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 AUTHOR
 bldrnnr67
Joined: 1/16/2008
Msg: 7
Am I single or divorcedPage 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
IMO the OP should be listing himself as divorced. Some people do not want to date someone that has been married before. When I was much younger, I wouldn't date someone that was divorced. It was my preference at the time. Single - never been married. Divorced - self explanatory.
 CompletelyDone
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 8
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 1:22:02 PM

What is the different between single or divorced for those of us starting all over again ?


To me, the difference between whether you are single or divorced after 10 years, has to do with how small the mind is that's trying to grasp such unimportant concepts. Especially, if they called you a "liar".

I hope you dodged that bullet...
 misszmsz
Joined: 5/31/2008
Msg: 9
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 1:51:54 PM
Anybody who gets that hung up on how you lable yourself is probably not worth taking the time to get to know and they probably have serious issues with other things.
 ***blue***
Joined: 4/21/2008
Msg: 10
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 5:18:02 PM
"IMO the OP should be listing himself as divorced. Some people do not want to date someone that has been married before."

I don't see it as a problem except in the above situation. Some people just do not want to date or have a relationship with someone who has been married before. Doesn't really matter what the reasoning is behind it, it's just how they feel.

To each thier own.
 clasact
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 11
view profile
History
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 5:30:34 PM
If you were ever married
then divorced, you are divorced.

Divorced indicates previously married, i.e. you once had a spouse.
It is what it is.
 CompletelyDone
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 12
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 5:46:51 PM
I can understand why this would truly matter if in fact a person isn't actually single but listing themselves as such. Off with their heads.

But I do have to say that it would be nice if Admin would redesign the marital status dropdown to illustrate how long someone has been separated and whether or not they are actually living separately and apart from their ex. I've had a lot of clients who have been separated for years and years and we've had to actually draft divorce Writs to their "last known address". On the other hand, these days, there seem to be a lot more people continuing to live together even after their divorces have become finalized.

But hey, some people say the ages are wrong and won't change. Other people fight with the "body type". I guess we're stuck talking to one another to actually find out what that person's definitions are in all categories that are important to us. (I'm tongue in cheek of course... )
 clasact
Joined: 1/18/2008
Msg: 13
view profile
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Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 6:31:51 PM
^^^^ Yup, and there ya go OP
 justme1201
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 14
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 6:58:16 PM
I'm single. I am also divorced. I happen to think of myself as "single" first, though, so I chose that option. It's been so long, the divorce is far behind me and I dont even think about it any more. My profile also says all my kids are over 18, so I assume people can figure out that I was once married.

If that causes issues? Shrug. Not my issues.
 ~breathlesshush~
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 15
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Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 7:13:42 PM

Heck I worry more the ones that say single at my age and I wonder HMMMMM I wonder why? Not that I would rule them out but... I would wonder and ask.



When reviewing other profiles and I see someone who says they are 49 and Single my mind wonders to why, have they ever been married, if not, why? Way to many questions start to form and then I just give I up and go look somewhere else.


I just gotta ask...why is it better to have a failed marriage under your belt at the age of 49, or 40, or say, 39, then to have never been married? Please, I REALLY want to know!

I am 39, never been married. I was engaged, I lived with my kids Dad for 8 years, which was as close to married as I ever wanted to get with him. Sorry if I am a failure, or..oh oh oh, my absolute favorite on here (rolls eyes) a red flag to those of you who prefer to date people who have crashed and burned in their marriages, rather than recognizing that marriage would be a mistake and avoiding it altogether.

Yup, I failed miserably in my last relationship, and not only that, I bore children out of wedlock!! Anyone got a scarlet "A" I can borrow?

If you're single, put single. If you're married, put married. Whatever.

I loooooooooooooooove labels!!
 GoneSailinBabe
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 16
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 7:21:29 PM
Single is NEVER married.

