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 BeatlesYeahYeahYeah
Joined: 5/25/2008
Msg: 173
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?Page 6 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
This one's a real slam-dunk. If it matters to you that much, then find out in advance of becoming attached to someone if they are into what you really need them to be into. Waiting until your hooks are deep into each other is far too late and kind of stupid, given how much more candid people are about such deeply private matters than they were as recently as 20 years ago.

For example, I am someone who has an oral fixation, so a girl's jollies are pretty much guaranteed. But I've been the gentleman who's suffered the hypocrisy of someone wanting to receive but not wanting to give too many times. Any moron can receive, but it's selfish to insist that someone can give to you, but you shouldn't have to consider providing someone else the same rush they just gave you.

So there's nothing mercenary about insisting it going both ways. Just don't be stupid about it. Just remember that you deserve to get what YOU want as much as the other deserves to get what THEY want. So just go find someone who's on the same page with you, that's all.

The quickest way to NOT have an argument is to find someone who already agrees with you. Look, your love life should be a refuge from the misery of day-to-day living, not just another form of stress to endure. Heck, if you can't even have a decent love life with someone, what's left?

So just be smart about your choices, that's all. There are deal-breakers you don't back down from, right? Well, then figure out what love life deal-breakers you have and stick to them. For example I don't date women who smoke, experiment with drugs, drink heavily, have young children at home or who have cats. Whenever I break one these bylaws in the name of testing my open-mindedness, I'm always really sorry I did.

Get to know who you are and don't violate bylaws that go against your nature or life situation just because an opportunity came up. Granted, a given woman might be the most wonderful person on the planet, but if she's a heavy-drinkin' smoker with cats and small kids who pops an occasional pill, I'll live to regret bonding with her, and that's that. So I just accept that it can't work with me and someone else under certain circumstances.

There are certain areas of life where you not only shouldn't have to compromise, but that it would be unhealthy if you did. Learn the difference and you'll be okay.

As for me, because I have an oral fixation and am happy to make a girl happy, I consider it most appropriate for me to expect to receive as good as I give. And it DOES matter to me that much. SO -- what do I do? I simply try to avoid a lot of problems with trying to convert someone to my way of thinking by locating someone who doesn't need converting: I try to find a girl who, besides possessing other good qualities, ALSO has an oral fixation. Ta-Da! Problem solved.

(I can't believe this stuff actually requires an explanation...)
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 174
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 1/26/2009 11:49:28 AM

QUID PRO QOU? If this than that? Is sex and exchange? If I come I have to make you come...Come on now...There is nothing genltmanly her quit lying to yourself and others...


OK, then how about this? I'll just let women perform oral sex on me and expect them to satisfy me while refusing to perform oral sex on them. Is that better now that we've eliminated any quid pro quo?
 BeatlesYeahYeahYeah
Joined: 5/25/2008
Msg: 175
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 1/26/2009 11:58:06 AM

" If you can accept that not everyone likes to do and play the same way then enjoy."
--QeteshK


QeteshK's point is a valid one, and one you should consider before letting yourself becoming committed to a long-term relationship with anyone. And by the way, you're not obligated to yoke yourself to someone who doesn't do and play as you do. It's hard to find like-mindedness, but it's worth not settling for whatever comes along, either.

This one's a real slam-dunk. If what you really enjoy in your love life matters to you that much, then find out in advance of becoming attached to someone if they are into what you really need them to be into. Waiting until your hooks are deep into each other is far too late to discover significant sexual incompatibility; and kind of stupid, given how much more candid people are about such deeply private matters than they were as recently as 20 years ago.

For example, I am someone who has an oral fixation, so a girl's jollies are pretty much guaranteed. But I've been the gentleman who's suffered the hypocrisy of someone wanting to receive but not wanting to give too many times. Any moron can receive, but it's selfish to insist that someone can give to you, but you shouldn't have to consider providing someone else the same rush they just gave you. The other person should WANT to fulfill you and shouldn't have to be reminded -- otherwise, you're with someone who is too self-centered and not considerate enough.

