Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 20
not Will you marry me?Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
What the heck are womens studies anyway...ehh. Are there men studies (imagine the homework...woohoo), it does tend to seem that it only serves to further polarize the genders........ehh. There have been times and are cultures presently where women are treated as property, but not in North America.

If you think as marriage as possessive then how would he introduce you "this is MY wife"...nope TOO possessive. It's your choice to be "hooked on semantics" but realize that few words are absolutes more often there are shades of meaning and other dimensions of breadth and depth, otherwise language would be pretty dull and our vocabulary would be very limited.

If you tend to think of men in terms of your womens studies and romantic comedies I agree with the others who said it'll probably be awhile before you'll have some repulsively improperly worded proposal to stress over.

You may want to balance out your studies with relationships and how the genders can and do interact and ways to facilitate greater communication and understanding. Then again, maybe it's not of interest to you.
 compleat_man
Joined: 10/3/2008
Msg: 31
not Will you marry me?
Posted: 12/7/2008 1:25:10 PM

as most research is not geared towards us and any specific issues we may have.


Hmm, really..? Why do I see huge budgets and public fund-raising for breast cancer, and not for prostate cancer, then??

Prostate cancer afflicts about as many men as breast cancer afflicts women..
 electrawiz
Joined: 3/27/2008
Msg: 34
not Will you marry me?
Posted: 12/7/2008 2:31:42 PM
Maybe you would feel better if he asks you to be his next ex. Then he will set up an appointment with his attorney for the prenupt. Is that romantic and involved enough for you?
 Artaxerxes
Joined: 11/16/2007
Msg: 35
not Will you marry me?
Posted: 12/7/2008 2:50:24 PM
How strange...

a. If you ask a woman "will you marry me?", you are considered too authoritarian...

b. ... but if you do NOT ask a woman "will you marry me?", you are considered to be afraid of commitment.

c. There are plenty of women on POF who keep saying that they do not want Mr. Right Now, but Mr. Right...

d. ... as if he would come straight, clean-cut, easily recognizable, and with an instruction manual.

e. There are all plenty of men on POF who seem to act out of deep self-respect ...

f. ... and plenty of women who keep asking where all the good men have gone.

g. Women say they would love to find an available single man...

h. ... but if you have been single for too long (like never been married and in your forties), they will start suspecting there is something wrong with you.

Dear OP, the answer to your question is very simple: avoid dating, and most of all avoid being proposed. There are way too many chauvinist assumptions in marriage, which, as a friend of mine said, is a union between a woman under thirty and a man over one-hundred thousand a year. ;)
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 37
not Will you marry me?
Posted: 12/7/2008 5:09:08 PM
Women and men are not equal in North America and while it is not blatant as in some cultures and in past times.... institutional misogyny still is prevalent but is so much a part of our society that it is not obvious to detect.


Equal isn't in my post you were quoting from. Equality is theoretical, there are not nor ever has been two people who are equal. It can't be legislated, regulated or enforced. What laws seek to accomplish is to level the playing field of opportunity.

The goal IMO of a balanced, healthy relationship/partnership/marriage is synergy. Also applicable in business relationships, but it's the same. The shared responsibility for the entity (relationship/partnership/marriage) the merging of the talents, abilities and skills of the two individuals to be able to do and accomplish more than either could by themselves.

Equal IMO means shared, and meshing their combined skills, talents and abilities to contribute to the relationship. Whether a romantic relationship or not, equal will never be "the same".

Womens and or mens studies hold no interest to me. I'm not ignorant (uninformed) and it's not like I've never done any reading in both topics. While not overtly gender bashing, it isn't something that contributes to relating to or understanding, but IMO it tends to polarize.
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 38
view profile
History
not Will you marry me?
Posted: 12/7/2008 6:41:19 PM
Imagine how pissed off the OP would be if a guy presented her with a ring and asked
"Will you let me make an honest woman out of you?" LOL
 WanderingRain
Joined: 3/9/2008
Msg: 39
view profile
History
not Will you marry me?
Posted: 12/7/2008 7:28:52 PM
"Will you marry me" sounds like "Will you accept me"? It's a question asking permission. He is asking you if you WANT to marry him. Anyways, you can always say no.
And boy, us guys have taken that massive "NO" body blow throughout history...
 compleat_man
Joined: 10/3/2008
Msg: 42
not Will you marry me?
Posted: 12/8/2008 7:10:56 AM
yea, if a guy ever proposes to you, you better tell him to WAIT, and go ask all your "women's studies" professors if his question was 'politically correct' enough..
 compleat_man
Joined: 10/3/2008
Msg: 44
not Will you marry me?
Posted: 12/8/2008 11:21:45 AM

It'll be years before I'm in the situation to hear that line myself, but still, I think I'd be a little put off if that's all I got (ring notwithstanding).


WHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTT ?

you "expect" him to BUY "YOU" a RING?

how medieval is that!!! antiquated, sexist, gender-biased thinking..

you are a LIBERATED WOMAN!~

YOU should ask HIM whether he wants to marry you, and YOU should buy HIM a ring!!

haven't you learned ANYTHING in those "women's studies" classes??
 Steve_in_FL
Joined: 7/24/2008
Msg: 51
view profile
History
not Will you marry me?
Posted: 12/19/2008 6:44:10 PM
I have to say to the OP, that given her attitude toward men, I rather doubt the whole "proposal thing" will ever become an issue for her. I can't imagine any sane man proposing to someone who thinks the way she does. I don't mean this to be rude, and worse, I am certain she will not have a clue why I am saying this. There truly are some scary people out there....

I was completely taken aback by some of her phrases, "what do I get out of it" being a particularly inane example.
 10of6
Joined: 8/27/2008
Msg: 55
not Will you marry me?
Posted: 12/19/2008 7:14:16 PM

I'm just asking if anyone's ever heard of a proposal that wasn't "Will you marry me?"
Yup, I've "heard" that way back when, some folks believe that homo sapiens males used to bop the object of his desire with a club. Of course, there's no proof to the contrary that he didn't grunt and click an equivalent of "you...me...be mates and make babies."


WHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAATTTTTT ?
-you "expect" him to BUY "YOU" a RING?
-how medieval is that!!! antiquated, sexist, gender-biased thinking..
-you are a LIBERATED WOMAN!~
-YOU should ask HIM whether he wants to marry you, and YOU should buy HIM a ring!!
-haven't you learned ANYTHING in those "women's studies" classes??


My sides are splitting from laughing with you. Isn't it amazing what passes as "education" is quite often "brainwashing."
 10of6
Joined: 8/27/2008
Msg: 57
not Will you marry me?
Posted: 12/20/2008 8:01:43 AM
^^^^^ I posted something a few days ago in response to a question concerning an intelligent person's diminishing choices. Since the OP learned the attitude she's describing within a well-worn and institutionally-endorsed academic program focused on prejudice, it's no surprise that the OP's instructor/professor is employed at a university.

Nowhere else can an "authoritative source" maintain that type of bias and prejudice and remain employed for long. Colleges and universities are chocked full of sequestered idealists, racists, and axe-grinders. In many cases it's good to have radical ideas within a university, because that's exactly one of the purposes FOR a university: to open minds and challenge convention.

However, a "studies" program that is based largely on rhetoric and cultural sensitivities is, frankly, more of a zeitgeist program that looks like studies in folklore-ism.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 59
not Will you marry me?
Posted: 1/24/2009 8:14:49 PM
Wow, way overthinking the whole thing.
"I would be honored if you would have me as your husband"==>so it's ok that you possess him ('have me'), but the other way around is a horrid thought? Stupid women's studies.

I, too, love to be "possessed" by my man. I want the world to know I'm HIS, and I want the world to know he's MINE. Hands off!

Damn, I just want a man to WANT to marry me, I don't care about the words.

BTW, I'm a bigger feminist than you, I promise. And I didn't need no stinkin' CLASSES.
=========
OUCH!!!
backcheck does not wish to talk to you, and is not looking for what you are looking for.

How the hell does PoF know what I'm looking for, when *I* don't?!
 *topchef*
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 61
not Will you marry me?
Posted: 1/24/2009 8:50:21 PM
When my former husband proposed, I just about fell out of bed. I had spoiled his original plan by taking a different sleigh ride than his on new years eve. It was a bitterly cold night and I had just wanted to go early and get it over with. He had planned to make the grand gesture on the sleigh ride. He got drunk and showed all our friends the ring, and no one said a word to me.

Fast forward... a couple of days later, lounging in bed, he reached for something from underneath the bed, presented a small box, and said. "I cant imagine going another day without you consenting to marry me." I was blown away. We had been living together for 5 years, and I thought our lives were perfect. And it was great while it lasted.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 63
view profile
History
not Will you marry me?
Posted: 1/24/2009 8:54:21 PM

the best one I can think of off the top of my head is for a man to say “I would be honored if you would have me as your husband”
In lieu of "will you marry me.?" Whaaaaaat?

How bout he says: "I like yur (o)(o)'s hows 'bout we get hitched?" Then, instead of giving you an engagement ring, he gives you a cast iron skillet so you can hit him upside the head with it when he tries to open the door for you.

*Op you think too much!


how about"hey ..you want to hang out until one of us dies"?
LOL
 Zephyr2553
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 70
not Will you marry me?
Posted: 1/24/2009 10:27:15 PM
Sounds kinda lame doesn't it? "Will you marry me?" I've been proposed to four times and each time it was different. I accepted all four times and am single now.

My best advice is, don't be out there looking for Mr. or Ms. right. Don't be hoping for chemistry and all the stuff romantic movies are made of.

Instead just be yourself, doing something you love most, completely into being you, and someone will come alongside you. That person will just blend and match your every step, challenge you, make you laugh, understand and give you something and someone to feel an added excitement for the future with and for.

If your feet can't get you up in the morning without thinking about this person and longing to have them there....you may then present the idea to them, that perhaps it is something lasting and worth investing your time, your efforts, your emotions and your mental energy in together.

