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 Alkalineprincess
Joined: 10/29/2008
Msg: 3
She pretended... to get him to marry her.Page 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
While I am sure that his decision to marry was not solely based on a mutual love of fishing, I would be concerned about what else she had lied about. To lie about something as trivial as a a hobby may seem innocent but to me, it would appear that Ms. Hottie must have some sort of confidence issue in that she is not comfortable enough in her own skin, with her own likes and dislikes to risk being who she is and therefore tried to sculpt herself into his ideal mate. That may be off base, but I have seen it happen hundreds of times by both genders.

She really set herself up for trust issues there. He doesn't have to get over it, he could end up sifting through lies and truths to figure out who he married. I know it may seem small, as I have said before but honestly if it were a spur of the moment agreeance there were plenty of times for her to tell the truth prior to tying the knot (assuming that they didn;t elope after agreeing the love fishing). There is usually more than one little white lie, and those little lies can come together as one huge red glaring you in the face style lie as the relationship progresses.

Never a smart move to start something based on a lie. The prettiest face in the world is just a face if there isn't anything behind it.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 5
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She pretended... to get him to marry her.
Posted: 11/25/2008 10:30:56 PM
^^^ I don't think she cares about the two people in her opening post.. it just made her think of the question which is
so...I'm wondering...guys...do you care if a hottie lies to you....about enjoying your hobbies...when she really doesn't? how much should this matter? should he just get over it? or should he forgive her?

Every day many men pretend that they just love to go to their SO's annual Christmas Party (for example) until they get married.. Then it's "Do we HAVE to go.. I hate going, I only did it for you. So, he should probably just let it ride and negotiate a once a year fishing trip together.. with a bit more than just fishing going on
 SingleGuy4912
Joined: 7/25/2006
Msg: 7
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She pretended... to get him to marry her.
Posted: 11/25/2008 11:18:12 PM
do you care if a hottie lies to you....about enjoying your hobbies...when she really doesn't? how much should this matter? should he just get over it? or should he forgive her?

As long as they have other things they like doing together, it shouldn't be a big deal. At least she gave it a try. You can't expect someone to like all of your hobbies. The question is, is she supportive of his hobbies even if she doesn't participate? Are there other things they could do together? If not, I see trouble ahead. I could not be with someone who wouldn't let me enjoy my hobbies either alone or with other friends.
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 12
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She pretended... to get him to marry her.
Posted: 11/26/2008 3:00:44 AM
If the smell of catfish makes you horny...... you may be a redneck.

I suppose if she hadn't liked fishing that would have taken her off the list ?
What was this guy looking for, a wife or a fishing partner ?
 cookie22222
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 18
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She pretended... to get him to marry her.
Posted: 11/26/2008 5:55:10 AM
Well...I'm not a big fan of baseball...but someone I was seeing was, and over the summer we'd often walk down to the park at the end of my street and watch the baseball games. Would I have gone myself? Never. But it wasn't about the baseball for me, it was about spending the time together, and because of that I did enjoy it. I think that is the difference - now that she "has" him, she feels like she doesn't need to "pretend"...I have to ask, if she doesn't want to share his activity with him not because of the activity but because of being together - why did she want him at all???
 GoneSailinBabe
Joined: 7/6/2008
Msg: 19
She pretended... to get him to marry her.
Posted: 11/26/2008 6:05:10 AM
You know I've done many things with men that I wouldn't necessarily seek out and do on my own.... I've learned to enjoy and have fun at Sprint Car races, fishing, deer hunting (although thankfully that dude was so crappy at shooting he never hit anything! Don't think I could have stood the blood part!) I've done almost every career right alongside my guy that he has done including autocad and machining in a metal work plant, grave digging (that was an interesting one!) farming (actually drove a huge tractor and broke ice on watering thingies for pigs! ick)

There used to be a song called "the things you do for love....like walking in the rain and the snow when there's no where to go, and you're feeling like a part of you is dying"

Yeah - everyone does stuff in the name of love that "normally" they wouldn't choose to do....

"Of course, I'd LOVE to go with you to the Nursing home to spend time with your grandma in a coma!"

"blow jobs? My favorite!"

"shopping at the mall? At what time? But the play offs....ok you bet I'd love to come honey!"

