|dating foreignersPage 2 of 4 (1, 2, 3, 4)|
|Yes, rewrite that profile and newer be put down by silly comments....you will be fine eventually :)|
Here goes a big smile for you, from one human being to another
Posted: 11/23/2008 6:42:38 AM
|Hi ,this paul from the Ice box up above the Godless country...this will be brief..the keys on the computer are starting to freeze..and there is a Bear beating on my front door begging to get in from the the cold,..Well miss smartie pants,yes i do have snow here ,3 flippin feet of it,and yes it is cold here..but we have very "warm" Hearts here..So never mind the Africans, Spaniards,or Turks, We are freezinf to death over here so why dont you come over here and give us all a big warm Irish hug....lol..Failing that I will have to ask my mommy back in Belfast can I come home..after she told me to get out of her sight 36 yrs ago..lol..C..Ya.|
Posted: 11/24/2008 4:36:25 PM
|Maybe we can switch countries for a while there fabric.... lol|
Posted: 11/24/2008 4:49:20 PM
|In the states. Well I am on the road mostly, so I tend to go from one climate to the next... But it is never boring.... lol|
Posted: 11/24/2008 4:57:57 PM
|Hehe.... I am sure it is not much different there, than it is here.|
Posted: 11/24/2008 5:03:11 PM
|You too. 8pm here.... Well in Atlanta, Georgia. Where I am at this moment...|
Posted: 11/25/2008 7:21:24 PM
|hello i think dating a foreigerner is a litle differend then dating somebody from your own country .. for the last 24 years in have been living in canada ,but i have notice there is some kind of culture differend between people from differend countries .. special the way we think about certian things ..etc|
Posted: 12/28/2008 1:05:31 PM
I am from the states, but spent 10 months in Cork recently. The Irish are great people and there is A LOT less racism than here in the states. But I am SO tired of hearing how people are treated badly because of their skin color.
I read your profile and have to say that you are not a bad looking guy. However, a girl wants someone she can talk to. Your profile says that you are not that person. Your grammar and punctuation is horrendous. How much longer does it take to type you instead of u or some instead of sum? You also need to add "white space" to your description. And don't **** about how you're being judged first line out, or at all. It really sounds to me like you're making excuses for your own ineptitude. Take some responsibility, be proactive, and make the changes necessary. If you're not going to take the time in your profile, when you have all of it that you need, to make it the best you that you can be, what makes me think you're going to in real life and real time?
Posted: 12/29/2008 6:22:35 PM
let me respond to your question from the other side of the atlantic pond.
being an woman of irish descent I feel I can put in my two cents of opinion.
having dated a couple men of Indian descent, I get two more cents.
Posted: 12/29/2008 7:45:49 PM
|perhaps I am a liberal and open minded individual. |
Of the almost 40 men I've been on dates with over the past 3 years, more than half have NOT been white/or caucasian. And at least one third not born in the same country as I was. (( And just to clarify... that means dates in public places with conversations and beverages or activities like movies, walking, biking, etc. ....not random sexual encounters.)))
....but giving a guy a chance just because he is a person of color isn't a good reason to date them, for me.
I have a few female (white) friends that prefer darker skinned men. For those women, it's a good enough reason to date the guy.
Its a preference, like men who date only women with a particular color of eyes, or hair, or bra size. Men who select completely by a physical attribute. Women do that too. I'm going to guess you have preferences of your own.
The reasons I have dated men of all different nationalities has more to do with me being interested in who they ARE as people.
What experiences they might have had that are different than mine. Or similar to mine.
If they are articulate on their profile (be it POF, match, yahoo, craigslist, eharmony, etc) they get points and move to the front of the line.
Once I meet them in person, I can usually tell fairly quickly if their intelligence level is above or below how they presented themselves on their profile. It speaks to honesty and character. Important in my book.
If we go on a second or third date, and they can't have a conversation, but just sit there and stare at my breasts....well they just don't get to move to the next base if you know what I mean.
If their emails begin to degenerate to just a few poorly spelled words, then they also do not get to "pass go". This has been true for many many many men. White, black, brown......and whether English was their mother tongue or not. If you are struggling with composing sentences in English, say so. Its much more adult to say that, then to revert to lazy writing. I think you will find that you will have more success in getting women to interact with you.
Like one of the other responders said, using text lingo and internet abbreviations will be a turnoff to many women. SMS has its place.. Oh, its cute, once in a while, and after you have an established relationship, but never should take the place of a good communication.
Since you are Asian Indian, and I have dated a few men from that ethnic background I can also give you what I see as possible roadblocks to your success - based on my own experiences of course and comments I hear from single women:
(((Granted, i am writing this assuming that you did NOT grow up in Ireland, or the US and therefore did not have the same CULTURAL experiences in general, so please forgive me if I spin this wrongly....)))
