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 parry10
Joined: 1/14/2006
Msg: 22
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Is this normal?Page 3 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
No I typically start my debates by calling people racists and talking out the side of my neck like you did.


Wrong dude.........you got caught saying she must be "First Nations"..........and you got called out on it after you whined that nobody responded........

Them's the facts Jack!

Be careful what you try to insinuate is all I'm saying to you. Some of us people out there notice.

EDIT:.. thanks for the tip "SS".........I'm noticing that now.
 parry10
Joined: 1/14/2006
Msg: 23
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Is this normal?
Posted: 12/13/2008 7:34:39 PM
He's pointing out that there are different cultural practices among different cultures.


And I'm pointing out that he is wrong........where can he show us that having sex, and totally naked, in full view of a child who is 11 years old is a First Nations practice?......well? ......show me!

And where did he even come up with this insinuation from a story someone from Halifax, Nova Scotia told us?


He's not being racist
Spreading untruths/insinuations in a public forum about an entire race of people is indeed racist behaviour...and in fact can fall under existing hate crimes legislation.........in Canada anyhow.

Is he actually a racist per se?........that's not for me to determine.........definately mis-informed though in my opinion.
 parry10
Joined: 1/14/2006
Msg: 24
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Is this normal?
Posted: 12/13/2008 7:50:53 PM
So?....your point?......

How in God's name did you come up with the theory that any woman in Halifax that gets fully naked in full view of an 11 year old child as a habit and has sex with men is probably a First Nations person??..........all because, wait for it here..........3.4 % of people in Halifax are First Nations.........huh?

Show me where you get the idea that First Nations people do this as a habit?...or a culture thingy......puuuuuuuuuuhlease!!

Good Lord!.........somebody give me a Tylenol because this guy is killing me here........sighhhhhhhhhh
 parry10
Joined: 1/14/2006
Msg: 25
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Is this normal?
Posted: 12/13/2008 7:56:41 PM

Agian you misquote me in word and intent. I only meant to show cultural differences which MIGHT HAVE excused her behavior.


What cultural differences are you speaking of when the topic is about a woman allowing her 11 year old to have visual access to her having sex with a man......both naked on the bed...........humour us. I'd really love to know where you get this stuff from
 parry10
Joined: 1/14/2006
Msg: 26
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Is this normal?
Posted: 12/13/2008 8:15:05 PM
I can recount some of the stories of my Native American brothers if you like.


And that's all the "proof" you can supply?........your words?......

Give me a break!!

Show me some documentation of your silly claims......if this was a cultural habit and practice there would be tons about it on the internet just as there is about the stuff going on in Utah or wherever it is with the multiple marriage community and accusations of sexual abuse of minors......

........,again, prove your claims.


I think I've made my point quite well and I'll just watch you flounder around and make silly insinuations and let others judge you..........have fun in whatever game you're attempting to play........nitey nite.
 parry10
Joined: 1/14/2006
Msg: 27
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Is this normal?
Posted: 12/14/2008 4:55:50 AM
oh, but according to a few here, it is nothing more than just "rude".....or a cultural thing .....and one even justifies it becasue she saw "Dances with Wolves"......huh?..........unreal!

I fear for kids in our society today if this is the type of people that are allowed to breed......

(oh, by the way, thanks to the moderators for obviously allowing a back and forth debate last evening without the "2 posts per 10" restriction.......
No Mods intervened / Ticketoride
I'm assuming someone clicked something to allow that restriction to be waived)...this is an important debate in my opinion as we all in society have a responsibility to watch out for all kids no matter who they "belong" to.......The animal kingdom protects it's young better than humans do sometimes in my opinion.
 parry10
Joined: 1/14/2006
Msg: 28
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Is this normal?
Posted: 12/14/2008 7:29:20 AM
Oh please "La Giocondo".....

Spare me the psycho babble.......it sounds like you're apologist.....well, let's hope you don't have to watch over kids anytime soon....

.....or are you one of those social workers who use the term "inaproprite behaviour" instead of bucking up and calling abuse what it is...abuse!...and then acting on it in the child's best interest.....as per law.
 OneMoreTimeWithFeeling
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 29
Is this normal?
Posted: 12/14/2008 7:49:01 AM
Has anyone seen "The Heart is Deceitful Above All Things". This is what it's reminding me of. I don't know if the mother in the original post was into drugs or not, but I can't help but wonder how with her "open door" policy, how the child will turn out. The film I mention is an extreme example, but it makes you wonder what else the mother is okay with.
 parry10
Joined: 1/14/2006
Msg: 30
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Is this normal?
Posted: 12/14/2008 7:56:15 AM
No need to get hostile there "La Gioconda":

Debate has it's pitfalls so if you step up on the stump to speak, expect some push-back if your claims seem to be a bit dis-jointed....

My concern is always for kid's well being........not your feelings and insecurities.

If I seem outraged at some people's lackadasial attitudes toward this stuff, well, guess what......I am!..........and always will be. I admire all the others who also have expressed outrage at this.......my back and forth with that other dude was because he made the leap to suggest this so-called mother was a member of the First Nations Community........he needed to be called out and educated just a bit .....with facts to counter act his ridiculous insinuations........

And as far as you justifying the thing about First Nations?..........because you watched "Dancing with Wolves" ?......GMAB !............that was a depiction of life many, many moons ago..........whatever the depiction is does not make it right for 2008 in Halifax, Nova Scotia in a home with more than one bedroom..........that is flawed logic.

As a further example of flawed logic, in spite of "Little House on the Prairie", life 100 years ago all over North America was rife with incest and abuse.........and it still goes on in small communities today....and no less than in the hills of the Appalachia as the urban myth would have us believe that it is isolated to.....so, does that justify it?......do kids not deserve to be protected just because of some half-witted apologists would have you subscribe to their doctrine?

We know better and have to never let up on calling out those who would hurt children........or even ignoring it when they are being hurt or at risk (emotionally or physically)
 Amon Amarth
Joined: 11/11/2008
Msg: 31
Is this normal?
Posted: 12/15/2008 2:15:56 PM

This is key. Keeping one's door open and knowingly having sex in front of an 11-year-old are two separate issues and are not mutually exclusive.

While many might find the woman's practice "strange", "ick" or whatever, it is her custom, it is her child, and it is her right to live as she desires. There is no reason to believe that there is an intent to sexualize her child or a inappropriate motive for leaving the door to her bedroom open whether someone is or is not sharing her bed.

It seems that it is the OP who is uncomfortable with the woman and the way in which she chooses to live her life and rear her child. She is not required to conform to the OP's desires or alleviate his discomfort in her home. It seems that the OP took the proper steps to alleviate his discomfort and she took the healthy approach of not conforming to his personal preference and world view.

When others live their lives in ways that are different from the ways in which others choose to live their own, and when they are not violating any laws, it is their right to do so. From the information provided by the OP, no laws are being broken, no child is being abused, and there is no evidence that the child has or will have any skewed outlook on sexuality, unless having a naturalistic view of sexual behavior could be defined as skewed. She is not knowingly or intentionally having sexual interactions in front of her child, has not invited him into her bedroom to watch, is not forcing him to watch, and is not requesting partners to perform sexually in front of the child.

She is leaving the door to her bedroom open, it seems, for her child's benefit whether its for his own sense of security or for her security to hear the child should he/she call to her.

To answer the question, it is normal for her and for her child to live an open life in which sex is viewed as a natural representation of adult relationships without attaching unneeded and undue shame to a normal human expression. It is normal for her to leave the door to her bedroom to enhance her child's security so that he has ready access to her or for her to hear him and come to his aid.

I know that these more likely possibilities aren't as titillating as believing that the mother has some dark and twisted intent toward sexually victimizing and/or perpetrating sexual deviance on her child.

