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 webweebil
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 116
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...Page 3 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
<---- runs and does yoga for a reason.
 Miss W
Joined: 12/4/2006
Msg: 117
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/14/2008 11:57:11 AM
I used to be angry when I was younger, but the day hit me that life is too short for it and it sucks the energy out of you. I do on occasion but it is fewer and farther between. Granted, I do get pissed off at times and when I do lose it, I do so and then let it go. There are other times where I can't let off steam in the manner that I would like to so I turn it into humor and sarcasm.
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 123
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 3/16/2009 4:11:11 AM
If anger is chronic and unreasonable it's obviously a problem, but anger in and of itself probably can't be totally eliminated. It's what makes us human. Most people couldn't completely rid themselves if they tried. The problem I see is too many keep the daily frustrations and stresses we all live with so bottled up inside that it builds and builds, until the only release is going postal -- and that's not good for anyone. I don't see a lot of good emotional release valves.

Conversely, to me you have to be passionate and emotional about "something" in life. I'm not a big fan of people that are so laid back and have such a laissez faire attitude that nothing bothers them or gets them angry. I mean, sheesh, show some spunk about something you feel strongly about. And defend those convictions when warranted.

My pressure point is dealing with obvious stupidity and lack of common sense.

When I make a mistake nobody, and I mean "nobody", can put myself through the hell I can. I'm my best self-corrector, but I also have little tolerance for the idiotic, nonsensical behavior of others.
 Esperanza
Joined: 2/15/2009
Msg: 124
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/8/2009 9:57:03 AM
I am usually a low key person but that doesn't mean I don't get angry. I get frustrated when I am tired which is understandable, lack of sleep. When someone backs me into the corner and I come out fighting. I much rather avoid confrontation whenever possible.
For example when my ex told me he was leaving to live with his girlfriend I needed answers and he wouldn't let me voice my opinion which pisses me off. By not voicing my opinion I think that is when the bitterness towards him set in. I have worked through the emotions of rejection and have moved on. Today I saw the ex and we have no problems talking or being around each other but I have no desire to be with him, or do I miss him. We are friends now. I have forgiven him.
 rickxyz
Joined: 1/27/2009
Msg: 125
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/8/2009 10:11:47 AM
I love anger, its the most honest emotion and I think it feels great. My anger is very controlled in my old age, I might destroy a trashcan or phone in private, but in public its all about my poker face....if they only knew what I was thinkin.....
 Ependa
Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 126
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/8/2009 10:42:22 AM
I'm not an angry person. Life happens. We all have good days and bad. I don't find anger (or jealousy or guilt) to be useful emotions. Even fear is only useful to a degree. But back to anger. I let go of it. I actually used to have big problems with that. It turns out , it was all internal. I thought for a while it was because I was unhappy. From what I have experienced, this definitely exacerbates the whole situation..but changing your life circumstances to where you are happy just isn't enough by itself (found that out first hand, too). That simply makes it better...less likely for you to flare up. Turning the search inward is what can (mostly) remove it. I am a very passionate woman..so I doubt that I could remove anger completely. And there probably isn't a reason to. That would be too 'removed' for me. I don't want to live my life with watered down emotions. But with a little introspection and self-discipline, you can be honest and mature about it...control your emotions; don't let them control you.

There are 4 agreements, that when you make them with yourself..can make life a hell of a lot more enjoyable imo.

1. Be Impeccable With Your Word
Use the power of words positively; with yourself and others.

2. Don't Take Anything Personally
let go of it, own your own stuff; not somebody else's

3. Don't Make Assumptions
be courageous enough to question things , and communicate openly..even when it's difficult

4. Always Do Your Best
do you best, be compassionate with yourself and others

These are from a great book..and my own brief interpretations of them.
 ~GoneSailing~
Joined: 6/5/2009
Msg: 127
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/8/2009 12:52:04 PM
Good policies and well stated.

Now I'm curious....what's the book?

