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Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 35
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Is this something that should be bothering me this much?Page 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

lilly.von.schtupp: make plans to take him out for a very nice dinner. tell him about it and ask him to pick his favorite place. give it a nice buildup. then at the last minute you say, sorry hon, i'm going out drinking with my friends.

and then he pays her back.....and then she pays him back.....
yeah.....great strategy for a relationship.....

Speak up .......tell him u need some quality time w/ him.....if doesn't give it...he's made your mind up for u...
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 36
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Is this something that should be bothering me this much?
Posted: 10/17/2008 12:53:34 PM

probably know the answer, but I'm not sure. So, what do you all think?

Personally, I think he may not be a good fit for you. Please understand that I am just some lady telling you what she thinks. You must weigh out your options, and ultimately decide what is best for you. The choice is always yours. Take responsibility for staying in the relationship, that would be a good first step.

You can continue to be frustrated, and in pain, and allow that circle of energy to flow, or change things.


Change your mind. Don't allow his actions to upset you. Come to the conclusion (as you have experienced it) that he is not reliable, and have back up plans, or just spend a comfortable evening with a very important person (you!) when he stands you up.

Find someone who has a better sense of integrity, and who holds the relationship at the same level as you do.

Talking and talking repeatedly about the same thing has not worked. Time to try something new.

Best wishes in your decision towards your Highest Good.
Joined: 10/14/2008
Msg: 46
Is this something that should be bothering me this much?
Posted: 10/18/2008 12:14:59 AM
Remember young women mature faster than fellows do.
You have a" boy not a man" pushing your buttons and you're letting him..

time to say Ciao baby when you stop wearing short pants call me! Second thought don't
Joined: 10/14/2008
Msg: 48
Is this something that should be bothering me this much?
Posted: 10/18/2008 12:49:11 AM

four days at sixty five makes you a predator...and you know it

I really wish people like you would just find other predators to feed on...

Wait one second, did you just call me a predator?
Joined: 10/14/2008
Msg: 50
Is this something that should be bothering me this much?
Posted: 10/18/2008 3:52:03 AM

yes i did. you bring negative approach to subjects you have no insight on..

and you do so in such a manner as to undermine self worth...

prove me wrong and i'll recant...otherwise live with it...i certainly can

First of all I am not about to get into any internet diatribes with someone on a discussion forum. I responded to this young lady in a way that perhaps was not to your liking - each to their own. But lets look at the situation and not get into tirades over personalities. She is a young woman of 19, she makes plans, the boyfriend breaks the plans on several occasions.. This tells me and others (since the consensus is fairly equal that he shows disregard for her feelings.) Opting to leave her stranded. After they made set plans.
As far as self worth, how do you expect her to have some when she feels beaten down emotionally?

Feeling lied to, unimportant, etc. The fact that it doesn't seem to matter to him that I have sacrificed a lot to spend time with him and he just doesn't seem to make an effort if it is in conflict with something that he sees as 'just relaxation.' I can understand that he wants to relax, and I usually don't care when he goes, but he has a set schedule of EVERY Saturday and Monday off, and so do the people he goes fishing with (they work together). I, on the other hand, don't have a set schedule, so if and when I do get a day off that is on a Saturday or Monday, it is very rare. In other words, it's not like they can't reschedule for the following day off, we can't. And I would request a specific day off, but he keeps rescheduling our dates, so it's not a for sure thing.

He shows a complete lack in maturity, does not respect her feelings or he rather go out with his fishing buddies. Putting her last. Does that show that he is a caring and mature partner?

Now as far as my comment that girls mature faster than boys. It has already been proven by Psychologists and the scientific communties, girls mature at least two years ahead of boys during puberty. Put a 15 year old girl and a 15 year old boy together just by behaviour and physiology there is a considerable difference.... in most - not all I'm not making a blanket statement here to cause more discourse with you.
Sometimes it just breaks down to being as simple as an intellectual gender gap.

But going back to the topic. A relationship has to be worked on on various levels and both should be on the same page majority of the time to be successful. It's apparent that he is either clueless or just doesn't care about her needs.

Maybe some time apart would give them each their own perspective how they want things to progress. Hopefully gaining some of the self esteem she has lost.

When my daughter was 19 she was experiencing something very similar. So I do have some insight and I would tell her the same thing. When he starts to act like an adult then see . If he doesn't then go your separate ways. Perhaps he hasn't reached the level where he knows how to be a partner in a live-in situation.

She is a beautiful girl, At 19 she should not have to settle. Would you do anything less if the situation were reversed?

Anyway have a good day.

Joined: 7/11/2008
Msg: 56
Is this something that should be bothering me this much?
Posted: 10/18/2008 8:09:12 AM
If you have been with this guy 3 years and this crap is going on, I would re evaluate the whole situation. Not being there it is really difficult to really say what to do, but from what I see.....he is manipulating your feelings and it will boil down to what you feel like dealing with. For me, I would not tolorate it. Why? It just does not seem like a normal situation. If I want to get used, it will be on my terms. Not someone else's.
Joined: 3/8/2007
Msg: 60
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Is this something that should be bothering me this much?
Posted: 10/19/2008 4:39:17 AM

that I can go

Go and have is great.

Hun, boys/men love to go out with buddies, join in!!! Some of my best times were hungin' with the guys.

Good Luck.
Joined: 2/27/2008
Msg: 61
Is this something that should be bothering me this much?
Posted: 10/19/2008 6:18:57 AM
OP you two should be living together like George Bush should be president; the break up rate of people living together within 3-5 years is 89% and climbs as time goes on; you worship this guy but he doesnt' worship you; most young guys are not monogamous and I'm sure he's not too; he's young and not ready to play house like the 2 of you are.

Ask the women on this site in their 30's and even late 20's if they are with the guy they were with when they were 19? not many.

YOu need to stop the nonsense; your extremely naive; you live separate lives, come home so you can have sex and share the bills and thats it; sounds magical.

You are a convenience to him, and vice versa. You both dont want any rules in your life and you want to do as you please but you both are way too immature to be so exclusive. Move back home, get serious about your life because you have a ton of growing up to do.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 65
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Is this something that should be bothering me this much?
Posted: 10/22/2008 8:25:22 AM
sound to me he is taking you for granted,you are letting him do it
he does not sound like a very good person, you should ask yourself if you are worth more, or are you happy being a 'convenience ' for this man/boy
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