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 Rachelle~C
Joined: 6/30/2008
Msg: 76
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???Page 4 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
Carolann just because someone makes less does not mean they have bad credit or is irresponsible with money. My credit rating is pretty near perfect and I have always been and always will be a saver, yet I make less then my boyfriend.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 77
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/24/2008 6:03:08 AM

Carolann just because someone makes less does not mean they have bad credit or is irresponsible with money. My credit rating is pretty near perfect and I have always been and always will be a saver, yet I make less then my boyfriend.


Or they have kids and an ex wife that is trying to bleed them to death. Until the finances are all settled and he knows exactly how much he's paying out regularly to her I am not asking for anything. We agree that he'll start contributing once we know how much he can afford to give me. I can afford my mortgage and bills on my own so I'm in no rush to collect money from him, it's nothing but a bonus to the way I'd already become accustomed to living.
 M0use
Joined: 3/22/2008
Msg: 78
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/24/2008 6:44:15 AM
Can I ask a question on this thread, I don't want to hijack you thread but can't post a similar one but what happens when one owns the house, should the other be paying half the mortgage?
My boyfriend and I started living together and since we make equal money we pay close to 50/50 for everything but the mortgage and my car payments (he has no car) and my child care. Since I own the house and van and the kids are obviously my responsibility. We have already discussed Prenups, which he and I both want when we get married. But this all means I put out $1200.00 more a month than he does. Should I be asking him for a portion of the mortgage or because I alone own the house is that my responcibility?
 pretty moon
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 79
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Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/24/2008 6:48:55 AM
^^^^^ charge him rent.....he would have to pay rent no matter where he lives with no invested interest in the property.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 80
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Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/24/2008 7:00:18 AM

Carolann just because someone makes less does not mean they have bad credit or is irresponsible with money. My credit rating is pretty near perfect and I have always been and always will be a saver, yet I make less then my boyfriend.


I recognize income has nothing to do with a person's credit rating.
 Gumbo_YahYah
Joined: 9/30/2008
Msg: 81
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Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/24/2008 7:02:14 AM
You've got another thread going about this bloke haven't you...

See any Red Flags????????????
 Jim978
Joined: 7/15/2008
Msg: 82
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/24/2008 7:35:55 AM

Can I ask a question on this thread, I don't want to hijack you thread but can't post a similar one but what happens when one owns the house, should the other be paying half the mortgage?
My boyfriend and I started living together and since we make equal money we pay close to 50/50 for everything but the mortgage and my car payments (he has no car) and my child care. Since I own the house and van and the kids are obviously my responsibility. We have already discussed Prenups, which he and I both want when we get married. But this all means I put out $1200.00 more a month than he does. Should I be asking him for a portion of the mortgage or because I alone own the house is that my responcibility?


Since you state that the house is in your name then it is your responsibility to make the payments to the bank. Where the money comes from to do that is another story.

If *I* were you, I'd figure out a reasonable rent figure and then add on to that the additional cost you've incurred on your utilities since he's moved in and charge that (probably a little over it - you'll have additional wear and tear on the house...) and setup an agreement for a monthly "Rent with utilities included".

You'll need to decide at some point what you are going to do with the house if/when you do get married. If you are going to keep it yourself then his contribution probably wouldn't change much. If you are adding his name to the title, etc... then it is common property and, IMO, you should pool some funds to cover the cost of it. (I'd do some other things to cover your equity stake at the time of marriage too but your lawyer should take care of that for you in the pre-nup.)
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 83
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/24/2008 7:40:45 AM

charge him rent.....he would have to pay rent no matter where he lives with no invested interest in the property.