Regards,
ACP


Its kind of fishy that you are the ONLY ONE on this whole forum that finds her actions acceptable. The simple fact is if a couple is going to be intimate together then bedroom door should be closed. I asked for the door to be closed, but she said that even though we were dating I had no right to ask her to close the bedroom door. Does she sound normal to you? The natural thing to do when wanting to be intimate and want privacy is to close the bedroom door. Your logic is a flawed and perverted as hers. You seem to be the only odd ball on here that actually finds this behaviour normal so that must tell you right there your morals are in question. I have had several people mention to me at work and on here that I should report her to child services. You sound like you only posted on here to stir up trouble and to hear yourself talk. Again you're the only one on this thread that doesn't see something wrong with this so maybe you should seek too!
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 32
Is this normal?
Posted: 12/16/2008 9:44:57 AM
The definition of "normal" IS defined by cultural context, in this instance. Not by what's normal for that mother. I think it is CLEAR from all the posts that this is not, then, "normal" behavior. It's not that sex is bad, it is that sexualizing a child is bad--and not normal. Having sex while the child watches is bad--and not normal. In those "primitve" societies, sex is not out in the open, either, so I'm not quite sure where you are getting your ideas. In fact, the FIRST act of sex is usually ritualized and made a big deal of--but it is NOT on public display.

I get really irritated by people whose views are outside the norm (see, as defined by society, and what the preponderance of other people thinks and does) as self-labelling as "more open". Great, let's spin pedophilia (which has been around for centuries--and probably forever-- as well) as "more open to adult-child relationships". MOST people think it's NOT all right, so in truth, IT IS NOT ALL RIGHT. NAMBLA be damned.
 sydneyleigh
Joined: 3/21/2008
Msg: 33
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Is this normal?
Posted: 12/16/2008 11:00:53 AM
This is key. Keeping one's door open and knowingly having sex in front of an 11-year-old are two separate issues and are not mutually exclusive.

While many might find the woman's practice "strange", "ick" or whatever, it is her custom, it is her child, and it is her right to live as she desires. There is no reason to believe that there is an intent to sexualize her child or a inappropriate motive for leaving the door to her bedroom open whether someone is or is not sharing her bed.

It seems that it is the OP who is uncomfortable with the woman and the way in which she chooses to live her life and rear her child. She is not required to conform to the OP's desires or alleviate his discomfort in her home. It seems that the OP took the proper steps to alleviate his discomfort and she took the healthy approach of not conforming to his personal preference and world view.

When others live their lives in ways that are different from the ways in which others choose to live their own, and when they are not violating any laws, it is their right to do so. From the information provided by the OP, no laws are being broken, no child is being abused, and there is no evidence that the child has or will have any skewed outlook on sexuality, unless having a naturalistic view of sexual behavior could be defined as skewed. She is not knowingly or intentionally having sexual interactions in front of her child, has not invited him into her bedroom to watch, is not forcing him to watch, and is not requesting partners to perform sexually in front of the child.

She is leaving the door to her bedroom open, it seems, for her child's benefit whether its for his own sense of security or for her security to hear the child should he/she call to her.

To answer the question, it is normal for her and for her child to live an open life in which sex is viewed as a natural representation of adult relationships without attaching unneeded and undue shame to a normal human expression. It is normal for her to leave the door to her bedroom to enhance her child's security so that he has ready access to her or for her to hear him and come to his aid.

I know that these more likely possibilities aren't as titillating as believing that the mother has some dark and twisted intent toward sexually victimizing and/or perpetrating sexual deviance on her child.


I was reading through this whole heated exchange, and was going to write a lengthy reply... and then ACP chimed in. So, I'll just say "what he said". (basically falling in with Giaconda and gottalight that societal mores play a role here)

I can say her habits are "not for me" - but that does not necessarily make this behavior criminal!

Is it normal in the ethno-centric North American sexually puritanical culture I was raised in? No.

Is it normal in her world? apparently it is.

You thought enough of this woman to fu*k her for some extended period of time. So NOW you want to ruin her life because you don't share the same perspective on child rearing?

