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 maidendobb
Joined: 11/14/2008
Msg: 31
Body Issues?Page 2 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)

kywilli2063 ... shallow much??!!


no i'm not shallow at all thank you. But I do view how one takes care of their body and a great reflection for their respect for themselves. And if you have no respect for yourself (fat people) then how can you possibly have respect for others. I was a complete fatass until 9th grade.....and i fixed myself and will never let myself go back to that. And anyone else can and should do the same.

well i'm not nearly her age so i can't suggest. I don't know if she wanted the kids or not or if she was ready but given the age i would think she prolly was, but then again i'm guessing there's no husband...granted i have no idea why. but anyway...If i ever have a wife she'd be back in the gym ASAP to get the body she loves back. And if a surgery is needed for stretched skin....which i would doubt, then we'll make that happen for her....period
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 32
view profile
History
Body Issues?
Posted: 12/19/2008 8:31:39 AM
this 'body issue' is the best post i have read, i would be willing to bet most, cheating, ruined marriages, and bad sex has more to do with women with 'body issues' than anything else,gaining weight loosing it are a normal part of life, your body changes, fact of life
what makes a woman attractive is her confidence not her weight, strech marks or any of that.... natural is beautiful, and women that are sensual, no matter what there size or shape can attract any man, sex and sexy is in the mind
 Smart Lass
Joined: 6/9/2008
Msg: 33
Body Issues?
Posted: 12/19/2008 8:47:11 AM

no i'm not shallow at all thank you. But I do view how one takes care of their body and a great reflection for their respect for themselves. And if you have no respect for yourself (fat people) then how can you possibly have respect for others. I was a complete fatass until 9th grade.....and i fixed myself and will never let myself go back to that. And anyone else can and should do the same.

well i'm not nearly her age so i can't suggest. I don't know if she wanted the kids or not or if she was ready but given the age i would think she prolly was, but then again i'm guessing there's no husband...granted i have no idea why. but anyway...If i ever have a wife she'd be back in the gym ASAP to get the body she loves back. And if a surgery is needed for stretched skin....which i would doubt, then we'll make that happen for her....period


There is also alot to be said about how a person takes care of their mind and how they conduct themselves in public.

Further, no you are not a woman, and you have not had children, and you are not her age.

And why in your simple mind would you think there was not husband?

Fatass vs. Fathead, I ask which is worse?

And no Sir, you have not "fixed" yourself.

And you are correct, you don't have any idea.
 catkin2007
Joined: 12/18/2007
Msg: 34
Body Issues?
Posted: 12/19/2008 8:48:02 AM
Hi Libration, I like you have suffered from some body issues in the past. The thing I had to learn was that just because Cancer changed my body, I'm still a fabulous woman inside. I love whole heartedly and know that if the right man comes along, none of that is going to matter.

Reality is, NO ONE is perfect when it comes to bodies. We all have flaws. Even the models have body issues.

I think you should remind yourself that you have two beautiful children and that skin that sags is a reminder of something beautiful you brought into this world. As for fixing it, only you can decide there, but know that not all men are going to see it as ugly. There are some wonderful men out there who can see past that skin. Just be patient and enjoy being you....


But I do view how one takes care of their body and a great reflection for their respect for themselves. And if you have no respect for yourself (fat people) then how can you possibly have respect for others.


Kywillie, I'm glad you are not my spouse or significant other... you missed the thread post entirely. Having children is not easy on the body and it does stretch and sometimes, it isn't going to be fixed in the gym. My guess is its men like you and Nature Boy that have ruined many a woman's self esteem and created the body issues to begin with. As for being shallow, yes you are.....

I gained weight taking drugs to take care of my cancer and to live longer.... my weight gain was not because I didn't respect myself, but because I did. I guess if I lived by your words, I would be worthless because no amount of gym workouts is going to fix some of my body changes. WRONG, I am a beautiful woman, have a little more weight than before, a few scars and reminders of what I've overcome... I'm proud to say, I did respect myself and wouldn't change a minute of anything that has happened to me.
 maidendobb
Joined: 11/14/2008
Msg: 36
Body Issues?
Posted: 12/19/2008 3:52:40 PM
lol having a big head is simply a compliment to me. I have what i've built and have more than enough mental faculties to put 99.9% of the earth's population to shame so why wouldn't i be proud of it.