Divorced has been married in the past but is currently no longer married and legally divorced.
 chrylann
Joined: 12/8/2007
Msg: 17
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Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 8:35:46 PM
I see myself as single and/or divorced. There is no difference. Some people are just idiots.
 chrylann
Joined: 12/8/2007
Msg: 18
view profile
History
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 8:39:55 PM
NEWS FLASH, just em, people don't have to have been married to mention children. They have them now without being married. Times have changed since our day, huh?
 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 19
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Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 9:31:52 PM
Most people have already stated what I believe... if you are divorced, you are divorced. If you were considered single then divorced option wouldn't be there. It is what it is.

It seems many that have posted are older than myself and have been married/divorced so it probably doesn't matter to them. It DOES matter to me. I have many many reason, most of which are personal and religious. Plus I truly AM single... never married. If I met someone who was divorced even 20 yrs ago and they listed themselves as single I was would be severely disappointed they weren't upfront with me. I might not call them a liar but it would leave a bad taste in my mouth.

Do whatever you want people but the divorced option is there for a reason.
 bldrnnr67
Joined: 1/16/2008
Msg: 20
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/6/2008 11:56:43 PM
A person can rationalize it all he/she wants, but it all comes down to integrity. If you want to mark yourself as single because you believe it's the more applicable than divorced, feel free to do so. Just don't be amazed when someone calls you on it. It's no different than putting yourself down as a social drinker if you are drinking a case a day. As long as you are doing it with friends, it's still social, right?

Most people care less about the difference between single and divorced as they get older, but there are still some to whom the difference is important. Respect the preferences of those fish and be honest up front. You may get less responses, but then you won't be accused of being a liar.

Prior to reading this thread, a woman that had a yes for children, and single under marital status, I always assumed it meant she had them without being married. I've never judged them for that, and have had relationships with a couple of them. However, I've ran into a few that when their profiles do not match what they tell me, I lose interest in them. Why? It's all a matter of integrity.
 bldrnnr67
Joined: 1/16/2008
Msg: 21
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 12:37:18 AM
Excuse me? I'm not trying to knock on anyone for being divorced...heck, I am a divorcee too. I will knock on someone for not being honest about their marital status.

I have no idea what makes you think I want sex right off the bat. I've had a relationship go a year and half prior to sex. If I was in a relationship with a woman that wanted to wait until marriage, I'd wait...been in a couple of those relationships too. Your attacking my profile isn't going to make your rationalizations for marking single when you are divorced any more effective.

As for cuddling, my love language is touch. There is a Christian book out there about the five languages of love, and to me, that is important. So that information is in my profile. Sorry if you misunderstood it to mean I want sex right off the bat. Which is OT to the post.

 MetalVixxn
Joined: 4/4/2007
Msg: 22
view profile
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Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 5:41:00 AM

If they listed single, then you find out later on in conversation they're divorced.....it's no big deal.


That's a huge deal to me!! Unless they tell me within the first few minutes they are divorced it's a deal breaker! I don't want to start a relationship with someone who is divorced so I'd be pisssssed if someone omitted the truth about being divorced and I started to fall for them.

Why can't people just accept this is a huge deal for some???? Seriously, if divorced meant single there WOULDN'T BE A DIVORCED CATEGORY!!! Damn!
 Ferruginous
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 23
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 8:12:20 AM
I can accept the fact that someone had been married previously. I won't accept the fact that they may be trying to hide that previous marriage from me.

I prefer a person who is honest about their past.
If a once-married person claims to be single, rather than divorced, that person is trying to cover up their past, or pretend it didn't exist.
It makes me wonder what else the person is covering up? Their criminal history? Their battles with addictions?


I am divorced 10 years ago with children.
Then you are divorced


What is the different between single or divorced
duh?
 justme1201
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 24
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 9:49:04 AM

Nope, I just assumed that your not a republican from Alaska!


A belated LOL to you rockman... good one ;-)
 justme1201
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 25
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 9:51:36 AM

If a once-married person claims to be single, rather than divorced, that person is trying to cover up their past, or pretend it didn't exist.
It makes me wonder what else the person is covering up? Their criminal history? Their battles with addictions?


See, I think you're just being paranoid there.

I guess it just boils down to those that care about this, and those that don't. To me, it's not a big deal. Divorced or single, either way, you're unattached. I don't care how you choose to phrase it.
 Ferruginous
Joined: 5/12/2008
Msg: 26
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 2:10:03 PM

If a once-married person claims to be single, rather than divorced, that person is trying to cover up their past, or pretend it didn't exist.
It makes me wonder what else the person is covering up? Their criminal history? Their battles with addictions?
See, I think you're just being paranoid there.
I'm not paranoid. Just wondering why a person is denying a significant detail of their past life.

Perhaps the real paranoid person is the divorced person, who's too afraid to admit on their profile that they were once married?


Something like a marriage is a little more signifcant than the burger-flipping job you may have had when you were 17, or the one toke you had on a joint at a party when you were younger. It's really nothing that a person can just forget ever happened.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 27
view profile
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Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 3:00:44 PM

That's a huge deal to me!!


It would be to me, too. Not the divorced part, the not behing upfront about it.

I am divorced and widowed but more recently widowed. I am also considered "single". But since widowed is offered as an option that's what I have on my profile.

It's not so much the information that's the important factor it's why you would NOT choose divorced. Obvious reason being you don't want someone to know (some widowed people also choose single). If you truly didn't care if someone knew you were divorced then you'd choose that without having to explain later or have them discover it. It's deceptive and all this "I don't FEEL divorced" or "it doesn't matter to me" well that's a whole bunch of hooha IMO.

Same reason people don't put their true age, height or body type they think it won't matter or shouldn't matter. Facts are facts, and not putting factual information is being deceptive any way you want to slice it.

Thing is when you do that, you're taking away the person's right to make a choice based on inaccurate or incomplete information. I know some that don't put their true age because putting another age gets them into more searches. You don't wanna know what I tell them about it. It ain't pretty I'll say that. I'd do the same if someone put single that was actually divorced. One of the pitfalls of online dating, a totally unnecessary frustration.

I have a very strict standard for honesty, on the factual info, if I find that to be inaccurate then the rest doesn't matter. Just don't expect that because it doesn't matter to you it may not matter to someone else.

Thanks to all you who said you would do that, for calling yourselves out so that we know who you are.
 CHAOTICBEAUTINESS
Joined: 9/22/2008
Msg: 28
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 3:43:59 PM
I think that you are not logical. Drinking or getting drunk at home doesn't make you an alcoholic, but getting married and getting divorced does make you divorced.

You don't have a clue what a player is because someone that has a one night stand isn't usually a player. One night stand usually is meeting someone for the first time and having sex. A player is someone that plays you, they do whatever they can while they really have other interests going on. It can end by them having sex with you and going on, but normally it isn't a one night stand.

I would question that you are single and not divorced because you have custody of a 7 year old son. And your poor grammar would cause me problems. You are not representing someone else on here, you are representing yourself.

If you have major issues with getting a divorce, you need to seek counseling.

If you are that spiritual, why are you lying about your marital status?

Why is there the analogy of salt in a wound with divorce? Divorce is the end of a marriage, nothing more. If you are that injured, get counseling.

Single is never been married. If you can lie about something this small, what else are you lying about or in denial about?
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 29
view profile
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Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 3:49:57 PM
People that have been divorced KNOW they're divorced, if they weren't ashamed of it, or thought it carried a stigma they'd choose that option.
 justme1201
Joined: 7/22/2007
Msg: 30
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 3:51:59 PM
I dont hide the fact I'm divorced (how could I?!) It usually gets discussed in the first couple of emails.

Saying you're "single" when you've been divorced isn't lying. Good grief it's just a WORD... chosen instead of another WORD on a list. I just happen to feel more single than divorced.. since it's been well over 10 years since I was married! Hell, I've been single longer than both marriages put together (yes, I'm twice divorced, which makes me a double liar I guess ...lol)

People get freaked out over the darnedest things.. sooo many jaded folks on this site.

Lighten up :-)
 hapeenurse
Joined: 5/5/2006
Msg: 31
Am I single or divorced
Posted: 10/7/2008 4:23:46 PM
you're single by way of divorce!

there , solved!
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