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 Thorb
Joined: 7/15/2005
Msg: 51
Before the Holidays or After!!!Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)


Holidays are almost here .....

Hope ya smoked his azz
 thrfos23
Joined: 8/9/2008
Msg: 52
Before the Holidays or After!!!
Posted: 12/19/2008 2:24:37 PM
I know girl am going threw the same thing you are only I am being dumped. The funny or not so funny thing is he is an alcoholic/gambles all the money away. He has me in an apt I can't afford and I have been begging for money. I have a job but its not enough. Here I am telling you my problems and you asked for advice, sorry. I would not dunp them, but I guess if the other half doesn't feel the way the other does than you will both wind up unhappy pretending. You have to think more of yourself and move on. I know it hurts, thats why God made tears get it out and move on. Stey strong. Peace Im with you!!!
 skyydancerdreaming
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 53
Before the Holidays or After!!!
Posted: 12/19/2008 2:43:06 PM
OP, I've been in that position twice in my life, and neither time did the fact that Christmas was right around the corner affect my decision. When someone is hurting you, what difference does it make what holiday season it is? Hurt is hurt, tears are tears, and sadness is sadness. Nothing changes that fact. I don't know about you, but I can't fake feeling happy when someone broke my heart. And the best Christmas gift you can receive is a gift called dignity, self-respect and strength, all rolled into one lovely package and given to yourself by yourself. As far as I'm concerned, nothing tops that gift.
 Country Music Fan
Joined: 9/28/2008
Msg: 54
Before the Holidays or After!!!
Posted: 12/19/2008 4:21:59 PM
Definitely before just end it as soon as you possibly can. If they can't give back what you are giving to them definitely do not delay the inevitable.
 bandit7220
Joined: 12/3/2005
Msg: 55
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Before the Holidays or After!!!
Posted: 12/19/2008 4:30:31 PM
Well I wouldn't have the heart to dump someone this close to the holiday's, but only you know your situation, I would make the best of the holiday's, with or with out him, and wouldn't let him be the cause of not enjoying this time of year with my friends and family, then do what you need to after. what's a few more weeks?
 LSimple
Joined: 9/19/2008
Msg: 56
Before the Holidays or After!!!
Posted: 12/19/2008 11:27:06 PM
Autumn Marie...

Thanks for your post...it was interesting and helpful...and honesty...
I have started the slow approach...have been avoid calls...trying to back off so
I dont get hurt by him not seeing me at Christmas...I have made myself unavailable
even tonight...when he was online and wanted to chat...
I have decided to wait until after Christmas...it has been a one sided relationship
for months now...I dont want to hurt his feelings so close to Christmas...I just cant
do it anymore...I want someone who will make the time for me...will share his kids
with me...( I have shared my sons with him)...He is only seeing me when its right
for HIM...
I feel its the best for ME...and I believe its not worth it also...
Thanks for caring...

 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 57
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Before the Holidays or After!!!
Posted: 12/20/2008 1:11:25 AM

I dont want to hurt his feelings so close to Christmas...

If he really is as distant and one-sided as you say OP, then I doubt he is going to be gutted.

A little earlier in the thread you said something to the effect of you're just not ready to let go... and my guess this is really what is the issue for you. We draw on our own hurt feelings when we imagine the hurt of others, and I can see you don't want your own hurt to swell up before Christmas.

Have you told him how you feel and that you'd like to be closer? Because distancing, which is what you're doing now, is not designed to get you what you want. Sometimes people distance hoping the other person will notice and come 'knockin' on your door'. Take a look inside OP, and see if you've got that hope fluttering around in there.
 JulietJuliet
Joined: 6/7/2007
Msg: 58
Before the Holidays or After!!!
Posted: 12/20/2008 4:39:02 AM
OP Is this the same guy who asked how you would feel if he slept with someone else?
(I read your history and this occurrence happened back in November).

he couldn't even take home a piece of my birthday cake...afraid
that his kids (which are 18 and 20)...might asked where it came from...
...Can I assume that his children don't know about you? Why is he hiding you from them?
The more I read about your situation the more I believe that you think you are in a serious relationship when he thinks it's merely a FWB's type situation.
You need to find out where you stand and take it from there.
No gifts for each other? No time spent together over the holidays, No introduction to his son's (remembering you have been seeing each other for 8 months or so). I doubt this is a relationship with substance.
Why are you asking when to dump him and then saying in another post
I am not ready to let him go...
???
Remain with him and you will give yourself a dose of heartache for Christmas.
 ~SparklingRose~
Joined: 10/20/2008
Msg: 59
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Before the Holidays or After!!!
Posted: 12/20/2008 6:15:30 AM

(JulietJuliet)... you think you are in a serious relationship when he thinks it's merely a FWB's type situation.
Clear cut to me, also.



