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 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 88
Why are we still so affraid to let people in?Page 3 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

See... even Whytwater knows there's more to life than a bang for your buck .


ROFLMAO!!! Now you've done it! I can't stand, or even sit, upright! Rusty, I'm sure that was well-intentioned, BUT(Whytwater, one of the slower children in the class), you cracked me up!!
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 89
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Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 11/10/2008 1:08:37 PM
......damn I just wanted to wink and they wouldn't let me
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 91
Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 11/10/2008 2:56:13 PM

I have TRIED fruitlessly to explain this to him, in several ways, at different times but he could only see it as "bashing" .


Sorry for your bad luck as when you meet someone and poofff there gone.
Weird stuff out there.

There alot of this that is going around and when you find out they are;
AKA' emotionally gun shy' and unaware to you until it's too late.

You done all the right things yet this maladay is subconious imo in nature ,
I think they don't they know when if it's even going to happen until it's too late imo.

imo tis best to take it slow if you want to devolpe a relationship just in case one decides to jump ship in mid stream!
 JustMeForYouOnly
Joined: 7/12/2007
Msg: 92
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Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 11/12/2008 4:27:39 PM
We are afraid to let people in because the others we have let in have driven a dagger through that heart of trust and love that we held open to them. It is our most precious offering we can give to any one that come into our lives. The fear is that we do not think we could survive the next wound just might be fatal. There fore when we are approached severl thoughts run through the processing grid in our mind like OK what does this one want from me? what do you really want? I wonder if you dumped your ex? how many are on the sidelines with this one? Are you just lonely and need some one to keep you company till who you think you are looking for comes along?...........
..............
............. after so many experiences you get calloused and are unable to let any one in any more the callous needs to be removed
 tallyover
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 96
Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 11/15/2008 3:41:07 AM
Why are we still so afraid to let people in? Sometimes it's a long way in...........
When you first show up at my door will I invite you in? Everyone that comes to my door isn't invited in to dinner. Does that mean I'm afraid to let people in? Nope - it makes me selective.

When I come to your door, will you invite me in? If you select me to dine with you, will I accept? It depends. This time I was first selected by you. Then I had to accept your invitation to dinner.

I don't have fear, but I am selective. If the sparks are there I say come on in and hope you feel the same.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 98
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Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 12/4/2008 6:41:11 PM
I am not afraid to let people in my heart/home/love tunnel, I am just cautious ,I want to know who I am dealing with that he is not a con artist,jack the ripper , theft , psychotic...
 lelathecat
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 99
Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 12/5/2008 1:39:54 AM
Like tally said, I think for me it is about being more selective.

I was thinking about this a couple of weeks ago and remember how carefree things were in late teens and early 20s. Everything was new to me and the people around my age. I didn't have the hard knocks. I think friendships were easier and dating was easier back then. I don't think we knew ourselves well enough to have a whole lot of thought or preferences.

Now a days I know myself so well and I know the kinds of people I get along with and those I don't. I'm far less tolerant of nonsense.
 dustyknight
Joined: 9/14/2006
Msg: 100
Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 12/7/2008 2:10:51 PM
for me now..it's about protecting my heart..I find I do hold back much more than ever in my life..
I think if genuine honest and caring lady came into my life, I would still take a chance on her.
 still_hope
Joined: 3/28/2008
Msg: 101
Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 12/7/2008 7:35:02 PM
Interesting topic!!! And, interesting comments too.

For the man who asked how does he help his lady with trusting and opening her heart...be consistent. Be a friend.

I'm working on trusting my own judgement as much as I am working on trusting others.

A friend said once that some people give and give and give...and it's like a well that if something isn't given back, the well goes dry.

Just a few rambling thoughts in response....
 serenity60
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 102
Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 12/7/2008 8:07:33 PM
I am not afraid to let someone in.......I am afraid to let myself out!!
If that makes any sense??
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 106
Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 1/14/2009 10:55:13 AM

I am not afraid to let someone in.......I am afraid to let myself out!!



