Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 bcsofnc57
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 144
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???Page 7 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)

^^^ She know of the situation before she move in also. I am sure the house bills increase when she move in. There is no reason for him to pay all of this cost. It would be more fair of her to pay as much money as possible (up to 50% of bills) instead of only half of her income.


She did state in her opening post that she paid what she could. Not to mention he is the one with children and the one that is buying expensive cars. As to the bills going up because she moved in. I could see a slight increase in an electric, gas(heat, cooking, hot water), water, and food. I just can't see where it would be more than say $200 more a month because of her being there.


I do not agree. This treat her like a guest who was invited. They are a couple in a loveing relationship. She should consider her partner feeling.

That's a bad joke. It would seem to me in a loving relationship or marriage that both would just put would ever money they made into a "pot" so to speak and pay whatever bills they had and not worry so much about who made what. I wouldn't even consider moving in with or marrying a person that worried about splitting bills and whatever down the middle. That sounds more like a room mate situation.
 acitalriwt sixela
Joined: 5/5/2008
Msg: 145
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 12/9/2008 6:58:36 AM
She did state in her opening post that she paid what she could.


Later she state she only pay 50% of her income to bills and pay half of food. So she can pay more, but rather keep money for herself.


Not to mention he is the one with children and the one that is buying expensive cars.


By move in, the children are her responsibility (finacial or other). Unless she is only roommate or a guest. If she can not be responsible for children, or pets, she should not move in. This is reason to wait very long time before move in with children. The car is seperate issue. He was wrong for not consider her, if they are share the bills.


As to the bills going up because she moved in. I could see a slight increase in an electric, gas(heat, cooking, hot water), water, and food. I just can't see where it would be more than say $200 more a month because of her being there.


If they wish to measure useage, this is for them to decide. But only because rent/mortage do not increase, do not mean she should not help with this. I would wish to limit the stress of bills from the person I care of. When we live together we are team who work together.


That's a bad joke. It would seem to me in a loving relationship or marriage that both would just put would ever money they made into a "pot" so to speak and pay whatever bills they had and not worry so much about who made what.


My "bad joke" is in reply to you say the person who invite should be more responcible for bills. She is not invited guest, they are takeing new step in the relationship.

To place all money into pot is better idea in this example. I can understand split bills equaly is not possible in all time. But both who love each other should try as much as possible. I only do not believe giveing only 50% of income is try as much as possible.
 switers
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 146
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 8/6/2009 11:55:39 PM
Hey Jess, sorry to hear you split up. It's good to get others perspective, in the end it's what you believe that counts. I think all the different points of view expressed show that many diferent people have diferent beliefs. When it comes to money, I think it's really important to be with someone who has very similar beliefs, otherwise your relationship will be a bumpy one. I read somewhere once that finacial disagreements where the number one cause for divorce. Food or thought.

Ps: I keep finances seperate in all my relationships as much as posible. Split utilities only. Most women readily agree when they realise my grocery bill. I have also lived with EXs as roomates very succesfully, I believe keeping finances seperate contributes largely to this.
 switers
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 147
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 8/6/2009 11:57:44 PM
He'll regret that if you ever split up.... but I don't blame you at all for liking that deal.
 switers
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 148
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 8/7/2009 12:10:35 AM
"I wouldn't even consider moving in with or marrying a person that worried about splitting bills and whatever down the middle. That sounds more like a room mate situation."

Fair enough, if that's how you feel, just make sure he feels the same way and who knows, should work. Keeping finances seperate does work for many people though. My perants have been married for over 40 years and have always kept everything seperate. "Vive la diferance" as they say... Question though, how many couples do you know where the woman makes significantly more and would agree to paying the majority of the expences for both? I don't personaly know any.....
 mcwr
Joined: 3/24/2009
Msg: 149
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 8/7/2009 6:10:39 AM
You certainly should contribute. I would not date someone that wants to use me for a place to live, or expects me to pay when we go out to eat.
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 150
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 8/7/2009 6:11:44 AM
How pathetic to duel over such trivial material matters.
 switers
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 151
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 8/7/2009 10:09:51 AM
"How pathetic to duel over such trivial material matters."

