: 10/7/2008 10:58:34 AM
Yes you are being too paranoid. I'd be more concerned if she/he were one of those people who kept closing and reopening profiles under different IDs every few months.

Now that would make me paranoid!

Brandie46
 veryordinary
Joined: 9/9/2008
Msg: 61
She's/He's been on PoF for 2 years..! It that a red-herring? Run or Stay?
Posted: 10/7/2008 11:19:50 AM
I do not think deleting and making a new profile makes one a "risk". I have become very discouraged and deleted my profile before but came back. I also had a guy I met once follow everything I did and kept commenting on me without using my ID in the forums. I felt he was a stalker and I would change my ID. You cannot use your same ID a second time and have to pick a new one but everything else on my profile always remains the same so I do not really think I am trying to trick anyone. I get disgusted with POF off and on and will delete my profile and come back after awhile. I also hide it often when I just want to be left alone. It does not mean I have a hidden agenda of some sort.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 62
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She's/He's been on PoF for 2 years..! It that a red-herring? Run or Stay?
Posted: 10/8/2008 5:36:01 PM
I don't think it's a problem at all. I've been casually dating for over four years and just recently finally found someone interesting enough to get past the third date. I'm looking for a good match, not just a warm body in my life. It's not easy. I've met lots of guys - here, two other sites, and just moving through life. Many of them are very nice but we just aren't a great match for each other. It's not easy to find a good match. It can take time and meeting lots of people. How long they've been looking is of no concern to me. What I'm interested in finding out is how well do we hit it off. Do I find them interesting? That's what I care about. Maybe the reason they've been looking for so long is that they haven't met *me* yet! Maybe the reason I've been looking for so long is that I haven't met *them* yet!
 dave1234
Joined: 11/7/2004
Msg: 63
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She's/He's been on PoF for 2 years..! It that a red-herring? Run or Stay?
Posted: 10/8/2008 6:14:27 PM
Perhaps the main concern is not that one is being picky or wanting a perfect match. The question becomes what happens if one of the things on the "must have" list changes. The longer the list of requirements the more likely something will change over time, whether it be the person who is picky changes their "must have" list or their partner undergoes changes.

That, IMO, is why some people avoid those who have a lengthy list of requirements. While it's natural to want to find that "perfect" someone what are the chances they will remain "perfect" or what constitutes "perfect" wil remain the same? What is the prognosis for a long term relationship?
 JulietJuliet
Joined: 6/7/2007
Msg: 64
She's/He's been on PoF for 2 years..! It that a red-herring? Run or Stay?
Posted: 10/9/2008 6:28:51 AM

How do you tell if a profile is hidden rather than deleted?
.
For starters ALL profiles are visible at the forums....hidden or not (with exception for deleted ones).
To see if a profile is hidden/deleted type in the user name under user search. If deleted it will say so and when, if hidden it will blink a blank space back at you. (Mine is currently hidden)
I know this cause I have been here for more than 3 years!
Whilst on this hidden topic who is to say OP that this woman has never hidden her profile at some stage during her 2 years here.
When you consider the amount of people using this site you must also consider the amount of 'normal' people using this site. Perhaps she was just unlucky.
 guyonline101
Joined: 10/11/2008
Msg: 65
She's/He's been on PoF for 2 years..! It that a red-herring? Run or Stay?
Posted: 10/16/2008 9:31:10 PM
If I see a woman here for so many years it makes me wonder wtf why cant they find somone? It's not THAT hard is it? If I dont find somone online within a few months, I am positive I would be able to find one in REAL life very quickly, especially if I was actually looking to have a partner... Sometimes I feel like the woman are being unrealistic in what they are looking for...
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 66
She's/He's been on PoF for 2 years..! It that a red-herring? Run or Stay?
Posted: 10/16/2008 10:19:45 PM
Depends on where the person lives, and if she is what most men seem to be seeking. I have found that most men on POF seem to be seeking "the norm" as far as women go, and some of us who are atypical women in many ways seem to be SOL most of the time as far as men on POF are concerned. I love the forums, and once in a while encounter a man who is atypical and intriguing, etc.
 starfun77
Joined: 11/3/2007
Msg: 67
She's/He's been on PoF for 2 years..! It that a red-herring? Run or Stay?
Posted: 2/27/2009 8:46:07 AM
Definitely too picky and more likely a serial dater...or a perfectionist, in which case the relationship wont last even is she picked one.
 brown_eyed_woman
Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 68
She's/He's been on PoF for 2 years..! It that a red-herring? Run or Stay?
Posted: 2/27/2009 9:12:38 AM
I would rather meet somone who has been here awhile and did not run off and marry and have kids with the first person they met. Only to come back here 2 years later, starting over again.