as for the other accusation of me putting down any fatty type girls....i've never done anything of the sort, i don't associate them, but i've never hurt them either. I don't associate with anyone so saying i've done negative things to anyone's self esteem is absurd

and i'm shallow because??? because i respect and admire in others what i have within myself when it comes to working out, taking care of your body, and building it to it's highest possible potential? Yes i'm shallow....because the character traits that accompany that in any woman aren't important to me....rofl...right....keep thinking that. Dedication, desire, passion, love of oneself, and beauty.....yea i'm shallow *shakes head*
 Diamondeyez
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 37
Body Issues?
Posted: 12/19/2008 4:21:55 PM
God, I know how you feel. I have had two kids and my body just refuses to go back to the way it looked when I was a teenager, I have tryed workout after workout and yet it still looks the same........It took me a long time to realize that no one is perfect, and in reality from my experiences, Not many men want a perfect barbie doll. You know what the most sexy thing on a woman is?........ Her confidence!
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 38
Body Issues?
Posted: 12/19/2008 4:31:53 PM
~OP~ First??? I think you should thread search "stretch marks" because there is a lengthy thread that has MANY men posters in it who find this exceptionally "normal" and a non-issue. I was a tad surprised at how many of the younger men here view these types of things as completely acceptable/normal. I was more than impressed with my opposite gender when I started reading the thread. Second? I'm a nakie-phobe. HATE being naked. PERIOD. So, what does one do? For me, I find that body-stockings are a must have at all times. Not only are they semi-camo, they can be bought in lycra fabrics, laces, mesh, fish-net, etc., etc., which are sexy, yet covering to various degrees depending on what your personal tastes are. Most are between $14.-$50 (slight investment vs. surgery!!) You don't have to EVER be completely naked if you don't wish to be. Most are made to accomodate activities of an intimate nature without removal. Third?? Meet a man who loves you "just as you are."
 joanne1357
Joined: 9/20/2008
Msg: 39
Body Issues?
Posted: 12/19/2008 4:46:13 PM
ky willie

you are an a**- & it sure shows in your user name!. She had twins, large ones so of course the skin was stretched more than with a single birth. And its the skin, not the muscle tone & it is not stretch marks either. Am so glad you think most people have all this $$ to throw around . Thanks for being so perfect!!

OP I know this causes loss of self esteem & you feel bad. If it is important to you (esp if your clothes dont fit right & other concerns) check with your insurance company & see if it MAY be covered. It would have to be medically necessary & not cosmetic ..ie not just the clothes issue. If you have already checked then this is why you know the cost. There can be major side effects to the surgery & it is not easy (friend had it done). If surgery is not possible, just take a deep breath & smile, love your self for who you are, imperfections & all, always have a positive attitude & be around positive people. You will find someone who loves you for YOU, not just how you look.

Merry Xmas
Joanne
 MeloFelow
Joined: 11/27/2008
Msg: 40
Body Issues?
Posted: 12/19/2008 5:41:09 PM

That said, you have to feel good about your body.

And what will help, is Pilates and maybe running, but for sure the Pilates will help, all exercises are based on your core muscles and it will definately help you.


Smart Lass

The OP came to post this thread, seeking advice, and was receiving the typical "political correctness" of "looks won't matter to a good man" nonsense. Everyone knows, despite the platitudes, that looks are a part of attraction.

Seriously, OP, you look great in your pics, but the fact is, whether it's really true or not, you are uncomfortable with your body. That is going to affect your self-view, which will affect your ability to feel loved, and to love openly, so sweeping it under the "politically correct" rug would be a mistake.

I have no idea how to "fix" things. Hopefully, Smart Lass is right, and that would be helpful. Truth is, "looks do matter", so ignoring it isn't going to help you in the long run.
 RoadTrip3500
Joined: 10/28/2006
Msg: 41
view profile
History
Body Issues?
Posted: 12/19/2008 6:08:59 PM
I was lucky enough to figure out in college that women have curves. Unless she's a fitness fanatic, most moms will have a bit of stretch to the tummy. It's not uncommon, and it's not as bad as your experience with one guy should lead you to believe. Instead of trying to hide what you are thinking is a flaw, you should be letting potential suitors know that "This is me, this is how I look, and I have better things to spend my money on than plastic surgery." While we all have our fantasy of physical ideal, the reality is you're never going to meet the person who looks like that dream. If I find 75% of that "physical dream girl", I'm WAY ahead of the game.

Only 12 women a year make the centerfold of Playboy... that doesn't make all the rest ugly.
 sing625
Joined: 11/28/2008
Msg: 42
Body Issues?
Posted: 12/19/2008 6:25:37 PM
you really need to work on your self esteem. that is the first and foremost. secondly you gave birth to two children that's a beautiful thing. the right man will come along and he together with you will beat this issue. trust yourself. all the best.
 scorpiomover
Joined: 4/19/2007
Msg: 43
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History
Body Issues?
Posted: 12/19/2008 6:34:15 PM
You're 56? I would have said 36, by your pics! No, I am not kidding. So you would probably find guys your age would think they've scored beyond their imaginations, to date you.

