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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > this one is complicated      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 14
this one is complicatedPage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Son, what you need to do is get some competent and qualified FACE TO FACE, in your community, advice and guidance. If you have a belief system/spiritual advisor, that would be one place to look. As other posters have mentioned, get legal advice from someone with experience and qualifications pertinent to the situation. Talking to a counselor or qualified "life coach"( either both of you or just you if she refuses)might be of tremendous help.
There is a precious little child here whose wellbeing HAS TO COME FIRST.
Cindy O
 djunique
Joined: 10/25/2008
Msg: 15
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History
this one is complicated
Posted: 11/8/2008 11:33:06 AM
i do want to work things out with her, but i dont want to be hurt by her anymore either. i love her to death though.. but i feel she will jsut keep doing this to me even if she changed her mind yet again and wanted to put some effort into being happy as a family.thats all i ever wanted. she wont keep my daughter from me, but i know she will not want to give her up either. i wouldnt want her to take her from me,and wouldnt want to do that to her either. she needs both of us. neither my ex nor i ever really had a father in our life and we would like to see our baby have both her parents around. i dont want to be an ass about it and make things worse either. i just want both of them in my life. although i want to be happy too.so ive been looking for someone else. im willing to give her up to save myself some pain later,the relationship isnt the issue here, its what to do about my baby and my apartment and bills that she expects to keep
 djunique
Joined: 10/25/2008
Msg: 16
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this one is complicated
Posted: 11/8/2008 12:59:56 PM
wow so im in the process of leaving,,sitting in my computer room reading posts and checking emails, taking a break from the running up and down the stairs. she comes in and starts ****ing about home im not getting anyting done sitting here. i told her i was jus resting a nminute and that i was trying,she is blineded by rage to see that ive already taken a carload to storage and had loaded up a second one. i tld her i could of just as easily thrown her out,and she says but you did,you said i could have the place and im not giving you anymore time,youre leaving tonight.,like its really her house still,as far as im concerned its my house till im gone. i think she has plans for this guy to be here sooner than later and doesnt want them to fall through.hes most likely coming up from wherever he comes from on moday and bringing stuff with him,with plans to sleep here. i want to call my landlord and have her removed from my lease so she cant say shit. and her hispanic lover gets shafted.
 djunique
Joined: 10/25/2008
Msg: 17
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this one is complicated
Posted: 11/8/2008 4:47:07 PM
ok i understand that, but now shes telling me i HAVE to leave TONIGHT, this is my place,i am first on the lease and was the one to get us in here. i am not financially sound enough to leave tonight. i need some more time and she thinks she doesnt have to give it to me. so i called my landlord,he didnt answer but i left a message. if she cant resepct me or my needs to give me enough time to leave appropriately then she doesnt deserve to be left the apartment. shes gonna give me more time or im gonna have her evicted,ive read my legal rights already,i can give her 10 days to vacate,if she refuses i can have her evicted. i dont want it to come to that but shes getting nasty with me. i dont have a truck or anyone with one that can help me get my shit all out tonight,nor is the storage place open at this hour,being uhaul. cut off time is 6:30pm.i got 3 carloads in but i still have all my furniture that needs to be moved and it physically CANNOT be done tonight.