(JulietJuliet) Remain with him and you will give yourself a dose of heartache for Christmas.
Guaranteed.

Up to you, OP.... Then, again, it actually always has been.

** Yep... confused also as to your asking advice of when to leave his mess behind, if you always knew that you weren't going to do anything about standing up for yourself, and ending his game until after the holidays... if ever. **
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 60
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Before the Holidays or After!!!
Posted: 12/20/2008 6:48:20 AM
People that ordinarily consider others' feelings should continue to do so if that is who they are, not premise their behavior on how they are treated by someone else. In this case, you have a man that is holding you at arm's length for a reason, particularly the comments about the kids, he has no intention of EVER having a real relationship with you.

The fact is that you won't ruin his Christmas but if you continue the farce of a relationship you are going to allow him to some extent to ruin yours because you will be hurt by the way he treats you.

I would break up with him now because that is what you should do for you. Find a man who, if he has kids, is intelligent about initially limiting exposure but isn't intentionally leading two lives.
 forumgenie
Joined: 6/1/2008
Msg: 61
Before the Holidays or After!!!
Posted: 12/20/2008 7:43:19 AM
Are you freakin' kidding me??!! You are concerned ab0ut the feelings of this narcissistic low life? Never, never, EVER, make someone a priority in your life who only makes you an option. And a very low one at that.

Please re-read the history of your posts and pretend your best friend wrote them. What would you tell her? Wouldn't you tell her to high tail it out this faux relationship?

I hope Santa gives you a big ol' dose of self esteem for Christmas.
 LSimple
Joined: 9/19/2008
Msg: 62
Before the Holidays or After!!!
Posted: 12/20/2008 11:34:37 AM
Julietiuliet...

Yes, he the same one from November....
His kids know about me but he hides it from them cause he says they are
hurt by his ex wife...I believe the kids think she will come back someday...
I thought that we were in a relationship...cause he has told me many times he
doesnt want me to find someone else...I have come out and asked him where I
STAND...he has told me that he likes me...loves my company...and that he
feels comfortable with me...but he is lost...his soul is hurt from his ex...
I am not ready to let him go...I dont want to hurt his feelings...I know in my
head its for the best..but my heart doesnt want to let him go...
He comes here talkes to my sons...knows them...but I have never met his kids...
Its not fair that he comes here at Christmas and sees my tree and I cant see
his...(thats small but its how I feel )...
He is controlling the relationship...he is making the rules...and its time to give
up on him...I guess my heart is tooooo soft...
Thanks for listening...
 JoeRossman
Joined: 9/17/2008
Msg: 63
Before the Holidays or After!!!
Posted: 12/20/2008 11:38:10 AM
I would love to hear his side of it.

Have you been placing demands on him? Do you constantly call him 2-3 times a day and talk about yourself?

do NOT take offense to these questions. Just...pause...and ask yourself...is there anything he needs from me...besides your beautiful self....maybe an ear? Has he had losses in his life?
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 64
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Before the Holidays or After!!!
Posted: 12/20/2008 12:04:54 PM
Well now OP your latest post doesn't make him sound like a distancing, uncaring jerk... it makes him sound hurting and not ready for a relationship yet.

In that case, I can see waiting til after the holidays... but I think you're not accepting that he's still in that hurt awful post break up place. You want something more that he just isn't in a place to give yet... and I see little purpose in making him wrong about it.

Let him go with love... tell him, if you are still available, you'd be open to resuming once he and his family are in a better place.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 65
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Before the Holidays or After!!!
Posted: 12/20/2008 12:34:46 PM
Sometimes we meet people at the wrong time, and whether because he is a jerk or still hurting, he is holding you at arm's length and usually when things start this way they don't get any better, i.e. he will always associate you with this period of his life and probably not be able to get beyond it with you.