 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 128
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/8/2009 2:12:11 PM
We mostly say we want people in our lives who are"in touch with their emotions". Well for me that means all of them, including anger. Without anger how do you know your boundries are threatened, or your rights tresspassed? It's not the emotion itself that's negative IMHO, It's that many times it is acted upon inappropriately. Anger that causes assaults and battery is a very improper thing. Anger that leads people to protest poor conditions or injustice is a very good thing. Martin Luther King, Malcom X, were angry men, but see how they used and chanelled that anger to foment social change and point to injustice. They bore the anger of millions upon themselves and became engines for great social change that has had an overall positive effect on society for all.
We cannot choose not to feel anger, only to act upon it in appropriate or inappropriate ways.
 truth59
Joined: 5/9/2009
Msg: 129
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/12/2009 7:28:53 AM
hey young lady, we all get angry at times, but the bible says be angry but sin not, see angry will get you in a heap of trouble, many has died being angry, that man that cut in front of another man without notice, like in Detroit, both got out of their cars shot each other,both died, and what about that famous case, Clara I think her name was, she was so angry when she saw her husband walk out of that motel with his girlfriend, she drove over him many times, killing him, and now is doing time, and children without parents........ I find myself just last night on this site hurt,,,, someone send me email saying I would love to chat with you, I reply and say ok, here is my email address or you can give my your phone, what ever please you, he reply and called me a controling person, and that I am not all that,and I am like what I say? and this anit the frist time...... you are right, there are a lot of hurting people out here.... and hurting people hurts other...... the bible speakes on angry in the book of Proverbs a lot, angry is a very danger emotion when not in control... it will says all what in the heart and leave many souls cut... I know.... that why I am single.... words can kill...... and fact angry is so dangerous the bible say this.....proverbs"22,verse24, make no friendship with an angry man, and with a furious man thou shalt not go, why? Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul, meaning, he willset you up or hurted you,and another scripture says, there is no rest with a angry man, rather he is sleeping or awoke.. now that is the word of God.... as far as myself..... I do get angry, andstill is working on self daily.... but I wont hurt no one... and cuss no one.... and fact I will just leave that person alone for good.... no heart attack for me, or sickness because that would angry will more likely leave too, another and last word from God, the rod of his angry will soon fail.
 trinasexy
Joined: 8/22/2009
Msg: 130
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/12/2009 7:47:31 AM
Goodbye Spammer


 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 131
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/12/2009 7:55:46 AM
I don't "do" anger, at least, I try to avoid it as much as possible. But I fully acknowledge that I sometimes can come across as aggressive. So yes, I "do" get angry, on the odd occasion. But mostly, I don't. I'm both yes and no.

I suppose if I get angry, I feel vindicated, by justifying my beliefs, or maybe that I might be able to push someone to take my POV. It's usually just that I'm a bit more intense in my conversations. All I really need to do, is to take a chill pill, and to leave the subject and do something else, until I've calmed down. I don't have a partner. But some people have pointed out that I'm getting angry, that it's not a problem, but that it's ruining my ability to communicate, and direct me to a different subject.

I don't "do" anger generally, because I grew up with a lot of it. So when people get angry at me, I freak out and stay away from them. I generally remember that, and keep my emotions in check. I was never in a relationship with an angry person, other than my family, because it's been such a strong influence on my life, that when people start to look like they might get angry, I'm already out the door, and I'm not even thinking about returning till I've put 30 miles between me and her.
 janus20
Joined: 1/1/2007
Msg: 132
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/12/2009 11:34:36 AM
Welcome to metro Cleveland, Ohio. Land of Pittsburg fans who don't support where they live.
 jacob8088
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 133
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/12/2009 5:14:36 PM
Instead of worrying about others anger issues, maybe you should worry about yourself.
 Opal-in-October
Joined: 7/6/2009
Msg: 134
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/12/2009 6:28:22 PM
Often anger and angry outbursts are caused by depression or something underlying, and not totally due to what appears to be the cause of the anger. The trick is to find out the root of the depression and deal with that. (I think ) (:
 eastendwoman
Joined: 7/15/2006
Msg: 135
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/12/2009 6:47:37 PM
Unfortunately, due to the economy, people are angry lately. It's not their fault, and not yours, it's the fault of the powers that 'be', that control us all. If someone is too angry, then it's not their fault, or yours, but your relationship just won't work out. The best solution is for the both of you to protest against the powers that 'be' together. They are the real culprits that are being an obstacle to both of your lives.
 Motto_Bella
Joined: 7/6/2009
Msg: 136
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/12/2009 6:54:05 PM
I've also been in a relationship with a very angry person... and just being around that person would bring me down mentally, emotionally and spiritually. I dealt with it by putting up walls to protect myself.

^ Ditto.. except: Walls don't protect... they deplete an emotional capacity. I've learned to walk away (choice) .. realizing it takes two to resolve conflict in a calm and mature way. I refuse to stifle my happiness nor let another individual deplete my wellness spring. Life is to precious.. I'm personally committed to stay in a positive, calm and balanced zone.. w/like minded individuals.
 jbogie
Joined: 9/30/2008
Msg: 137
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/12/2009 7:09:44 PM
i never get angry. i get pissed off.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 139
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/13/2009 5:53:35 AM

With respect to message # 145: What is the title of the book that you summarized?

The book the poster referenced is "The Four Agreements" by Con Miguel Ruiz

~~
A very interesting book that discusses Anger (and other 'negative' emotions) from virtually every scientific perspective is "Destructive Emotions" written by Daniel Goleman with the Dalai Lama. The Dalai Lama occasionally has scientific symposiums where he gathers some of the leading scientists together to discuss "where they are at" in their thinking/research. It's a fascinating subject.
 Wild DNA
Joined: 9/30/2008
Msg: 140
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/13/2009 6:04:49 AM
.

Anger is a choice! Pick another feeling.
 CompletelyDone
Joined: 8/12/2007
Msg: 141
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/13/2009 6:09:16 AM
One of the books I found particularly insightful on this subject is "The Dance of Anger" by Harriet Lerner. She discusses how anger affects our relationships with those closest to us and offers a lot of suggestions about how to break out of the "circular dance" we can get into when we get so caught up in our partner's 97% of fault instead of doing something about the 3% that belongs to us.

I highly recommend it!
 Drusurfer06
Joined: 8/11/2009
Msg: 143
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/21/2009 11:00:57 AM
How come if a Man's is upset and angry, frustrated about life in general, it will hurt him a lot more than a Woman who feels the same way?
 youcantimagine
Joined: 9/15/2009
Msg: 145
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/30/2009 9:55:45 AM
There is an unwritten rule in society that in order to get along, be accepted and co-exist with others... you have to be positive, friendly, outgoing, politically correct, and devoid of any aspect in your personality which could be interpreted as bitterness, negativity or anger. You aren't allowed to have any intellectual depth beyond the predictable and mundane, and God forbid you have an actual personality instead of just the robotic monotone that society deems acceptable. In short, your options are limited to two: Shove yourself in that tiny little box, stay there and pretend to like it with a fake smile on your face... or walk alone.
 No_Drama_please
Joined: 6/20/2008
Msg: 147
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/30/2009 3:14:16 PM
No, I don't "do" anger.
Life is just too short for that emotion.
Its an "ugly" one doesn't help any situation don't you think ?

When my one and only wife passed at 48, I lost my best friend.
The way I saw it was I had so much to be angry about then.
I felt I had a "right" to be angry.
I was wrong. She fought cancer for as long as she was able to and one day
she left for the heavens.
That was over five years ago and
these days I just supplement "anger" with "disappointment".

No one is ever perfect,
and like I said, life is just too short.

If I'm in a relationship or even still with a friend and they get "angry".
I usually calmly and non judgmental way encourage them to release it in a non violent, easy way.
They can still be angry if they want, but I'm not going there myself.

It's not the anger that causes most problems in humans.

We choose "anger", and most of the time haven't a clue on what to do with it when it emerges or
realize it's a trap.

~Matt~
 InNCsearching
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 148
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/30/2009 4:28:44 PM
1. everyone gets angry.
2. getting out your emotions is a good thing as long as your not beating the person. sometimes getting angry is the only reason some people finally listen to you. sometimes you have to let it out. it isn't good to hold in emotions.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 149
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/30/2009 5:05:47 PM
1. everyone gets angry.

True, but unhappy people spend everyday being angry.


2. getting out your emotions is a good thing as long as your not beating the person. sometimes getting angry is the only reason some people finally listen to you. sometimes you have to let it out. it isn't good to hold in emotions.



Yelling and screaming does not get people to understand you more, they only stop & listen because they are afraid. Once you lose control and communicate with anger - yelling screaming, swearing, or saying things you'll regret are because you have not learned a more intelligent way to communicate or your vocabulary is very limited.

Rageaholics only get attention for so long until the emotionally healthy people leave them.

Rageaholics use "getting it out is healthy" as a means to justify their behavior. This is a false notion. A loose canon is just as likely to drop over dead from a heart attack or suffer from high blood pressure and other stress related illness because they are always getting worked up into a frenzy.

Even though you are not hitting a person don't think this isn't bullying or abuse.
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