Believe me, there's nothing mercenary about insisting it go both ways. Just don't be stupid about it. Just remember that you deserve to get what YOU want as much as the other deserves to get what HE or SHE wants. Just go find someone who's on the same page with you, that's all. Find someone who WANTS to do what you want them to do, and then you're both happy all the time.

Although vegetarians and carnivores or Jews and Catholics can politely co-exist, for example, you still need to think of the long run, not just the lovey-dovey period. But keep in mind, there are just certain areas of life where people should NOT have to always make sacrifices or take one for the team. And sex is one of them. Sex should be an enriching indulgence for two people, not a series of awkward complications that occasionally yield mutual contentment.

The quickest way to NOT have an argument is to find someone who already agrees with you -- this is the basis of compatibility. Look, your love life should be a refuge from the misery of day-to-day living, not just another form of stress to endure. Heck, if you can't even have a decent love life with someone, what's left? Really.

So just be smart about your choices, that's all. There are deal-breakers you don't back down from, right? Well, then figure out what love life deal-breakers you have and stick to them. For example, I don't date women who smoke, experiment with drugs, drink heavily, have young children at home or who have cats. Whenever I break one of these bylaws in the name of testing my open-mindedness, I'm always really sorry I did.

Get to know who you are and don't violate bylaws that go against your nature or life situation just because an opportunity came up. Granted, a given woman might be the most wonderful person on the planet, but if she's a heavy-drinkin' smoker with cats and small kids who pops an occasional pill, I'll live to regret bonding with her, and that's that. So I just accept that it can't work with me and someone else under certain circumstances.

There are certain areas of life where you not only shouldn't have to compromise, but that it would be unhealthy if you did. Learn the difference and you'll be okay.

As for me, because I have an oral fixation and am happy to make a girl happy, I consider it most appropriate for me to expect to receive as good as I give. And it DOES matter to me that much. SO -- what do I do? I simply try to avoid a lot of problems with trying to convert someone to my way of thinking by locating someone who doesn't need converting: I try to find a girl who, besides possessing other good qualities, ALSO has an oral fixation. Ta-Da! Problem solved.

(I can't believe this stuff actually requires an explanation...)
 Nicepackage9
Joined: 6/8/2008
Msg: 178
view profile
History
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 1/27/2009 9:38:25 PM
Have you ever heard of 69?
 Bonjour mon amant
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 179
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 1/27/2009 9:58:55 PM
I never realized that a man going down on me was "doing me a favor!"
 compleat_man
Joined: 10/3/2008
Msg: 183
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 1/28/2009 7:55:07 AM

You're supposed to look at sex as pleasuring your partner; you don't do something simply so you can have it done back to you. That kind of mentality is childish AND selfish.


so..in the case the OP describes..(or your world) apparently it is only the man who is supposed to think that?

why doesn't she want to go down on him, if "you're supposed to look at sex as pleasuring your partner" ?

hmm, one-way thinking of "it's better to give than receive" will not last forever in most cases
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 190
view profile
History
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 1/28/2009 8:54:31 PM
One would think. I guess you never know unless you ask her. If she has an aversion to it, can always get off in other ways. Not the end of the world. But, if getting off via BJ is what really floats your boat, tell her that.
 MissRavenHoney
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 193
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 1/29/2009 1:50:33 AM
I'm seriously laughing at you with your 'gentleman' comment - is it taking you HOURS OR DAYS to get her to orgasm orally once or twice? If not, then what's the big deal? Are you circumsized, do you shower before to remove offensive odors? What could be offensive to her about giving you oral sex? Have you asked her?

and if you want to get all technical about EQUALITY,

if you give oral orgasms- you get oral orgasms
if you GIVE penetration orgasms - she gets to PENETRATE YOU

That's EQUAL - yes?

