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 AUTHOR
 cooler online
Joined: 10/3/2007
Msg: 44
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Why are we still so affraid to let people in?Page 2 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)
By this point our hearing may be going, our hair falling out, our teeth full of cavities, our tallywackers no longer working, and our hoohaas drying up. But the one thing we can still do with deadly efficiency is to be cruel to each other.
 dustyknight
Joined: 9/14/2006
Msg: 45
Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 10/29/2008 10:31:33 AM
For me, after a long marriage ended..I built a wall around my heart..
It's almost impenatrable now after 7 yrs..It wil take a special woman to warm my heart, gain my trust and be my best friend
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 49
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Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 10/29/2008 3:03:17 PM
"prime example of the most screwed up people out there.... we see it over and over again.... the anger, the bitterness, the issues blaring at us from our c0mputer screen "


So true, and so boring to run into over and over both here and in the real life datingland.

I don't think people are afraid to let people in, I think most of them are too smart to get invovled in the drama.
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 51
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Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 10/29/2008 4:24:15 PM
You've said a mouthfull again atsomepoint..... much too wise for the common poster... and you're only 47!
I might even repeat it for impact for those who seem deaf, dumb and blind to these simple facts:

1. You get what you give.

2. You will never know what you have to give, until you know who you are.

3. You'll never know who you are, until you open up and give it away.

4. Who ever said there was a guarantee?



Risking emotionally really......rarely kills you....honest .
But living without even trying.....surely does make you one of the walking dead.
 bullielover62
Joined: 12/2/2006
Msg: 55
Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 10/29/2008 6:53:07 PM

The question to ask is, what went wrong in my past relationships and what did I do? Why did I pick the people whom I picked? Was there a pattern, what was my role? Those should be the question to ask!

You SO get it, atsomepoint! This is the talk of a either a really healthy individual or a good bullshitter, not sure where you stand on that, but the point is that if *we* don't take responsibility for our own actions and reactions, then we're doomed to repeat insanity.

What's the definition of insanity? "Doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different end result."

*We* have to look at our part in the equation, forgive ourselves, learn the lesson and MOVE ON! Moving on with lessons learned and knowing that you're going to have to subject yourself to vulnerability and being hurt again is what love is all about! It's what GROWING is all about.....

There are a lot that aren't willing to pay that price again. So instead they hide, protect, project falsities and never let the love enter their hearts again. "Screw THAT, no one's gonna hurt ME again!"

Well hello "Master Duh"..... then I guess you'll never feel the ecstasy of love again either.....

But don't confuse taking time off to learn lessons and regain self again, as someone who is hiding. Too many refuse to take the needed time in between relationships to get yourself ready for the next person you'll come across. And trust me, if someone starts to "time you" and tells you that you're ready before you feel it's time..... pass that sucker by as fast as you can. Because this is about YOUR agenda.... not anyone else's.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 56
Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 10/29/2008 8:10:28 PM
This was the point I was trying to make, why are we so afraid to look at what roll we have played? Look at me; look at what they did to me! Self pity is such a nasty and unattractive quality; you can’t hide it behind anger. The never ending finger pointing, that’s the part that’s drama!


...self pity and anger is unattactive yes, but it's also part of the healing process....much like going through the various cyles when someone we care about passes on...we need to feel each emotion and deal with....that's healthy.

btw....great thread...very insightful.

...maeflowers
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 57
Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 10/29/2008 8:24:45 PM
...I know what you're saying....I am one person that would not be able to just jump into another relationship.....after the break-up of my first marriage, the wounds were open and raw for a very long time....sure I was left with some scars ....but they have faded over time and are now hardly noticeble at all.

...maeflowers
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 58
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Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 10/29/2008 9:51:02 PM
"Never mind the forgiveness of those who have hurt you, what about forgiving yourself for your roll in past relationships! "

Hello! Do do widowed people from good marriage figure into the above. Hello.............We don't! Get over it. We don't!

We live in a different world. We aren't afraid of people. .................... Some people might be afraid of us.....................?
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 64
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Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 10/31/2008 8:39:28 PM
"With as good as you look moraima what man in his right mind would be afraid of you simply because you are a widow?"

Where did I say people were afraid of me because I am a widow? That makes no sense to me.

"Moriama, I have gotten over myself, I came down off the cross and used the wood for a bridge quite a few years ago. I had never suggested that you do anything; you joined this thread all on your own."

Where did I say that you suggested I do anything? I asked why you think people are afraid?

"I feel like a little kid going to the circus for the first time, full of fear, wonder and awe."

I love adverture - I don't fear it - I get so much energy from adventure.
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 65
Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 11/1/2008 6:12:15 AM

But you have to mean it in your heart. It will work and improve your life very much. No barriers, no walls, no grudges, no past vendettas, and then just live for happiness. It worked for me. I am sure it will work for other people too.


Yes, you are one of the few who are honest enough in being happy and whole as a person.