Really? Pathetic? How pathetic? What exactly is so pathetic about our discussing money issues on a dating site forum? I have read it's the number one cause for disharmony in relationships. I can only presume, since your such a giant inteligence, that you are fully aware that you indirectly called us all pathetic. What is the point of that? To let us know you have risen above ? Maybe you could write a book? Enlighten us pathetic simple folk. I realise your supper bright, but for what it's worth I wouldn't buy an advice book written by someone who comes across as so self serving and insensitive to what's important to me. Just my .02, I could be wrong, maybe most people realy do love being treated like the dirt under your shoe.
 IsabelK
Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 152
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 8/7/2009 10:38:54 AM
Let's see:

Rent - we split in proportion to our income - we adjust as this changes from time to time
Bills - I pay all but cable & satellite, which boyfriend mostly uses
Groceries - we split 50/50
Car - he pays for all (I don't drive it, or barely ride in it, ever) - unless we travel somewhere w/ it - then I contribute to gasoline
Dogs - we split vet bills & food 50/50

It all comes out about even. We check in often, to make sure everything is balanced and no one feels exploited.
 gourmetchef2009
Joined: 7/9/2009
Msg: 153
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 8/7/2009 10:40:34 AM
tell him if he stills wants SEX, he better pay the cable bill!!! Watch how fast the checkbook comes out..lol..
 Commonsens
Joined: 4/6/2009
Msg: 154
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 8/7/2009 10:50:13 AM
Switers

It is pathetic to duel on such trivial matters, they are talking about an idiotic cable TV and an increase car payment. Forget love, forget that the persons are good with each others, forget that they have qualities....all mighty dollar prevail!

Number one cause for disharmony? yes in north america maybe, as greed dominate and people seams more concern about what they own then what they are worth; and cannot see what are the true assets they have.

Twice, I given without even looking back house, car and all assets without even been asked for, why? because I can rebuilt any time I want and in any form; my integrity and self worth cannot. I have been very rich and it never given me happiness; Even worst, the richer I got, the fakest and shallowest the people gravitating around me where.
I found out that the real treasure in life is the people surrounding you and not the hundreds of thousands I had in bank.

Pathetic about holding on to material in such cases? you bet! I wonder with what of your assets will you be buried the day you die, or which denomination of bank bill will bring you comfort when you are sad or which car of yours love you the most?

material? yes pathetic and worthless.
 mcwr
Joined: 3/24/2009
Msg: 155
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 8/7/2009 11:03:57 AM

tell him if he stills wants SEX, he better pay the cable bill!!! Watch how fast the checkbook comes out..lol..


He should kick her ass to the curb if she insists on being a whore.
 switers
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 156
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 8/7/2009 12:16:24 PM
"tell him if he stills wants SEX, he better pay the cable bill!!! Watch how fast the checkbook comes out..lol.."

I would be ok not having sex with someone that insincere. Ewe yuck. Next! Wow nothing says I love and admire you like "I have sex with you for money."
 switers
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 157
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 8/7/2009 12:24:49 PM
Hey commonsens, the point is, it might not be important to you, but it's important to us. We live in North America, we are consumer driven and materialistic. Everyone is free to their own values and beliefs. For some one who seems to be on a spiritual path, it's kinda narsasitic or something, to expect everyone else to share your point of view, no? Anyway, I really want to go back to school and could use some cash, if your not doing anything with yours, and don't care to hold on to it, I sure could put it to good use : )
 Monty2u
Joined: 11/28/2008
Msg: 158
view profile
History
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 8/7/2009 12:43:45 PM
It is my feeling that all expenses of the house should be assumed by the gentleman. The girls assume a lot of responsibility just keeping things organized, much less worry with the overhead of the operation, not to mention, your going to school.
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 159
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 8/8/2009 4:15:22 PM

Rent - we split in proportion to our income - we adjust as this changes from time to time


So.... um... the person who pays more gets more of the space? Seems kinda bizarre that one person benefits in a 50/50 arrangement....

 Ependa
Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 160
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 8/8/2009 4:33:39 PM
I'm a big fan of keeping finances separate completely. Even if you are't able to split 50/50 , this is still possible. Though I think maybe easier done before hand. I would sit down and figure out what you can pay in 'rent' each month and keep your own personal bills separate. See if you can compromise on the cable by splitting it or possibly reducing the bill by cutting channels (actually, if you call them to discontinue with satellite , they will almost give it away to you...I so rarely watch tv that it was a waste to me to have directtv and dvr so I was going to cancel and they are almost paying me to keep it ,lol. maybe you can work out a deal with the cable company).
Also, keep your personal finanances totally separate. That means his truck and payment are his business. Maybe a truck is more important to him than cable.
If you can come up with an agreement on how much you pay (even if it's not 50/50) , this will enable you to still budget in the things that you want.
Just my take..but then I had a completely separate checking, savings, etc from my husband when I was married. I guess different people like to handle this different ways, but that always worked for me/us. I would never, ever consider sharing finances with my so...especially if we weren't married.
 lovemygirlie
Joined: 6/7/2009
Msg: 161
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 8/8/2009 4:41:55 PM

