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 idahosun
Joined: 4/26/2006
Msg: 85
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Am I Being Played?Page 4 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Fungirl, I am sorry for the pain you are in and I sure hope you take time to contemplate your failed divorce (no, not blaming you, it takes two) and what you did in this last situation (I wouldn't call it a relationship). You are still very young and there are lots of men your age to be found...I see them when I'm out 'n about and wish I were your age Best of luck to you in the future with a different attitude about yourself and what you really want.
 Toorop
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 86
Am I Being Played?
Posted: 12/21/2008 11:07:23 AM
Very possible that you're not on top of his list of priorities. You're having a good time with him when you do. Do you want to give those moments up? I think you love him and you can't let go. You're going to be hurt, but when, that's up to you. You're just waiting for this outside moment he might commit to you. It would have happened by now. It's your call here really. Enjoy him a little more or... it's going to hurt, love.

 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 89
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Am I Being Played?
Posted: 12/21/2008 1:14:16 PM

In my opinion, the guy is being upfront and honest. Sadly, even that can be looked at as a bad thing if his answers aren't exactly what the woman wanted. He is who he is. He's also not deceiving anyone. It's up to the OP if this is what she wants..
Yes. He was upfront and honest BUT only after he saw that she was falling for him.. Why couldn't he tell her that he wasn't looking for anything serious BEFORE he whipped her into an oxytocin milkshake full of want for him???

Too many men/women don't tell others that they are'nt ready for anything serious (or that they never intend on settling down) before sex because it cuts their chances of scoring down.. that's sad, really. It seems most of them can tell who's naive and newly finding their "dating" wings.


Because it is very hard to find a "connection" with someone. When you get it, you don't want to lose it,because you don't know when it will happen again
This to very true. That mutual animal attraction if very hard to resist and that is why we don't LISTEN to the subtle hints and tell tale signs.

I think that deep down (those of us who have not listened and ignored those tell tale signs of someone who's not going to commit to us ) arent really ready ourselves for something more meaningful and by ignoring our intuition ~ we blindly lead ourselves to heartache. Often in life we only learn through experience. :0(

Merry Christmas and all the best in the new year everyone.
 you2canchoose
Joined: 8/6/2008
Msg: 93
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Am I Being Played?
Posted: 12/21/2008 3:25:07 PM
I agree with many others that you weren't being played. He was honest with you from the beginning but it was YOU that wanted more too soon. Hats off to him for that.

Instead of jumping from one relationship to another prior to divorce, take some time to heal. Your priority should also be with your children and helping them through the separation and divorce and not finding another man.

It's ok to be alone. When you love and respect yourself then you will attract someone that too will love and respect you.
 lelathecat
Joined: 6/14/2008
Msg: 95
Am I Being Played?
Posted: 12/21/2008 4:53:42 PM
fungirl, that is a good idea to make a list. There is a checklist on the e harm site where you select 10 must haves and 10 cant stands.

If you don't have a list and you get into a rs, I think it is easy to find yourself sliding into things that you didn't really want. For example, i bet your list wouldn't say, I want someone who pretty much sees me as a FWB and who doesn't call me much or return my phone calls.

Get out there and date lots and have some fun!
 davidsauvignon
Joined: 2/6/2008
Msg: 97
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Am I Being Played?
Posted: 12/21/2008 5:25:39 PM
OP, get divorced. Get that fresh perspective on your life. You very well may discover you aren't looking for anything long term. You may find you want something casual or a few casual "dates" before you decide to jump right back into the commitment frying pan. Now that you know what amazing sex is like, you may want to go out there and try to find more of it.....lots more!

Get divorced, get single, start living single and experiencing life.....then, sit down and make a list once you decide you're ready to get back into something serious, committed and long term. Quit putting the cart before the horse. JMO.






~ds~
 kendra987
Joined: 3/17/2009
Msg: 103
Am I Being Played?
Posted: 3/28/2009 5:40:06 PM
If you think you're being played, you are. There are only two answers in a relationship: "yes" and everything else. If it's not a yes, then it doesn't matter what the issue is. It's not a "yes."

Men aren't hard to figure out. All the signs are all there. We don't want to see it sometimes. We want to give the benefit of a doubt. But my opinion is that if there's a doubt, then you should go with your instincts.
 maemae7
Joined: 3/4/2009
Msg: 104
Am I Being Played?
Posted: 3/31/2009 12:24:38 AM
Trust me if you have to chase the man's a PLAYER!! I just let a man go I dearly love but he doing similiar and yes I met him online..he is on this sight.close to three years and just learned he has another gf at same time as me.make a point of telling him how you feel and if nothing changes and you are still chasing then RUN RUN FAST THE OTHER WAY!!!!!!
 FmrJarhead
Joined: 2/15/2008
Msg: 105
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Am I Being Played?
Posted: 4/2/2009 3:44:43 PM
First, I don't understand how you think you're being played...he's paying for everything and he's not forcing you to do anything you don't want to do. You yourself said the sex was amazing, so no force there. It seems you're just upset by the infrequency at which he communicates with you. Maybe he just doesn't want to appear clingy or needy. It seems you may be a bit insecure . I say, take your time, allow yourselves to bond and trust. Know that you'll have to deal with the non-initiation of phone calls and that you'll have to be the one reaching out mostly for now. I don't see that he's inattentive, or lacking in emotional commitment.
I also don't see that his slowing the pace was such an unreasonable request especially since you were BOTH going through divorces. As you're older and he's younger, I feel you may be trying to rush it a bit. I'm sorry, but you're not being played...
Slow down, ease up on your need to hear from him every single day. Remember, you're still riding the chaotic emotional rollercoaster of divorce and may not even realize your need to try to make everything smooth by having a new guy in your life.
 ren210
Joined: 11/17/2007
Msg: 107
Am I Being Played?
Posted: 6/7/2009 3:29:33 PM
Fmrjarhead-
you hit the nail on the head.
Semper Fi.
 desirable_male
Joined: 5/30/2008
Msg: 111
Am I Being Played?
Posted: 6/7/2009 9:40:19 PM
Yes i would have to agree there, if i was that into someone i would be hanging out all the time to call them and i know i would...And i would also be cautious of the fact he dont do drugs dont forget you said he went out with someone who did use drugs i could be wrong but if i didnt use drugs i definatly wouldnt be hanging out with someone who did.
 zapped
Joined: 12/19/2008
Msg: 112
Am I Being Played?
Posted: 6/7/2009 10:36:10 PM
I think he is right you BOTH jumped into a relationship fast.
I dont know how long his marriage collapsed but as what he said,,,too way too fast.It seems his plate is full right now but he jumped into you..so he is also responsible for his own action.
Probably he is just lonely thats why he needs your body.
The man has lots of baggage and he seems not ready for a relationship.
Take a step back for now or you will get hurt in the end.
Ask yourself...are you ready for a new relationship or youre just as lonely like him.
Men are not hard to figure out--women has to use thier head what men want on us.
I might be wrong but it seems youre taking advantage of his vulnerabilty.--i dont know....just remember....its not only his fault if one of these days he would say"lets stop seeing each other" as what I said--the guy told you that he isnt ready for any relationship right now--that means--he just only want you to be his company--closer to be just like his "rebound".
Give him time to heal.
Sorry to say but it seems there's manipulation takes place here.Sex has a role in between.
YOU should know better because you are more MATURE than him.


 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 118
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For the love of God...
Posted: 6/10/2009 9:25:43 AM

Seriously....SERIOUSLY...someone help me out here...if you are dating someone...and you are happy....you don't need to see them more....you don't want to move in...if you are HAPPY with the way things are....then what the fcuk is the point of all this damn angst about labels and "being played" and all this other shit?

Why is it so hard to just fcuking be happy?

I am really coming to think that a woman rather be with a man who treats her like shit but promises her the world than one who treats her like a queen but promises nothing....
I've said it before and I'll say it again.. It's about EGO and the "possessory rights" that people put on others in the guise of Love. Most people, especially those new to online dating are used to a certain type of interaction when in a relationship.. Until they learn that there is more than one "type" of relationship that they can be happy in.. then they will always only want what they've always had. It takes conscious thought to learn different than whats the norm for them. When or if they have consciously thought about it.. it is only then that they can make a decision to either be happy with the way things are and let it ride (or not) until it's done for good .. JMO
 ImaJoule
Joined: 11/10/2006
Msg: 119
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Am I Being Played?
Posted: 6/10/2009 1:10:29 PM
Not insecure regarding age but definitely whether he'll initiate a call to you or not.

Have you thought of telling him your thoughts on this? Have a short conversation with him about it by telling him that you're afraid if you don't call that you won't hear from or see him on any kind of a regular basis? Tell him, "I'm not going to call you anymore because I want you initiate our dates and ask me out."

Then go on with your hobbies, work, friends and family that you may have neglected these past 4 months. Because if he really does want to be with you all the time, he will call ;)
 blondbabenga
Joined: 10/21/2008
Msg: 120
Am I Being Played?
Posted: 6/10/2009 7:16:00 PM
If you are both going through divorces right now, it is way to early. You are the rebound. Need to take time to know yourself first!!
 Fntimes2
Joined: 3/14/2009
Msg: 122
Am I Being Played?
Posted: 6/11/2009 11:34:42 AM
Being the first person he has dated is a great disadvantage in this case. He may be rebounding with you, which will lead to nothing, or he may be thinking that now is the time to enjoy life and not get committed to anyone yet. I will definitely not be in a relationship with a guy who does not initiate calls or takes days to answer mine.
The best thing: move on with your life, go out with friends, date other guys, get busy, the more guys you meet the more chances of finding Mr. Right! Also, I highly recommend the e-book "dating without drama" it is full of great insights.
 hungry_joe
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 126
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Am I Being Played?
Posted: 6/11/2009 2:34:16 PM
Not being played, but he just isn't ready to be emotionally into you. It took me about a year after my divorce to be the type of boyfriend I needed to be. I'm sure that he has some feelings for you too, but is in an emotionally trying time for him. Just relax if it is meant to be it will.
 hungry_joe
Joined: 6/24/2006
Msg: 127
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Am I Being Played?
Posted: 6/11/2009 2:52:34 PM
"This man was only married for 8 months when he discovered his ex was hooked on prescription pain killers and she was sick all the time"

It didn't take long to figure out my ex was wrong for me too, that still didn't make the pain any less, or my healing time any shorter. See my previous post.
 SaskChamps
Joined: 11/26/2013
Msg: 130
Am I Being Played?
Posted: 12/11/2013 1:01:04 AM
I think if these posts were from 2008 and you are still on here, I think possibly YOU are the player...no?
 lowmiles2
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 131
Am I Being Played?
Posted: 12/11/2013 1:05:34 PM
Can't believe I'm putting my two cents in on this old of a thread. Answer: Your not getting played and in time he will or will not behave in a matter that you desire. It is you putting "expectations" on him without defining your boundaries.

He is as confused as you are here in this thread. Let us say you decide to date another guy and after two or three dates you end up having sex and again you find it enjoyable. Wait... did you discuss your expectations your boundaries? Probably not because after all it's just sex. What if you found the sex not so enjoyable. Then at that point everything is a mute question because your going to refuse to see this guy in the future.

Dating in my opinion includes (sex) so just continue dating this bloke and enjoy the journey. Like others have told you enjoy your new found freedom and get to know yourself.
 TuMuchFun
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 132
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Am I Being Played?
Posted: 12/11/2013 4:54:10 PM
Played NO, he told you he's not looking for anything serious, he does not call you, only returns calls. He is enjoying the ride and apparently you are too. Your POF pictures are about 4 years old, how long were you married?
 OddTerraceDude
Joined: 10/31/2013
Msg: 133
Am I Being Played?
Posted: 12/12/2013 10:43:21 AM
You can't play a playa!
Humorous how your message settings block anyone even one year older than yourself, this is more common than you know these days.
What is your view on dating a 59 year old then transpose those views into what he has told you and his behaviour.
He enjoys attention from you but is ultimately hoping and looking for somebody more suitable, enjoy but don't invest to much emotion into a fling.
Been on both sides, best to roll with your own crowd lol!
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 134
Am I Being Played?
Posted: 1/18/2014 8:17:42 AM
OP< what you are hitting is common. When someone is fresh out of a breakup and think they're ready, a lot of times they are actually wanting to avoid the feelings of pain guilt and frustration with the fun shiny new of a relationship.

But the stuff that they are trying to avoid is still there, even though they are trying to distract themselves, and they end up having a ton of conflicting thoughts. You are trying to make sense of their feelings, but in actually THEY can't even make sense of them; because a feeling buried and shied away from ends up showing up other places.

I'd say be careful and understand just because you are in a good place in spite of the newness of your breakup, doesn't mean he is as well.

Switch your relationship and give him some emotional space to get his head on, deal with his feelings and get centered. Otherwise his confusion will be a constant companion in your two's relationship.

Best of luck
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 135
Am I Being Played?
Posted: 1/18/2014 8:43:23 AM
The walking dead. This thread is 5 years old. Why, why revive this thing? The OP more than likely has moved into other things.
 moonbeamlover
Joined: 10/12/2013
Msg: 136
Am I Being Played?
Posted: 1/18/2014 9:00:22 AM
odd... it was at the top of the list and i had responded after someone else. Apparently they deleted theirs.

never mind mind, hope they figured things out :)
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