 djunique
Joined: 10/25/2008
Msg: 19
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this one is complicated
Posted: 11/8/2008 5:22:13 PM
i do have a huge heart,and im very loyal,willing to do whatever it takes to make things work. but im being treted like shit and shes trying t get the upper hand and be in control. shes made it clear that she wants ALL of my stuff out tonight and no reason for me to come back unless its to pickup or drop off my daughter. well im not leaving tonight,shes gonna have to get over it,.if that means her man is screwed over in mass waiting and expecting me to be gone by monday then so be it, i dont care about him or her feelings for him. hes a low life for trying to be with her knowing she had a man at home that loved her,and with her loving me. hes jsut as bad as her. i called my landlord tonight and left him a message letting him know what was going on to cover my ass,incase she tries to ppull a fast one on me
 djunique
Joined: 10/25/2008
Msg: 20
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this one is complicated
Posted: 11/8/2008 6:52:46 PM
she is on the lease with me,but my name is at the top,she moved in WITH me,together.i put in the effort,made the call,setup the showing,made the final decision,handed him the money. its her place too. but its just as much mine, or more. i have never hit her in my life,on purpose lol. she catched the occasional elbow in my sleep but nothing i mean to do. ive never cheated on her,i dont drink or do drugs. im home every night with her unless im working. i try my hardest to provide for my family. bring home alot of food from work to save us money, i do home canning and dehydrating. i do everything i can to be a good man and father.theres no reason to be treated like this. i got most of my stuff moved out tonight,but after her telling me i had to be gone tonight,and she didnt respect me after all ive done for her,and the fact i was gonna leave her my home,ive changed my mind. i told me landlord what was going on. im not leaving till she does. that advice on abandonment and the fact she could ruin my credit and reference was another deciding factor.
 djunique
Joined: 10/25/2008
Msg: 21
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History
this one is complicated
Posted: 11/8/2008 7:19:33 PM
id like to say thank you to everyone for all your insight and opinions. i didnt really think i would get this many hits or responses. its nice to know theres still people out there that actually care. this has been so hard for me,nothing is worse then seeing the person you love, loving someone else. i think what shes doing is trying to make me hate her, so i wont take her back again. so that she can end this relationship once and for all. she did this to me a few years back,it was almost identical to this time. she had another immigrant hitting on her at work and she couldnt walk away.she ended up getting on the temp van and going to mass with him for the weekend. cheated on me. i threw everything she owned in garbage bags and dropped it off at her monthers house. said some choice words to her and told her what i thought of her and her actions. a couple weeks later she came back,crying. telling me how sorry she was and she didnt know why she did this to me,but thought it was because i didnt want a family. she wanetd a baby.we worked things out and decided to have our daughter. i loved her so much i took her back after i got over it. we had a healthy relationship since then, till the next one came along that wanted to get inher pants,and she wanted him too. i cant argue with love,if thats what this is,but i know its not. hes a rebound,someone that shows interest in her for all the wrong reasons.
 djunique
Joined: 10/25/2008
Msg: 22
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this one is complicated
Posted: 11/8/2008 7:32:08 PM
obviously shes not inlove with me anymore lol, but when she inlove with me she was still kissing someoen, that last guy i wrote about above, i did cherish her and was there for her when she needed me. it boils down to this imo: shes got a fetish for latinos,shes too insecure to look for someone that actually lives here locally,has a life,goals and something to offer her other than a good time at a random hotel. she cheated once and will always cheat,she finds happiness in it i think.always having that new spark and passion with someone new and different than the last. no will power to rekindle the old one with the person she DID tell she loved every single day before she left the house. she went from cuddling,kissing,telling me she loved me everyday,bringing me food at work etc,the things couples do for each other, to all of the sudden wants me out of her life and has a new man. thats just wrong. she obviously had reasons and felt something was going sour before that day it all changed and didnt have the heart or guts to talk to me and tell me what was onher mind so that we could fix it. its not like were ***holes to each other since the day we met. i may be some of the problem,i may have not given her the attention she deserved, or didnt deserve. my skin might be the wrong color for her, whatever it is it wasnt something that happened overnight and i shouldt be held accountable for this. she is the one thats a low life,and her latino homewreckers for knowing they were trying to take her away from her family
 MyFunIsAnArtForm
Joined: 7/29/2007
Msg: 23
this one is complicated
Posted: 11/9/2008 10:27:42 AM
It's not easy when you love someone but you have to save yourself first before you can save others. If you can better your job situation and keep the child and let her visit than it's a win win situation. You have a long road ahead of you but rewarding in the long run.
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