Follow your heart on when to cut ties. Tell him you know that he didn't mean to hurt you but you want more than he is able to give (and that is not going to change anytime soon because he is still wallowing).

If it is really going to hurt you to be "with" him in this way over the holiday, then tell him now. If you can deal with it, wait until after the first of the year.
 LSimple
Joined: 9/19/2008
Msg: 66
Before the Holidays or After!!!
Posted: 12/20/2008 2:04:12 PM
No demands at all...dont phone him...only answer his message if he writes...
or chat when he is online...saw him two weeks ago...but we both have been
sick with flu and cold...He has a huge loss almost two years ago...he lost his
ex wife...he was married for 23 years...he is taking it hard...lost soul he says...
No offense at all...thanks...
 november60
Joined: 12/7/2008
Msg: 67
Before the Holidays or After!!!
Posted: 12/20/2008 2:44:08 PM
I have had a similar experience so I say be very careful. He may not want to let you go if he already feels he is able to control you. Be strong, leave him and don't go backto him no matter what. He may leave you alone for awhile but never take his calls again to ensure he leaves you alone for good!
 bam j
Joined: 1/4/2007
Msg: 68
Before the Holidays or After!!!
Posted: 12/20/2008 2:48:02 PM
if you put s h i t off you find that you keep putting it off after the holls will turn into after vals day .... after birthday .... and it keeps on rolling till something mammoth comes along and then its a real mess !!

there is no good way out really so better bite the bullet than drain the life out of it !!
 readyornot57
Joined: 1/19/2008
Msg: 69
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Before the Holidays or After!!!
Posted: 12/20/2008 6:13:02 PM
Just want to say, OP, that after checking out your profile and some of your comments, you seem like a great person who is genuinely hurt by this, your New Year's plans(from another thread) seem fine, wish there was someone who could get you through this......It seems so sad for you to want to meet his kids and you can't. You deserve better. Really.
 LSimple
Joined: 9/19/2008
Msg: 70
Before the Holidays or After!!!
Posted: 12/20/2008 8:24:48 PM
readyornot57...

Thanks for the nice reply...it was really sweet...I know I deserve better...
I am trying to make plans for the holidays without him...dont know if he will
even phone me...he has hinted that he will not see me at Christmas and that
would be the last straw for me...its not fair to have Christmas and not have the
person that in your life around...but I cant control him...or what he does...
I am going to make the best of it...celebrated with my sons and friends...
I have a big heart and will not say anything until after the holidays...I would
not like it if it happened to me before Christmas...
Best to you...
 LSimple
Joined: 9/19/2008
Msg: 71
Before the Holidays or After!!!
Posted: 12/21/2008 2:37:50 PM
Well People...
I was talking to him this morning...He has no plans to see me over the
holidays...he came out and told me...that Christmas is for family only...and its
a trying time for him...even thats its his second Christmas without his ex wife...
I feel hurt...that he doesnt think enough of me to see me even on Boxing Day...
The New Year is around the corner...and its time to start over fresh...
I plan to do that!!!
Thanks for listening...
 redhair lady
Joined: 3/11/2008
Msg: 72
Before the Holidays or After!!!
Posted: 12/21/2008 3:04:44 PM
OP,

Something sounds "fishy" to me. Are you really sure his "ex" is gone? You said you haven't met his children nor his family. There is something that he's hiding from him. Dump him NOW. He's not worth any more of your time.
 one tall chick
Joined: 4/27/2007
Msg: 73
Before the Holidays or After!!!
Posted: 12/27/2008 2:47:11 PM
just curious, have you done it yet??
 new iberia
Joined: 4/23/2008
Msg: 74
Before the Holidays or After!!!
Posted: 12/27/2008 3:19:03 PM
you will hang in there till after new years , then you will bolt.. my prediction
 LSimple
Joined: 9/19/2008
Msg: 75
Before the Holidays or After!!!
Posted: 12/27/2008 5:26:09 PM
Just waiting until after the New year....Thanks for caring...
I thought maybe he might tell me he was sorry for not seeing over the
xmas holidays...but nothing...
Does he want to be right...or alone for the rest of his life...
This was a dealbreaker for me...I am done...

Happy New Year...
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