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 AUTHOR
 saggy ass and saggy tits
Joined: 5/22/2008
Msg: 8
Difference Between Whats Right and Whats ExpectedPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
why cant i find a man like that?
 YingKissesYang
Joined: 5/12/2005
Msg: 9
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Difference Between Whats Right and Whats Expected
Posted: 12/19/2008 10:11:57 AM
"""if the person in question doesn't know you have a particular timetable (or expectation) of when something should be done, you need to COMMUNICATE that expectation.

Otherwise, the person in question is a victim of an unknown timetable, and constantly subjected to your disappointment (or punishment, depending on how you express the fact that your expectations are not met)"""

This is an interesting point about an obvious example. Yes, you are right, I feel "victim" of that. You are with someone who says 2-3 times a day "I love you" and you get birthday cards, and sex once a week, and hold hands...but when you ask them "what do you really want" or "what are your expectations" or "how can we have a better relationship", you don't get an answer. Perhaps they do wish to communicate a helpful reply, BUT CAN'T!

Or they think a "cliche" such as "I want us to be happy" , or "I want to do things and hang out" is the same as a real answer.

However, I don't know if this would have helped the OP or his ex.

NEXT TIME CHOOSE CAREFULLY PEOPLE. Especially if you move in!
 Twilightslove
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 10
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Difference Between Whats Right and Whats Expected
Posted: 12/19/2008 10:28:58 AM
It sounds like she had issues with a past relationship or perhaps from childhood that she needed to deal with before she got into a relationship with you.

Some people never get over those behaviors and traits and others realize what they were doing to cause such problems then change accordingly. That isn't to say that she will ever be quite the little housewife that you expected but that she may resolve her stubborn resolve to not do something because someone else expects her to.

She could also be depressed and feel inadequate. I notice young adults who live together fighting over trivial things like whose turn it is to take out the trash.....lol. I think as we age we start to recognize how trivial those things really were but it does take growth on both parts to really see.

To live is to continue to grow and perhaps she will grow from this experience.
 sydneyleigh
Joined: 3/21/2008
Msg: 12
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Difference Between Whats Right and Whats Expected
Posted: 12/25/2008 9:48:29 AM

Perhaps they do wish to communicate a helpful reply, BUT CAN'T!


I agree Oly, I have been subjected to similar vague cliches - but the only thing you can do in that instance is control your own behavior - ie. choose to stay, and see what happens, or choose to exit.

We have to do what is best for US in the long run. Because no one cares about your interests/feelings/life as much as you do.

sydney
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