Also, so she only gets ONE orgasm? She's not a multiple orgasm'er? (my new word LOL) - or you are just stopping after giving her ONE? Stay down a while and perhaps she'll return the act!

Possibly a little TMI, but I used oral sex for HIS 4-PLAY, then my ex would get me 'there' numerous times orally and as a multiple-liquid orgasmer (yeah another new word) then we would both FINISH together - because it was a given he was only going to orgasm once, and we WANTED to have that final orgasm together.

Unless you are a problem with premature ejaculation, try getting her to spend 5 or 10 down on you as 4 play, then trade off and finish together.....



 swingpup
Joined: 10/21/2006
Msg: 194
view profile
History
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 1/29/2009 8:34:50 AM
I haven't read each and every postings here however but don't most men perform oral on a woman to provide her pleasure as well as for the simply reason it's enjoyable to them?

We are talking here of course about women that have in fact passed the "sniff test." To expect a particular thing to be performed during sex in return for this that or the other is at best disrespectful. Just as a few males dislike providing oral there are women that are probably on the same page.
 MissRavenHoney
Joined: 1/15/2008
Msg: 196
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 1/29/2009 11:47:15 PM

Whats the difference between a married woman and a single woman?


Married women notice the ceiling needs painting!
 Gangster Kitten
Joined: 4/3/2008
Msg: 197
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 1/30/2009 8:16:06 AM
Should she? Well, I'd certainly hope so! Is she obligated to? Not really.

Shame on any person who goes down on their mate with the expectation of reciprocated oral sex.

If I want my****sucked by my girlfriend, I'll ask her to. I'm not going to go down on her and say "Now do me!" afterwards.

I'll go down on my girlfriend because I want her clawing at the ceiling, not because I want her mouth on my****after.
 smile9999
Joined: 1/4/2009
Msg: 202
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 8/20/2009 1:33:26 PM
I totally agree, every woman that I've dated that didn't return the favor once in awhile turned out to be very self centered, and I dumped them
 Knight_00
Joined: 7/29/2008
Msg: 205
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History
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 8/21/2009 8:39:49 AM
Using your logic, if she goes down on you, aren't you OBLIGATED to go down on her? Say she is in menses - should you have to do it because she did it for you?

A lot of people here have posted about pleasing their partner, and that's great to have that notion. Myself, I go down on a partner because I LIKE IT. Sometimes, there's no orgasm involved. It's what I like to do. Say for example, you have intercourse for a while, then just feel like going down on her...

I will only date girls who like doing what we do. The notion of "the gift" is repulsive to me. If she likes giving head, I'll get mine. But that has nothing to do with me going down on her. I just fvkkin like it.

So if your girl isn't satisfying you in the way that you like, don't have expectations that lead to unspoken resentments, do something about it - talk about it or find someone more compatible with your tastes, no pun intended.
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 208
view profile
History
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 8/22/2009 1:15:38 PM
Whatever scenario 'on hands' or 'hands on' is never only way street in my books.
Double joy!
 JstAnthrLonelyGirl
Joined: 7/19/2008
Msg: 209
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 8/22/2009 1:23:40 PM
Wow, I give oral because I like to, not for a favor to my man. There are a lot of girls out there that A) don't like giving oral or B) don't like a cumshot in the face / mouth. Just like there are some guys out there that don't enjoy giving oral. Sex isn't about favors. Enjoy it, and stop worrying so much about what is fair.
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 211
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History
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 5/29/2010 9:15:43 PM
I think this is an issue for people who believe that there must be a reciprocal response in exact equality to whatever they did. No. Sexually, it's only acceptable to do what you like to do. I don't give a woman oral sex because I'm expecting her to do something in return; I do it because I like it; I like how it makes me feel, and I like that she enjoys it too. If she should do something that she enjoys that I like as well, so much the better. But sex shouldn't have to be something where people are always keeping score as to who did what to and for who for how long and how many times. That's just plain wrong.
 .dej
Joined: 11/6/2007
Msg: 212
view profile
History
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 5/29/2010 9:54:08 PM
I like occasionally going out of my way to do something like this, but if I start to get the feeling she has no interest in going out of her way for me, it'll probably pretty quickly turn into me not wanting to go out of my way for her. Nobody likes being taken for granted.
 itsaboutthattime
Joined: 5/20/2010
Msg: 213
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 5/30/2010 10:16:46 AM
I'm in the same situation, but as a woman. I've been told many times that I'm a 10 performing in that department; and rightfully so because I DO enjoy it. However, I always seem to find the guys that like themselves taken care of first, then they're done. I either have to wait around for them to get their 2nd wind (which could take a half hour or longer) or I leave... generally I just leave out of disappointment and hope next time it's my turn. That's usually not the case and I try a couple more times, but after that I give up and move on.