Sorry. I'm sure you didn't intend this to be hilarious, but . . . .
I gave a t-shirt to a good friend for Christmas. It said, "Some Days It's Not Worth Chewing Through the Restraints!"


i am anything but afraid at this age; i merely have no patience for the stupid. yes, my profile is a lot more like a moat than it is an invitation for discourse. let's face it; this planet is just a galactic freak show


There was a Star Trek episode, Enterprise under heavy attack by Klingon warship, and takes heavy damage, without enough juice left to power both the shields and the phasers. Kirk says, "Lower shields, Sulu". Bad guys detect no shields, close in for the kill, and PZZZZATT!! Enterprise shoots them out of the sky.

I dropped my shields years ago, not to destroy anyone, but because they were keeping me from where I most wanted to be. Now, the only boundaries are the lines others draw, and sometimes, I trespass. Strange new world; our privacy is constantly threatened, by this very internet thing, the government, etc., yet we are more isolated, distant, unconnected in real terms, than we were before. If I got to your moat, I'd just leave. Bugs have exo-skeletons, armored on the outside. I prefer to be more human, and all the warm parts are within easy reach.
Yeah, they predict that the insects will still thrive after the human armeggadon. But I'd rather slide into the casket sideways with "Damn! What a ride!" than "Whew. Made it."
 catkin2007
Joined: 12/18/2007
Msg: 111
Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 1/14/2009 9:15:34 PM
The plain and simple answer is... you still have baggage to deal with. If your afraid to let someone in again, its because you still have things from the past which haven't been resolved. Living life is not a guarantee that you won't experience hurts...

Hell, I prefer to take those chances and see what happens.... potential hurts, disappointments and all. Why? Because if I do, I have a better chance of finding the one person who gets me and wants to share life together.
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 113
Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 1/15/2009 3:46:48 PM
[quote[He is as strong as a Siberian tiger with the personality to go with it. He won't let me give up, no matter what. No man has ever exhibited that kind of raw emotion or strength with me

Yes, yes I love this love story of emotions!

Sans, if your were a guy you would have bzlls!

What ever it takes and hopefully your man's wife will be as strong as a tiger too.


I'm quirky as he!! and my boss will tell ya so!! (He just told that same thing to me today.)


Wow, I didn't that your boss was,our goverment was promoting this kind of behavior.

But that's ok kitten as your secret is good with us.
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 115
Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 1/17/2009 5:13:48 PM

I'm back, fully focused and pi$$ed off as usual. Didja' miss me?!?!? LOL


Well better to be pi$$ed off then pi$$ on on!


Your secret is good with us.


Sorry I'm didn't mean to let the cat out of the bag as you in your mo. as each post was related to another and found it good for a laugh.
Keep up the good work!
 dustyknight
Joined: 9/14/2006
Msg: 116
Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 1/22/2009 11:42:32 AM
well..ya know.. a grape turns to a prune in the end..
if ya get out of the game and just veg..the prune effect happens before ya know it..
I think doing is better than wishing i did..
IHO,
dusty
 *mandrake*
Joined: 9/19/2006
Msg: 117
Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 1/22/2009 4:19:44 PM
In the words of Father John Powell:

If I tell you who I am, show you who I am, you may not like me, and it is all that I have.
 canyunflyer
Joined: 2/6/2006
Msg: 118
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Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 1/22/2009 8:31:53 PM
FEAR: FALSE EVIDENCE APPEARING REAL. this is what most fear is, in truth. I think what the OP really wanted to ask was: " How come so many mature people have not yet done the personal work necessary to get beyond their irrational fears of closeness and intimacy???" Now, that is a real question. I don't know. Apparantly... it just takes what it takes. I know it took a whole LOT for me! I had to be beat to a pulp over and over before I was ready and willing to really participate in some kind of personal and spiritual growth process. This is how we change this stuff. NOT by keeping our focus on others. To hell with them. Its their problem. Its their responsibility. simple. Once you learn how to accurately recognize this disfunction in others... you are not afraid... you just don't choose to get involved with them. And, you don't care what they think about you, either. Its about reclaiming our personal power. When we have it, we are not afraid and helpless anymore.
 FortyFine44122
Joined: 2/9/2008
Msg: 123
Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 1/27/2009 12:10:48 PM