1) I know women who would never consider dating a man of Asian Indian background because of their diets - which has a direct effect on how a person smells. The preparation of foods (cooking oil, heavy use of curry or chilis) can affect your personal skin fragrances, as well as how your clothing smells as it is exposed to those as well. And whether you keep to a veg or non-veg diet will affect it as well. Hygiene can be a whole different world between cultures. Each culture has different standards.
Showering everyday, wearing clean freshly laundered clothing, using deodorant, etc.
In the US, most US born women expect these things. Men from other cultures may not live up to the standard. And not just the subcontinent. Many places in the world have a different standard.
This is sometimes just a terrible stereotype, so forgive me.
But sometimes it is truth. Just a learned behavior.
I can assure you that women from the US are not the only one who notice this.
My roommate, a male who grew up in Mumbai, has had complaints about other male roommates whose hygiene
was definitely sub-standards. These are college educated men, adults. Many doing their graduate or post graduate studies.
Living on their own in circumstances that would allow them access to laundry and showers at will.
For women, smell is a really big turn on. Covering it up with commercial fragrence only lasts a while and once you get intimate, the real truth will be known.
2) If you plan to enter into an arranged marriage, but are just looking for "fun" now, it might be having an effect on your success rates. If you give off the aura that women are expendable and interchangeable, real women who are looking for a relationship or a connection will pick up on that.
3) desperation. If you are feeling super lonely and so desparate for physical contact, you just might overwhelm her.
One guy was so lonely (he had previously been married) he was offering to drive me to the grocery store and take me around town to do errands and similar things before the end of the first date. He just needed human interaction.
Emotionally available good. Emotionally starved, bad.
4) looking for a residency status anchor. Don't do it.
5) don't ask if she would consider marriage with you after one or two dates. I've had this happen three times now. I now think its just a general question, trying to find out if I would be open to continuing the relationship into a future time frame. In your culture its done more often...meet once or twice and then go for a more permanent legal connection. That strategy has its good and bad points. Just know that its a cultural difference that can play some serious mind games with a person who isn't ready for it. It feels so WEIRD. Because in my culture you don't ask that question until there is a serious connection. Instead ask, if she sees you spending more time together or something of that nature.
6) accents and language barriers - if your accent isn't from the UK, then while it might be cute at first, it might also be problematic.
If she can't understand what you are saying and asking you to repeat EVERYTHING, there is an issue. Get help. Speak slower. Pitch your voice down. I notice that men who learned British English in India speak VERY FAST and that causes a lot of miscommunication.
7) approach women who don't look like models.....
there, I've said it. Search through POF and look around your neighborhood. Approach women who at very first glance you DON"T find COMPLETELY hot. Expand your own horizons. You want women to move outside their comfort zone. You do it too. I think you'll be pleasantly surprised that once you really see her as a human FEMALE first (as you want her to see you not by the color of skin, or the accent, etc. but as A MALE) you are going to have much more success.
Your profile states you are on this website for friends.
But you are asking questions about getting opportunities for actual dates, I think you want more.
So update your profile. Expand your own horizons. Take the chip off your shoulder. Talk with honesty. Approach many women with confidence and humor, (a lack of desperation), and lots of really good hygiene.
Posted: 12/31/2008 6:30:43 AM
|funny you should say that Zep. I've had others tell me I should be a writer.|
experienced in first dates I would say.
Of those men I mentioned only one was from POF. We had two dates.
And of those men only 5 were more than one date.
Of those men only three were more than 2 dates
Of those men only 2 more than 3 dates
Only was a really good kisser, conversationalist (and had super hygiene) and we didn't meet via internet for dating......so it just goes to show that you have to keep your options open and be ready to accept invitations and connections from wherever they they may appear. It can be really discouraging though. Especially if you're in this for the reason I am....looking for a long-term, life partner kind of connection.
BUT back to Caramel's original question....dating foreigners.........
Caramel, I agree that my slightly sage advice would be useful to both genders.
If I had to wrap it up in a sentence:
Being a HUMAN who PUTS IN THE EFFORT to show their best qualities, is HONEST about their situation and OPEN to meeting other like-minded humans, is more likely to be successful in their goal.
Caramel - thats awesome you have found an individual with whom you connect.
Is she a foreigner to you? (Irish, or non-Asian Indian) Or does she share your ethnic or cultural background? (South Africa, India)?
Posted: 1/4/2009 2:49:32 PM
|On the topic of racism, I must say that I have yet to hear someone make racist remarks here in Ireland. I have been living in Dublin for 3 months and I come in contact, on a day-to-day basis, with people from all walks of life and social class, and not once have I heard anything resembling racism. Unfortunately, I cannot say the same for other european countries I have been in.|
Moreover, I have met Irish women and they seem to be quite open and receptive to other nationalities. However, we must realise that one is to date another person if they can relate on a same level. If you come from another country, hardly speak the language, still use your customs and make little to no effort to adapt to your new country, chances are you will not be able to date someone from said country (this is especially true with male foreigners dating endemic women). To top things up, Ireland has been receiving, for the last years, a massive influx of low-skilled inmigrants which skews women's opinions when meeting someone who is not Western European or North American (unfortunately, low skilled is associated with low social class). If you (talking in general, no to OP) can put the effort to actually become a connoisseur of your host country and embassador of your country of birth, I bet you a lunch you will suddenly have some "mojo".
