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 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 106
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...Page 6 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
Hatred and anger are not the same thing.
 compleat_man
Joined: 10/3/2008
Msg: 108
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/14/2008 9:28:48 AM
^^

but isn't hatred often born of anger?

e.g.one could be angry at oneself for being a loser, so you take it out on another identifiable racial or ethnic, or religious group?

anger at your parents, or whomever? anger at one person of a certain group, so you decide to 'hate' all people of that group?
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 110
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/14/2008 9:51:24 AM
Being angry is exhausting. I cannot understand where angry people get all of that energy and I find them really draining to be around. Rageaholics seem to be hereditary on my mother's side of the family and is a symptom of mentall illness many times. Even when mental illness is present I see anger and loss of control towards others to be a form of abuse and I have to cut them out of my life for my own safety and well being. I guess I'm lucky in that I've always had the gift of music as an outlet for my emotions.

When people do stupid things that lead to their own demise or self destruction I don't feel sorry for them and I have found that can make people pretty angry at me.

The following 3 things do make me more sad than angry, but also make me say "What the Hell?" when I hear about abuse and violence.


1. Crimes, or cruelty, against children...
2. Crimes, or cruelty, against animals...
3. Crimes, or cruelty, against another human being who is not able to defend him or herself...
 compleat_man
Joined: 10/3/2008
Msg: 111
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/14/2008 10:19:34 AM
I think some people can use the "anger can be good" argument to justify their own addiction to being a "rage-a-holic" ?

not sure what good or constructive things come from blowing your top dozens of times daily at every little real or imagined slight..?

(as WAY too many people do..)
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 112
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/14/2008 11:16:48 AM
I do think anger can be a great motivator for me, especially in sports. If I'm playing tennis and someone hits a ball past me at the net, I get angry--yes, actually angry--and then my serve gets better. Btu then I'm all happy that my serve is so awesome and ... d'oh!!

Of course, anger CAN be out of control, just as any emotion can (those people who smile ALL the time creep me out, frankly). Yes, anger CAN motivate someone to hate. But these are abuses of the emotion, and we all recognize that.

I also agree that anger is often mixed with other emotions--rare is it that you feel just ONE emotion at a time, right? If you love you are also happy; if you're sad you could also be angry.

If my SO cheats on me, I have every right to feel and express my anger. If a kid pulls the tail of my cat, I have every right to be angry with him. When you acknowledge your feeling, you learn how to express it. It's the people who SUPPRESS their genuine feelings that have the problems EXPRESSING their feelings in a healthy way.
 compleat_man
Joined: 10/3/2008
Msg: 113
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/14/2008 11:19:50 AM
"I do think anger can be a great motivator for me, especially in sports. If I'm playing tennis and someone hits a ball past me at the net, I get angry--yes, actually angry--and then my serve gets better. Btu then I'm all happy that my serve is so awesome and ... d'oh!!

Of course, anger CAN be out of control, just as any emotion can (those people who smile ALL the time creep me out, frankly). Yes, anger CAN motivate someone to hate. But these are abuses of the emotion, and we all recognize that."

yes, we hope that your anger doesn't really flare and does not cause you to want to (or actually) jump over the net and beat your opponent into submission with your racket..

or to wait for him/her later and physically assault them..

that's what anger is for too many people..

have you talked with any cops who have to respond to "domestic dispute" calls lately?

even a 'few' people beating up their partners, is too many..

they too say that 'anger is natural' and it's 'good to express it'..

it's cool to get in people's faces, intimidate, if not actually strike them all because you're a little angry, a 50 year old having a temper tantrum because you're not getting your won way??

and yes , the typical person who says "anger is good" is often "always right" and everyone else of course is 'always wrong'..cool...?

O--kayyyy..