Without a written contract, heck no. I don't find it wise to ask someone you live with in a romantic situation to help pay the mortgage. If they had planned on purchasing a house then they could expect compensation back if you break up. I am not willing to sacrifice my house of years to someone else if we break up. I'd rather he take money and put it into a savings account until the time comes that we've decided the living situation works. I learned that trick from the last person I lived with... he never took rent from me and when we decided that it didn't work I had money for my down payment. I was considering buying a house right before I met him and so I just restarted down that path when the relationship didn't work out a year later.
 pro-filer
Joined: 5/9/2008
Msg: 84
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/24/2008 8:05:11 AM
I don't think Fair and Equal are necessarily the same thing; I think it's perfectly fair that the lesser-earning partner contribute less than the higher-earning partner if they both seek a certain standard of living. After all, without the lower-earning partner, the higher-earning partner wouldn't be living so high either. When I've been with someone, I've contributed 100% of my income to that relationship - sometimes it's been more than him and sometimes it's been less, but either way we both benefited and enjoyed a higher standard of living. I think it's about the relationship, not about finances or standard of living. If someone is so concerned with money that they only feel things are fair if they're "financially equal", that's probably not someone I want to be with.
 Schway
Joined: 3/14/2008
Msg: 85
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/24/2008 8:15:34 AM
Well the way I was raised the man pays all bills. But if help is needed there is nothing wrong with the woman helping. Its simple if you want the cable and he cannot afford it then you pay it to keep it. A car by the way is much more important than cable tv. Don't let cable tv cuase a problem. Its hard on a man with family to supply all the needs much less all the unneccessary wants. Maybe it would be good if you got a job outside of school and then you wouldnt be home to watch cable nearly as much or often. if the money is tight then do something to help situation. be understanding of the income situation and either change it or if u cant pay it then dont have cable. Cable is not a necessity.
 Artistee
Joined: 7/24/2006
Msg: 86
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Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/24/2008 8:27:56 AM
MSG#68


"A real man will not demean/degrade his woman by having her shackup with him. A real woman would not live an undignified life by being somenone's shackup..."


Too true...But apparantely, there's a shortage of "realism", and far too much "get all you can get...while the gettin's good" nowadays...
 sweetphx
Joined: 10/16/2008
Msg: 87
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/24/2008 10:26:18 AM
First of all, How old are you?
He has 2 daughters? You didn't mention you had any kids?
I think it should be 50/50..... but every situation is different too.
If you want to remain in this relationship, get a second job.
BUT ,,, If I were personally in this situation, my ass would be moving, sound as if he has too much going on right now and he is gonna run the show the way he sees fit, and you are gonna take it til u wake up.
Good Luck
 BigDaddyJinx
Joined: 11/4/2006
Msg: 88
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Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/24/2008 10:50:46 AM

charge him rent.....he would have to pay rent no matter where he lives with no invested interest in the property.

PrettyMoon, that all sounds good on paper, but in reality you can't charge "rent" for common law or married status. The courts would laugh you outta the room if this ended with a breakup and court case.

For example, the house is in your name and always has been, since you're the property owner before you met him/her. They move in, and you still have a balance owing/mortgage payments due. He/she is charged "rent" which is going, even partially towards these mortgage payments. As far as the courts are concerned, now he/she DOES have an investment/interest in THAT property that you once owned all by yourself. A judge would just wanna know if he/she made any financial reparation towards the mortgage, and if the answer is yes, then he/she is entitled to proceeds upon dissolution of the relationship. Be it half the worth of the home on resale, or their "investment" back. Either way, very costly.

In a situation such as that, it's best to see what the mortgage payments would be, let's say $1200/mo (just a figure). Then total up what expenses like utilities and food would cost, which we'll say for the sake of argument would be around the same. Instead of "rent" in any shape, they pay nothing towards the mortgage, BUT they will pay 100% (up to the amount of the mortgage payment) of the other expenses each month, like utilities and food etc. If the fee exceeds the amount of the mortgage payment monthly (which would be odd but not impossible), then anything over and above that price would be absorbed by you, the property owner. Small price to pay for the peace of mind knowing that if the worst should happen, you won't see your home touched.

When my ex and I were gonna get our own place (with the assistance from her Dad), she was all on about HER this and HER that with everything...I didn't have the heart to tell her that she's living in a dream world. Soon as I woulda made payments towards HER mortgage, it's now MY/OUR investment, not just hers. I actually still laugh about that to this day, simply because had we stayed together, the home we'd have purchased ain't worth the mortgage we'd have originally signed for. It's negative equity now, where you're paying more for the mortgage here than your home would be worth in resale.