If that is mutually agreed upon you can seal it with sex and holding one another and rejoicing and drinking champagne....lol
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 71
view profile
History
not Will you marry me?
Posted: 1/24/2009 10:39:00 PM
how about asking him, if he'll have your baby..... ok, just joking.

when i was 24, i refused to wear a wedding band because i was told it symbolized ownership and property rights. there were, at that time, still some states (texas comes to mind) where once a woman got married, she no longer owned "the" property. just like in south america, my friends adopted a baby from columbia but only the father was allowed to go and get him. the mom was from columbia, he was an usa born irish catholic, tall and white as can be! but, times have changed.

once i kept my name and owned my half of the property, i began to reinterpret the wedding band as a spiritual circle of life. there are stories that speak to the band and those who revert back to "property". same reason i kept my name, not to mention it was my name all my life, even though passed down by my dad.

so don't sweat it too much. you can ask the question the right way or not have a band, and still have a lousy marriage. or, you can be traditional and still have a marriage. these are all superficial things and what is right for one, is not right for the other.

just don't get "stuck" on whatever decision you make and know it may change. however, for me, forget the fancy dancy engagement ring. if it's a diamond, it has probably come from much suffering. plus, it loses (for me) the intent and becomes materialistic. however, i am sure someone else sees that a different way also.

so, we all just need to chill and do what our hearts tell us to do, not our intellect. a strong heart is not a slave to an institution but a reflection of where you really are at. if a good man, who you love, says will you marry me, you'd be a fool to say: "rephrase that question or the answer is no!".
 aliveone1
Joined: 9/4/2008
Msg: 75
view profile
History
not Will you marry me?
Posted: 1/24/2009 11:47:41 PM
Him: I offer fabulous benefits...er...or rather the company that I work for does...health, dental eye, 401K, the whole sha-bam, baby! And if you were to succumb to tolerating me for a lifetime, you would be free to pursue whatever non-benefitted career you would like to choose.

Me: Why darling, that's the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me!
 kezza79
Joined: 12/29/2006
Msg: 78
not Will you marry me?
Posted: 1/25/2009 12:08:57 AM
aww saeandsun that is romantic
my x husband proposed in bed i was watching my fav band on dvd and in the song the song says if i ask you would you say yes and he look at me and said so would you some times it is really good to be different and romantic but it all depends on the relationship i guess and will you marry me is easy to remember
 LukeMM23
Joined: 4/2/2006
Msg: 79
not Will you marry me?
Posted: 1/25/2009 3:44:39 AM
There's a lot of talk about "equal partnership" on this thread.

But, my question is... will she take his name or vice versa? Or does this even affect the "equal partnership"?

Btw, OP, I love the idea of marriage. I really wish these traditions wouldn't be ransacked by bored idealists. Because to me, in spite the fact that I hope she takes my name, marriage has two best friends declaring that they will be together for the rest of their lives.
 LukeMM23
Joined: 4/2/2006
Msg: 80
not Will you marry me?
Posted: 1/25/2009 3:46:10 AM
There's a lot of talk about "equal partnership" on this thread.

But, my question is... will she take his name or vice versa? Or does this even affect the "equal partnership"?

Btw, OP, I love the idea of marriage. I really wish these traditions wouldn't be ransacked by bored idealists. Because to me, in spite the fact that I hope she takes my name, marriage has two best friends declaring that they will be together for the rest of their lives.
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 83
not Will you marry me?
Posted: 1/25/2009 12:10:04 PM
I love the latter. It shows he really has true love and respect. I heard "Will You Marry Me"?, Stupid me said "Yes". I regretted it in many ways. I have been divorced about 13 yrs and I and so use to being "alone again, naturally".
 Zephyr2553
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 87
not Will you marry me?
Posted: 1/25/2009 11:05:55 PM
<<<
The instructor walked me down the hall and said, "Maybe you should consider another class." Reason why? Because I just told the truth. I love men. I make as much or more money than they do. I don't have a problem with any type of hierarchy in the workplace. I really don't have a problem....lol

They hated me.
 LukeMM23
Joined: 4/2/2006
Msg: 90
not Will you marry me?
Posted: 1/27/2009 2:05:50 AM
I will be very proud... and very nervous to get down on one knee in front of her at her favorite restaurant or whatever and say the cliche words, "Will you marry me?"

My father and his girlfriend refuse to get married. They've been together for 18 years. Neither of them believe their relationship amounts to something written on a piece of paper.

I respect anyone that doesn't want to get married. But I do not condone killing this lovely and wonderful tradition for everyone else wants it. Like myself.

In fact, maybe I won't say, "Will you marry me?" Maybe I will hand her the ring or put the ring on her finger in a very stylish way and tell her that "I would be honored if you would be my wife." Who knows what I'll come up with when the times comes. I knew how hard it will be for me if she says, "No, because it's a form of ownership."

Damn. That would hurt. Because... she didn't understand me or our relationship.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >