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Joined: 4/21/2007
Msg: 3
Why is it that Stuff is so important to a realtionship?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
Yeah... you totally dodged a bullet there, my dear. I so wouldn't worry about this woman.
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 4
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Why is it that Stuff is so important to a realtionship?
Posted: 10/7/2008 3:25:59 PM
Haha. Serves her right. Material things come and go. If you have built up wealth and hit some bad patches, that just makes you interesting, not a terminal "loser." Her loss for not figuring that out.
Joined: 9/19/2008
Msg: 6
Why is it that Stuff is so important to a realtionship?
Posted: 10/7/2008 3:34:42 PM
First off, Let's look at the positive side. This wasn't going to go very far. Good to find that out rather quickly. Agreed? I too would be doing a WTF, too, so I agree with you.

Next, what happened for her to call it off? The general sense is that you crossed one of her 'deal breakers'. The short list includes: materialism (she really was troubled by your possessions, their condition, cleanliness, orderliness), a trigger (something in your house triggered a bad memory, perhaps she'd had the same type/style chair or sofa fabric), control (she wanted to be in charge).

Must be a bunch of other possibilities, too. Not many of which would have anything to do with you. The vast majority would have to do with her. Sure, she put you into a tailspin thinking about what you'd had. Sure, you dove in and focused on your own past. Whereas, it was really about her.


Joined: 8/18/2008
Msg: 8
Why is it that Stuff is so important to a realtionship?
Posted: 10/7/2008 3:47:42 PM
OP, I agree with the were lucky - dodged a bullet

Her comments/behaviour was beyond rude.

I'm sorry she treated you that way.

Joined: 9/10/2008
Msg: 9
Why is it that Stuff is so important to a realtionship?
Posted: 10/7/2008 3:47:56 PM
You are now where I was a few years back and your story brought back some memories. I moved out of the house I had paid for into an old beater rental near the beach taking with me a widescrren TV, an exercise bike and some old pots and pans. I bought my first furniture at an estate sale. I furnished the place nicely for $900!

Welcome to the wonderful world of midlife dating! The same sort of thing happened to me a lot early on and still does occasionally even though I try to be careful and do my "homework". You were quite fortunate she did not stick around longer and get you to spend a lot on her and you found out about her lying. I have been single long enough to have become quite cynical. I did not start out that way. I have an open and trusting nature but being burned a few times does that to a person.

My suggestions: There are some good women out there so do not quit dating. Take it slow and easy. Get some background (as you did) on a woman you like and may want to see again. Meet her friends. Birds of a feather flock together. Check out her family. Lastly, most of the readily available women out there are constantly cruising looking for men to spend big bucks on them. Others out there may have boyfriends but they are keeping their eyes open for a bigger better deal. So, above all, proceed with extreme caution. Guard your heart well but be open to love from a true and honest woman when you find one.
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 10
Why is it that Stuff is so important to a realtionship?
Posted: 10/7/2008 4:06:44 PM

We stopped at my house so I could show here where I lived and she proceeded to point out where I should arrange my furniture and that it could use some updating.

That's just rude and uncalled for. I can't believe she'd be that superficial.

I'd NEVER do something like that.

I would keep it to how she would look better with a bit more toned ass and a flatter belly. If her boobs were too large, I might suggest a bit of a reduction and a tightening up. I'd hint at some surgery for the turkey neck but I'd NEVER, EVER slag her furniture or anything else about her digs....

... that's just unbelieveable that she'd go there....

.... sheesh....

Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 11
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Why is it that Stuff is so important to a relationship?
Posted: 10/7/2008 4:08:45 PM
Neither of you is wrong, well except for her rudeness, you just want/have/need different things. Obviously when it came to the bottom line, you weren't what each other wanted even if you did have a couple of good dates. This is why people keep saying, get to know someone before you think you click or have chemistry, you do not know how you feel about someone until you get to know them well. There was another post on her today where someone was bashing the idea of having common ground, values, etc., your post is the perfect example of why this is important.

Sorry it didn't work out for you, but better to find out sooner rather than later. You aren't better than her because you don't want as many material things as she does and she's not better than you because she has them, you two just want and enjoy differently. It's all good.
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 13
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Why is it that Stuff is so important to a realtionship?
Posted: 10/7/2008 6:03:27 PM
How rude. Consider yourself lucky.
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 15
Why is it that Stuff is so important to a realtionship?
Posted: 10/7/2008 7:23:40 PM
She was rude.
It happens.
Don't judge other women by her.
Joined: 8/10/2004
Msg: 16
Why is it that Stuff is so important to a realtionship?
Posted: 10/9/2008 12:02:56 PM
Show me your stuff and I show you my stuff.

You gotta loves those that show off their stuff then ....... later b!tch about all the the >>> payments on their ...... umm stuff.


I lived like that for years. I made buckets of money and had more toys than I could play with. The first wife as “diamond Lil” lol.

These days I look at my stuff - some of it is years old, still very nice and I just smile.

This desk I am sitting at cost me $3,200 in 1981 money ........... yeah yeah yeah ...... I like my old stuff just fine - thank you very much.

Yay for zero credit cards and ..... old stuff.
Joined: 10/13/2007
Msg: 17
Why is it that Stuff is so important to a realtionship?
Posted: 10/12/2008 7:51:33 PM
I do agree--bashing your pad was probably not so much a good idea. And ... if she was just trying to be helpful, that's one thing. A little Feng Shui never hurt anyone. But sounds like she was maybe a bit rusty with the social skills about your situation.

However, I have encountered more than one exemplar of the DDZA (Divorced Dad Zen Apartment), and they really can be depressing. Equipped for One Adult Male (the most expensive item in the place is the TV, second most expensive is the computer, third is the X-Box--or are X-Boxes more expensive than PC's? I wouldn't know). Plus there's a kind of heartbreaking colorful spare room (or corner) for kid sleepovers.

For a woman who's got her own home and spends time making it, well...homey, it's kind of hard to hide the letdown when I guy says, "Hey babe, let's hang out at my place." Guy wants to cook for you, and all he's got in his kitchen is salt, pepper, one fry pan, and a cake spatula. It's not that I'm materialistic, but I remember those struggling years of my own life, and this is just sad.

I'd say her better choice, if the Bachelor Pad just freaked or disheartened her would have been to simply be nice and decline further dates, or at least find ways for you guys to be together elsewhere...but that's just me. The deception would put me off, too, GU.

Still, to play devil's advocate, those DDZA's have on occasion given me the blues...

Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 19
Why is it that Stuff is so important to a realtionship?
Posted: 10/13/2008 12:26:07 AM

I want to thank all of you that have offered me words of encouragement. I was beginning to think these forums were about gender bashing and bitterness. I was wrong!

You got lucky! Must have been a full moon. (I'm stunned by the responses here ~ wow ~ was it "Have a Heart Day" in forums???)

~OT~ I have to agree as well. She was rude. I think you should send her the link to this thread !! There's nothing wrong with how you are living, taking care of the children, etc. Several years ago, I decided to travel the US entirely alone ~ get to know myself. What I didn't give away, I sold (and there was a lot to get rid of. I think I filled my life with things to avoid the reality of such a loveless marriage.) It was a wake up call when I thought about dating again. What did I have to offer someone? The answer was clearly spelled out by the man who did finally capture my heart ~ he just wanted me. That had never been the case before. I think you'll do just fine. It might take a while to find the right person for you (almost 9 years for me) ~ but when you do, there is just nothing sweeter. Good luck to ya.
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