All in the name of landing a fish.

Personally? I try to really mean that I am enjoying the time with my guy. Regardless of what it is we ARE doing and I have honestly meant it. I'm a sleepy head, I love to lounge around in bed on the weekends, snuggled in the covers...but the grave digger? If you were still in bed and it was 4:15 you were lazy...! Ack! But I didn't miss a early morning when I was with him. More important and desireable to be awake and huddled inside his coat with him bouncing around gravel roads at the crack of wake up time - than alone and cold in the sheets.

Cut the liar some slack, I'm sure the fellow lied a wee bit as well.
"Baby you know I love your tuna cakes! Yum!"
 VivaciousVixen2010
Joined: 7/12/2008
Msg: 26
She pretended... to get him to marry her.
Posted: 11/26/2008 8:45:43 AM
UUggggghhhh~~~My ex lied to get me~~~and all of the lies that i found out after the marriage were horrific
i still tried~~~with every last breathe in me to make my marriage work
i prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed


boy, GOD, ohhhhhhhhhhh, he is a pathological loser
i am so happy to be rid of him
Thank You Jesus
AMEN
 A_wild _rose
Joined: 7/30/2008
Msg: 27
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She pretended... to get him to marry her.
Posted: 11/26/2008 9:02:34 AM
hmm shakephere come to mind, "oh what tangled webs we weave when we practice to deceive." if you tell a lie and be what your not your not being true to yourself and being self destructive. She pretended to love fishing so as to get him to marry her.
Did she give him her true self ...no. Dos he really know the person he married.....no.
while it is ok to try to do things with SO that we wouldnt necessarily do, at least try it but dont con them into thinking that you like if you dont. That is not being fair to them or yourself if you lie that you do. You are setting yourself for creating misturst in the relationship. How can any relationship be healthy if it is based on lies and mistrust!
Lies also have a way of snow balling once you lie you often have to create more lies just to stay ahead of the game you created by the lie in the first place. Her lie was a mind game, if you honestly love someone why would you want to do this to them.
So miss hottie was being very self asborded by lieing to him. So if her relationship crumble from mistrust then she will have no one to blame but herself. Will she accept responsibilties for her actions, be honest and come clean with the deception she pulled on him or if her marriage fails. My bet would be no!
 SMMB1971
Joined: 9/22/2007
Msg: 32
She pretended... to get him to marry her.
Posted: 11/26/2008 9:47:37 AM
can't understand the whole pretending to be someone you're not thing, especially with someone you want to start a relationship with, if you do succeed in starting a relationship either all the little white lies you told are going to come out or you have to keep pretending to be someone you aren't. no thanks!
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 37
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She pretended... to get him to marry her.
Posted: 11/26/2008 10:33:24 AM
All of you have heard the expression......"The Honeymoon is Over", and understand what that means......

To many will be on their best behavior while so called "courting", and hide some of their true traits, but can do so only for so long, then the real them will show up.

This is one of many reasons that I am a firm believer in long term dating, living together, and taking the time to know one another to the point that courting is gone, and real becomes the norm......

There are times that some will seek out, and be with, others that will drag out parts of them that they can not, or will not on their own, and use that person to complete them in some form. These are the hardest to deal with, because once committed totally, and/or married, if that part no longer is assessable, that part never comes out again.

I have some female friends that do not understand why their husbands do not like to go dancing anymore, while they seemed to enjoy it so much when just dating. I have male friends that will confide in me that their spouses use to go hiking, camping, biking, hunting, fishing, etc. while dating, but once married, this all seemed to fade away, and they are back to doing it by themselves or just with buddies.

I know some that f*cked like bunnies when dating and courting, but once married, the f*cking diminished to once a week, then once a month, etc., and this not limited to just one gender.

OT......Many pretend to believe that is what they truly want, but really are just using another to bring out what they can not do on their own easily, and once no longer necessary, or as life changes, they revert back to their inner norm.

This is what more should work on as they date and live with another, long before they commit to marriage and having children, which can change many many things in the dynamics of a relationship.

Just my opinion.......
 Happily Ever...maybe
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 55
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She pretended... to get him to marry her.
Posted: 11/28/2008 11:43:59 AM
^^^I was thinking the same thing, in regard to that movie.