I actually run into the ones more often who have just opened an account and are still like a kid in the candy store...I prefer the ones who have been looking for awhile. They are typically patient and understand that Online is not as easy as everyone thinks, and they are realistic.

I look at my dating profile as just a line in the water. I have maybe met 11 men for a coffee in the two years I have been online. Only 2 of those coffee meetings netted to an actual date.

At the end of the day, what does it matter? This is a total crap shoot, just because there may be 1000 men in my area who are single does not mean I am going to be romatically interested in any of them...or them me. Perhaps the one I would be interested in is dating someone right now and is not ready to date me yet. We just dont know whats around any given corner-and there is no expiration date on finding "the one".
 Beaugrand®™©
Joined: 3/24/2008
Msg: 69
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She's/He's been on PoF for 2 years..! It that a red-herring? Run or Stay?
Posted: 2/27/2009 1:05:15 PM
Mostly here for the forums.
I don't believe in deadlines for finding an appropriate date, and I don't have a schedule for finding "her."
I've accepted that I'm likely to be here awhile.

I think the lady with the insatiable appetite for Milk Duds was the red herring.
 jadegreen
Joined: 2/3/2006
Msg: 70
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She's/He's been on PoF for 2 years..! It that a red-herring? Run or Stay?
Posted: 2/27/2009 2:18:11 PM
I read another topic with similiar subject and read another posters comments and feel the need to repeat this posters comment b/c it makes sense....I can't recall their profile name, but keep in mind this is not an exact quote....it went something like this but was not exactly the same...

"I think I missed the deadline memo about finding Mr./ Mrs. Right"

I think you just need to pay attention to the person, their qualities, your attraction level and what your looking for and don't buy into that silly kind of paranoya....as if the person has "expired"...geesh...So yeah my opinion is you need to chill about that sorta thing....any relationship has it's risks and if your too afraid to take a risk of your own and give it a try how will you ever know? just my opinion
 Byrd
Joined: 7/19/2004
Msg: 71
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She's/He's been on PoF for 2 years..! It that a red-herring? Run or Stay?
Posted: 2/27/2009 3:28:30 PM
Only 2 years??? Hell! I've been here YE For 42 Years I know it's hard to believe cause I'm so good looking and there's that 2 inches of swanging meat thang.... You sound like an E-Harmoney Grad....2 Years HA!
 sequoyah61
Joined: 12/8/2008
Msg: 72
She's/He's been on PoF for 2 years..! It that a red-herring? Run or Stay?
Posted: 2/27/2009 3:44:09 PM
OP:
IMHO, I take that as a trait of a serial-dater who always finds something very trivial to "disqualify" each candidate.


OP:
Well, I followed my instincts and left before the obvious (IMO).


Closing_Shop:
If so, you're off to a good start at becoming a serial dater, which you've defined as someone who"who always finds something very trivial to "disqualify" each candidate."


Yep, that pretty much sums it up IMO. You're gonna make a VERY good serial dater, OP.

Rots of Ruck!

Beware the Red Herring!!!!!!!





Sequoyah
 starstuff942
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 73
She's/He's been on PoF for 2 years..! It that a red-herring? Run or Stay?
Posted: 2/27/2009 7:03:53 PM
****************************************


Geesh, how many more things can people find WRONG with each other before they even meet?

The list of what might be wrong with someone else just keeps getting longer and longer.

It seems as if people are just making excuses to find something wrong with the other person because they are just too afraid to put themselves out there. Maybe they are afraid that they will be rejected and so reject others first. Could that be why there are few people actually meeting each other???
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 74
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She's/He's been on PoF for 2 years..! It that a red-herring? Run or Stay?
Posted: 2/28/2009 1:47:00 AM

At the end of the day, what does it matter?

Lots of people on here closed their account and later on returned, incl me. The only difference to reality (returning to favourite pub, restaurant, club, natural beauty spot etc) is that the posts of people who post on forums also also show the date they joined PoF and some poster, like our OP, is ruminating over it.
I would not lose sleep over the length of time a person in question is a member of PoF network.
 jod314
Joined: 2/24/2009
Msg: 75
She's/He's been on PoF for 2 years..! It that a red-herring? Run or Stay?
Posted: 2/28/2009 2:42:13 AM
There's a reason why a person would need to resort to online-dating in the first place.

... and yes, this is a concession that I have my share of issues.
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