 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 114
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/14/2008 11:22:33 AM
But not for all people, or even, really, most people.^^^^^^^^^^^^^
I'm not quite sure why you picked on me, and insinuated that I would do such a thing. That's not playing fair.
 webweebil
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 116
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History
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/14/2008 11:45:02 AM
<---- runs and does yoga for a reason.
 motownmaniax
Joined: 8/13/2006
Msg: 123
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 3/16/2009 4:11:11 AM
If anger is chronic and unreasonable it's obviously a problem, but anger in and of itself probably can't be totally eliminated. It's what makes us human. Most people couldn't completely rid themselves if they tried. The problem I see is too many keep the daily frustrations and stresses we all live with so bottled up inside that it builds and builds, until the only release is going postal -- and that's not good for anyone. I don't see a lot of good emotional release valves.

Conversely, to me you have to be passionate and emotional about "something" in life. I'm not a big fan of people that are so laid back and have such a laissez faire attitude that nothing bothers them or gets them angry. I mean, sheesh, show some spunk about something you feel strongly about. And defend those convictions when warranted.

My pressure point is dealing with obvious stupidity and lack of common sense.

When I make a mistake nobody, and I mean "nobody", can put myself through the hell I can. I'm my best self-corrector, but I also have little tolerance for the idiotic, nonsensical behavior of others.
 damassteel
Joined: 7/22/2009
Msg: 128
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/8/2009 2:12:11 PM
We mostly say we want people in our lives who are"in touch with their emotions". Well for me that means all of them, including anger. Without anger how do you know your boundries are threatened, or your rights tresspassed? It's not the emotion itself that's negative IMHO, It's that many times it is acted upon inappropriately. Anger that causes assaults and battery is a very improper thing. Anger that leads people to protest poor conditions or injustice is a very good thing. Martin Luther King, Malcom X, were angry men, but see how they used and chanelled that anger to foment social change and point to injustice. They bore the anger of millions upon themselves and became engines for great social change that has had an overall positive effect on society for all.
We cannot choose not to feel anger, only to act upon it in appropriate or inappropriate ways.
 truth59
Joined: 5/9/2009
Msg: 129
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/12/2009 7:28:53 AM
hey young lady, we all get angry at times, but the bible says be angry but sin not, see angry will get you in a heap of trouble, many has died being angry, that man that cut in front of another man without notice, like in Detroit, both got out of their cars shot each other,both died, and what about that famous case, Clara I think her name was, she was so angry when she saw her husband walk out of that motel with his girlfriend, she drove over him many times, killing him, and now is doing time, and children without parents........ I find myself just last night on this site hurt,,,, someone send me email saying I would love to chat with you, I reply and say ok, here is my email address or you can give my your phone, what ever please you, he reply and called me a controling person, and that I am not all that,and I am like what I say? and this anit the frist time...... you are right, there are a lot of hurting people out here.... and hurting people hurts other...... the bible speakes on angry in the book of Proverbs a lot, angry is a very danger emotion when not in control... it will says all what in the heart and leave many souls cut... I know.... that why I am single.... words can kill...... and fact angry is so dangerous the bible say this.....proverbs"22,verse24, make no friendship with an angry man, and with a furious man thou shalt not go, why? Lest thou learn his ways, and get a snare to thy soul, meaning, he willset you up or hurted you,and another scripture says, there is no rest with a angry man, rather he is sleeping or awoke.. now that is the word of God.... as far as myself..... I do get angry, andstill is working on self daily.... but I wont hurt no one... and cuss no one.... and fact I will just leave that person alone for good.... no heart attack for me, or sickness because that would angry will more likely leave too, another and last word from God, the rod of his angry will soon fail.
 trinasexy
Joined: 8/22/2009
Msg: 130
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/12/2009 7:47:31 AM
Goodbye Spammer


 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 131
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/12/2009 7:55:46 AM
I don't "do" anger, at least, I try to avoid it as much as possible. But I fully acknowledge that I sometimes can come across as aggressive. So yes, I "do" get angry, on the odd occasion. But mostly, I don't. I'm both yes and no.

I suppose if I get angry, I feel vindicated, by justifying my beliefs, or maybe that I might be able to push someone to take my POV. It's usually just that I'm a bit more intense in my conversations. All I really need to do, is to take a chill pill, and to leave the subject and do something else, until I've calmed down. I don't have a partner. But some people have pointed out that I'm getting angry, that it's not a problem, but that it's ruining my ability to communicate, and direct me to a different subject.

I don't "do" anger generally, because I grew up with a lot of it. So when people get angry at me, I freak out and stay away from them. I generally remember that, and keep my emotions in check. I was never in a relationship with an angry person, other than my family, because it's been such a strong influence on my life, that when people start to look like they might get angry, I'm already out the door, and I'm not even thinking about returning till I've put 30 miles between me and her.
 jacob8088
Joined: 9/6/2009
Msg: 133
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/12/2009 5:14:36 PM
Instead of worrying about others anger issues, maybe you should worry about yourself.
 Opal-in-October
Joined: 7/6/2009
Msg: 134
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/12/2009 6:28:22 PM
Often anger and angry outbursts are caused by depression or something underlying, and not totally due to what appears to be the cause of the anger. The trick is to find out the root of the depression and deal with that. (I think ) (:
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 139
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/13/2009 5:53:35 AM

With respect to message # 145: What is the title of the book that you summarized?

The book the poster referenced is "The Four Agreements" by Con Miguel Ruiz

~~
A very interesting book that discusses Anger (and other 'negative' emotions) from virtually every scientific perspective is "Destructive Emotions" written by Daniel Goleman with the Dalai Lama. The Dalai Lama occasionally has scientific symposiums where he gathers some of the leading scientists together to discuss "where they are at" in their thinking/research. It's a fascinating subject.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 149
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 9/30/2009 5:05:47 PM
1. everyone gets angry.

True, but unhappy people spend everyday being angry.


2. getting out your emotions is a good thing as long as your not beating the person. sometimes getting angry is the only reason some people finally listen to you. sometimes you have to let it out. it isn't good to hold in emotions.



Yelling and screaming does not get people to understand you more, they only stop & listen because they are afraid. Once you lose control and communicate with anger - yelling screaming, swearing, or saying things you'll regret are because you have not learned a more intelligent way to communicate or your vocabulary is very limited.

Rageaholics only get attention for so long until the emotionally healthy people leave them.

Rageaholics use "getting it out is healthy" as a means to justify their behavior. This is a false notion. A loose canon is just as likely to drop over dead from a heart attack or suffer from high blood pressure and other stress related illness because they are always getting worked up into a frenzy.

Even though you are not hitting a person don't think this isn't bullying or abuse.
 DragNFlyBuzzez
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 154
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 7/15/2010 5:39:12 PM
My ex was always angry, I never realized until once we seperated how angry of a person she was, and how angry of a person I had become, my son and I are getting happy again and tonite we were talking that anger is a waste of time
I too.... REFUSE to do anger anymore
 VivaciousVixen2010
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 158
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 7/17/2010 5:13:20 PM
anger is an adrenaline rush
there is nothing wrong with anger
it is how we act upon our anger that makes
a difference in our life.
who doesn't dislike "something?"

i just don't need somebody being mean
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 165
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 10/3/2010 7:31:01 AM
For me being angry is exhausting - I usually just try to eliminate the source of it instead of trying to change them.

"The beauty of the soul shines out when a man bears with composure one heavy mischance after another, not because he does not feel them, but because he is a man of high and heroic temper." --Aristotle
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 168
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/28/2010 12:22:07 AM
Yes, there are a lot of angry people on here--and in general. I think one big reason is that the pop psychology movement has caused millions of people to believe they're victims.

And because victims have grievances, they feel entitled to go around ticked off about the injustices they think they've suffered. So, they think they have a license to do bad things to other people, without guilt.

It's always good to keep in mind, too, that a large variety of medical conditions and medications can also cause people to feel irritable or tense or angry. When they can't control those feelings, they may say and do some pretty unkind and aggressive things. I suspect they often feel much more guilt about it--with much less reason--than people who indulge themselves by playing the victim.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 170
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 12/4/2010 9:05:33 AM
I think the use of anger is to get one's way. There is *always* a threat of harm. It's a way to shut others up, get them to back away, get them to give you what you want. Primarily a tactic used by those who either are unable to figure out another way to get what they want, or who are too lazy to do the real work for a more desired outcome.

 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 173
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 12/4/2010 12:17:22 PM
Anger has a place, but it should never come out without real provocation, or be stronger than the situation which provoked it calls for. And it's easy to forget that some people may have disorders in parts of their brains that sometimes make them completely unable to control their anger. So, sometimes we may get mad at someone for being nasty when we really ought to feel compassion for them. But in general, I believe we all have a duty to control our anger, even when that's not easy to do.

Yelling and swearing at or even around children, especially, is cowardly and unmanly. And even if you're angry with your girlfriend or wife, you have to just tell her what you didn't like, and then be quiet or walk away, rather than shout and argue. I used to use a lot of bad language, and I probably still do when I'm around guys. But I've never used it around children, and I've worked very hard on not using it around women, either. For me, it's part of respecting them, whether they appreciate it or not--plus I don't like the negative, angry tone it sets.
 DeliveryRN
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 177
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 12/6/2010 10:18:04 PM
Usually anger comes from fear, particularly when safety is threatened.

Call me an idiot too, as I totally agree with WIB.
Understanding that concept helps, tremendously, in confrontational situations.

I haven't gotten truly angry in a long time. Could be that I haven't been frightened in a long time. Or it might be that, over the years, I have learned anger and bitterness suck the life out of me and try to avoid them like the plaque. I put that beast to bed. However, if I sense that I, or any of those close to me, is in physical danger, it is hackles up and claws out. Primal response!
So many wonderful things come with age, like realizing you don't have to partake in someone's irrational anger, bitterness, pity party or negativity. The way I deal with folks like these is Not For Long
 UnzippedPassion
Joined: 10/30/2005
Msg: 178
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 12/18/2010 11:14:06 PM
Feel free to expand on those questions if you wish with your own comments on anger in general...

Everyone experiences anger at one time or another and more than likely several times during their life. Just because someone feels angry at one point or another doesn’t make them an angry person. However, some people tend to feel/act angry wayyyyy more than others do which may possibly label them as an angry person.
**The important thing isn’t whether or not we experience the feeling but how we handle it.

Appropriate ways to handle anger are ways that don’t involve hurting ourselves or others.
Inappropriate ways to handle anger are ways that do involve hurting ourselves or others.

Never put yourself in harm's way by staying around a person who handles anger in an inappropriate manner. Seek help for yourself and/or them.

Some Appropriate Ways to Handle Anger:
Talk to someone about it, preferably the person who’s making you angry. If that’s not possible, talk with someone else.
Take a time out to think about what’s really making you angry to make sure your anger is valid.
Count to 10.
Take a walk.
Jog.
Write.
Take a bath.
Listen to music.
Scream in a pillow.
Get it out somehow in an appropriate manner and don’t take it out on anyone else.

Yes, I teach anger control. Feel free to pass this along to anyone who's experiencing the feeling especially those handling it in an inappropriate manner or those dealing with such a person.


I was angry yesterday, when I saw a group or young men walking my way and one of them took opportunity to spit on the windshield of an oncoming bus. No wonder bus drivers often seem to be in a foul mood!

You were angry by something you saw. That anger was justified and it was not triggered by fear. It was triggered by your sense of knowing right from wrong.


I was outnumbered and also questioned whether my comment would make any difference, so I walked by them looking for their eyes, but said nothing.
Now I am angry at myself for being a chicken.

You may be angry at yourself because you ALSO felt fear as to what would happen if you said something but once again, your anger was not triggered by fear. It was triggered by your disappointment in yourself to speak out because you felt not only anger, but fear.

Anger and fear are two different feelings/emotions and one doesn’t usually spark the other. We can experience both of them together however especially when we fear something that makes us angry or we get angry because we fear something......and both can be the effect of the same cause.
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