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 sydneyleigh
Joined: 3/21/2008
Msg: 2
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Relationship split as she says something missing advicePage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
She's probably being the most honest she can with you.
"Something's missing" is the best description I can think of to say," its not you, its not me, it's just not what I want".

I know its a painful process to go through, I've been there... but you will come out on the other side. Can't tell you when, but I can tell you that you will.

You have the right philosophy, just need a new girl!

~sydneyleigh
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 4
Relationship split as she says something missing advice
Posted: 10/23/2008 7:16:39 AM
Dude,

The bad news is that the more you do to bring her in, the flowers, and all that the more it will make her go away. There's a saying that to this day I believe it's hold true. "Chase and they will go away. Pull back and they will come to you."


So pull back, make her miss you. Then see where it goes. But as much as it hurts, she is telling you the truth.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 5
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Relationship split as she says something missing advice
Posted: 10/23/2008 7:19:29 AM
Both responses are good advice.

Some people seem to feel that when things are good, no conflict, etc., that there is a lack of feeling. Or she may just not feel for you in a way that seems right for a long-term relationship.

She may discover that she does love you that way but in the meantime, you go on with your life as if she will not be in it. If she ever addresses getting back together, it depends on where you are but I wouldn't wait around either.
 duckling
Joined: 2/28/2006
Msg: 6
Relationship split as she says something missing advice
Posted: 10/23/2008 7:20:02 AM
Most of the people that I enjoy the company of the most, and "get on like a house on fire" with are simply friends. Of the women I've truly loved in my life, there has been friendship and commradery, but there has always been an undescribable spark. A certain chemistry that sets them apart from everyone else. You've apparently felt that, and she hasn't. Consider it one of life's lessons and move on. It will hurt, but not as much as if she married you, had children, then decided she deserves more in her life.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 9
Relationship split as she says something missing advice
Posted: 10/23/2008 7:26:32 AM
This whole thread kind of plays into another thread about being friends first and then trying to develop things into intimacy. Several people said how that is how their last relationship was and in the end it did not work at all because the sparks never got off the ground. I do not know if this is your case here, but it could be that she always wanted to convince herself that she loved you, and after all this time, realized that she was not IN love.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 10
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Relationship split as she says something missing advice
Posted: 10/23/2008 7:27:28 AM

When she said she was going to 'sleep on it' what she likely meant was she was going to sleep on him.... she likely has someone else in the wings already.


Sorry captain, that was uncalled for.

You are both young and perhaps something has changed between the two of you. It doesnt mean that youa re a bad person, obviously the relationship isnt making her happy anymore. Do you want her to be in a relationship that she isnt happy in so YOU are happy?
 sydneyleigh
Joined: 3/21/2008
Msg: 19
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Relationship split as she says something missing advice
Posted: 10/23/2008 8:55:39 AM
Give YOURSELF some no contact time.
You will have to adjust the relationship from bf/gf to friends - you have to mourn the death of the relationship, and see if you CAN transition it.

Some times it works, MANY times it doesn't.
Most likely this is a "Maybe he'll feel better if I say I want him as a friend". Or it could be a way of keeping you in her life UNTIL she finds the one where something isn't missing.

However, I would highly recommend that if there was nothing missing for YOU, you need to go NO CONTACT - at least 6 months. Because you will NOT be able to move on, otherwise.
 GoneSailinBabe
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 24
Relationship split as she says something missing advice
Posted: 10/23/2008 5:03:36 PM
My opinion is she really means it. Something is missing. She's not into you. Move on.
 YingKissesYang
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 33
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Relationship split as she says something missing advice
Posted: 11/3/2008 4:11:08 PM
Whew....that was a lot.

Hey OP, I can totally relate. And so can 95/100 people here. Its only been a couple weeks for you two. I empathize with your "thoughts" and thinking about what happened, why, when, who did what where and so.....la dee daa. All that means nothing. SHE BROKE UP WITH YOU. Forget everything else for the time being, OK. Don't worry about "being friends", don't dwell on what you did or didn't do, don't think about new loves either. Don't ask "why did we cuddle that day" or "Maybe if I show you more appreciation..."

She has obviously and clearly ended it at this point for what ever reasons, rational or irrational, emotional or logical, factual or imagined. She wasn't all there, she wasn't happy.

Here is what you do: NO CONTACT FOR 4 WEEKS, except to return her phone calls if necessary. Exercise, journal, eat well, DON'T DRINK A LOT, get a new hobby, read some good relationship books.

IF SHE COMES BACK, great, USE YOUR JOURNAL and make sure you (and her) write down what you two agreed to so later you can be reminded what you promised her. BUT DO NOT HOLD YOUR BREATH!....She has ended it. Leave it be...
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