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 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 232
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Do I ever miss physical touch!Page 8 of 13    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13)
It's fundamental don't ya think Ran? But we end up getting side tracked by words and misconceptions or creating cliches or thinking sex = touch.

But there's more to it than that, people need people just to say you're ok and I'm ok, the ALL of you, without pressure or PRE conceptions....just to take things with a little more respect of our natural needs as human animals; mind, heart and body. It's when we start separating those things or mistaking one for the other that we end up getting deluded and confused and then start blaming.
We don't really have to you know.... if we just stop pointing fingers and open some arms instead.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 233
Do I ever miss physical touch!
Posted: 12/23/2008 7:23:31 AM
...Yeah, it's pretty sad when you're having your picture taken with a male co-worker who has his arm around you and you're quite happy when the person taking the pictures is having problems with the camera


...maeflowers
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 234
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Do I ever miss physical touch!
Posted: 12/23/2008 8:07:45 AM
Mae ....always more where that came from, unfortunately I'm d1ckless, so can't help out in the other department....but hey a hug's a hug .

Ran we see the same thing on our end, self delusion or fear are the rules for most people male or female.... it's a chosen human condition keeping them in permanent fight/flight....so much easier to let the world be black and white than deal with all those messy and inconvenient greys, but those greys could actually be all the other colors of the spectrum, the summer yellows and sky blues, reds and sunset magentas that give richness to life. I know that I refuse to be a dead woman walking worrying about how horrible it would be to feel the pain of risking a broken heart....while in the meantime the world keeps spinning and lovely feelings get unused.
I know I want to live everyday as if it were my last....cause as far as I know for absolutely positively sure, this is it....so why waste it?

Which is probably why I get so cranky .
 forallintents
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 235
Do I ever miss physical touch!
Posted: 12/23/2008 8:25:12 AM
Just reach out and touch someone if you want. There is no shortage of people who like being touched. You have to give to get. The problem comes when you have some reason for not touching. That's your own problem and one you can solve by touching someone else. To mope and moan about missing touch means you have a mental block against touching people. It's like complaining about hunger pangs at a banquet. Use your fork, eat something, stop complaining, unless you like complaining more than eating. Or do you need to be spoon fed? Reach out your hand and touch someone. That is how touch happens. If you don't want a full meal, have a snack. How can something so simple baffle adult human beings?
 MY OH MY
Joined: 10/11/2007
Msg: 236
Do I ever miss physical touch!
Posted: 12/23/2008 8:27:33 AM
A hug.
Holding hands.
A kiss.
And more.
Yes, I got an early Christmas present. I appreciate it tons. I don't think we realize how much we miss it when we don't have it, but when we do, we do reflect on what it was like not having it.
 CynthiaM
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 237
Do I ever miss physical touch!
Posted: 12/23/2008 8:45:44 AM
This thread reminds me of a video I saw awhile ago - the free hugs campaign. If you haven't seen this, you should. Makes it pretty clear just how deep the longing is for touch that so many strangers overcome their fear/hesitancy.

Peace.
Cyn
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vr3x_RRJdd4
 Sapphireeyes
Joined: 1/13/2008
Msg: 238
Do I ever miss physical touch!
Posted: 12/23/2008 9:21:29 AM

but so many are clammed up and guarded that they think the true expression may cause them to burst into flames. So they might say what's safe - which is saying nothing at all.


Ran, that is true of both sexes, men can be just as clammed up as women and while they might want sex, some perfer to keep it strickly "sex"...and to me I just find that an empty act.

I think what is missing the most in most people is the PASSION...we have forgotten how to live passionately...to many dang rules and stuff that we allow to limit us on who we are.

On topic, My oncologist is a touchy feely type of guy, when I asked him about it he said some of his patients, he is the last person who will ever get to hug them. He had tears in his eyes when he said it. So I gave him the hug that day!
 Moonchild51
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 239
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Do I ever miss physical touch!
Posted: 12/23/2008 12:01:52 PM
The other day I was conversing with my 16 year old daughter. I told her that I had made peanut butter fudge. Said I also put milk chocolate chips in it to make it more like a Reeces Penis bar. She didn't laugh. Then I said OMG, I meant Reeces "Pieces". Was a total freudian slip on my part! Then she howled with laughter...can ya guess where my mind has bin these few days???
 msflis
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 240
Do I ever miss physical touch!
Posted: 12/23/2008 12:07:13 PM
Is that really sad, Maeflowers, or is it good? After all, you got touched, your coworker got to touch you, you had a reason to have that touch extended, you got to ponder how much you enjoyed it... Doesn't seem very sad to me!