Dodged a bullet there for sure, I did.
 scottoliver
Joined: 3/27/2008
Msg: 89
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Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/24/2008 10:58:22 AM
Darned TV... While back had a Gf that did have and wouldn't allow one in her house. One of the many reasons she is now an "x".
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 90
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/24/2008 11:09:24 AM
He was not looking for a girlfriend.
He was looking for someone who would take care of his kids, pay his bills and fulfill his physical wants and needs.

He found in you someone who agreed to do all of the above.

A real man will not demean/degrade his woman by having her shackup with him. A real woman would not live an undignified life by being somenone's shackup. As you can see, there is/was no commitment in this shacking up situation.

No, I'm sorry, but the 1950s are over, long gone. Hadn't you heard?

I'm not particularly a FAN of cohabitiation, do not mistake me here. That said, there are a lot of situations where it does make sense in light of practical concerns. To dismiss cohabitation as "shackup" and across- the-board "degrading" and "undignified" for a woman, is a narrowminded kneejerk reaction.

and yet, it never occured to you how damaging it will be for those little kids to see their father bringing in someone and live like that. And then after a little while they leave.

Oh yes, it would definitely be better to quick find a woman to marry, so all was "legal" and "honorable", and if the marriage failed due to being based on expediency and convenience, the kids could live through another divorce. OH yeah, that makes magnificent sense
Mykidsdadiam, I'm sure you are a good man and that you mean to be helpful here, but the cohabitation, or "shackup", issue is a very complex one and sometimes it IS the best option for 2 people who want to be together.
Cindy O
 Bikeman_
Joined: 10/8/2005
Msg: 91
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/24/2008 11:13:51 AM
BUT, I am a student and have very little income, so I pay what I can. He...now wants to cut the cable...I still want the cable. Should I be expected to pay the cable bill?
Yes. Get a job to pay for the cable, or study more because the TV won't distract you. Being a student is not an reason for you to sponge off of someone else.
 brittany33
Joined: 10/17/2008
Msg: 92
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/24/2008 12:43:05 PM
listen you said it yourself that your a student and only pay what you can, so the bills arent split 50/50. well he also has two daughters and that is just as, if not more expensive than school, so in my opinion he is just trying to cut the costs of everything since, im assuming, he pays the majority of the bills anyway. so i say if you want to keep the cable, you should have to pay it.. i mean you did move into HIS house.
 MyKidsDadIAm
Joined: 8/10/2005
Msg: 93
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Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/24/2008 1:37:59 PM
Msg 102: LadyC4 (Cindy O). I appreciate your feedback.


Oh yes, it would definitely be better to quick find a woman to marry, so all was "legal" and "honorable", and if the marriage failed due to being based on expediency and convenience, the kids could live through another divorce. OH yeah, that makes magnificent sense

Cindy O, that is why the process of dating should be treated as getting to know the other person and their values, morals, character, disposition, perseverance, patience, financial responsibility etc. Instead of actually dating, these two in partcular and people in general bypass the process of dating and start playing house right away. What is left for each other to look forward to? Since you mentioned "practical concerns", is that really a good excuse to shed morality, just so we can be practical.


the cohabitation, or "shackup", issue is a very complex one
This issue is amazingly is a very simple one. It becomes complex only if we want it to become complex. When the choices are between being moral/ethical/dignified versus being practical and becoming someone's shackup honey (unpaid whore), taking the easy route does come with consequences. Of course it comes with instant gratification too.

Just my 98 cents
 jsphn11
Joined: 12/24/2007
Msg: 94
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/24/2008 1:53:13 PM

Get a job to pay for the cable, or study more because the TV won't distract you. Being a student is not an reason for you to sponge off of someone else.

Yes, that's right. She should have gotten a paying job instead of babysitting his kids for free.

