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 AUTHOR
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 36
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Scared stiffPage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

Oh and just to be clear.. living together and being married are not the same thing. You can't tell if you are compatable for marriage by just living together because marriage changes everything.
I'd be curious to hear how you believe that marriage changes everything. I tend to think it's pretty much the same thing without the government issued licence.. that's why I wouldn't do it with just anybody. It has to be with someone that I could, at the very least picture spending the rest of my life with.
 SLAFFA
Joined: 8/13/2007
Msg: 37
Scared stiff
Posted: 10/24/2008 10:13:09 PM
WOW OP! You should be scared stiff! You give new meaning to the phrase "a glutton for punishment". You have never even had an "argument" with a previous boyfriend and you are considering moving in with him AND his roomates. And possibly
"another" girlfriend too? Five people in a three bedroom apartment sounds like the perfect [and quickest] way to ruin your relationship IMO. A surefire recipe for disaster IMO. It is hard enough just for TWO folks to adjust to each other... My advice? D O N' T do it.

And Good Luck with your career...
 ImAHotMess
Joined: 7/11/2008
Msg: 38
Scared stiff
Posted: 10/25/2008 8:19:02 AM
If you have to even ask this, I would think you may know it is not a good idea. And with room mates? Bad idea. It is hard enough to get to know someone alone, let alone with other people around. And God help you if there is a disagreement (and I would bet money there will be, with others as HIS room mates) you may find yourself out of a place to live. Keep your own apartment, get to know him a little while longer then get a place together. This does not take that much common sense. When do you know you are ready? When you do not need to ask it in the first place.
 ButtModel
Joined: 9/14/2008
Msg: 40
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Scared stiff
Posted: 11/2/2008 2:09:00 PM
I think the act of asking the question, "How do you know when you're ready for a big step like this?" makes one think that you might not be.

Sweetheart, you're 25...what's the point of moving in with your boyfriend? You've got your space, he's got his. You get together when you want, and when you need alone time, you've got it. I don't know what your current living situation is but I'll assume you have a place of your own or have one or so roommates...do you really want to move out of that situation and into one where you'll not only have to deal with your boyfriend, but his friends as well? They might all be good guys, but hanging out with the fellas and living with them are two completely different animals. If you feel pressured into it, then maybe he's not the right person for you. This kind of a decision is both an emotional issue (does it feel right) and a logical one (does it make sense objectively).
 Xcen
Joined: 4/7/2005
Msg: 43
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Scared stiff
Posted: 11/16/2008 9:07:02 PM
Elana:
I am glad that the house came along for you for several reasons. Just the elation you showed that the house is available reinforces the intuition of many (including me) that you were not really ready to move in with the b/f. Secondly it provides space for you and the pet. Thirdly it gives you a meeting ground to develop the relationship. Someone else said that just because you successfully had ONE arguement and patched it up does not mean you can maintain a healthy and happy relationship; and for a relationship to grow and survive it will have to survive many, many disagreements and negotiations. That is the nature of relationships. They are no longer about "I" , but about "we". You recognized that bottling up your anger and frustration is not the path to a healthy relationship. Sweeping issues under the rug (and letting the anger build) just means postponing the eventual disintegration. A note on roommates. My experience is that it is difficult to find compatible roommates in general. It is touch and go between most roommates until you find the correct mix that share duties and responsibilities and social life that makes it a tolerable living arrangement. You dodged a bullet by not moving in with the b/f and his roomies. Now you can focus on your relationship without distractions and partisan bickering.
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