OP - you have different views than she does. Simple as that.
Nothing is wrong with you, and nothing is wrong with her.
Just move on from the relationship.


sydney
 OneMoreTimeWithFeeling
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 34
Is this normal?
Posted: 12/16/2008 8:46:29 PM

Anyone could report her choice to CPS all day, everyday, and the outcome would be the same ... no substantiated findings


You sure about that? Think long and hard before you claim to know anything about CPS. I have a family member that works for CPS in NYC and children have been taken away from bio parents for less. CPS does not take lightly a child's welfare. I suppose if a there is an open door policy with this woman and she was having an orgy, it would be all fine and dandy and you don't think anything would be done about that? If I had this woman's address, I would report her and then I guarantee you they would remove that child from the environment. So just stop already.
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 35
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Is this normal?
Posted: 12/17/2008 6:16:11 AM
How many times have we heard the story of a child interupting adults in the middle of "the act"
Its not like they invited him to join, or made popcorn for him and pulled up a chair!
This child was in no danger at all!!
If the CPS got involved everytime a child walked in on a parent doing what adults do..There wouldnt be enough foster homes to go around! Lighten up people!!

Now as for "mom" leaving her door open! She must have her reasons. She isnt here to defend herself so who are we to judge?
For O.P. to come here and condemn her for it, shows lack of character on his part as far as I am concerned. It didnt seem to bother him that the door was open when he was "getting busy" with mom. If it really did, then it wouldnt have happened twice!
 Amon Amarth
Joined: 11/11/2008
Msg: 36
Is this normal?
Posted: 12/17/2008 6:54:15 AM

Argentum Crinis Philogus:

Apparently, too busy writing hate mail to me.


Oh please Argentum Crinis Philogus all I said is how flawed your way of thinking is. And you call that hate mail lol. Seriously, all anyone has to do is look at your profile to see some of the immoral things you are into such as Polygamy, Polygyny, Polyamory, Plural Marriage?? You sure aren't anyone to give an opinion on morals.
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 37
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Is this normal?
Posted: 12/17/2008 7:46:54 AM
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

wow!!, Not only is she(kittenhere) a Psychologist, she is a matchmaker too!!

 OneMoreTimeWithFeeling
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 38
Is this normal?
Posted: 12/17/2008 7:50:45 AM

Paranoia, now thread suddenly shifts into crime committed by OP. Wow. Amazed at some people's talent at seeing things that are just not there. Watching intensely, how the thread develops from now on. OP, you could be thrown to jail, and her parenting privileges banned, she could be thrown to hell and burnt on one single stick, OMG....


Nowhere in my post did I mention the OP...I referred to the mother of the child in the situation. So maybe you are the one that is paranoid and not seeing what is there.


Oh please Argentum Crinis Philogus all I said is how flawed your way of thinking is. And you call that hate mail lol. Seriously, all anyone has to do is look at your profile to see some of the immoral things you are into such as Polygamy, Polygyny, Polyamory, Plural Marriage?? You sure aren't anyone to give an opinion on morals.


Exactly and thank you! I have nothing against a poly lifestyle...that's all on him and he's an "adult" supposedly, and can make his own decisions. I bet David Koresh was probably a swell guy too.

I'm disturbed for the child in this situation, not the parent. The mother can do whatever the hell she wants, but she needs to keep the child out of it. For all we know, the mother is an exhibitionist and likes it.
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 39
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Is this normal?
Posted: 12/17/2008 8:12:53 AM

alittle common sense is all it takes.


kittenhere! common sense is knowing the WHOLE story before you place judgement on anything or anyone!!

If you read the disturbing hate mail I have been getting from O.P. because I am not posting what he wants to read in his thread, perhaps you would feel differently!

Then again..perhaps you wouldnt!

My opinion, He definatly has issues with his ex because things didnt work out between them. Perhaps this is his way of getting back at her.
 Amon Amarth
Joined: 11/11/2008
Msg: 40
Is this normal?
Posted: 12/17/2008 11:22:07 AM

kittenhere! common sense is knowing the WHOLE story before you place judgement on anything or anyone!!

If you read the disturbing hate mail I have been getting from O.P. because I am not posting what he wants to read in his thread, perhaps you would feel differently!

Then again..perhaps you wouldnt!

My opinion, He definatly has issues with his ex because things didnt work out between them. Perhaps this is his way of getting back at her.


Oh please get over yourself ~rain~. Apparently you and ACP have no idea what hate mail is? Your logic is as perverted and warped as ACP if you two agree keeping a bedroom door open on purpose in normal with an 11 yr old in the apt. Is this something you each practice with your own kids? If so need I say more? Do you notice that is is only ~rain~ and ACP that think this is normal and all one needs to do is look at ACP's profile to see how strange he thinks. You two are just making yourselves look dumb on here. And please don't lie on here and say I'm sending you hate mail because telling you that your logic is flawed isn't hate mail lol I have the emails saved to prove it. The fact that ~rain~ and ACP agree with one another explains alot!
 Amon Amarth
Joined: 11/11/2008
Msg: 41
Is this normal?
Posted: 12/17/2008 12:41:59 PM

Interesting. I have blocked him as well. Your experience provides more confirmation that the issue for the OP isn't really his concern for the child's well-being. It is about his inability to exert control over the mother. His backdoor approach that you experienced with his email is similar to his email to me and reflects the attributes and behaviors of someone who wishes to control others.
Regards,

ACP



No, actually I want people to reply to me on the forums or by message to confirm that wanting to have a bedroom door open on my ex gf's part was abnormal. Thats why I posted the OP there brainiac d'uh! You and ~rain~ only makes yourselves look like idiots with each post you two make. Again, one only need look at your profile to see how immoral you are. I can just imagine what a family reunion at your place must look like. You wouldn't know who your wife, daughter or sister is? Its people like you that shouldn't be allowed to breed. Oh FYI, ~rain~ didn't block me because she keeps writing back to me so I then in return reply back to her. So if she blocked me how could I reply back to her? You two really needs to stop fabricating lies on here because all it does is make you lose credibility. Not that either of you had any obviously to begin with from your posts. Also, I seriously doubt you have the education you claim acp as any normal sane intelligent person wouldn't think leaving a bedroom door open during sex with a kid in the apt as ok. My attributes and behaviours don't wish to control anyone, i just posted the OP to find out what people thought of that situation and every decent person except you and ~rain~ agreed it was perverted. Misery loves company I guess so you and ~rain~ make a good pair ? Are you sure she's not your sister, daughter, 1st cousin or maybe even your mom?
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 42
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Is this normal?
Posted: 12/17/2008 12:53:29 PM

Oh FYI, ~rain~ didn't block me because she keeps writing back to me so I then in return reply back to her. So if she blocked me how could I reply back to her?


No one said I blocked you!
I never block anyone!
I guess I am a sucker for punishment. I have asked to you to stop sending me private messages though. I suggest that you respect my wishes with that!
 Cayron
Joined: 5/7/2008
Msg: 43
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Is this normal?
Posted: 12/17/2008 1:37:39 PM
Is this normal? In other words, is it according to the "norm" of local/national society (USA)? To answer that, we need the statistics on how many couples, having small children, close the bedroom doors at night during intercourse. Naturally we don't have that statistics, not even Kinsey thought of that as far as i know. My guess is that most people do have sex even if their kids are in the same house. I know of even ultra conservative religious people who do that, but I guess a small minority never have sex in the same house as the kids are habitating. This is probably a small minority, maybe 5% or less, probably less than 1% even.

So lets say 95% have sex in the same house as the kids are sleeping. Now it all depends on how they have sex, there are lots of ways of having sex of course. You can do it discreetly, barely making a sound (yeah, its possible) and you can do it the loud way. You can make arrangements to be quiet (like getting a bed that does not squeek that much) and you can do it the quickest way possible to minimize the chances of being heard. It also depends on how visible the act is - if you stay completely under the sheets (except for the heads) then the child might not understand whats going on at all - remember that the child probably is quite tired and kind of confused if it wakes up in the middle of the night and walks to the parents bedroom seeking some comfort.

It also depends on the state of the child - whether it is sick or well, how the sleeping pattern of the child is, and that depends on the hour of the night. Most children enter a deep sleep the first couple of hours or so, and then enter a lighter phase afterwards. It also depends on the weather, if it is story or rainy, then the child might wake up easily. It also depends on the moon phase, at full moon everyone sleeps lighter for instance. It also depends on lots of other different factors affecting the life of the child, whether it feels safe and secure at home and so on.

It all depends on the totality of the situation really.

So if you are both on the floor, in front of the bed, you shagging her from behind, she screaming like mad approaching climax, with the door wide open and all lights on in the bedroom and the hall, and the kid is sleeping in the next room with that door open too, well then we can say for sure that it is not a situation where you are in control of the impression the kid would get, should it suddenly show up.

But, on the other hand, if you are both under the sheets, you are lying behind her comfortably, just going slowly and silently on, the room is dark, the hall is dark, the door is barely open, the door to the childs room is closed, the house is silent and you are pretty silent too, and you have a remote listener to the childs room and will get alerted if it wakes up.... then it's a quite different situation. Do you see that?

Do you see the difference between these two scenarios? Of course you do, sorry for asking.

Now, generally I would not recommend taking a new man into the house if she has a child, until she knows that this is something very serious. That is because the child gets attached to a new man very fast - the world of the child is quite small, and one new person entering the safe and protected space of home might have a great impact on the child. One meeting only, the child might remember and talk about that man for months and even years.

If the child is rock solid in its sleeping patterns, and all things seem to be secured, and the man can enter and leave without risk of being observed by the child, then it's bordering on "safe", but why take that risk? If the need for sex is so great, that one is willing to take such a risk (and the risk is there because she is not certain on the guy and their relationship, whether it will be them for the future) then it makes me wonder a bit. If the need really is a need for comfort, she can get that without sex - yeah it is possible, of course. If she desperately needs to climax (cough) then she can fix that herself if she have to. If she desperately needs to have sex with this guy on their first date, and it has to be at her place where the child is, well then she is desperate.

And people get desperate - I'm not gonna judge them for that. Hey, we have all been desperate some time or two. Those that are perfect should take a look in the mirror. OK, so there are lots of reasons to be desperate in this world where the media is overflowing with fearful stuff. Hey, we are a society addicted to fear - some women might even take a guy home for sex, with the kids next door, just for the rush of fear - "what if we get discovered?" I know, it sounds crazy, but this is reality for a lot of people. Not necessarily taking the guy home for sex, but the search for various kicks and rushes of adrenaline - they think they feel more alive then. Somehow. Those people need to find the antidote to fear, and that is disconnecting from the ego and acting from their true Selves, that is without judgement, without trying to gain superiority over others, without provoking separation and distrust, and without the addiction to trying to control fear by coming up with all that might possibly go wrong.

But that's a different matter altogether, and way to much to cover for now.
Wish you all a nice day!
 mysteriousromeo
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 44
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Is this normal?
Posted: 12/17/2008 8:43:03 PM
No that is definitely not normal. This woman has some issues. You shouldn't be having sex next door to an eleven year old's room with both bedroom doors wide open; especially when the kid has already walked in on you a couple of times. Although, I might say leave it open if she lived with her sister and there was a chance of her sister walking in or something like that , but not her eleven year old son. Apparantly this woman needs help with parenting skills
 Zephyr2553
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 45
Is this normal?
Posted: 2/11/2009 4:55:28 AM
She sounds like a freak. Maybe she's interested in a threesome??? An eleven year old boy has enough "issues" just growing up and its around that time that the hormones kick in.

She's one sicko I'd stay very far away from unless you look forward to spending the rest of your life having to steer clear of children's playgrounds and schools.....comprendo??
 Zephyr2553
Joined: 12/28/2008
Msg: 46
Is this normal?
Posted: 2/11/2009 5:21:25 AM

The purpose of posting is to shine light on darkness or in this case, ignorance. I have no need to hear or in this case "watch myself talk". I'm paid quite well simply to listen.

What is offensive is vilifying someone on a forum where they are not able to defend themselves and should not be vilified by an individual who could not control her and make her conform to his idea of how she should live her life and rear her child.

In my opinion, she dodged a bullet and if you continue to stay away from her, she may well have saved herself much pain and hardship, both physically and emotionally.


Another educated, "well-paid" jackass. Sex is not the end all/ be all. It is a very intimate, private act of copulation. Your "situational ethics" and your "self induced morals" are speaking louder than volumes. Do you have children of your own????

Hummm, and where do you live? Where's the nearest CPS?
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