Besides, men don't expect perfection, BECAUSE THEY AREN'T PERFECT EITHER!

Sure, some guys are obsessed with the perfect body, but those guys are probably so only interested in looks that they wouldn't appreciate your personality and fun nature. So they wouldn't be a good match for you anyway, and 90% of them are in their 20s and 30s, so they are not even men you want, not according to your profile.

There are LOTS of guys who don't care. It is up to you to accept that.

If you cannot accept that easily, I'd suggest spending that $12,000 on therapy, because you'll probably get a lot more out of it. Try a course in CBT. I found it worked very well for me.
 sherilyn70
Joined: 1/26/2007
Msg: 44
Body Issues?
Posted: 12/19/2008 8:25:58 PM

Are there men out there that can accept imperfection?

Yes there are and from the sounds of it... you had one of those men.

You were the one that could not accept imperfection. You were the one that was uncomfortable with your body and not him. You were the one that place limitations on the relationship and hindered it because you didn't feel comfortable being naked around him. He left you because you didn't feel comfortable with being naked around him. You insulted him by showing him that you don't think highly enough of him to think he might actually love you for who you are instead of what you look like.

Did he ever suggest you had a problem or needed to fix something with your body? From what you've posted you are the only one that felt that way.

When I was younger I had a boyfriend that did the same thing... I had low self confidence and body image issues (even though I was very thin at the time). He pushed me to my limits, insisting I walk around naked. Even though it was very uncomfortable for me I conceded and did so. I have him to thank for everything now, I am much heavier now and still don't feel embarrassed to walk around naked in front of someone that cares about me.
 jolia
Joined: 2/25/2008
Msg: 45
Body Issues?
Posted: 12/19/2008 9:10:50 PM
OMG!...you look quite pretty in yr pics.
I dont know what kind of men you date....at our ages ( im older) we r more forgiving about those flaws.
Also you could go to Mexico and have it done for 2k, by amazing Doctors in good hospitals...
Hope it helps...but please relax and im sure there a plenty of them that wont care.
I feel its you that care, pls. relax and learn to love yourself, thats the 1st big step for being loved by others...stretched skin or not. How you feel about yrself is what you transmit to yr possible suitors.....never forget that.
A big hug and my best wishes, and keep yr eyes open for prince charming!


G.
 Stefyleigh
Joined: 8/6/2008
Msg: 46
Body Issues?
Posted: 12/19/2008 9:31:39 PM
wow plastic surgery is expensive out there...

it would run you about 5K here and the recovery is more like 1-2 weeks for a tummy tuck and liposuction if that is what you mean...
 Renaissance_Dude
Joined: 12/14/2008
Msg: 47
Body Issues?
Posted: 12/19/2008 9:32:18 PM

Are there men out there that can accept imperfection?


Sure, but it sounds like he didn't leave because you have an imperfection, he left because you weren't comfortable with it.

My ex put on a lot of weight after we got married and got self conscious about it and I didn't see her naked for years. Didn't help the old love life at all. Not because she got heavy - but because never got comfortable with it and it threw a bucket over the fire.

Us men, we like naked women. If we like you, we like you best naked. Because we like you. Naked. Naked gives us ideas and warm feelings and stiffies all the time. We like stiffies - especially around women who are naked.

OK, maybe you're still not totally cool with that. I suggest you invest in a sexy corset collection and wear those all the time. Just those. You can add stockings if you want. And maybe a little see through open at the front drapy thing. Thats like naked, but with decorations.
 bigsexyteddybear
Joined: 8/22/2007
Msg: 48
view profile
History
Body Issues?
Posted: 12/20/2008 1:17:51 AM
Its not how you look, it how you look to yourself. If all you want to do is be covered up and not let the "real" you come out then those are body image issues. What you have talked about is not that he left you because of how you look, he left because you don't like how you look. I am a big man, if your OK with me being a big boy well then I am OK with it. I may not be really happy and you won't find me running around outside naked, but in the house, if you love me and accept me well then you get to see ALL of me!! So let those men see all of you and let them enjoy all of you.
 Dancing_4_You
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 49
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History
Body Issues?
Posted: 12/20/2008 2:18:18 AM
OP, i never gave birth, but i have many beautiful female friends who also have what you describe. many are not bothered by it and many men have had wives with a similar result from pregnancy. i even have one friend who was attacked and has knife scars all over her belly. if anything, the good looking guys she attracts, just want to protect her!

i think you can't give it away, until you own it. so,my guess is that this thread is a part of that process. i know few people who don't have something or other that bothers them. usually the ones who don't or see themselves as perfect or totally desireable, have narcissistic personality disorder and therefore have way "more" problems than you or i!