You should pay for the cable BUT ... kick him in the nuts if you catch him watching it!


ba ha ha ha ha! Aren't we supposed to be looking after our investments??
 IsabelK
Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 162
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 8/8/2009 5:58:57 PM
Capitano -

Our salaries are different, so splitting the rent in 1/2 can be too much for the one w/ the lower salary. We split the rent in equal proportions to whatever our salaries are at the time - so the "bite" is equal in each of our pockets.

We share the space equally, lol - we're not roommates.
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 163
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 8/8/2009 6:26:28 PM

Our salaries are different, so splitting the rent in 1/2 can be too much for the one w/ the lower salary. We split the rent in equal proportions to whatever our salaries are at the time - so the "bite" is equal in each of our pockets.

We share the space equally, lol - we're not roommates.


Oh...

... guess I'm just one of the few, true, feminists out there who believe in word and, in fact, that women are equal and need to be, in fact, equal in everything.

I'm just tryin' to advocate for us feminists to make sure everything is equal, that's all...

... wouldn't want any of those walkin' penises takin' advantage of us makin' less than those patriarchal, misogynous, scumbag, walkin' testosterone factories takin' unfair advantage.....



 IsabelK
Joined: 7/19/2009
Msg: 164
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 8/8/2009 6:29:03 PM
For the record - I'm not a man-basher. :P
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 165
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 8/8/2009 6:32:50 PM
For the record - I'm not a man-basher. :P


Yay, sista!

You go, gurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrl. Maybe we can go for muffins and lattes so.

... call me....





EDIT to add:

.... You know how Pinnocchio's nose grew when he lied about shit?

.... I think I just felt a bit of a rise in my boobies when I admitted that I'm a feminist!

... now, I have new toys to play with tonight!

 lovemesomemen
Joined: 7/14/2009
Msg: 167
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 8/8/2009 9:30:10 PM
Even though this is an old thread....

If you want the cable and he wants to save money by not having the cable, you should pay for it. If you have time to watch tv instead of studying, maybe a part time job would be a good idea.
 PeggyI
Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 168
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 8/9/2009 3:43:26 AM
^^^So.... um... the person who pays more gets more of the space? Seems kinda bizarre that one person benefits in a 50/50 arrangement.... ^^^

Actually, this is my area of expertise. I provide financial advice to many couples when they are first starting out, and often deal with the results of relationships after the fact.

The percentage each person contributes is directly related to the percentage of income they bring to the relationship. If he makes 60% and she makes 40%, then the bills are split 60/40, and so on.

It is vitally important that each person contribute to the maintenance of the relationship, and it is equally important that each person have money of their own which they do not have to account for to another. This balance of interdependence and independence may shift throughout a relationship, however if it is not recognized and honored, it will be a source of never ending frustration and resentment.

Major decisions which affect the financial health or status of the unit must be negotiated in advance, and the consequences of these decisions must be fully understood by both parties - so if buying a new car will affect the couple's ability to save for a downpayment on a house, both parties must understand this and be in agreement.
 WalkingInLondon
Joined: 2/21/2005
Msg: 169
Who Pays What When Your Cohabiting???
Posted: 8/9/2009 5:02:42 AM
There are four people in this house. Therefore I think you should pay one-fourth of the bills. I'm sure he get support for his daughters, that should contribute to their parts. As for luxuries like internet and cable, it should be split equally betweenthe people who use it...all four of you...it's not like he's not gonna be ploppin his butt down to watch the games too. And if he wanted a new truck, tough tittie, he can just suck up that 50 bucks a month...were you asking for a shiney new pickup to drive every day? Do you get to drive it all the time? I bet not! I you went out and bought a new car would you be able to tell him he was going to have to start taking over the grocery bill because you wanted to trip around in your new sports car? Um, no I bet not.
Tell hi selfish azz that he can try that trick onn someone else, but he's gonna have to pay the cable bill, or it's getting shut off. Let him explain to the kids how Daddy's new truck was more important than Nickelodeon.
Sounds like he's a selfish****
Sorry, but true.
Beth
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >