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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...      Home login  
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 12 Volt Man
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 176
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...Page 8 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
getting angry isn't necessarily the problem. its how you express that anger that is.

when I get angry, I take a deep breath and deal with it calmly and rationally.

keeping your cool is important.

I don't freak out, yell and swear and damage things like some people that I have seen LOL.

if your blood pressure rises from something as simple as finding an empty roll of paper towel when you go to use it, well, you have anger managment issues and need help.

I have seen people like this. its more common than people realize.

sad, but true.
 anewstartforme
Joined: 4/4/2010
Msg: 177
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 7/24/2010 7:15:36 PM
What does getting angry accomplish? Absolutely nothing. I was married to an angry person and then had a ltr with someone who was angry with the world and everything in it. Whew, was all that anger ever draining?

I have a new beau who is cool and calm and it's a refreshing and wonderful change. Anger serves no purpose other than to raise your BP. Calm down, let it go and just move on.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 178
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 7/24/2010 7:56:26 PM
For me the only way I can really experience anger is if something effects me emotionally and causes me pain. The first question I ask myself when this happens is: if I really need to take this personally or is the other person wrapped up in their own problems and is spewing their venom on me because I am available at the moment.
People are human, but I do think a person should be open enough to evaluate the responses of others, when it comes to their own behavior. Most people spend way too much time denying they have a problem and too little time fixing it.
I feel that people should learn to manage their irritabilities in life. Being angry all the time is a problem!

We all feel irritable and out of sorts sometimes what you do with that anger and irritability defines your ability to manage yourself.
Your ability to manage yourself defines how other people respond to you.
If one is overstressed, greif stricken, feels victimized they must seek out a plan to find comfort for their soul.
With a little exploration and diligence, one can learn to disperse their anger and frustration in ways that do not spew on others.
AMEN
 Montreal_Guy
Joined: 3/8/2004
Msg: 179
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 7/27/2010 10:48:56 PM
Anger, in the sense of losing it totally, is something I've never understood.

I grew up in a family where violent arguments echoed though the halls of my childhood non-stop. I think that experience "burned out" the anger circuit in my brain.

I can have a "tense discussion" with someone , or be outraged, but always with a civil tone.

Believe it or not, I've never lost my temper or screamed/yelled/called anyone names.

At work, in my private life, even when getting divorced...

I consider that a lack of self-control.
 Consigliori
Joined: 1/7/2008
Msg: 180
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 7/28/2010 1:24:30 PM
Im angry. I like being angry. I foster my anger. I perpetuate it. It's energizing. It's liberating. It makes me do things I wouldn't otherwise do. It's fulfilling in a way that complacent tolerance never can be. It makes me Unmeek. Sometimes I feel myself slipping into casual acceptance and I have to go out and wreck something to reestablish my dragon. Schadenfreude. Rebellion. Independence. Domination. Ego, assert thyself!
 gadaveuk
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 181
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 8/2/2010 9:24:09 AM
Hi

Agression and confrontation was in my child hood.

Agression and confrontation is anger it indicates to me that people are nto able to ehal and nurture theri own pains so they transfer tehm to others.

Agression and confrontation is often an indicator of how unehalthy inept insecure and inadequate those people trully are.

Agression and confrontation is often used as a way of controlling other people.

Bullies deep down are cowards.

Regards

Dave.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 182
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 10/3/2010 7:31:01 AM
For me being angry is exhausting - I usually just try to eliminate the source of it instead of trying to change them.

"The beauty of the soul shines out when a man bears with composure one heavy mischance after another, not because he does not feel them, but because he is a man of high and heroic temper." --Aristotle
 EnergizeBunny
Joined: 8/8/2010
Msg: 183
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 10/4/2010 9:07:18 PM
Well, I have experienced anger in a relationship which recently ended. The anger was severe... from punching walls, throwing items, cursing at a cell phone, to having explosive angry outbursts with sales clerks and worse of all angry at ME for no justifiable reasons. The anger scared me and my dogs (fortunately I had no children). I had even asked the man to check it the anger at the door many of times when he entered my home.

I since found out that the anger in this man is very deep-seeded from childhood and it is an illness. Professional help is required. However, studies show that most men (sorry guys) do not easily admit that they have problems.

So ladies... run if you ever experience anything like this. Life is too short to live unhappily or scared.

Just sharing $0.02 worth of my experience.
 justwant2no
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 184
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 10/6/2010 10:45:26 AM
Not an angry person. Don't really get the whole 'rush' of anger. I also don't understand the whole 'holding a grudge' thing. Life's too short. For the most part, I think people just need to get over themselves.
 gadaveuk
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 185
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/27/2010 7:05:33 AM
Hi

Sorry to hear you have experienced anger in a relationship which recently ended.

Sadly when we get angry we hurt our self the most.

We cause emotional and physical stress up on our self and also because the adrenaline does not get burned up stress cause build up in the artuaries which cause serios health issues later in life.

Ofte do not understand that they are reacting to some painful truamtic event early in their life.

For men is more difficult because they are programmed to not show their feelings, hence suppressing and burying seems to be the common thing.

Yet sadly is it not possible to se adn understand that people do say they forgive and have healed the pains of their past .

Yet sadly ther reactions some times indicate other wise.

The anger being so severe is just an indicator of how painful his childhood was.

It is a natural response that his anger scared you.

Such severe anger is agressive and confrotational.

Yet there can be agression and suppressed agression, both adversely affect people have healthy spiritual realtionships.

It was wise to move on from that person.

You directly or indirectly speaking up for your self means you are no longer the victim of his abuse.

That is unacceptable.

He could not check his anger at the front door that was not possible ?

Yes professional help was required.

Yet he could only find help once he was willing to help himself.

Quite correct ladies run if you ever experience an agressive angry man?

That excludes most of them ? LOL

You are very wise "Life is too short to live unhappily or scared."

Love

Dave

Very wise of you sharing $0.02 worth of your experience.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 186
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/28/2010 12:22:07 AM
Yes, there are a lot of angry people on here--and in general. I think one big reason is that the pop psychology movement has caused millions of people to believe they're victims.

And because victims have grievances, they feel entitled to go around ticked off about the injustices they think they've suffered. So, they think they have a license to do bad things to other people, without guilt.

It's always good to keep in mind, too, that a large variety of medical conditions and medications can also cause people to feel irritable or tense or angry. When they can't control those feelings, they may say and do some pretty unkind and aggressive things. I suspect they often feel much more guilt about it--with much less reason--than people who indulge themselves by playing the victim.
 foreverstacey
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 187
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/28/2010 4:03:03 PM
Everyone gets angry. EVERYONE. Some people just deal with it differently, and its harder to notice.. we're all human.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 188
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 12/4/2010 9:05:33 AM
I think the use of anger is to get one's way. There is *always* a threat of harm. It's a way to shut others up, get them to back away, get them to give you what you want. Primarily a tactic used by those who either are unable to figure out another way to get what they want, or who are too lazy to do the real work for a more desired outcome.

 brawnydog
Joined: 5/12/2006
Msg: 189
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 12/4/2010 9:17:44 AM
oh man.. Have I pyssed some women off in my journeys..
whatcha all wanna know about angry women?
Mostly from doing stupid shyt. lol Nothing malicious.
I can jot down a few quick chapters on angry lovers, though.
Nowdays I just tell 'em not to come back. But, back in the day I took
all that. Got plenty of retro stories on the topic, anyway. lol
Just bored and stalking Woobs.
 womaninblack
Joined: 11/9/2010
Msg: 190
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 12/4/2010 10:17:27 AM
Usually anger comes from fear, particularly when safety is threatened.
For a mother bear is acceptable and purposeful (I watched "Brother Bear" you know!) as she is acting instinctually to protect her young.

A human with a conscious faculty is expected to not necessarily bypass this instinct but to transcend it finding less harmful, more resourceful ways to deal with problems.
Anger can run deep, stemming from a sense of threat and powerlessness.... vulnerability, and is usually old. Today's events can bring echoes of unresolved childhood insults and wham!
But not all anger is turned outwardly. Depression is anger turned in and mixed with a feeling of hopelessness. Sometimes it seethes, and quietly plots revenge.
At the end of the day, anger is blindingly accusatory and resentful, refusing to forgive while feeding the ego. Basically the angry person just wants to be validated.

My first marriage was to a very angry man and the only way out of that for me was divorce.
It took me a long time to recover from that experience as I had become angry too, at him.
Anger begets anger, and in the end is quite self destructive as it leads to illness.

Our culture pretty much educates us about what is or isn't an acceptable way to express anger. Spousal physical abuse is ok in some cultures. In others it's breaking dishes and throwing things, or yelling.

Me? I'm less angry these days, a whole lot less. Although I admit it feels good to gesticulate as I say something loud and juicy in Spanish or Italian (never in English, go figure) to an inconsiderate driver. But that is as good as it gets.
The rest of the time I just plot revenge.
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 191
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 12/4/2010 12:17:22 PM
Anger has a place, but it should never come out without real provocation, or be stronger than the situation which provoked it calls for. And it's easy to forget that some people may have disorders in parts of their brains that sometimes make them completely unable to control their anger. So, sometimes we may get mad at someone for being nasty when we really ought to feel compassion for them. But in general, I believe we all have a duty to control our anger, even when that's not easy to do.

Yelling and swearing at or even around children, especially, is cowardly and unmanly. And even if you're angry with your girlfriend or wife, you have to just tell her what you didn't like, and then be quiet or walk away, rather than shout and argue. I used to use a lot of bad language, and I probably still do when I'm around guys. But I've never used it around children, and I've worked very hard on not using it around women, either. For me, it's part of respecting them, whether they appreciate it or not--plus I don't like the negative, angry tone it sets.
 brawnydog
Joined: 5/12/2006
Msg: 192
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 12/4/2010 12:26:53 PM

Usually anger comes from fear, particularly when safety is threatened.

I'd vote that to be the most idiotic post of the month.
She ain't scared of me.. but, I bet she gets angry.
Anger and fear are two totally different animals.
But, feel free to toss out your own experiences.
That's how that goes.
arf
 womaninblack
Joined: 11/9/2010
Msg: 193
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 12/6/2010 9:09:59 PM

I'd vote that to be the most idiotic post of the month.

Well, so far no voters.
There is no worse fear than the fear of looking at one´s own fear.

I was angry yesterday, when I saw a group or young men walking my way and one of them took opportunity to spit on the windshield of an oncoming bus.
No wonder bus drivers often seem to be in a foul mood!

I was outnumbered and also questioned whether my comment would make any difference, so I walked by them looking for their eyes, but said nothing.
Now I am angry at myself for being a chicken.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 194
Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 12/6/2010 9:39:53 PM

Anger and fear are two totally different animals.

I agree 100% with this. I've been afraid, I've been fearful, I've been out and out scared to death ~ not one of those experiences contained an ounce of anger.

~OT~ Anger, in my opinion, is a waste of time. That's a knee-jerk response to something we don't like, don't understand, don't wish to know or learn about and generally is something that is based upon some irrational thinking, possibly programmed within us long before we were wise enough to make our own decisions (i.e.: getting angry when we read something heinous in the newspaper or see something abhorrent on tv.) There are simple ways to deal with being mad, letting it cascade into anger? That's a personal choice and one I don't want any part of. To each their own. JMO
 DeliveryRN
Joined: 8/26/2007
Msg: 195
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 12/6/2010 10:18:04 PM
Usually anger comes from fear, particularly when safety is threatened.

Call me an idiot too, as I totally agree with WIB.
Understanding that concept helps, tremendously, in confrontational situations.

I haven't gotten truly angry in a long time. Could be that I haven't been frightened in a long time. Or it might be that, over the years, I have learned anger and bitterness suck the life out of me and try to avoid them like the plaque. I put that beast to bed. However, if I sense that I, or any of those close to me, is in physical danger, it is hackles up and claws out. Primal response!
So many wonderful things come with age, like realizing you don't have to partake in someone's irrational anger, bitterness, pity party or negativity. The way I deal with folks like these is Not For Long
 gadaveuk
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 196
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 12/8/2010 4:29:32 AM
Hi

The young person that spat on the windshield of an oncoming bus did not care about himself.

Do you think that any thing you did or said would change that person to care?

Love

Dave
 gadaveuk
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 197
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 12/8/2010 4:35:52 AM
Hi

Anger is a reaction to the fact a person has pain they are not able to heal and nurture

Or tehy ahve feard they are nto willing to face

Or frustrations due to the fact that they do not understand the limitations of control they have over other people.

It can be a combination of all three emoitons that causes a person to get angry.

When we get angry we hurt our self.

Love

Dave
 UnzippedPassion
Joined: 10/30/2005
Msg: 198
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 12/18/2010 11:14:06 PM
Feel free to expand on those questions if you wish with your own comments on anger in general...

Everyone experiences anger at one time or another and more than likely several times during their life. Just because someone feels angry at one point or another doesn’t make them an angry person. However, some people tend to feel/act angry wayyyyy more than others do which may possibly label them as an angry person.
**The important thing isn’t whether or not we experience the feeling but how we handle it.

Appropriate ways to handle anger are ways that don’t involve hurting ourselves or others.
Inappropriate ways to handle anger are ways that do involve hurting ourselves or others.

Never put yourself in harm's way by staying around a person who handles anger in an inappropriate manner. Seek help for yourself and/or them.

Some Appropriate Ways to Handle Anger:
Talk to someone about it, preferably the person who’s making you angry. If that’s not possible, talk with someone else.
Take a time out to think about what’s really making you angry to make sure your anger is valid.
Count to 10.
Take a walk.
Jog.
Write.
Take a bath.
Listen to music.
Scream in a pillow.
Get it out somehow in an appropriate manner and don’t take it out on anyone else.

Yes, I teach anger control. Feel free to pass this along to anyone who's experiencing the feeling especially those handling it in an inappropriate manner or those dealing with such a person.


I was angry yesterday, when I saw a group or young men walking my way and one of them took opportunity to spit on the windshield of an oncoming bus. No wonder bus drivers often seem to be in a foul mood!

You were angry by something you saw. That anger was justified and it was not triggered by fear. It was triggered by your sense of knowing right from wrong.


I was outnumbered and also questioned whether my comment would make any difference, so I walked by them looking for their eyes, but said nothing.
Now I am angry at myself for being a chicken.

You may be angry at yourself because you ALSO felt fear as to what would happen if you said something but once again, your anger was not triggered by fear. It was triggered by your disappointment in yourself to speak out because you felt not only anger, but fear.

Anger and fear are two different feelings/emotions and one doesn’t usually spark the other. We can experience both of them together however especially when we fear something that makes us angry or we get angry because we fear something......and both can be the effect of the same cause.
 gadaveuk
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 199
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 11/25/2011 11:16:09 PM
Hi

Anger is often a reaction to pain fear or frsutrations.

The consequence of pains in our life is fear later in our life.

I had reached a point in my life where I could not heal emotional pains.

So over time I recognised that me being so over sentive was due to unresolved pains fear and frustrations.

I needed to understand that in order to proces how I reacted I needed to face my fears out right.

Now frustrations are often due to my expectations of other people.

When people get angry they hurt them self and also hurt the realtionship they have with other people.

A suppresive agressive willl build walls of fears around them msel;f and they will nto allow people in to their hearts and in to their lives.

Resentments are due to people unable to heal their own emotional pains.

Vengeance is due to people unable to heal their own emotional pains.

Often people will say they want justice when in fact all they want to do is transfer tehri pains fears and frstrations on to other people.

Often angry unhealthy people will often justify hurting other people in many ways.

Sadly a lot of ladies think they can heal a persons pains.

Ladies even think they can heal nurture and encourage that hurt little child.

Many divorces occur because people were unhealthy long before they even got married.

Love and peace toe veryone

Dave of Beckenham
 gadaveuk
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 200
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Anger in a relationship, or in life in general...
Posted: 12/20/2012 2:10:34 PM
Hi

For me Anger is an unhealthy reaction to pains I am unable to heal past or present.

For me Anger is an unhealthy reaction to fears I am not able to face past or present.

For me Anger is an unhealthy reaction to my frustrations due to my unreasonable expectations of people or life.

For me Anger is an unhealthy reaction to my unreasonable expectations of people or life and not accepting the serenity prayer.

Being over sensitive and getting angry very quickly implies I have not healed pains of my past.

Going in to panic mode very quickly implies that I am currently living in high levels of fear today.

Anxiety depression worrying stress nervousness and control issues are all fear based issues.

Love

Dave
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