In my own experiences, it's the men who are younger than me that are like this. The older men I've dated are always about pleasing the women first.
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 215
view profile
History
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 5/30/2010 12:47:12 PM
In department I don't think so there should be a feeling of returning the favour. Afterall, hands-on or on hands it is not about favours. Pleasurable joyful union comes from within ... sharing heights ... and just as Eagles sing ... take it to the limits one more time
 .dej
Joined: 11/6/2007
Msg: 216
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History
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 5/31/2010 12:08:26 AM
You're all silly.

Someone who feels like they're doing all the work, giving eternally, and getting nothing in return will start to resent it. This occurs in doing housework, buying gifts, giving compliments, planning surprise outings, and certainly occurs in bed. You're all deluding yourself with your rosy view of "but it's not about that, it's about pleasing the other person!". Yes, you should of course consider the other person. Hell half of you even said something like "it's not about that, I put my partner first and vice versa", without considering that the question is centered around the fact that the partner isn't holding up his/her end of the bargain. While pleasing the other person is great, and certainly must be considered, there are (at least) two people in a relationship.


Maybe she doesn't like to perform oral sex? If this is the case you're a jerk if you expect her to do something she doesn't want to do.

Fine. But I don't like to share my vehicle, put the toilet seat down, and I certainly don't like having to sit through chick flicks. But, this being the 21st century and all, we learn to get down with our partners' needs, too.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 217
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 5/31/2010 3:14:21 AM
So what would everyone say if the roles were flipped? She gives oral and swallows but HE won't ever go down on her! Uh-huh...I thought so!
 Kogatana
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 227
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History
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 7/29/2013 12:00:34 AM
you ..sad.. sad ..delusional fool.the woman that raised you.(your mom.) Is a lesbian...yes?
 Kogatana
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 228
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History
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 7/29/2013 12:05:26 AM
I take it as if you don't like...or..can't get off on having been given oral...then masturbation must be totally out of the question for yourself..how do you survive?
 qldblue
Joined: 2/4/2009
Msg: 229
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 7/30/2013 6:19:39 PM
I suppose you could look at the topic's question and decide what your answer/ expectation will be.

My answer is very simple and you can cross out the one that doesn't apply;

A) Do you want just sex?
OR
B) Do you want to make love?

There is a difference
 TheFuryan
Joined: 1/29/2013
Msg: 230
If you make her cum orally shouldn't she return the favor?
Posted: 7/30/2013 6:51:52 PM
In this modern age of equality if you can make your woman cum orally and there is no attempt to reciprocate are you obligated to continue in the future? If you are a gentleman and make her orgasm first and even second should there be any gold at the end or your rainbow?


Yikes! Someone brought this dinosaur back to life. Well, I might as well add my 2 cents.

By the phrase "your woman", I'm going to assume you mean the woman you're in a relationship with. Let me let you in on a little secret my friend. If you take care of your woman, she'll take care of you. She may not necessarily take care of you right after you finish her, but she will make sure you are happy. Besides, if you took care of her the right way, she's going to need a few to recover. Well, at least in my experience.
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