..Yeah, it's pretty sad when you're having your picture taken with a male co-worker who has his arm around you and you're quite happy when the person taking the pictures is having problems with the camera


--Ms. Flis
 msflis
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 241
Do I ever miss physical touch!
Posted: 12/23/2008 12:10:02 PM
Thanks for this reminder, Sapphire:


My oncologist is a touchy feely type of guy, when I asked him about it he said some of his patients, he is the last person who will ever get to hug them. He had tears in his eyes when he said it. So I gave him the hug that day!


We never know WHO that last hug will be given to or from, do we? So why not give them far more frequently?

--Ms. Flis
 DAVE632
Joined: 6/17/2006
Msg: 242
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Do I ever miss physical touch!
Posted: 12/23/2008 7:05:41 PM

damn I hate threads like this. Wish I'd never started reading it.
Where are the damn tissues.



I agree, where are the tissues?
I became a widow a year and a half ago. I hadn't realized how much I missed being held.


Don't forget - just as the memories of the touch(es) and all they inspire and invoke - the TEARS, too, define much of what we miss the most. Tears cleanse the pain ... dull it sometimes but those are the times when the loss feels the most intense. Endure them with the memories. There is nothing as intimate between yourselves (ourselves) and our dear departed than showing them how much we miss their touch, their feel, their taste, their smell. Every time THAT feeling swallows us remember without it the memories fade and the intensity is lost forever. I'm not suggesting "wallowing" in those feelings but after a while they become the window to the past we wish we'd never lost. As long as it doesn't cripple us NOW then tear up with pride because we have loved enough for it to STILL hurt that much.

Not much to do with TOUCH but needed saying. So many who have not lost a lover just don't understand the feelings. Maybe that helps explain things a little.

Maybe.
 kat1958
Joined: 9/23/2006
Msg: 243
Do I ever miss physical touch!
Posted: 12/23/2008 7:42:54 PM
I am a very touchy feely person.....and I miss that the most when not in a relationship....I love the hugging, holding hands....looking into each other's eyes.....love waking up in the morning with that warm body next to me....nothing better
 runtbaby
Joined: 12/1/2008
Msg: 244
Do I ever miss physical touch!
Posted: 12/24/2008 3:23:25 PM
If I ever lose that I hope it is because I no longer feel period. It isnt about sex it is sooooo about need to feel someone there.
 Riverkilt
Joined: 11/16/2008
Msg: 245
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Do I ever miss physical touch!
Posted: 12/24/2008 6:11:46 PM
Boy, miss it too!! There are so many ways to touch appropriately, even just a bit of hand contact getting change back from a clerk.

A favorite thing to do with hugs is first of all, DON'T PAT...just hug...then, don't release the hug until the other person does. Let the other person be the one to release the hug, not you. Surprising how long hugs can last that way and how nurturing they can be.
 outofthedesert
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 246
Do I ever miss physical touch!
Posted: 12/24/2008 7:02:49 PM

I have no sympathy for women when they talk about missing anything. You all can get what you all want anytime you all want, as men are endlessly generous towards women when it comes to love and affection.


I recently had a relationship to end--the touch I seek is that of a man who is mine and I am his. The reassurance of his body next to mine, his breath upon my skin. I reach in my sleep and find him there. His hand on the small of my back in the middle of the night. A man that I know his name, what he likes for breakfast and other secret things that no other knows.

I am not interested in some nameless, faceless stranger for a one hit wonder. That will fill no emotional need. But that is who I am am---------I need a longer.stronger connection, not just a one night stand. I will do without first.
 rustytraveler
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 247
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Do I ever miss physical touch!
Posted: 12/25/2008 1:09:06 AM
From Outofthedesert:

["I am not interested in some nameless, faceless stranger for a one hit wonder. That will fill no emotional need. But that is who I am---------I need a longer.stronger connection, not just a one night stand. I will do without first."]

Everybody who agrees stand up and say, "By Jove, that's it!" Yayy!.......group hug

Though not quite sure how without I'll do ;-)....but in essence, that's the ticket.
 DAVE632
Joined: 6/17/2006
Msg: 248
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Do I ever miss physical touch!
Posted: 12/25/2008 8:02:34 AM

Bi Jove
(never knew he was Bi )

Certainly not a Eureeka moment for me. Known & felt it in my soul since Sue died ... that the sex was great and easily replaced but THAT was not what was being missed. Thanks but no thanks and I'll just hunker down here and wait for IT to happen again. If it doesn't then fine. I think I had it better than most for the time we did have together.

For me the MAIN side benefit to my TRY THIS thread are the number of emails I've received stating that since reading and discovering this works for them too, their relationship has grown so much closer. Sex being the icing on the cake it just adds another layer of "icing" and EVERYTHING - the touching, the respect, the affection - is better.
 cdn*guy
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 249
Do I ever miss physical touch!
Posted: 12/25/2008 8:07:00 AM
As a caring and thoughtful gentleman, I'm always very happy to touch women who miss the physical touch. The trouble is, when they touch me back, it usually hurts.

cdn guy
 outofthedesert
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 250
Do I ever miss physical touch!
Posted: 12/25/2008 8:07:57 AM
CDN, have you not learned it is better to ask permission than to ask forgiveness? Or is it the other way around?
 rdcnorm
Joined: 3/7/2007
Msg: 251
Do I ever miss physical touch!
Posted: 12/25/2008 8:22:07 AM

As a caring and thoughtful gentleman, I'm always very happy to touch women who miss the physical touch.

Me too,,,

The trouble is, when they touch me back, it usually hurts.

and I thought those women were just the dominating type,,
all there years,, all these bruises,,all this pain, just for a little touch,, what was I thinking,,

 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 252
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Do I ever miss physical touch!
Posted: 12/25/2008 1:58:11 PM
Are you content to go through life without ever feeling the velvet stroke of warm skin on yours?

Just recently I shared my opinion with a friend about physical touch i.e. holding hands, brush of cherry lips or being so close that one could feel their temperature rise ... touch says it all. You can feel the beat of their heart, pulse running through their veins, heat of their body ... and there is no tag attached that could let you buy all these natural freely given feelings, inklings, burning desires. That's the beauty of physical touch and when it happens it comes with respect and trust.

Of course, I miss it, and don't give up on finding it again.
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 253
Do I ever miss physical touch!
Posted: 12/25/2008 3:43:18 PM

That's the beauty of physical touch and when it happens it comes with respect and trust.


And when in love with your s/o ,your touch is magnified many times over.

This is the highest of physical touch.

Be it at any age when respect and trust flow.

And as you said,

touch says it all....

 DAVE632
Joined: 6/17/2006
Msg: 255
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Do I ever miss physical touch!
Posted: 12/26/2008 12:09:20 PM
There are different degrees of hell specially reserved for each of us, it seems.

Alone and touchless because one or both of you chose to be alone.

Alone and touchless because one of you were inconsiderate enough to die.

and maybe the wurst

Alone and touchless because, even though you're both still together, one or both of you for whatever reason chose not to have any physical / emotional contact.

I'm not sure which is qualitatively worse - just that it IS hell if you're stuck in any of those situations.


I hope each of you who are alone and touchless find an enduring CURE and soon.


 DAVE632
Joined: 6/17/2006
Msg: 256
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Do I ever miss physical touch!
Posted: 12/26/2008 12:48:57 PM
Ah yes. The two shitty IMs in ONE day syndrome.

"Everybody hates me (or they just want to screw me)

Nobody loves me (or they just want to screw me)

I'm going to sit in the basement for the rest of my life and eat wooly worms."

There's little mystery in WHY so many are alone at our ages. Don't you remember the trials and tribulations of GROWING UP? Few met the ONE guy they loved when in their teens or 20's. Trail and ERROR repeated until you thought you's never find THE one and then it happened. Why would one assume that things were any easier now ... maybe especially now. We've been rejected, left alone, run over and emotionally shredded in one or a number of ways so ... I guess that's a good reason to abandon ALL hope.

NOT!!!
 outofthedesert
Joined: 6/3/2008
Msg: 257
Do I ever miss physical touch!
Posted: 12/26/2008 1:46:50 PM
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS, IT'S ABOUT LEARNING TO DANCE IN THE RAIN...............and I intend to dance.

I ran with the wild horse and was caught in the stampede. My heart was ripped out, stomped on and sold for scrap...........a couple of times. But you know what? I know there are terrific men out there. I will never give up hope that I will connect with one. Will I die if I don't? NO! But we all need that human touch even some won't admit it.
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