that being said if it continues to bother you, you have only one option which is to save up and have it taken care of with cosmetic surgery. as an accountant, i am sure you can figure something out to finance the surgery, if it is your priority. if not, then you gotta let it go! as you are very aware, lots of first sight, decent looking people may be lousy in bed! a few stomach rolls are not the determing factor in that arena, nor are love handles or whatever else someone has. it's about the energy and the charisma and the overall attractivness. sour grapes leave a way worse taste in a person's mouth!

go for it, whatever that is to make you move on with the passionate and romantic aspects of your life. quite frankly, the after 40 years are the best! that is when you really come into your own.
 liquidpoetry
Joined: 5/31/2005
Msg: 51
Body Issues?
Posted: 12/20/2008 5:32:31 AM
OP, those are markings of bringing two beautiful children in the world. Someone will look past your stretch marks on your tummy and see your good heart.
 WasabiLover
Joined: 11/30/2008
Msg: 52
Body Issues?
Posted: 12/20/2008 5:44:40 AM
Oh my goodness, some of the best people I've ever known and loved were physically imperfect!!!!

Please, if a guy left you because you had some body issues, trust me.....he'd find something else to pick on if that weren't the case.

Shallow people are shallow people. End of story.

We all have some body part we don't care for. Whether its' hair, teeth, bellies, butts, thighs or feet....everyone has something they contend with.

If you want the surgery eventually, go for it. But if you find that it's too expensive and painful a prospect to face, your only other option is to learn to embrace WHO you are in your entirety. I have to say, confidence is a real attractive quality.
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 53
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History
Body Issues?
Posted: 12/20/2008 12:59:03 PM

Are there men out there that can accept imperfection?

I'm sure, there are men out there who don't expect perfect figure and rather than the glossy - air brushed - cover would prefer yummy and juicy substance. Ole!

I would not go into the details what is far from perfect on my body but can tell you that any slight remark on my imperfections would not make me run for the hills but simply would make me realise that we are not on the same page.

And as for fixing my "sub-standard" Mother Nature gifts, well, I didn't lose sleep over it in my hey-day and there is hardly any nano-desire now at my "been there ~ done that" age
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 54
Body Issues?
Posted: 12/20/2008 12:59:09 PM

Only 12 women a year make the centerfold of Playboy... that doesn't make all the rest ugly.

Yep. And those twelve have been sucked, plucked, injected, altered, changed, added to/deleted from, waxed, hair-extended AND air-brushed. Good grief ~ what would they look like before Heff? Probably just like the rest of us (in much younger packages than me, but still ~ probably just like the rest of us.)
 UrsulaMajor
Joined: 6/21/2008
Msg: 55
Body Issues?
Posted: 12/20/2008 1:34:27 PM
verygreeneyez brings up a good point. Let's have Hef and his photographers strip down and get in front of the cameras. I wonder how many of them would meet the current standards of beauty they espouse and reinforce?
 Remington55
Joined: 9/23/2007
Msg: 56
Body Issues?
Posted: 12/20/2008 1:54:57 PM

O/P ~ Body Issues ...Are there men out there that can accept imperfection?...

Need a 2nd opinion? Ask the twins & the dog, they certainly will reaffirm your charm & beauty. Why should you need the approval of men anywhere? You're not in a beauty contest are you? (tongue-in-cheek humour) Can you imagine headline news "Half-Century old woman seeks approval of imperfection..." If you can laugh at yourself, you can laugh at the world. As you get older, your inner beauty should shine even more brightly than ever. Do not eat the bread of bitterness.

Hmmm you say that you're a mother of twins, yet you say also that your children are over 18. If their opinion is unacceptable, visit the homeless, the ailing, the sick & the dying, they certainly will reaffirm that there are bigger issues than just a little body fat to worry about... And if you want to take your mind off your middle right away, wear too tight shoes. Final test? When the twins & the dog finally leave, you know you have a serious problem... Just kidding...

Giving up doesn't mean that you're weak, it means that you're strong enough to let go... (regarding relationship with ex-husband, not life)

Seek counselling, then volunteer in community events, charities, and happiness will find you, pursue happiness & it will elude you for all your days. Do an act of kindness everyday for when you are kind to others, it not only changes you, it changes the world.

**~Remington55~**
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 58
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History
Body Issues?
Posted: 12/20/2008 2:41:02 PM
Accept imperfections or looking for perfection, there's a difference. Your self consciousness caused the problem not his wanting to view your body.
We all would love to look like a magazine cover but the girls (and yes most of them are girls and not women) do not look the same in real life at they do on the covers.
Any middle aged person carries with them the experiences of growing older. Having children, and natural aging take a toll on the human body. But it should be viewed as beautiful at every stage and age.
I'd take a healthy pair of twins over a flat tummy any day.
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