Lies, regardless of a person's appearance, are of serious concern. If she is willing to lie about something trivial, she'll have no problem rationalizing away a lie about something much more important. A person would have to be pretty insecure to lie about things just to get someone to like them. Lies + insecurity = undesirable (no matter how pretty the package).
 Happily Ever...maybe
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 57
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She pretended... to get him to marry her.
Posted: 11/28/2008 3:08:30 PM

Why does everyone think "27 Dresses" Why did she want that man so bad? He was a good catch. i would imagine this young woman thought the same thing.


So all's fair in love and war in your opinion!?? Trying to attract someone's interest under false pretenses, whether they are a good catch or not, is just plain wrong (which was the point of that movie, and the post). And if you don't see that you're missing a key component of your soul.

You're right though, in that most people don't get divorced because they lack any hobbies in common. But they do get divorced because one of them turns out to be lying and manipulative.
 swingpup
Joined: 10/21/2006
Msg: 59
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She pretended... to get him to marry her.
Posted: 11/28/2008 3:23:52 PM
A concern would be if she lied about that what else did she lie about? The outer beauty wears off eventually. An example, celebrities that are married to totally knock out women get caught dipping into someone else.

Trust me....outer beauty does eventually become a moot point, honesty is much longer lasting.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 61
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She pretended... to get him to marry her.
Posted: 11/28/2008 3:37:09 PM
"Begin as you mean to go" serves me well.
 itwontflyifyoudonttry
Joined: 7/8/2007
Msg: 68
She pretended... to get him to marry her.
Posted: 11/30/2008 5:33:39 PM
Hmmm...after reading all of this, I may need to change my profile back to Activities Partner... anybody???
 itwontflyifyoudonttry
Joined: 7/8/2007
Msg: 69
She pretended... to get him to marry her.
Posted: 11/30/2008 6:12:55 PM
But seriously...I think it is unfortunate that our dating rituals are such that pretense is often preferred over honesty....What's wrong with her saying, "Well, I've never been big on fishing, but I like being with you, so I'll give it a try." ?? I'd even prefer "I'm really not into fishing. What else can we do together?" to the pretense of liking something she doesn't.
Is the relationship doomed because she lied about fishing? Well, I'm sure there are couples out there who shaded the truth occasionally before tying the knot, and still ended up having a successful relationship. And as has been pointed out by previous posters, women especially often value the togetherness more than the activity. For me personally, though, I'd just prefer someone who possesses a high enough truth quotient that she knows the difference between the two and can communicate it effectively.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 77
She pretended... to get him to marry her.
Posted: 12/2/2008 2:17:50 PM
Nobody gets it. She lied, so what. But don't you see the real gift here? Don't you see how good this really is?

How many guys do truly enjoy going fishing with a woman. Be honest here. No more cigars, or drinking of your beers or making rude jokes with your buddies and farting. Nope. And what about when you catch that fish? She is going to want for you to release it, or not to bruise it too much, or complaint about the smell. So tell the dude that he has his hobby back!!! He can invite guys and only guys again!!! That is so glorious. If this guy was smart enough and understood the tug of war that is a relationship, he should make her feel guilty about it. Yes. Guilty. So while he is away (poor dude without his honey), she thinks about how bad she is to him and ways to make it up to him. Hehehehe. Now, don't let her think too much about this, for before you know it she will pull out her little vibrating friend and go to town feeling guilty. And when he gets home, from his lonely trip fishing with his buddies, the poor guy will not be allowed to clean up his fish and get it ready to cook. Instead he will be forced to eat her raw oysters in punishment.

The horror, the horror.
 MOTORCYCLEMAN4U
Joined: 2/12/2008
Msg: 79
She pretended... to get him to marry her.
Posted: 12/9/2008 8:23:53 PM
I am offended that you are somewhat painting men as idiots. I don't appreciate lies no matter what someone looks like and women are no better then men. Some people allow others to dump on them like Hilary Clinton and her cheating hubby. She just sticks her head in the sand and does nothing wonder if she does her job the same way. A problem what problem I am so busy trying to ride his coat tails that I wouldn't think to leave his ass. I would never put someone in the white house that was that spineless and pathetic. Ok my rant is over now carry on.
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