Forgiving and moving on not not only frees the other but more importantly it frees you!
What!
To be bitter with hate and a vengeance is a strong emotion and to not eventually let it go only perpetuates this vice and the malady [aka baggage] and is carried on and passed to the next and next person. And how much time does it need for one to vent?
Just think in how many people you heard are still ****ing about their ex,5 years,10,20. yikes! Very unhealthy and negative to me when one uses it for so long.

imo, many have settle for this protected wall and live the rest of their life is that way.
And for many they find and use this venue as a safe haven in the virtual world of interaction.

Like I've said many times before ya got fish where the fishie are truly free instead of the window shoppers and when you find that spot it would be grand find indeed!
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 66
Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 11/1/2008 9:16:29 AM
Like I've said many times before ya got fish where the fishie are truly free instead of the window shoppers and when you find that spot it would be grand find indeed!


..yes, I remember reading that from another post of yours. For me, participating in the forums gives me the opportunity to "observe" some of the fishies before I cast out my line....I wanna know how healthy that fishie is before I even attempt to "reel" it in and bring it home it home for supper.


...maeflowers
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 67
Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 11/1/2008 2:32:29 PM

For me, participating in the forums gives me the opportunity to "observe" some of the fishies before I cast out my line


Yup, I'm just here for the forums until someone can change my mind in that and prove me otherwise. ~smile~

I can understand too of the folks who are tired of the bs past,present and future
and they had settle behind the the wall as their safe haven and limit of involvement.

I'm sure that many are not afraid but happy enough with their lifestyles without the
commitment of each other.

To each there own in what floats ye boat.

So for those who seek more then in being 'just bud's or 'still under construction'
or there's detour ahead,

cast your line where the fishie swims truly open and free

and maybe you'll end up with some with that same spark in your eye for thee!
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 68
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Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 11/1/2008 3:04:34 PM
"I misunderstood what you were saying.....Sorry. "

No worries..............was just saying.
 ImMovinOn51
Joined: 9/19/2008
Msg: 69
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Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 11/7/2008 11:06:42 PM
I recently found this thread and like much of what has been said and bantered back and forth. My question would center around...and I know it's a longshot...any suggestions for how to "help" someone that has convinced themselves that self-protection and never trying or falling for anyone is the way to go. I know that until she sees it and wants it for herself, it isn't going to happen. I won't beat around the bush...I fell really hard for someone in this position...she would let the walls down just long enough for us to experience what it could truly be when we're together and then got very scared of what she felt and convinced herself it wouldn't last (just like the other times that she tried and got hurt) and so the walls went back up to protect herself from it all. Is there anything that can be done to "help" someone we care about that is going through this?

Thanks for any thoughts...
 bullielover62
Joined: 12/2/2006
Msg: 71
Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 11/8/2008 3:47:33 PM

Just how do you let women in that wont come in? I just dont know myself......

OMG are you freaking serious? If a woman isn't interested, let it go. If she says no, she means no. Same with *some* that feel they are restricting those that wouldn't want them in the first place.... futile, really. Who's to say they'd want you anyway?

NO is NO. If someone can't understand that at this age, they're a lost cause.

Just because *you* want someone doesn't give you the right to push yourself on them because of your own selfish agenda.

And ya'll wonder why so many are still here... fishing and wondering when they're gonna find someone that's compatible with them. tsk tsk.............
 bullielover62
Joined: 12/2/2006
Msg: 72
Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 11/8/2008 4:35:16 PM

I Know that no is no...... I have sense enough to know if a woman is not interested to let it go to. I can understand lots of things at my age and I guarrante you I am no lost cause. Now who is pushing their sleves on women on here not me for sure. And who are you to call me selfish ...... you dont know me from jack shit. I dont wonder why so many are still on here........ I do wonder why you are still on here with your attitude like you have. No body want that kind of attitude to put up with. Especially me. Now with your kind of attitude who is to say that some body would want you? I sure dont. Not in any way ever

I'm here for the entertainment and the free donuts darlin'.

And my comments are usually generalized... but if *some* see themselves in them, then ya might wanna take some heed.....

just sayin'
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 73
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Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 11/8/2008 4:41:18 PM
"I am willing to lets lots of you women take the chance to come right in "

Lots of you women is a huge turn off to me. I don't want a man who wants just anybody he can get.

"I dont wonder why so many are still on here bullie. I do wonder why you are still on here with your attitude like you have. No body want that kind of attitude to put up with. "

Spoken like many rejected men before you spoke. Sorry you don't like the word no, but move on to someone who might be interested, and stop wasting time and energy.

This is not a gender issue. Both men and women feel entitiled and when they get the word no, then the blame game starts. It isn't personal, it is just having to interest in people who want just anybody that is the issue.

"lots of you women take the chance to come right in but you just say no and keep saying not too. "

Your words, not ours.
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 74
Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 11/8/2008 5:22:45 PM

free donuts!


I knew there was a catch!
 bullielover62
Joined: 12/2/2006
Msg: 75
Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 11/8/2008 6:35:30 PM

Say what you please and make all the wise cracks you want to. I wont be a yard man and house man to any woman. I will however be her mate and take care of her. But not when it is brought out in the clear what they really want from me is not a mate but a ground keeper, Gardner, grass cutter, or what ever. It's me or nothing

What about a pool boy? I'm always looking......

The meeting starts in 31 minutes. There are plenty of donuts and the coffee is hot and dark. Anyone else wanna tell us what they're NOT looking for, please sign in at the desk. But the position for lawn maintenance and handyman are still open. Oh, and the pool boy too.. but that will wait til next June.

OT: Afraid is such a strong word, and it infers that we're all sitting here cowering and unable to make up our own minds. As someone who's not dating, I see a lot of my past behavior when I was alone, just unwilling to bend or settle for someone that hadn't done as much work on self as I had.

In our twenties we were growing up together and the mistakes were made in tandem and didn't seem to glaringly horrid. Now, when we see someone still tripping over shoe laces that should have been tied YEARS ago, it's almost nauseating! Why haven't they tied those damn things up yet?!? What's WRONG with them??

So it's not fear, it's the reality that a lot of people just haven't done the work yet to be worthy of taking the chance with.

Too many have refused to tie their shoes... and I'm not gonna be the one to trip over your laces because you were too lazy or too afraid to tie 'em yourself.

OK, meeting's started. Pass the chocolate covered donuts this way, would ya? Thanks *Jim*
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 80
Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 11/9/2008 6:25:42 AM

to find someone special who will love us and that we can trust.


All of the replies are valid points as we all wish to have the same things in life with a partner.

Now here on POF it's up to you to figure out which ones are still under construction,
who is inbetween A&B in life, who is still in transistional state,the list goes on and on in finding that special one who is open and free to give and recieve their self and emotions with another.

I can see the fustration in trying to look for a date here as with so many road blocks and detours. I wish I could make it all easier for all of you but can't cuz the human condition is very complex.
The fora is a fun place for many to rest their weary souls at a distance and the most difitcult part is trying to bring them out of the cold.
Tis best to let them thaw out on their own cuz all the heat you can generate can't fix a broken heart and spirit when it comes to leting you in.
 mama_tigger
Joined: 11/3/2008
Msg: 83
Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 11/9/2008 11:24:58 PM
Very well said! I enjoy my own company and have great expectations of being with Mr. Right someday. Picky... yes....realistic ...yes. And I have alot of love to give Mr Right, just not every Tom,****and Harry in the world.
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 84
Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 11/10/2008 7:58:20 AM

So the options are;keeping looking,settles for a lesser job,stay unemployed or start your own business.


Funny stuff, yet after 40 your experiences in the business world would carry much weight in getting you in the door from the unexperience personal.

Now in the business of dating and match making is a whole diferent set of circumstances as the job is much more refined, as to see who is really here; is open
to accept one as we all think naturally we are all suited said job.

When I hear the old story here in that about not settling for anything less thats ok, and to think other wise is foolish,but when it's used cuz they are behind the wall or under construction then the table is already set,the die is cast, in a no go even before you start. A lot of these folks are in the White Knight syndrome and dream when they were in their teens and 20 something.
The the bar is set too high and all the kings men aren't going to put 'Humpy Dumpy back together again' and when I did date here many moons ago in why they go poof into the night and never seen or heard from again.
Have fun!
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 85
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Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 11/10/2008 9:01:49 AM
Of course, the reality is that the moat around the castle served as an open sewer and likely the pond was where it drained into. What with the society being agricultural, animal husbandry would have pretty well fouled the land within a considerable distance of the castle as well. Any frogs you encountered, even if they were enchanted princes, would have been pretty stupid to be hanging in that pond, so probably neither worth kissing nor eating......

Of course, I am always delighted to see women rejecting the idea of acting as the female part of a reproductive couple. After all, we males mate for the purpose of ensuring our eternal life through the act of procreation, for which we still do need a willing female. Selfish and self centered as it is, its the one thing that really justifies having a "relationship" with a woman. All of the other aspects can be satisfied through more or less casual interactions of one sort or another.
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 86
Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 11/10/2008 9:54:32 AM

Explain the preference for eye candy by evolutionary means..


Lol. Don't fret too much, Cindy, you aren't quite a hershey kiss yet; with that rapier wit, you've just added a spoonful of sugar to make the medicine go down.
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 87
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Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 11/10/2008 10:49:18 AM
Hell no you think ...just right! It's just some of those particularly nasty frogs Cindy dear.....now don't forget your moniker, give the kevlar a brush and your helmut a polish !
See... even Whytwater knows there's more to life than a bang for your buck . Some get it and some don't... just like kids .
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