Posted: 1/5/2009 11:51:13 AM
|Yes, I am. Moreover I have said "a massive influx of low-skilled inmigrants" which does not entitle generalisation of the whole inmigrant population in Ireland. |
I have not said they were snobs, you have. Having a skewed opinion of someone because of their nationality has nothing to do with being a snob, if by snob you mean someone who is a classist. Although snobs can certainly have such skewed opinion (just like chauvinists/elitists/insert smart sounding word). Moreover I have not said Irish women per se, I would keenly ask you to not put words in my mouth if you want to open up a debate. The same occurs in any other country but I used Ireland as it was an example we can all relate to.
The point is, in my opinion, that one is "normally" not to relate to another one (emotionally, that is) if they are not at a same social, cultural and/or economical level. This is all based purely from observation and I am open for discussion.
Posted: 1/14/2009 6:10:10 PM
|I have dated women from all over the world. It doesn't mean your going to marry them or have children with them. I have heard of marriages of convience, to gain citizenship,|
and yes even irish women. I think that's why this site is called plenty of fish. We all seek mates for different reasons. I hope it's for love because that is what our purpose on this planet is. All of the women i have dated i hope are good people. I would like to think so. That doesn't mean they were right for me. If you have a problem with a specific nationality I would have to wonder about your motives. Being irish myself marrying an irish woman would be desireable but I know not Gods plan. I would wish you good luck but i would really hope luck has nothing to do with it. Just enjoy the encounters that are presented to the degree that they develop. We hope that with all experiences you take knowledge and fond memories and that the person touched your life with and grow to be a better person.
Posted: 1/21/2009 11:34:54 PM
|It's probably more information than i need to know. But then again, all breasts not being equal, I prefer to get my information directly from the womans point of view. As see, touch, sensitivity, texture, shape, and all the beauty that a womans body holds.|
Posted: 1/22/2009 8:55:00 AM
|Men are from mars, women are from venus. We were all strangers once. Some of us are just strange. I wonder why men aren't from pluto and women from uranus? Some women could be from mercury because they are hot! I don't care where you girls are from I love everybody. I hope the toad you find is your prince/princess.|
Posted: 1/22/2009 9:05:16 AM
|Women from uranus...............men who really be obsessed then.|
Posted: 1/22/2009 9:57:48 AM
|I think most of us are obsessed with women any way no matter where their from.|
Posted: 1/22/2009 10:42:15 AM
|Accents can have alot to do with attraction, I wonder why?|
Im of to google......see if i can find some scientific study
Posted: 1/22/2009 3:22:41 PM
|Well sir,it actually works both ways.Me,being a pasty Irish lad might also find himself shunned by women of a darker hued skin tone.|
not long ago:i was in a pub in Temple bar which is a huge draw for mainly european tourists and those in residence here.There was a group of Spanish ladies which i had to pass on each trip to the bar.One in particular was a beauty.On one of said return trips i couldn't believe my luck.She actually tapped me on the shoulder as i passed her group.She enquired, "Where are you from?" Still quite stunned i replied,"I'm from Dublin.I'm Irish." And with that she practically inverted her gorgeous smile and ignored me.later on that night as i left with my friends i approached her just to know the reason for her sudden change in demeanour.(i was genuinely heartbroken ) She wouldn't even look at me.i didn't push it further but left feeling very disheartened.
Moral of above tale:It has nothing to do with the colour of one's skin mate.i'm afraid it appears more a case of mild xenophobia which is generally a rooted in a part of the physche which average folk tend not to explore in search of logical reasoning. It is quite sad and all too old fashioned considering the accessible world we've inherited.
Posted: 1/25/2009 8:21:26 PM
|I think a Irish comedian named Tommy Tiernan put it best.|
"Are we racist or just having the craic? I don't know!"
Best of luck to you with the ladies!
Posted: 1/27/2009 1:48:33 AM
|I think it is simply down to personal prefrence. I think men with Irish accents are dead sexy and it doesn't tend to matter what they look like.|
But then again maybe I'm just not picky about the Irish, I am about everyone else though...does that make me racist?
Posted: 1/27/2009 12:35:44 PM
|Living in Canada is like living in a different country. It is such a beautiful thing in Canada. All the different cultures. |
And aren't we all "foreigners" when we visit different places?
Its just ridiculous to generalize really... Back to the OP... Are you comfortable with yourself? If you are then who cares if people delete your messages. Maybe they just don't want to talk to you. Or you are not what they want. I am sure there are females who have messaged you and they didnt catch your eye... But honestly when is this all going to stop? All this gerneralizing.. WHEN ARE WE ALL GOING TO LOVE EACHOTHER!!!
Posted: 2/27/2009 7:55:29 PM
|paulmag, I think I'd be heading home to Mommy in Ireland. Anythings better than Sarnia!|