If he had to pay a babysitter he would have no money for a new truck.
 Jim978
Joined: 7/15/2008
Msg: 95
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/24/2008 2:33:12 PM

PrettyMoon, that all sounds good on paper, but in reality you can't charge "rent" for common law or married status. The courts would laugh you outta the room if this ended with a breakup and court case.


I don't believe that advice was given for anyone in a marriage (common law or otherwise). MOuse, (the person that was being responded to) was pretty clear that they aren't married.


For example, the house is in your name and always has been, since you're the property owner before you met him/her. They move in, and you still have a balance owing/mortgage payments due. He/she is charged "rent" which is going, even partially towards these mortgage payments. As far as the courts are concerned, now he/she DOES have an investment/interest in THAT property that you once owned all by yourself.


Is this some sort of Canadian thing? I've seen several people mention it now and I know of NO situation in the U.S. where a tennant gains an interest in a property by virtue of paying rent.

If I own a property and a tennant pays me rent, I am free to do whatever I choose to do with the income I get from that property. If I choose to use it to cover my mortgage on that property it creates no legal interest for anyone else. Landlords do this every day without any problems at all.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 96
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/24/2008 2:50:26 PM

Is this some sort of Canadian thing? I've seen several people mention it now and I know of NO situation in the U.S. where a tennant gains an interest in a property by virtue of paying rent.


No, this is not a US thing. If you are living with someone romantically they can be sued. If you gave money to your SO in trust that it was towards your future do you honestly think a US court wouldn't see some validity in that claim? We live in a sue happy country and if people can win cases about McDonald's coffee being hot and burning them well then surely someone who paid a significant amount of money towards my mortgage in a romantic relationship could be found paying damages. Unless of course you've drawn up a lease to prove otherwise intent.... sounds like a pre nup now doesn't it?
 ngat73
Joined: 6/10/2007
Msg: 97
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/24/2008 2:51:18 PM
Hell yea you should pay for the cable if you want cable and you guys are trying to make ends meet. However, when I was in school, my boyfriend at the time had paid all the bills. When I was working I paid the electric. When I made more money than him I paid the electric. I guess it depends on the guy.
 Jim978
Joined: 7/15/2008
Msg: 98
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/24/2008 3:17:58 PM

No, this is not a US thing. If you are living with someone romantically they can be sued.


That sentence means nothing. I could sue you and we've never had any intereaction other than this discussion. Anyone can sue any other person for anything. But being able to sue, being able to prove damages and being able to win are all very different things.


If you gave money to your SO in trust that it was towards your future do you honestly think a US court wouldn't see some validity in that claim?


You are adding things to the scenario here. In the few cases where a former S/O has been able to win a lawsuit for a claim of interest in a property there were agreements made that went beyond paying rent. If people choose to do that then that is up to them and they take the risk that goes with it but it doesn't automaticlly create that same situation if the promises aren't made.


We live in a sue happy country and if people can win cases about McDonald's coffee being hot and burning them well then surely someone who paid a significant amount of money towards my mortgage in a romantic relationship could be found paying damages.


??? Why would they be paying damages? If they sued tyou and won then YOU'D be paying the damages. Not them.

But it doesn't matter. This is exactly why I very clearly said "rent" in my previous responses. Paying rent ISN'T paying anything toward my mortage. It is paying for them to live there for the following month. Nothing more.


Unless of course you've drawn up a lease to prove otherwise intent.... sounds like a pre nup now doesn't it?


Nope. This is maybe 1/100th of the items covered in a pre-nup. But I'm not against drawing up a written lease. In fact, I'd recommend it anyway.
 Jim978
Joined: 7/15/2008
Msg: 99
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/24/2008 3:20:15 PM
As a follow-up to BigDaddyJinx -

I just did a quick search and it does appear that common law has a very different meaning in Canda then it does here in the U.S.. So I guess that answers my previous question to you.
 Minau
Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 100
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 10/24/2008 3:39:32 PM
He pays the extra $50 for the car and you pay for the cable...but considering your status is single...I guess this isn't an issue anymore. Probably inevitable if you're already arguing about finances and things...one of the top causes for divorce...better to have known now then later.
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