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Joined: 8/21/2006
Msg: 4
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behavior after visitsPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
My daughter is 5 now, but she also did this when she would go to her daughters. I left him when she was one b/c he was very abusive to me. When it was his weekend she would go and he acts like the "Disney Dad" giving into her every whim. Like I said, she's 5 now, and it isn't as bad as it used to be. Now she only lashes out when she doesn't get her way with me. Thats when she pulls the "I want to live with Daddy! He always gives me what I want!" So just hang in there. He is still young, it will get better! Trust me! He's just not use to you guys being apart yet, but he will. And when he asks why you aren't, just tell him that Mommy and Daddy can be better parents for him apart, then they could be together. My daughter understands that much, and when she's older hopefully she won't question too much. But we can only be honest with our children. Lying would make things worse!

Like I said, just hang in there!

Best of Luck!
Joined: 4/8/2008
Msg: 5
behavior after visits
Posted: 10/19/2008 4:22:17 PM
At 2.5 can't comprehese concepts of cheating and it is better to be apart. 5 is different. They have some leveleof intuition that they communicate in their own way that finally makes more sence to people around. At 2.5 they express signs of stress in their way but it is unclear for us....
Joined: 8/18/2006
Msg: 9
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behavior after visits
Posted: 10/19/2008 10:03:38 PM

Good luck - c0-parenting is never easy.....

I have to disagree with that. Both my bf and myself have great relationships with our respective ex's.

I don't wanna sit here and say that my kids are angels after their visits and rub your face in it....but I am glad I haven't had to go through that.
I think that it's hard for little ones to go back and forth. You can't blame the behavior on your ex anymore than you blame it on yourself.
They have 2 totally different lifestyles to figure out. Different rules, and different acceptable behaviors. He's still learning.
Take a deep breath and wait it out. I am sure it will get better.
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 10
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behavior after visits
Posted: 10/20/2008 9:27:41 AM
You cannot change what is going on with dad, all you can do is control your environment. While it sucks, you just have to do the hard work and if it makes you feel any better, my kids act like brats when they have spent the day with friends, we don't have local grandparents but I know this is normal after spending time with them too.

One thing you have to remember, when he is at home, it is routine, sometimes not fun, and kids need that but hellooo, wouldn't you want to be somewhere where the attention is on you, nobody asks you to pick up after yourself....It seems more severe because of the terminology he is using but it is really just an average reaction to the situation.

Remember this is normal, particularly for the age, but in your house you expect X behavior and that is it period. Punish him when he makes unacceptable comments and after a while, when he gains nothing from it, he will probably still take time to settle down but it won't take too long. I cannot tell you how many times I have peeled my kids off the ceiling with just a couple of hours with their dad.
Joined: 10/16/2008
Msg: 16
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behavior after visits
Posted: 10/23/2008 9:01:53 PM
My daughter is 2 months older than your son and we have 50/50 custody and not a good relationship. Don't kid yourself, someone is teaching him to say these things. Kids that little don't say things like that. I have heard after visits with mom, Daddy don't kill me mommys says you are gonna kill me. Mommys says to lie to you, mommy hates you. Get an attorney and document everything.
Joined: 8/27/2006
Msg: 18
behavior after visits
Posted: 10/24/2008 7:05:56 PM
My oldest son is terrible after anytime away from home. He doesn't see his dad, but even after a sleepover at grandma's or auntie's, or cadet camp etc when he gets home I have 3-5 days of terrible terrible behaviour as he readjusts and retests the boundries. He is just that type of kid, it has nothing to do with anything that may or may not be happening in those environments, he just doesn't handle transitions well. He is 10 now and has always been this way.
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 20
behavior after visits
Posted: 10/26/2008 6:40:31 PM
I have read through the single parent threads and couldnt be happier i found this post for 2 reasons one to ask a question and two because there are a lot of single moms responding and that is who i need to ask my question to. My question does have to do with exactly what this post is about "behavior after visits". I have two daughters 6 and 3 and my ex is constantly trying to threat and actually followed through for a short time in taking one day of my time with my girls away from because of the behavior after vists. She states that the girls always act different when they return to her home and dont listen and what not. I have explained that this is how they act for the first few hours to the first day they are with me but I do my best to work with tme and make sure the rules here are followed as this is what kids do when having to transition between two homes. I always tell them when they are with me that they have to listen to my rules here and mom's rules when they are at her house . When they are on the phone with me and mom is telling them in the background " your only doing this because you can at dad's!", which is false, I still let them know that they must listen and respect moms rules. Now my question lies with this.... when the kids return from a visit with the other parent do any of the single parents here either threaten to take some of the visitation time away or as in my case have phone time and actual days taken away because of these types of things? sorry for the extremely long post but i have to know i am alone in this!
Joined: 11/7/2008
Msg: 28
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behavior after visits
Posted: 11/19/2008 7:25:53 AM
I had a similar situation with one of my kids for quite some time. My son would come home after a visit and be depressed, pitch fits, be both physically and verbally abusive and disruptive, cold to affection and hugs, just on an on. In the beginning this would last the better part of a week. As we progressed into the week I would begin to see the transformation back to himself. I would see him start to approach to crawl in my lap or come toward me to give a hug and then stop in mid stride as though a bug in his ear was telling him “don’t do it”. Then there would come a point where he couldn’t stand anymore and become himself again. During this time I would continue to let him know that his behavior was unacceptable and give him hugs and kisses as usual even though they were received with a cold shoulder at first. Over a period of time these episodes diminished in turnaround time. In the beginning it was useless to try to discuss it with my son as he would turn a deaf ear but as time went on I was able to begin talking to him about it. My son has been back to his usual self for a long time now and everything is normal again but the road to get there had lots of bumps, turmoil and sleepless nights.
I knew quite well that my sons mother and family was putting him up to a lot of this behavior and over time my son has come to me and his sister and apologized and has said that he was told to cause as much trouble as possible so that his mom could go back after custody.
Understand that the kids are going through a rough transition period and you must handle it with care but as a parent I do not think that you can totally overlook the disruptive behaviors and have to let it be known that they are unacceptable or it will grow into something worse long term. Be patient and understanding with lots of compassion, hugs and kisses and in due time it can get better. Just don’t lash out and fall into doing the things that the other parent is doing. WATCH what you say around the kids (they have super hearing when they want to hear LOL) Believe me I know how hard it is and how much it hurts to see the kids go through this. Been there, done that and certainly do not want to go back!!
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