I am not afraid. I am ready and willing. Problem is, I keep opening the door and finding the wrong guy behind it. The right guy just doesn't seem to have my address.
I vote it the best answer to the question!!!
 drplv
Joined: 12/15/2008
Msg: 124
Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 1/27/2009 4:46:17 PM
No one knows on the door.

Don
 drplv
Joined: 12/15/2008
Msg: 125
Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 2/14/2009 4:17:00 PM
Knock knock. Who's there? No answer!

Still for that Where is your wings?

Don
 ichi-bon
Joined: 3/30/2008
Msg: 126
Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 2/15/2009 3:34:52 PM
Sans. I like the story , too.

That's the kind of man to have. I think before my late husband and I were married, I tested him on everything..because of the pain of an earlier relationship. He made me PROUD for 20+ years !

After he died and I finally ventured out.............my luck to run into another a** like my first one I married..only worse.........this one was not only a cheater, but found out later he still had a wife..... Got me really scared and ready to crawl inside myself again......thinking I had been out of circulation too long to know what to watch for. .........I am very trusting, open, honest...........then I met the KEEPER!!

He is some younger, but he is so sweet to me, that I find myself giddy like a young school girl again. I am not fraid at all to let him see all of me.........good, bad, the in between.

It feels great to open up again and be given the same as you are giving!!
Even if this don't last, I refuse to be afraid to let someone in again.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 128
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Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 6/1/2009 1:14:35 PM
i'm afraid. but, i 'm doing it anyways. more afraid to die alone and w/o having experienced or at least tried to experience a stable, HONEST, caring, loving relationship with all the burdens-- but minus the baggage, deceipt and ill treatment by someone who does not care, or is afraid to let people in, or is too self absorbed or addicted to "whatver" to let someone in.

i just put one foot in front of the other, try to keep a balance. recently fortunate to have someone who talks and thinks similarly thus far. emotional risk and vulnerablity? you betcha! but, i have pof in the background with great friends and slowly making many more real life friends, including "him". they all have my "back". the potential gain has to be greater than what you have or are settling for now. if not, you won't do it. you also need to trust in the universe, it's lessons and it's demands for you to serve, as well as take. timing is like juggling balls. sometimes, if not the right orchestration, they will drop to the ground. need to allow the universe to orchestrate as to which balls will be up in the air and the timing and motion of the dance. otherwise, you just bounce along by yourself. to some, that is preferable. not to me.
 the SoldierByte
Joined: 12/25/2005
Msg: 131
Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 9/9/2009 8:23:53 AM

How come so many mature people have not yet done the personal work necessary to get beyond their irrational fears of closeness and intimacy???

Heck.. check MY "matrimonial/relationship" history..
I is trying...
"working on it constantly".. cause I am no quitter..!!
---SoldierByte---
 kpooks
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 132
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Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 9/9/2009 10:59:04 AM
Not afraid at all. But you just have to be a little guarded at first, since you don't know this person or what they want from you. When what they want becomes obvious, you can then elect to let them in or not. I just don't want to end up more screwed up and financially f--ked than if I stayed alone. Pain is easy. Financial disaster is harder to recover from.
 the SoldierByte
Joined: 12/25/2005
Msg: 133
Why are we still so affraid to let people in?
Posted: 9/9/2009 11:11:12 AM

I just don't want to end up more screwed up and financially f--ked than if I stayed alone. Pain is easy. Financial disaster is harder to recover from.

Now there is a man whom has either been married before..
or is dating one of MY ex's.......
I fully understand (and agree with) your post..
and if you are dating one of my ex's..
NO way I'm takin her back..!!!!
---SoldierByte---
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