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 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 3
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When you're not allowed to see your childPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
First of all, while this is hard, agonizing over it will change nothing, you need to reassure your son that this is temporary and he is not going to miss any huge milestones. It will probably take a minimum of 60 days to work through the courts because she needs to be properly notified, a hearing set, etc. There are time constraints to these things like the court setting is usually at least 30 days after the service. If she responds, it could require a response from your son, taking longer.

The important thing is that he will be a regular part of his son's life for almost all of it. Think in terms of that instead of what you are currently missing. Concentrate on making sure that things are ready for the baby. If the woman pulls some b.s. about wanting a home study and other crap before allowing the baby visitation or shared custody, having the bed and all other essentials ready is paramount and it also gives both of you something to do with your time so that you are less crazy.

My grandchildren, 10, 9, 7, 5, 4, 2 and 4-month-old, my stepson's children, are all in cps custody and it drives his mother crazy because his X is stalling their placement with her. We can do nothing while the system turns and the children remain in three different foster homes. You however, know that the boy is being well cared for by his mother, please try to take comfort in that and realize that she cannot keep your son from his child. Within probably 2 months or so, they will have joint custody or whatever situation the court deems appropriate for an infant.
 freetime2bme
Joined: 1/16/2006
Msg: 4
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When you're not allowed to see your child
Posted: 11/8/2008 10:01:45 AM
Peternity has to be proven. Hate to say this, but until the blood test is done, no way to be sure your son is really the father. Petrnity and visitation can be done at the same time by some courts, but every state is differnt. Your son is doing the right thing by getting the ball rolling with the paperwork. The courts should act fast after that. I would look at getting an atterney before the date of court on the peternity/visit issues, the sooner the better. An atterney in your area will know.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 5
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When you're not allowed to see your child
Posted: 11/8/2008 10:04:54 AM
If her son is on the birth certificate, no paternity test will be required unless either party requests it.
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 8
When you're not allowed to see your child
Posted: 11/8/2008 2:45:09 PM
I'm with Navigator....

OP, is there any possibility that your son isn't the one who contributed the DNA to the kid?
 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 9
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When you're not allowed to see your child
Posted: 11/8/2008 3:11:58 PM
This smells of immaturity. obviously the argument has to be that bad for her to forbid him from seeing their son, or she's so immature that she doesn't want him around, but if he's the father, she should put aside her feelings and think what's best for the child. It sucks that it will take awhile for her to realize it, right now she's just defending her cub and not want to have the baby taken away. It wouldn't hurt to call the police and ask what can be done to see the baby when he's on the birth certificate, and signed the paternity, he was at the hospital and signed the paper. Usually that's where they do it since he was present at birth.

And it's a good thing they aren't married if she's playing headgames to block him from seeing their son.

that's good that he's going to court asap over it, better to get things in writing thru the court rather than hearsay if they can't back up their promises.

more than likely they will have to talk thru the mediator and talk out what type of visitations he will get. If the mother says she's breastfeeding, you could say that she can store the milk and pack it up. I dont' think they allow overnight visitations til he is 3 years old or so, depends on your state laws.
 wanderbaby
Joined: 9/4/2006
Msg: 13
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When you're not allowed to see your child
Posted: 11/9/2008 4:08:08 PM
Sounds like she may have a case of PPD, your body goes thru change, and ;perhaps she never accepted how she looked during pregnancy. Try to talk to the family, perhaps youc an ask if they can mail you some pics, or help talk to the daughter to get you and your mom to see the child.

Even though she didn't want the pics, why was your son getting mad to start an arguement?
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 14
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When you're not allowed to see your child
Posted: 11/9/2008 4:48:45 PM
OP, have you attempted to contact this young woman or her family? If someone other than your son made an effort the young lady may be a tad more responsive. You are only my age so I would imaging your son and the girl are a couple of kids acting like kids, far too childish to be proper parents as usual.
Her family may have a huge influence on her still and desire closer contact with you. If she got along with you during the pregnancy I would definately just go over there and speak with her. Two immature people are never going to see eye to eye unless cooler heads take charge.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 22
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When you're not allowed to see your child
Posted: 11/10/2008 7:45:22 PM
Having been through some heavily emotionally charged situations in recent years with some people acting great and going beyond genorosity to help and others like my frigging mother being a huge disappointment, what I see happening based on what you have said is this, the only one that will lose by your current angst is you. I was not really able to enjoy fully all of the caring that came my way because I allowed myself to dwell on my hurt regarding my mother. Understandable and yet a choice.

You cannot do anything about the way the woman is acting, period. If you continue to be pissed about it (appropriately or not) when you do finally get things sorted the time you spend with your grandson will be marred by your residual feelings. Again, perspective. This may be a couple of weeks when you are going to know this boy for maybe 50 years? This is a tiny blip on the radar even though it is gutting you.

She hasn't responded to e-mails but that doesn't mean she is not reading them. Some people go through a difficult time after having a baby because everything is about the baby when their system is hormonal out the ass, they are scared about being a parent, etc. This may be where the argument about the pictures came from and seriously, he could have gotten another camera and taken his own pictures. They are children having children, stupidity is a given. If they were still together when this happened she may even have felt like he cared only about the baby and not her.

An e-mail that leans more toward I know what you are going through, yada, yada might help and if not, just sit tight and wait for the courts to work, which won't take that long. As far as everyone waiting to see the baby, gifts, etc. being upset about that (again appropriate) is also a choice. They will see the baby when it happens you are getting more upset by each additional insult for no purpose other than upsetting yourself. It will not change the way this plays out and in the long run is doing more to ruin this experience for you than the circumstances.
 Dreaming-cynic
Joined: 1/28/2007
Msg: 25
When you're not allowed to see your child
Posted: 11/11/2008 8:17:34 AM
This infuriates me................

It takes two people to create a child, men are belittled and a woman rips them for every dollar they are worth and well sometimes its desevred especially when the father never made an effort, every scenario is different though.

He has every right to that kid, I think we need to promote more joint custody on this planet. I think for which the only cases it should not be allowed are in abusive sitiuation and when substance abuse is involved.

I dont know where you live, I live in Ottawa and usually joint custody is given but I would see a lawyer and the battle of custody could last for awhile "going through it now.
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